Does anyone here feel like a loser?

[TheRealCallie]

Starting to feel more and more a loser.
As the years go by nothing changes in my life.

Watching cousins you used to "baby sit" have kids, get married, move away etc weighs heavy on my shoulders.
Ever growing pressure from parents etc to "find someone" and raise a family.

When I'm on a train /bus people avoid sitting next to me, like I'm a hideous or something.
I get the same response on dating websites.

I work really hard at my job, often long hours and considering the input low pay and no recognition because its not a "sexy" job.
I don't have any friends and no hobbies or dreams at this point.
So nothing positive in my like, all negative.

There is always something positive. You're just not seeing it.

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

 

[Darlene]

-puts hand up- All the time. That's why I'm here by myself. Whoopeedah. -_-

 

[Niantiel]

Being an outcast has it's pros and cons, like everything else does in life.
I'm not particularly inclined to really...be anything but myself, really.
I fit in Nowhere.

 

[wadokai]

I've always been a loser.

I think back to when I was in elementary school, I would always try to fit in with the other kids. I would try to get attention and get them to talk to me and play with me. But I had no one. No one was my actual friend. They were just kids I went to school with. Of course back then I wasn't so jaded or cynical but I definitely took notice of it.

This trend continued, and later on I even made some "Friends", fast forward, here I am. All alone.

I am a loser. No one has wanted me, and as far as I can tell, no one ever will. Whether it be friend, lover, or anything.

I often feel like i'm condemned to being alone and being a loser.

 

[haywud]

I feel the same wadokai, I feel like I'm completely unwanted in any way. I've been pretty much alone for the last several years, no real friends anymore (though I do have some internet friends) and no girlfriend. I feel like I'll just die alone and miserable. I want so badly to get married and have a family, but i just feel that no one would ever want to be with me. It's really hard to deal with, and I deal with a horrible depression because of it.

I know it isn't much, but you can chat with me if you'd like. You can send me a PM, or if you use Skype my ID is in my profile. I can always use people to chat with, so I would be happy to chat.

 

[Paraiyar]

Not anymore. I've done so much to better myself over the last 4 months or so. I do regret some of aspects of how the first half of my 20s has been though and I don't want it to get in the way of the second half.

In my opinion, what is starting to build my confidence the most is doing regular physical exercise (gym work in my case).

 

[BeyondShy]

-puts hand up- All the time. That's why I'm here by myself. Whoopeedah. -_-

Well, you are not a loser!

 

[kamya]

I dont feel like a loser. I do feel insignificant though.

 

[BeyondShy]

I dont feel like a loser. I do feel insignificant though.

Yeah, that is a very familiar feeling for me.

 

[Yukongirl]

I dont feel like a loser. I do feel insignificant though.

Yeah, that is a very familiar feeling for me.

^This.

 

[bd1974]

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

This is the logic I always hear, but it's unfortunately wrong. What draws people (i.e. potential relationships) is attractiveness. If you aren't attractive, then you don't have confidence and you have a negative attitude. It's not the negative attitude that keeps people away (although people think that). It's ultimately the fact that you aren't attractive. If you were attractive with a bad attitude, people would be flocking to you. It's taken me over 40 years to figure this out.

 

[Paraiyar]

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

This is the logic I always hear, but it's unfortunately wrong. What draws people (i.e. potential relationships) is attractiveness. If you aren't attractive, then you don't have confidence and you have a negative attitude. It's not the negative attitude that keeps people away (although people think that). It's ultimately the fact that you aren't attractive. If you were attractive with a bad attitude, people would be flocking to you. It's taken me over 40 years to figure this out.

Then why do I see unattractive guys with beautiful women?

 

[Xpendable]

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

This is the logic I always hear, but it's unfortunately wrong. What draws people (i.e. potential relationships) is attractiveness. If you aren't attractive, then you don't have confidence and you have a negative attitude. It's not the negative attitude that keeps people away (although people think that). It's ultimately the fact that you aren't attractive. If you were attractive with a bad attitude, people would be flocking to you. It's taken me over 40 years to figure this out.

Then why do I see unattractive guys with beautiful women?

Examples?

