Different beliefs tearing us appart

[sweetviki]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. Everything would be OK except for the fact that he believes the Bible as the word of God and the one true standard of life and me well I grew up Catholic but I don't consider myself religious and don't set much importance on its influence in my life. I always knew that it was an important factor in his life but I didn't realize it would be important that I would follow it too. I'm open minded and it doesn't matter what he believes to me and he thought that once he exposed me to his beliefs that I would just automatically start accepting it as my own. We have been having arguments and even though I agree to disagree he does not and he wants me to make it as part of my life as he did his. I told him I'll look into it and learn about it for him but he cant expect me to just accept it. He finally said that he doesn't see a future with me if I don't share his beliefs. So its either accept Jesus Christ or there is no point in dating.I can pretend and go along and it wont make a difference since I don't believe but how long can that last? Is there even hope of saving this relationship or should I just end it now?

We have been together for so long and its tearing me apart I don't know what to do.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm sorry ur going through this.

Interesting subject.....I say run like hell.

"in the name of JC i'm going dominate ur ass" ?
" my way or the highway"?

Surely if he's such a beliver in the bible...reads it, apply the principles, he wouldn't be such a prick about it.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE...some would term that as "GOD".
If he even apply 10% of the what would JC do...stuff.
There's understanding and compassion.

How in the hell can he expect JC/god to accept him as he is ...all of him, if he can't accept/love you for who
you are ?....it's kind of retarded don't you think ? What kind of twisted double standard belife system is that?
Hell even JC had to simplified it becuase people make it so complicated.
Even Juses himself didn't like orginized religion.
JC said...god belongs to everyone not just the chruch.

LOVE GOD.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

JC also said "to you thy own faith it is done to you"
Modern translation..."belive in whatever works for you"

Religoin or belief system is such a personal matter and we can get into heated battles or discussions until
we all trun blue.

I'm not religiouse either...but I know what LOVE is...
GOD is LOVE...some would say.

Follow your gut.

You are a child of god, you have the right to be here, you no more nor no less than the moons or stars.

Even if you don't beliving in god...you have the right to be here.
And you do deserve to be love without strings attached.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

Is he close to his family? How do they feel about God. It could be he is worried about his family not excepting you. It would be tuff to choose between the two. But it doesn't sound like he gives you much choice, it's my way or the highway. First it's this, if he wins, what's next? If you pretend to be something you're not, You will both lose.
I feel for you.

 

[Unacceptance]

Use the bible on him.

His religion is supposed to teach acceptance and love.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

According to HIS religion, he isn't supposed to do such a thing anyway.

Tell him to show you what part of the bible do.

If he's a religious fanatic, there's nothing you can do but deal with it.

If he can't, peace

 

[Porman]

a relationship where you need to pretend and cannot truly be yourself, will not work. it may last time, but you will never be happy.

turn it back on him, tell him that you need to except me for who I am and what i believe/don't believe, Or if not then this relationship is over. See how he reacts. I cant stand people that force change upon people and then threaten them for not following. You two will need to come to an agreement where you are both happy, and if that cant happen, then there's no point dragging out the inevitable.

also, The only people who believe in the bible are people who havnt read it. i mean if you actually read what it says and take it literally, it says some nasty things. God tells us to kill all gays, to kill everyone who works on the sabath, to kill all adulterer's, that child abuse is ok, that men are superior to woman, that slavory is ok.

Send him to www.godisimaginary.com. it might wake him up.

 

[romie]

I read something in a paper yesterday, pretty similar to that listed below, i only wish i'd read it before i got married, if i had, and i had the guts it would have saved a lot of heartache, ask yourself these questions, if the answers are too far from compatable (which it seems some will be) i'm afraid it's time to walk away xx

Have I established an individual identity?
Are our financial personalities compatible?
Where do I see myself in 10 years?
What about kids?
Do we share the same spiritual beliefs?
Do we play well together?

 

[Frostburn]

Only thing I can say to you is don't lie about your beliefs to him. If he really feels it can't work out with you believing in different things then lying will only delay the inevitable. There is hope for you two, but it isn't looking too great I am afraid. Ending relationship is the final solution and it should be last resort after everything else has been tried.

My best wishes.

The only people who believe in the bible are people who havnt read it. i mean if you actually read what it says and take it literally, it says some nasty things.

Bible is a difficult book. It requires lot more from its reader than average novel. Literal interpretation is one way to look at the Bible, definitely not the only way. What I don't like about literal view is that it doesn't reach many deeper layers of Bible. It is a rich book that will reward its reader, but it requires asking questions and searching. I personally don't think it is a book that speaks to only people of the Christian faith, but to all people who read it, regardless of their world-view.

 

[jales]

You two are living together?

lol...sorry to sound nosy..but just curious as to how sex must work with you'll
If he is really such a believer then you and him should have gotten married before living together, and if you'll are having sex then he doesnt seem to make much sense to me.

But ah well..everyone is different.
As far as belief and relationships go.. I think that two people dont need to have the same religious views but they should either have the same core values and ideas concerning their relationship, or be very willing to compromise.

The bible does advise that you marry someone who is equally yoked though, and they were right, it's a bit easier if two people think similarly about life..what one believes is an important part of who they are. I am also non religious..but I guess unlike you, I do care what my significant other believes. It's really good that you can be so open minded though.

Also I dont know if you should leave or stay, often it's not that easy to leave...but I do think you're right not to ignore this problem..keep making him talk about it.

