Does anyone here feel like a loser?

[user 115627]

What you aren't even acknowledging here is that attraction is subjective. Every individual person is attracted to something different. This isn't just about looks, it's about the whole package. [...] THAT is what is attractive, THAT is what I'm attracted to.

While I do agree that looks aren't everything, I'll have to disagree with every individual person being attracted to something different. While there probably aren't two perfectly identifical "attractive archetypes" between two people, surely there is a pattern of widespread preferences towards certain traits/behaviors across populations. Perfect matches do not exist anyway, so you'll never the person fitting your preferences to the letter. And since I'm aware of my own deviance from the norm, I couldn't proclaim total individualism across the board just because I personally see myself as an individual.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What you aren't even acknowledging here is that attraction is subjective. Every individual person is attracted to something different. This isn't just about looks, it's about the whole package. [...] THAT is what is attractive, THAT is what I'm attracted to.

While I do agree that looks aren't everything, I'll have to disagree with every individual person being attracted to something different. While there probably aren't two perfectly identifical "attractive archetypes" between two people, surely there is a pattern of widespread preferences towards certain traits/behaviors across populations. Perfect matches do not exist anyway, so you'll never the person fitting your preferences to the letter. And since I'm aware of my own deviance from the norm, I couldn't proclaim total individualism across the board just because I personally see myself as an individual.

Of course there are patterns, but even if two people are attracted to similar qualities, that doesn't mean that they are attracted to identical qualities, which makes them different.

Two people could be attracted to a person they are both attracted to just by looks, but say person 1 is more attracted to athletic qualities (not appearance), while person 2 is more attracted to more bookish qualities. Or person 1 likes an outgoing guy, while person 2 likes a shy guy. Similar, yet different.

 

[user 115627]

What you aren't even acknowledging here is that attraction is subjective. Every individual person is attracted to something different. This isn't just about looks, it's about the whole package. [...] THAT is what is attractive, THAT is what I'm attracted to.

While I do agree that looks aren't everything, I'll have to disagree with every individual person being attracted to something different. While there probably aren't two perfectly identifical "attractive archetypes" between two people, surely there is a pattern of widespread preferences towards certain traits/behaviors across populations. Perfect matches do not exist anyway, so you'll never the person fitting your preferences to the letter. And since I'm aware of my own deviance from the norm, I couldn't proclaim total individualism across the board just because I personally see myself as an individual.

Of course there are patterns, but even if two people are attracted to similar qualities, that doesn't mean that they are attracted to identical qualities, which makes them different.

Two people could be attracted to a person they are both attracted to just by looks, but say person 1 is more attracted to athletic qualities (not appearance), while person 2 is more attracted to more bookish qualities. Or person 1 likes an outgoing guy, while person 2 likes a shy guy. Similar, yet different.

I agree. My point was not to deny the differences, but the implication (which some people might get) that all these preferences are chaotically assorted among people. Or in other words: No patterns exist.

 

[TheSkaFish]

All my life, I've struggled with these feelings that I'm probably one of the inferior people, probably one of the losers, because of how dissimilar I am from the "winners" and because of the way things tend to go for me. It makes me feel humiliated and frustrated and angry and I just want to scream that this isn't what I want to be, but I haven't been able to find definitive proof that i'm NOT a loser. It's hard to be confident when I have this nagging suspicion that I am, in fact, a loser.

It also makes it hard to have a good attitude when you feel like a loser, cause when you wake up in the morning you feel like all it's going to be is another day of getting kicked around, another day of not getting what you want, another day of feeling powerless.

I feel like I don't have the level of natural ability a winner would have, I don't come up with ideas that winners would be able to come up with, and i don't have the kind of vision that winners have, so it's hard for me to have the personality and attitude of a winner. I don't just instinctively know how to say and do things correctly, the way that winners seem to.

At the same time I know that I need to move away from thinking that i'm a loser. Heaven knows I wish I'd been able to work my way out of this earlier, like 20 years ago. I regret it deeply.

 

[Headbolt]

All my life, I've struggled with these feelings that I'm probably one of the inferior people, probably one of the losers, because of how dissimilar I am from the "winners" and because of the way things tend to go for me.  It makes me feel humiliated and frustrated and angry and I just want to scream that this isn't what I want to be, but I haven't been able to find definitive proof that i'm NOT a loser.  It's hard to be confident when I have this nagging suspicion that I am, in fact, a loser.

It also makes it hard to have a good attitude when you feel like a loser, cause when you wake up in the morning you feel like all it's going to be is another day of getting kicked around, another day of not getting what you want, another day of feeling powerless.

I feel like I don't have the level of natural ability a winner would have, I don't come up with ideas that winners would be able to come up with, and i don't have the kind of vision that winners have, so it's hard for me to have the personality and attitude of a winner.  I don't just instinctively know how to say and do things correctly, the way that winners seem to.