 

[user 115627]

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

This is the logic I always hear, but it's unfortunately wrong. What draws people (i.e. potential relationships) is attractiveness. If you aren't attractive, then you don't have confidence and you have a negative attitude. It's not the negative attitude that keeps people away (although people think that). It's ultimately the fact that you aren't attractive. If you were attractive with a bad attitude, people would be flocking to you. It's taken me over 40 years to figure this out.

Then why do I see unattractive guys with beautiful women?

Examples?

We'd be better off determining what attractive means before we answer these questions. Attraction on the physical level, the mental level or the material level. Though OP meant the physical level for sure.

 

[bd1974]

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

This is the logic I always hear, but it's unfortunately wrong. What draws people (i.e. potential relationships) is attractiveness. If you aren't attractive, then you don't have confidence and you have a negative attitude. It's not the negative attitude that keeps people away (although people think that). It's ultimately the fact that you aren't attractive. If you were attractive with a bad attitude, people would be flocking to you. It's taken me over 40 years to figure this out.

Then why do I see unattractive guys with beautiful women?

True. With 7 billion people in the world, that is bound to happen on occasion. But it's not the norm and certainly can't be relied on. And yes, I meant physical attractiveness. For example, I'm short and ugly. It doesn't matter what kind of attitude I have.

 

[haywud]

I pretty much feel like a loser anymore. I have nothing, and I have no one. Nothing goes right for me anymore, so a lot of times I don't bother trying anything. I feel like no one would want to be with me since I have nothing to offer right now. I feel like no one truly wants to be friends with me, especially with the way my life is right now and the way I feel lately. The only people I can even call my friends are people I know online, and most of those are dealing with something similar to me because I have a hard time seeing anyone else wanting to be my friend. There's one person on a gaming site I go to that I really felt I had a friendship developing with, then that just seemed to fall apart because my depression always seemed to make me say stupid things.

I just feel like a loser. Everything I do is a failure. My life is basically a failure. I'll never get married or have a family like I really want, and I don't seem to be able to really make friends anymore unless it's online. So yeah I'm a complete loser, I just won't deny it.

 

[Paraiyar]

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

This is the logic I always hear, but it's unfortunately wrong. What draws people (i.e. potential relationships) is attractiveness. If you aren't attractive, then you don't have confidence and you have a negative attitude. It's not the negative attitude that keeps people away (although people think that). It's ultimately the fact that you aren't attractive. If you were attractive with a bad attitude, people would be flocking to you. It's taken me over 40 years to figure this out.

Then why do I see unattractive guys with beautiful women?

True. With 7 billion people in the world, that is bound to happen on occasion. But it's not the norm and certainly can't be relied on. And yes, I meant physical attractiveness. For example, I'm short and ugly. It doesn't matter what kind of attitude I have.

Wrong, it happens a lot. Attraction is mosty physical for men but for most women it's about men being able to make them feel a certain way psychologically that most guys don't know to do. I've been learning about this lately and hopefully I can use it in practice soon.

 

[Xpendable]

Lets just generalize.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I seriously doubt you are hideous, but it could be your negative attitude that keeps people away.

This is the logic I always hear, but it's unfortunately wrong. What draws people (i.e. potential relationships) is attractiveness. If you aren't attractive, then you don't have confidence and you have a negative attitude. It's not the negative attitude that keeps people away (although people think that). It's ultimately the fact that you aren't attractive. If you were attractive with a bad attitude, people would be flocking to you. It's taken me over 40 years to figure this out.

It IS a negative attitude that keeps people away. You take a "good looking" guy with a negative attitude and an "average" or "bad looking" guy with a positive attitude and women are more likely to be attracted to the "average/bad looking" guy.

What you aren't even acknowledging here is that attraction is subjective. Every individual person is attracted to something different. This isn't just about looks, it's about the whole package. Most of the guys I've dated are not supermodels or the best looking guys out there. I don't give a fresia about that, what I care about is who the person is. What he's about, what he does....THAT is what is attractive, THAT is what I'm attracted to.

 

[bd1974]

That just hasn't been my experience. In almost 42 years, I've never seen it. Women SAY they are attracted to confidence, sense of humor, etc. But that guy just so happens to be the best looking guy in the room. But that's just a coincidence, right? And if you're short like me, then it's an automatic 'no' whether you have confidence, good attitude, bad attitude, sense of humor or whatever.