Does anyone else feel like people are garbage?

[TheRealCallie]

Also, a therapist is there to provide you with an outside view. To help you are that maybe there's another way. Like anything else in life, just being there won't do any good. You have to do the work to get what you want. If you aren't open to therapy helping, it won't help.

 

[SpiffyPanda]

I'm sorry you felt that way, Panda.

Have payed a visit to a therapist? 

Three times, and it felt just as disappointing and pathetic as I thought it would. Paying someone to pretend to care for an hour a week isn't what I need.

I don’t think a therapist is supposed to necessarily care and be your friend. 
His main job is helping you out of the things that are bothering you.
But yeah, sucks when it doesn’t work out.

It doesn't make sense to me to separate the two. It feels so fake and wrong to bear your soul to someone who doesn't genuinely care.

Why would a therapist get emotionally invested with every single client. 
Say he/she has 15 clients a day. How tiering wouldn’t that be.
That’s like saying all surgeons should get emotionally invested or else it’s wrong or fake to help them. 
At least it is in my eyes.

They shouldn't and they can't possibly. And that's exactly my point. And surgeons are healing physical wounds, not emotional ones, so it's different. 

I'm sure therapy is helpful to some. But I don't want it for myself.

 

[SpiffyPanda]

I think that any sort of "help" should be reciprocal - when both people want to listen and understand each other a.k.a. love and friendship. There's this idea floating around that emotions get in the way of reason, and emotionally removed means better understanding, which is wrong. That's like saying that the best way to understand what planet Earth is is to view it from space. Emotions guide you towards what's important. It's important to have a balance.

 

[MissBehave]

I think that any sort of "help" should be reciprocal - when both people want to listen and understand each other  a.k.a. love and friendship. There's this idea floating around that emotions get in the way of reason, and emotionally removed means better understanding, which is wrong. That's like saying that the best way to understand what planet Earth is is to view it from space. Emotions guide you towards what's important. It's important to have a balance.

hmm
should go on a hunt for a psycologist friend that will heal you for free.
i dunno.
love and friendship isnt always whats best
hard truth and a clear view is, when it comes to therapy

 

[SirPanda]

Therapy isn't supposed to be a friend. They're there to help guide you and help you reach your own conclusions of what you should do best for yourself. Remain objective and emotionally removed is what they're supposed to do. It crosses over into ethical and moral lines when they go beyond the scope of what they're supposed to be helping you with and get to involved with their personal feelings. That's not how mental health professionals work.

 

[SpiffyPanda]

I think that any sort of "help" should be reciprocal - when both people want to listen and understand each other  a.k.a. love and friendship. There's this idea floating around that emotions get in the way of reason, and emotionally removed means better understanding, which is wrong. That's like saying that the best way to understand what planet Earth is is to view it from space. Emotions guide you towards what's important. It's important to have a balance.

hmm
should go on a hunt for a psycologist friend that will heal you for free.
i dunno.
love and friendship isnt always whats best
hard truth and a clear view is, when it comes to therapy

No such thing as hard truth when it comes to human experience. Unless it's something you discover for yourself from within.

---

Therapy isn't supposed to be a friend.  They're there to help guide you and help you reach your own conclusions of what you should do best for yourself.  Remain objective and emotionally removed is what they're supposed to do.  It crosses over into ethical and moral lines when they go beyond the scope of what they're supposed to be helping you with and get to involved with their personal feelings.  That's not how mental health professionals work.

Which is exactly why I'd rather avoid them. I feel like if you want "objective" help to reach your own conclusions, you're better off reading books, learning about the mind, observing people and yourself

 

[Diagnosed]

Was this thread named:
" Does anyone else feel like people are garbage? "

If I thought ALL ppl are like that, I would beg Emily received me each 2 days to find out why I hated ppl more than I hate liars, cheaters or those who abused kids, and never went to jail...

Just sayings!

 

[SpiffyPanda]

Was this thread named:
" Does anyone else feel like people are garbage? "

If I thought ALL ppl are like that, I would beg Emily received me each 2 days to find out why I hated ppl more than I hate liars, cheaters or those who abused kids, and never went to jail...

Just sayings!

All of those are people, no?

And there's a difference between thinking and feeling. You can know that something is not true yet still continue to struggle. Just like you can know the cause and structure of something and still continue to struggle. It's the difference between theory and practice. You can know which keys to press on the piano in what order, but still be a terrible piano player.

 

[ahsatan]

Yep most people are trash. Some aren't. This world is sad. Very sad.