 

[jales]

Bible is a difficult book. It requires lot more from its reader than average novel. Literal interpretation is one way to look at the Bible, definitely not the only way. What I don't like about literal view is that it doesn't reach many deeper layers of Bible. It is a rich book that will reward its reader, but it requires asking questions and searching. I personally don't think it is a book that speaks to only people of the Christian faith, but to all people who read it, regardless of their world-view.

i agree

 

[Porman]

The only people who believe in the bible are people who havnt read it. i mean if you actually read what it says and take it literally, it says some nasty things.

Bible is a difficult book. It requires lot more from its reader than average novel. Literal interpretation is one way to look at the Bible, definitely not the only way. What I don't like about literal view is that it doesn't reach many deeper layers of Bible. It is a rich book that will reward its reader, but it requires asking questions and searching. I personally don't think it is a book that speaks to only people of the Christian faith, but to all people who read it, regardless of their world-view.

Requires asking questions and searching. people who do this end up finding the truth, that there is no god. The book is nothing but a fairy tale. You can get any book and make interpretations of it, make your own meanings, but if god is perfect, why couldn't he write a perfect book that all could understand? why do we need a theologists to interpret it? Why does god need to hide his core message with such metaphores?

Exodus 35:2 God lays down this commandment:

"For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death."

Now, what other meaning can you take from this other then to kill people who work on sundays? Its pretty straight forward. If god meant something else, why wouldnt he say it?

 

[Frostburn]

I am sorry, my intention wasn't to spark a religious debate in a thread where it doesn't belong. All I am saying Bible contains more than the Mosaic laws and there is lot of beauty and wisdom to be seen for those who spend their time studying it. Wisdom and beauty all people can appreciate regardless of what they believe.

 

[sweetviki]

You two are living together?

lol...sorry to sound nosy..but just curious as to how sex must work with you'll
If he is really such a believer then you and him should have gotten married before living together, and if you'll are having sex then he doesnt seem to make much sense to me.

But ah well..everyone is different.
As far as belief and relationships go.. I think that two people dont need to have the same religious views but they should either have the same core values and ideas concerning their relationship, or be very willing to compromise.

The bible does advise that you marry someone who is equally yoked though, and they were right, it's a bit easier if two people think similarly about life..what one believes is an important part of who they are. I am also non religious..but I guess unlike you, I do care what my significant other believes. It's really good that you can be so open minded though.

Also I dont know if you should leave or stay, often it's not that easy to leave...but I do think you're right not to ignore this problem..keep making him talk about it.

We are not living together yet but we both go to the same college. I'm 19 and he is 20 so we are both still reasonably young. We have sex and I have brought up that argument to him. I don't understand how he can disregard that aspect of no sex before marriage but yet he makes it such a big deal that I'm not a believer. There are other little things like the fact that I know he loves lesbian porn but thinks that gay relationships are wrong. His answers by saying that those things are just a minor part and that the Bible has so much more important things that need to be looked at. Plus everyone sins sometimes its hard to follow everything.

This is a hard decision for me especially since we have been together for over a year and I just started college. I'm a commuter so its kinda hard to form close relationships and he is the closest thing I have besides my family. I'm trying to figure out how to make this work but the only way it will is if I embrace his beliefs. I'm trying to meet in the middle but he does not seem to be moving.

 

[Frostburn]

We are not living together yet but we both go to the same college. I'm 19 and he is 20 so we are both still reasonably young. We have sex and I have brought up that argument to him. I don't understand how he can disregard that aspect of no sex before marriage but yet he makes it such a big deal that I'm not a believer. There are other little things like the fact that I know he loves lesbian porn but thinks that gay relationships are wrong. His answers by saying that those things are just a minor part and that the Bible has so much more important things that need to be looked at. Plus everyone sins sometimes its hard to follow everything.

Sorry to say but it sounds like he is being a hypocrite. He is basicly forcing you to follow something he himself doesn't follow.

 

[Akira]

We are not living together yet but we both go to the same college. I'm 19 and he is 20 so we are both still reasonably young. We have sex and I have brought up that argument to him. I don't understand how he can disregard that aspect of no sex before marriage but yet he makes it such a big deal that I'm not a believer. There are other little things like the fact that I know he loves lesbian porn but thinks that gay relationships are wrong. His answers by saying that those things are just a minor part and that the Bible has so much more important things that need to be looked at. Plus everyone sins sometimes its hard to follow everything.

This is a hard decision for me especially since we have been together for over a year and I just started college. I'm a commuter so its kinda hard to form close relationships and he is the closest thing I have besides my family. I'm trying to figure out how to make this work but the only way it will is if I embrace his beliefs. I'm trying to meet in the middle but he does not seem to be moving.

Hey,
I have a relative, who is very Christian and believes in Jesus Christ and God. She had a similar problem, but it hasn't evolved that fare yet, as you explained here. She is currently dating a guy who isn't Christian, but could be open to it, as he says. For her to see a future with him he has to be Christian or at least become Christian at some point. Some Christians want to have a partner that believes the same thing as they do, just because the relationship feels more "right" to them. It also can become a sort of basis for discussions as well. Christian couples talk about their opinions and usually study the bible together and work things out with God.

I don't know your relationship, and I might be wrong, but if it has come that fare that it's either believe as he does or end the relationship it means things are getting serious at least to him. If you feel like he is controlling you and your life, you might want to consider that it is for the best to end it. It’s never a good idea to pretend to make something last that, in the end, will end…Even though you have been together for a year, you are still just 19, the best years of your life is still ahead. Chances are good that you will find someone else that will accept you for your views and who will be earnest.

I hope this was to some help… or if you haven't resolved it i am willing to try to help if you want.