Do people kick you when you're down?

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CenotaphGirl

Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
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I feel like kicking someone when they're down... is supposed to be taboo.
But.. it's the only time it happens to me, or its the only time they can reach me.
Depression takes me to the lowest I can get, yet it's the time when people jump on me.
All at the same time.. wanting a piece of me.. wanting a feel of me.
They want my voice, my self-esteem, my happiness, my everything.
But they won't kill me, that would be too kind...
Now I can stay up, cry, keep crying, never belong... anywhere...
Only men that want to hurt me, will be nice to me from that point on...
Because I have found my new worth... i'm worth no more than a bottle of lotion and a couple of tissues.
Sorry, I just.. needed an escape... needed somewhere to say i'm so ******* sad right now...
Im so tired of this pretty girl image I built for myself, it's been stolen but the issue is, it's all people see...
The ghost of that girl haunts me, I cant know what pain feels like looking how I do, I cant know loneliness,
I cant know what it feels like to attempt suicide, or have stents in mental health wards for weeks & months,
suffer with insomnia, anxiety, low self esteem, BDD, PTSD, phantom pains throughout my body.
My names CenotaphGirl on here, because my grave has been dug, it's just empty...
 
It's more likely that people have always done it and now that you are down, you notice it. When you're up, you don't notice as much because you are focused on positives, but when you are down, you focus more on the negative.

I could be wrong (and please correct me if I am) but the way your post reads, it's like you feel you need other people to give you worth. You don't. Give it to yourself, because as long as you rely on others for that, you will be codependent and that just causes problems, whether you see them or not. Be your own person, give yourself what you want, learn to fight for yourself. It might not be easy, but it's so worth it.
 
So you chose to cultivate one side of yourself but it doesn't mean you can't grow in another direction. Not that I should be advising anyone on that, but it seems like 'sexual object' or 'ignored and forgotten about' aren't the only options available. Needing genuine friendship isn't co-dependency by the way, ignore that BS. It's impossible for most people to be happy without friends or social validation. People need validation, it's how you seek it out. But then, having failed thoroughly at life it's difficult to offer real insights.
 
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I feel like kicking someone when they're down... is supposed to be taboo.
But.. it's the only time it happens to me, or its the only time they can reach me.
Depression takes me to the lowest I can get, yet it's the time when people jump on me.
All at the same time.. wanting a piece of me.. wanting a feel of me.
They want my voice, my self-esteem, my happiness, my everything.
But they won't kill me, that would be too kind...
Now I can stay up, cry, keep crying, never belong... anywhere...
Only men that want to hurt me, will be nice to me from that point on...
Because I have found my new worth... i'm worth no more than a bottle of lotion and a couple of tissues.
Sorry, I just.. needed an escape... needed somewhere to say i'm so ******* sad right now...
Im so tired of this pretty girl image I built for myself, it's been stolen but the issue is, it's all people see...
The ghost of that girl haunts me, I cant know what pain feels like looking how I do, I cant know loneliness,
I cant know what it feels like to attempt suicide, or have stents in mental health wards for weeks & months,
suffer with insomnia, anxiety, low self esteem, BDD, PTSD, phantom pains throughout my body.
My names CenotaphGirl on here, because my grave has been dug, it's just empty...
Pull up a chair and listen to old Uncle Col, rambling on. You are a pretty little thing, there's no shame in that. But, you are smart too, creative and flamboyant. Inquisitive, and probably still seeking your place in the world. It's all ok. Know that you are not the first person to have issues, and nor will you be the last, sadly. You do appear to lean heavily upon the opinion of other's, and that is not necessarily a flaw, simply a characteristic. I would urge You to be unapologetic in being yourself, and perhaps ease the demands you make of yourself. Remember, you are a beautiful, messed up, some kind of wonderful. There's no need to be different.
 
I feel like kicking someone when they're down... is supposed to be taboo.
But.. it's the only time it happens to me, or its the only time they can reach me.
Depression takes me to the lowest I can get, yet it's the time when people jump on me.
All at the same time.. wanting a piece of me.. wanting a feel of me.
They want my voice, my self-esteem, my happiness, my everything.
But they won't kill me, that would be too kind...
Now I can stay up, cry, keep crying, never belong... anywhere...
Only men that want to hurt me, will be nice to me from that point on...
Because I have found my new worth... i'm worth no more than a bottle of lotion and a couple of tissues.
Sorry, I just.. needed an escape... needed somewhere to say i'm so ******* sad right now...
Im so tired of this pretty girl image I built for myself, it's been stolen but the issue is, it's all people see...
The ghost of that girl haunts me, I cant know what pain feels like looking how I do, I cant know loneliness,
I cant know what it feels like to attempt suicide, or have stents in mental health wards for weeks & months,
suffer with insomnia, anxiety, low self esteem, BDD, PTSD, phantom pains throughout my body.
My names CenotaphGirl on here, because my grave has been dug, it's just empty...
Your looks don't have to define you at all. If you've created an image, then you can create a new one. I really don't know what you look like (I know you posted a picture, but it's hard to know what someone really looks like from a single photo on the internet) and I really don't care what you look like, because I care more about how people are then about how they look. It was a very hard learned lesson. You've shown yourself to be witty, smart, knowledgeable and compassionate many times in your posts here. So I for one can vouch that there is more to you than just your exterior. And you're definitely worth more than a few mass produced products, especially if you use those tissues that have lotion in them. Eww. All of our graves await us eventually. Why rush it? Create a new image, make new friends, explore and see how it goes. And eat some bananas. That always cheers me up, at least. You have time, energy and intelligence enough to remake yourself more how you want to be.
 

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