Do you feel people don't understand what you're saying?

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I'm the same age as you, but i don't work/study because my depression has clucked up my brain beyond repair i think in certain aspects. I find it very hard to believe that you can't meet a single woman if you are outgoing/have a job and can meet women in different ways. I've come to the conclusion i will be alone forever and i am getting used to that, as love never works for me. A woman/man is out there for everyone, but maybe you are trying to force it too much? As that can be a thing to be honest. Do you literally get turned down immediately or? As i am miffed by this still, even after seeing you post about it a few times.

Regarding your question, I wouldn't say I'm trying to force it too much. I'm certainly trying to be pro-active; too many people aren't active enough, won't go out socially or talk to people, and wonder why they're still single. I'm relaxed in each of the environments I'm in, it's just a concerted effort to make myself go out 3-4 evenings a week, because I feel I can't sit at home and then complain about being single.
 
No no no no no. Hold on. No.
You see, the collection of people who made you feel this way doesn't comprise of wise, intelligent and divine beings. It comprises of social media addicts who lust on celebrities and don't know what to do with their life and have an attention span of no more than 6 seconds. If this collection thinks you're ugly and unwanted, you're either worse than them or you're too good for them.
And since you have already shown your ability to reflect on your problems, and articulate them, you're certainly not worse than them.
These aren't people who value high qualities in someone, in fact they don't even know that they should be looking for such qualities. Don't form an opinion about you based on the perceptions of such people about you.


You're definitely a 'nice' person. A good person!! A rare one indeed. Sure, people like such beings.
But why do you never go beyond that?
You have to answer this: What is it about you, that 'excites' someone? That creates a rush of emotions in them, because of you or something you do or something you say or some way you express something?
Remember, 'excite' is the key word. There's so much nice about you, but what is it about you, that's 'interesting', 'exciting', something that can draw someone towards you?

If there's nothing, you know what to work on. You're welcome! And much of that process will lie on why you do something, rather than what you do. The why and how matter more. The why and how reflect in your attitude. And your 'why' and 'how' will be defined on how you see life!
Okay, certainly a lot to unpack there, and I certainly hope your legs aren't aching from all the conclusions you've been jumping to! 😂

My friends themselves aren't the ones making me feel ugly & unwanted, they're as supportive as they can be for people who don't really understand. Sure, they may indirectly make me feel bad when we're at an event and everyone's there in pretty happy couples and I'm on my own, but that's not their fault and they do their best to make sure I'm included. I really don't know where the rant about celebrities and attention span came from, but that's just not relevant here.

What's 'exciting' about me? I guess that's a hard one to answer, I don't know if it's a cultural thing but in the UK we tend to squirm when asked to list positive attributes about ourselves. It's called "Tall Poppy Syndrome". Most men I know aren't terribly 'exciting' in the sense of inviting danger or thrills, they're just fairly ordinary guys. For myself, an example would be that within the dance community I'm part of, I'm seen as one of the best leads that isn't part of a couple. It's a weird one to explain, but within the scene it's fairly common that any man can ask any woman to dance, but couples will obviously dance together a lot more and progress further, therefore any single woman on the scene is ideally looking for a decent single man. Within this, I am seen as one of the best, yet that's clearly not enough for me. To non-dancing folk, I talk passionately about my other hobbies, it's not only dancing that I'm interested in. Then again, when I'm in a bar or club and someone's mocking me for being ugly, it's very hard to communicate the other things that I may have going for me that may excite her. 😂
 
You have to answer this: What is it about you, that 'excites' someone? That creates a rush of emotions in them, because of you or something you do or something you say or some way you express something?
Remember, 'excite' is the key word. There's so much nice about you, but what is it about you, that's 'interesting', 'exciting', something that can draw someone towards you?
You are right about this.
If you live in first world western nation, this "excitement" is what females want.
In a 3rd world country (or the West prior to the 1960s) you only have to be honest, hardworking, polite, kind, and a good provider.