 

[Diagnosed]

Well, concerning "me" I'm on the proceda to find out the root of any thought I have felt considering ppl were garbage (except the narcissism inside me).

What served "me" won't serve others, as relativism might say.

It's proven I'm wrong at thinking/feeling ppl were as despicable as I thought/felt they were.

 

[Ollyvie]

[font=Calibri, sans-serif]Hello SpiffyPanda, I can understand how you are feeling. Its so unfortunate some people will keep disappointing if there are given the benefit of the doubt. Human can be so unreliable but there are some amazing people out there too. One thing I have learned to do is to expect less from people and appreciate them if they live up to my expectations. I enjoy the positive aspect of people and ignore their short comings. Keep your heart with all diligence so people don’t get to hurt you. I know we cannot avoid that totally, but we can minimize the impact. Don’t change because people hurt you or take advantage of you. Be the good person you are. Sending love and hugs your way.[/font]

 

[Karl Rand]

Three times, and it felt just as disappointing and pathetic as I thought it would. Paying someone to pretend to care for an hour a week isn't what I need.

I don’t think a therapist is supposed to necessarily care and be your friend. 
His main job is helping you out of the things that are bothering you.
But yeah, sucks when it doesn’t work out.

It doesn't make sense to me to separate the two. It feels so fake and wrong to bear your soul to someone who doesn't genuinely care.

Why would a therapist get emotionally invested with every single client. 
Say he/she has 15 clients a day. How tiering wouldn’t that be.
That’s like saying all surgeons should get emotionally invested or else it’s wrong or fake to help them. 
At least it is in my eyes.

They shouldn't and they can't possibly. And that's exactly my point. And surgeons are healing physical wounds, not emotional ones, so it's different. 

I'm sure therapy is helpful to some. But I don't want it for myself.

I’m dropping in late on this discussion but your comment on therapy jolted me into butting in. Therapy covers a multitude of sins and benefits. To generalise that all therapy is not worth the effort is too wide a claim. Granted it can be a very risky, and at times dangerous process trying to find a therapist who works for you.  If you do ever attend a therapist the first session should not be about you but about the therapist so as you actually learn something about them. Freudians are to be avoided as a fundamental tenet of their training is to avoid revealing anything about themselves. That they believe they can to this is in and off itself a delusion. They are to be avoided. We should also be very wary of anyone who claims to be a therapist but actually sees themselves as some kind of guru prepared to dump a load of mysticism in place of anything resembling therapy. 
I’d be interested however to know why you don’t want therapy of any kind for yourself. If you’ve come to the conclusion the human race as a species is insane I can fully understand. Myself, having been exposed to some very dangerous practitioners since my early teenage years, I know how risky the entire therapy business can be. so on that level I can understand your reluctance. Remember however if you attend a therapist voluntarily nobody can force you to go back if you don’t click with them. Nobody else needs to know you’ve attended one unless for instance you’re young and it’s your parents footing the bill. I don't know where you are but in Australia our public medical scheme provides us with 6 free sessions a year.  Consider this though, having come to this forum to discuss your concerns is in one way opening yourself up to a form of informal therapy, therapy provided by individuals about whom you cannot be certain of there qualifications, skills or even their sanity - me included.

 

[MissBehave]

"Consider this though, having come to this forum to discuss your concerns is in one way opening yourself up to a form of informal therapy, therapy provided by individuals about whom you cannot be certain of there qualifications, skills or even their sanity - me included."



Ohh.. I like this part
Good stuff Karl Rand

 

[SpiffyPanda]

I don’t think a therapist is supposed to necessarily care and be your friend. 
His main job is helping you out of the things that are bothering you.
But yeah, sucks when it doesn’t work out.

It doesn't make sense to me to separate the two. It feels so fake and wrong to bear your soul to someone who doesn't genuinely care.

Why would a therapist get emotionally invested with every single client. 
Say he/she has 15 clients a day. How tiering wouldn’t that be.
That’s like saying all surgeons should get emotionally invested or else it’s wrong or fake to help them. 
At least it is in my eyes.

They shouldn't and they can't possibly. And that's exactly my point. And surgeons are healing physical wounds, not emotional ones, so it's different. 

I'm sure therapy is helpful to some. But I don't want it for myself.

