Do you think I am overreacting?

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Lady Grey

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In March, I attended my daughter's wedding, and there I met my sister-in-law and her children. We had a great time and agreed to stay in touch. Upon returning home, I wrote them a very engaging letter. (snail mail) A month went by with radio silence. I sent the 8-year-old boy who loves turtles a Turtle Skeleton to celebrate Easter. I explained I found it when mucking out my red-ear slider turtle pond. I pieced it together and glued all parts in place. The shell was giant. I made an artistic box out of a 1950 lunch pail for my new niece-in-law. ( I am very proud of it). People have called me weird in my past, and I don't know why. Ergo I have become a shut-in. This is my first attempt at building a friendship in five years. This forum is my only connection to the outside world. My question to all is, should I attempt again to communicate? Were my gifts not appropriate? I suffer from BPD, so I overreact to being ignored. Do you think I am being ghosted? Or should I try one last time?
 
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I'm surprised that you actually went to your daughters wedding. I remember how nervous you were about that. Good for you! Congratulations! That was a big step! It sounds like it went well too! Woohoo!

People suck. People suck. People suck. So, if you want to connect with someone you will have to do all the work until they find you valuable for some reason. Then you can have a relationship with them. So, yes, you have to keep trying untill you are done trying. Maybe they are just busy. Maybe they are lazy. Maybe, maybe, maybe..... IMO, you should give them many chances to connect with you. IMO, if the connection is made it will be worth the effort. Just remember NOT to put yourself out there too fast.

I don't think your gifts were inappropriate. But, I'm not the person to judge that.

BTW, good job on the effort! I hope you can eventually make the friendship work.
 

ringwood

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No, I don’t think you’re being ghosted. And your gifts sound totally appropriate - really cool actually! My son would’ve loved a turtle skeleton at that age.

It’s only been a month since you sent the letter. Speaking from experience, family life can be pretty darn busy and tasks one intends to do are often waylaid despite the best of intentions. Any chance you can pick up the phone or send a quick email to your sister-in-law - under the pretence of ‘just saying hi’ and ask if they got the letter and gifts?

Also keep in mind that if your sister-in-law’s only way of contacting you is via snail-mail (not sure if you shared other contact methods), that not everyone likes writing letters.
 

McW

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I think your gift/s sound awsome and really thoughtful actually... you seem very creative and should be proud. You should also be proud of the effort you made in attampting to make a connection with them, whatever the outcome is in the end.. well done you.
 

TheRealCallie

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My kid would also love that skeleton. Is there any chance that she may not have gotten your letter? I know my mailman often screws up and puts my mail in someone else's box and I often get other people's mail.
But yeah, she may not have time to write you out a letter and mail it. I would keep trying. You won't ever get anything if you don't risk it.

Also, I think I would enjoy having you as a neighbor. Even if you are "weird," because "normal" is overrated.
 

constant stranger

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I think you should try to communicate with them again. Keep the correspondence casual, nothing too intense, mention that you liked seeing them at the wedding, extend some kind of good wishes for their well being, maybe a brief note about yourself.....again be casual.
As to your gifts, I would have been thrilled by them.....in fact I once gave a bleached white coyote skull to the 12 yr old daughter of a friend.....she wanted at the time to go into paleontology....still, some people might consider the turtle skeleton to be an unusual gift. The artistic box was a piece of personal creativity on your part.....I'd think the family should feel very honored.
And good on you for reaching out to build a friendship!
 

CenotaphGirl

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In March, I attended my daughter's wedding, and there I met my sister-in-law and her children. We had a great time and agreed to stay in touch. Upon returning home, I wrote them a very engaging letter. (snail mail) A month went by with radio silence. I sent the 8-year-old boy who loves turtles a Turtle Skeleton to celebrate Easter. I explained I found it when mucking out my red-ear slider turtle pond. I pieced it together and glued all parts in place. The shell was giant. I made an artistic box out of a 1950 lunch pail for my new niece-in-law. ( I am very proud of it). People have called me weird in my past, and I don't know why. Ergo I have become a shut-in. This is my first attempt at building a friendship in five years. This forum is my only connection to the outside world. My question to all is, should I attempt again to communicate? Were my gifts not appropriate? I suffer from BPD, so I overreact to being ignored. Do you think I am being ghosted? Or should I try one last time?
Sooo proud of you for putting yourself out there! I could never tell you that you are overacting, I think dismissal of feelings really hurts (well hurts me anyway). Your gifts sound so cool and thought out, I think you should follow your gut, I am sure your gut is saying try again 😇 I am an over trying person, I always try to find common ground with everyone, despite how much they push me away, I think that is my weakness, but the fact that you put one last time, I am sure you won't make the mistakes I do.
 

TheRealCallie

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Thank you all for your input. I will send her my email addy; Perhaps I am the only one who still likes snail mail.
I like receiving snail mail, it's refreshing to get something other thank bills and junk....BUT, I likely would forget to write back and/or actually send it.
 

CenotaphGirl

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Thank you all for your input. I will send her my email addy; Perhaps I am the only one who still likes snail mail.
You know what!?!? I hate my handwriting lol I used to write this guy in prison by typing and then tracing the beautiful cursive font to lined paper… 🙈 im a handwriting catfish at this point.
 

Cavey

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Your gifts sound very thoughtful and nothing you did sounds inappropriate to me... but then people often accuse me of being over-friendly, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt. People often call me weird too, but I am kind of OK with it... everyone is weird - it's just a matter of perception.
 

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