And even though I admit 100% that you are correct...this concept offends the h*ll out of me. It really does.
That I have to be Evil Kneivel to have even a semi-decent looking female find me attractive.
I know. I am a dinosaur. And I WILL go extinct.
But it offends me. Always has and always will.
 
I wouldn’t mind being 5’10”. But I’m fortunate to be above average down below lol not that it’s helped any.
Yeah, that’s a tough one; by the time any woman finds out what you’re packing, you’ll have had to already be doing pretty well. Unless you want to live your life in spandex shorts and tight jeans just to show off? 😂

As an update on this, the situation has got no better. I’ve tried to talk to every friend I have on this, but nobody seems to believe me, which makes the conversations very difficult. I say “Hey, it’s a different world out there when you’re ugly, here are some recent examples” and I’ll get replies like “Maybe you need to change your job?” and “Don’t be silly, when I was your age it was easy.” 🤦‍♂️
 
All the time. I'll say something, and anyone listening will just sort of look at me blankly and either change the subject or ignore me completely. I've learned to just not converse with people anymore. I have nothing that anyone wants to hear, and it's hurtful knowing that.
 
Well, I totally understand OP. I think differently from most people and erroneously assume they're following my line of thinking enough to know what I'm talking about, but sometimes it just goes sudeways. People will often fill in the haps in their own understanding with their own views and perceptions. I'm no different from that in that regard, just more conscious of it and try not to do it. Communication is a skill takes a lifetime master.
As for your own situation, you're putting yourself down too much. While other people 's perceptions are important as a gauge of reflection on who you are, you need to have a measure of self-importance and worth when falling into subjective territory like appearance, looks, etc. I've been called extremely attractive by some, repulsive by others; I don't care. I view myself as average looking, with some strong points and weak points (my weiner isn't something I'd brag about, especially on an open forum 😜).
The only reflection of appearance I care about is what I get if I'm in an actual relationship with someone. I'll assume she is because she doesn't find me bad looking or enjoyable to be with. The rest doesn't really matter. I also don't look all that much as someone's appearance; the mother of my kids wouldn't be considered a "hot girl" (anymore), one of my ex's was, yet the former was much more attractive than the later. Also, the former attracted much more, in my book, attractive men than the later, mostly because she isn't a shallow, judgmental and highly critical personality, which the later was.

Point being, and this is a gross generalisation, cute but bitchy people often attract arses. Less extreme, rather non judgmental people, attract those with better values, which makes them more attractive. At least that's my take.

Point of it is, just do your thing. Nevermind others and what they say. If your friends call you ugly all the time, might I suggest different friends? Lol
 
Point of it is, just do your thing. Nevermind others and what they say. If your friends call you ugly all the time, might I suggest different friends? Lol
On the contrary, my friends aren’t the ones calling me ugly, they’re the ones not believing me when I tell them that I do get called ugly regularly. They don’t understand, or they’re just being terribly polite. They’ll say things like “No that’s not true, you’re a great friend!” as though two things can’t be true at the same time 😂

Honestly, I think I’m somewhere in the ballpark of ‘ok’, but I would say I get called out for being ugly about 3-4 times a month, every month, for the last 15 years. So either this is some global conspiracy level stuff, or maybe my perception of myself is higher than others?
 
On the contrary, my friends aren’t the ones calling me ugly, they’re the ones not believing me when I tell them that I do get called ugly regularly. They don’t understand, or they’re just being terribly polite. They’ll say things like “No that’s not true, you’re a great friend!” as though two things can’t be true at the same time 😂

Honestly, I think I’m somewhere in the ballpark of ‘ok’, but I would say I get called out for being ugly about 3-4 times a month, every month, for the last 15 years. So either this is some global conspiracy level stuff, or maybe my perception of myself is higher than others?
Maybe you city, wherever it is, is full of jerks or disdainful people lol. I mean, it's so very subjective. I can't even for the life of me remember the last time I saw someone that really WAS ugly, to the point where they are utterly repulsive. Maybe some homeless person? Much less me having the gall to call them that. Unless they personally insult me or something.
I wouldn't put it on you. More like people are idiots, as Dr House would say.
My second grade high school teacher was ugly. He had a face only a mother could love, but what really did make him ugly was the cheap cologne he reeked of to hide the smell of booze and his inability to treat anyone with any kind of respect. That made him ugly as hell.
 