I’m dropping in late on this discussion but your comment on therapy jolted me into butting in. Therapy covers a multitude of sins and benefits. To generalise that all therapy is not worth the effort is too wide a claim. Granted it can be a very risky, and at times dangerous process trying to find a therapist who works for you.  If you do ever attend a therapist the first session should not be about you but about the therapist so as you actually learn something about them. Freudians are to be avoided as a fundamental tenet of their training is to avoid revealing anything about themselves. That they believe they can to this is in and off itself a delusion. They are to be avoided. We should also be very wary of anyone who claims to be a therapist but actually sees themselves as some kind of guru prepared to dump a load of mysticism in place of anything resembling therapy. 
I’d be interested however to know why you don’t want therapy of any kind for yourself. If you’ve come to the conclusion the human race as a species is insane I can fully understand. Myself, having been exposed to some very dangerous practitioners since my early teenage years, I know how risky the entire therapy business can be. so on that level I can understand your reluctance. Remember however if you attend a therapist voluntarily nobody can force you to go back if you don’t click with them. Nobody else needs to know you’ve attended one unless for instance you’re young and it’s your parents footing the bill. I don't know where you are but in Australia our public medical scheme provides us with 6 free sessions a year.  Consider this though, having come to this forum to discuss your concerns is in one way opening yourself up to a form of informal therapy, therapy provided by individuals about whom you cannot be certain of there qualifications, skills or even their sanity - me included.

I don't want therapy for myself because I think I can understand and help myself better than any stranger can. And discussing your concerns anonymously with people who are on equal footing with you is different and much better than paying a so-called "specialist" who apparently knows better than you. 

And you're right, I think the human race is insane, and people who claim to have the answers in 99% of cases are even more so than the average person. Life is a complex, ever-changing phenomenon, pain is inevitable and there are no easy answers. I think therapy can be helpful for people who are completely lost, but that isn't me. I have my struggles, but I also have some very strong guiding principles. I'll take my chances in the dark rather than relying on someone who might be even more messed up than I am.

In summary, I don't think anyone really has all the answers, and it's better to talk about these topics with people who are in the same boat as you. At the end of the day, I'm not looking for advice, but simply to share my experiences, bounce my thoughts and feelings off of other people and help myself better understand them and accept them as valid

 

[TheRealCallie]

You can understand and help yourself better than a stranger. Okay, yes, you can, but therein lies part of the problem. You don't have an "outside" perspective. You are stuck in your own thoughts. The point of going to a therapist is NOT for them to "fix you," it's for them to give you additional tools and options to help yourself "fix you."
But isn't that the same as you expecting to get ideas and whatnot from strangers on the internet? I'm not saying it's not helpful to talk to people in the same situation as you, but when it comes to things like depression and loneliness, I'm not sure how much people in the same situation will be able to help you. Wouldn't it be more beneficial to get advice from someone who doesn't have that problem? Or even had that problem in the past and overcame it?

I'm also not saying that you can't help yourself. I think it's entirely possible, partly because I've done it myself. I think it's best to utilize all the tools you have at your disposal. Therapy, forums, doing it yourself, self help books, whatever. But the most important thing is to keep trying, switching it up and doing things differently until you find something that works for you.

 

[SpiffyPanda]

You can understand and help yourself better than a stranger.  Okay, yes, you can, but therein lies part of the problem.  You don't have an "outside" perspective.  You are stuck in your own thoughts.  The point of going to a therapist is NOT for them to "fix you," it's for them to give you additional tools and options to help yourself "fix you."
But isn't that the same as you expecting to get ideas and whatnot from strangers on the internet?  I'm not saying it's not helpful to talk to people in the same situation as you, but when it comes to things like depression and loneliness, I'm not sure how much people in the same situation will be able to help you.  Wouldn't it be more beneficial to get advice from someone who doesn't have that problem?  Or even had that problem in the past and overcame it?

I'm also not saying that you can't help yourself.  I think it's entirely possible, partly because I've done it myself.  I think it's best to utilize all the tools you have at your disposal.  Therapy, forums, doing it yourself, self help books, whatever.  But the most important thing is to keep trying, switching it up and doing things differently until you find something that works for you.

Well, as I said, I'm not looking for advice. I just want to feel like what I'm feeling is okay. I want to be able to share my experiences with people and have them understand - truly understand, not just polite, removed, everyone is different, no judgement "understanding". 

As for having an outside perspective, what is it exactly that we're looking to have an outside perspective of? "You" are not a single, unified well-defined thing, therefore any perspective that can be had of you will always be only of a certain part of you. So in that sense, you can definitely have an outside perspective of yourself. For example, you were feeling very angry, and now you're not, so that past anger is now in a sense external to you, and you can look at it in a more removed sort of way, and come to different conclusions than you would have if you were still angry.

Of course, it will never be completely "objective", but that's true for any perspective, not just your own - simply because a perspective is inherently subjective. No matter how "certified" or "qualified" another person is, they are still human. 

Furthermore, being removed and objective is not always the best course of action when trying to help someone who is struggling. A basic amount of empathy is always required.

So when trying to find a way to navigate difficult experiences, you need a certain balance of involved, first-person perspective and removed, disinterested third-person perspective, and it isn't obvious to me that therapy is the best way to meet that balance. To me, it seems like the worst of both worlds - a person with their own biases and hangups, as all people have, but who doesn't know you intimately and who isn't emotionally invested in you.

 

[xephier102]

I wish I didn't feel this way, but I have been disappointed so many times that I really don't have any energy left trying to give people the benifit of the doubt. I'm so tired of trying to care, facing the same old shallow, boring nonsense, and of constantly being surrounded by strangers. The worst part of being an adult is having to deal with other adults, who are full of hangups and neuroses. And the worst part of it all is seeing myself become just like them - just as frozen and boring and indifferent.

I hear ya on that... I always told myself as a child that I'd never grow up. I could see what adults were like even back then.. So boring, so conformist.. My last few experiences with people broke me.. I don't even pretend that I'm good enough for anyone to care about on a romantic level. I don't ask for or expect much and I've always been open to giving everything to the people that will even give me the time of day. But the last few people I've run into have just used the fresia outta me, treated me like honeysuckle, and tossed me like trash afterwards... It's hard to feel connected to the world around you at all, when it seems the entire world would be happier if you'd just fade the fresia away and die..

 

[Cucuboth]

I wish I didn't feel this way, but I have been disappointed so many times that I really don't have any energy left trying to give people the benifit of the doubt. I'm so tired of trying to care, facing the same old shallow, boring nonsense, and of constantly being surrounded by strangers. The worst part of being an adult is having to deal with other adults, who are full of hangups and neuroses. And the worst part of it all is seeing myself become just like them - just as frozen and boring and indifferent.

I hear ya on that... I always told myself as a child that I'd never grow up. I could see what adults were like even back then.. So boring, so conformist.. My last few experiences with people broke me.. I don't even pretend that I'm good enough for anyone to care about on a romantic level. I don't ask for or expect much and I've always been open to giving everything to the people that will even give me the time of day. But the last few people I've run into have just used the fresia outta me, treated me like honeysuckle, and tossed me like trash afterwards... It's hard to feel connected to the world around you at all, when it seems the entire world would be happier if you'd just fade the fresia away and die..

Don’t know about people being boring. Conformist, yeah. Unfortunately it seems like most people will conform to whatever they think will make them more popular, and require the least amount of effort. I think that is why I see so often just one person has to say something bad ... and then everyone jumps in and starts shoveling on the honeysuckle as well. Even happens on here. Then again, it takes even less effort to ignore someone, and see that a whole lot more.

 

[Sfgiantslover]

I wish I didn't feel this way, but I have been disappointed so many times that I really don't have any energy left trying to give people the benifit of the doubt. I'm so tired of trying to care, facing the same old shallow, boring nonsense, and of constantly being surrounded by strangers. The worst part of being an adult is having to deal with other adults, who are full of hangups and neuroses. And the worst part of it all is seeing myself become just like them - just as frozen and boring and indifferent.

There are days when I feel disappointed in life, and I only obsess on people I need to get out of my mind.

 

[xephier102]

Don’t know about people being boring. Conformist, yeah. Unfortunately it seems like most people will conform to whatever they think will make them more popular, and require the least amount of effort. I think that is why I see so often just one person has to say something bad ... and then everyone jumps in and starts shoveling on the honeysuckle as well. Even happens on here. Then again, it takes even less effort to ignore someone, and see that a whole lot more.

Not sure why I didn't see this reply sooner, but anyways. Yea, I think people troll and complain, and lash out, because in this world of always online communication, in which we're connected to most of the world at all times, many people don't feel heard.

They just want people to notice them and validate their opinions. And that's not a bad thing. It's human to want to connect with other people. But it seems like that need has been demonized in modern society. People only see the negativity on the surface but refuse to look deeper into the reasoning for it.

But that's what we get when, instead of validating people, or opinions, we validate the concept of being offended by anything, and everything..