Maybe you city, wherever it is, is full of jerks or disdainful people lol. I mean, it's so very subjective. I can't even for the life of me remember the last time I saw someone that really WAS ugly, to the point where they are utterly repulsive. Maybe some homeless person? Much less me having the gall to call them that. Unless they personally insult me or something.
I wouldn't put it on you. More like people are idiots, as Dr House would say.
My second grade high school teacher was ugly. He had a face only a mother could love, but what really did make him ugly was the cheap cologne he reeked of to hide the smell of booze and his inability to treat anyone with any kind of respect. That made him ugly as hell.
Sadly it’s not location specific, I’ve been made fun of for being ugly on 3 continents, just gotta go to Asia and Australia to get the full set 😂

As much as it’s easy to say not to worry what strangers think, they are sadly the target demographic in the dating world.
 
Sadly it’s not location specific, I’ve been made fun of for being ugly on 3 continents, just gotta go to Asia and Australia to get the full set 😂

As much as it’s easy to say not to worry what strangers think, they are sadly the target demographic in the dating world.
Well CERTAIN strangers. I've been shot down plenty of times while I was still actively pursuing, but I didn't take it very personally. I'm comfortable enough with my own self image that I didn't view that in a negative light. I don't know if I'm saying this right, goddamn french in me lol.
What I mean is, if I got the cokd shoulder and got looked at or dpoken to disdainfully, I brushed it off. I know that someone else will not, will in fact find me attractive, if that makrs sense. Different taste for different folks. Some DO have unrealistic expectations. Ironically, all the girls I knew from high school that went after the "hot guys" ended up not doing too well. A few even remarked on how much I had changed and gave me their numbers a couple of years ago at our reunion (I was the nerd who liked Star Trek, then I was the muscly guy with the blue eyes) lol. I didn't call them back. It showed me how superficial they were and I feel like I dodged a bullet.
So yeah, I know it's easier said than done, but I would work on that. It's important to be proud at what you look like, dude. Not overly, bur enough.
 
What I mean is, if I got the cokd shoulder and got looked at or dpoken to disdainfully, I brushed it off. I know that someone else will not, will in fact find me attractive, if that makrs sense. Different taste for different folks. Some DO have unrealistic expectations. Ironically, all the girls I knew from high school that went after the "hot guys" ended up not doing too well. A few even remarked on how much I had changed and gave me their numbers a couple of years ago at our reunion (I was the nerd who liked Star Trek, then I was the muscly guy with the blue eyes) lol. I didn't call them back. It showed me how superficial they were and I feel like I dodged a bullet.
So yeah, I know it's easier said than done, but I would work on that. It's important to be proud at what you look like, dude. Not overly, bur enough.
I’m really glad things have turned around for you, my man. I’m sure the feeling of being rejected is somewhat offset by the women who do find you attractive, and the relationships you have. It’s easy not to let a negative comment get you down when you have other positive ones to listen to.

This is not my experience, and un-ironically the theme of this very thread. I don’t have that. Though I am in athletic shape, decent job & renting, I’m sociable with various hobbies, and yet I’ve still never had anything other than a “no”, with the primary reason given being “too ugly”, or occasionally a more polite brush off. I don’t think I’m bad looking, my self image isn’t twisted, I’m just aware as to how I’m perceived, based on the lived experience that I have. I’m still happy and cheerful when I’m out, it makes no difference.
 

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