At the same time I know that I need to move away from thinking that i'm a loser.  Heaven knows I wish I'd been able to work my way out of this earlier, like 20 years ago.  I regret it deeply.

I can sympathise but also maybe give some extra thoughts....
Soon, I will have had my three-score years and have achieved very little, at least in the way that people judge ‘success’. I exist on the poverty line financially, live in a rented house, no children, have no assets of any monetary value and am walking away from a wrecked marriage.


In this, an observer might say I had failed in my life. But…


I lived my life my way- the way I wanted to do it. I took no orders and resisted authority. I ditched the concept of being an employment slave decades ago and worked for myself.
You are only here once- and none of it matters when you’re dead.


The concept of success or failure are labels imposed by society, in part the herd mentality and exploited by those in authority to maintain control.
If you feel you’ve failed, then congratulations! You may have been doing things right all along. Right for YOU.


Be yourself- ‘cos there will always be someone telling you to be someone else

 

[Finished]

All my life, I've struggled with these feelings that I'm probably one of the inferior people, probably one of the losers, because of how dissimilar I am from the "winners" and because of the way things tend to go for me.  It makes me feel humiliated and frustrated and angry and I just want to scream that this isn't what I want to be, but I haven't been able to find definitive proof that i'm NOT a loser.  It's hard to be confident when I have this nagging suspicion that I am, in fact, a loser.

It also makes it hard to have a good attitude when you feel like a loser, cause when you wake up in the morning you feel like all it's going to be is another day of getting kicked around, another day of not getting what you want, another day of feeling powerless.

I feel like I don't have the level of natural ability a winner would have, I don't come up with ideas that winners would be able to come up with, and i don't have the kind of vision that winners have, so it's hard for me to have the personality and attitude of a winner.  I don't just instinctively know how to say and do things correctly, the way that winners seem to.

At the same time I know that I need to move away from thinking that i'm a loser.  Heaven knows I wish I'd been able to work my way out of this earlier, like 20 years ago.  I regret it deeply.

Well, I'd like to believe that there actually are alternative universes. I just happen to be in the wrong one. It sounds like you are too. IMO, this particular one is really messed up. The big winners are grown people playing kids games (Professional Athletes), people good at lying and pretending to be others (Actors/Actresses), large businesses screwing over people, investment thieves, and most of all con men (Politicians). They are all treated like gold with huge pay checks while the real, honest heroes are typically rewarded with meager salaries and largely ignored.

The average person seems to only take in surface level things because that's the easiest thing to do. They get their "facts" from watching garbage TV news. Stores put up signs that say, "We have great customer service!" Yet, their actions say other wise. The politicians will say or do anything and make fake promises to get elected full well knowing they are lying at the time. But, people believe them. Then after "their" politicians wins they just go along with them because they want to be part of the winning team.

I got tired of banging my square shaped head into society's round holes. Did it make me a winner? Nope. But, my life is a LOT less frustrating.

I'm hoping to create an alternative universe phase shifter and transport myself into a universe that makes sense because I missed out on riding the Hale-Bopp commet to the new world. Ha! Ha!

[img=200x132]https://regmedia.co.uk/2012/07/23/parallel_universe.jpg?x=1200&y=794[/img]  ​

[img=200x294]https://scifanworld.com/assets/photos/original/27/d9/b6/313-sliders-85-1368972495.jpg[/img][/CENTER]​

 

[Nerys55]

Yes I do and more so now at 61.
Sort of looking back on my life and trying not to be too...........about it.

 

[Finished]

^ Well, just think about all the people that have died before reaching your age. The older you get the less of a looser you are. If you make it to about 80 you start to become a winner. Just think about that.

 

[4No1]

Can I also join the queue to the "Loosers Ark" leaving for ther other Universes?
Or may be try the other star-systems for the begining.

 

[mgill]

^ Well, just think about all the people that have died before reaching your age. The older you get the less of a looser you are. If you make it to about 80 you start to become a winner. Just think about that.

i have not found this to be the case-in fact the opposite is true.  every year of failure is worse than the last so there is a compounding effect.  perhaps i am able to cope better about being a loser than i was when i was younger but it is certainly no better as i ponder all of the wasted years of being alone & mising out.

 

[Nicolelt]

Today, yes.

Tomorrow, I won't.

 

[ahsatan]

yes i do. i give up trying to connect with people. i'm too damaged.

 

[Finished]

Sometimes I'm a loser and sometimes I'm a winner.

 

[mgill]

feelings can change at a whim so i tend to go with evidence instead. for example, i can feel like i am a great basbeabll player but if i cannot run, hit, throw or catch very well then the facts state otherwise. in my own case the evidence is undeniable that i am very much on the loser side of the spectrum in regards to relationships and since these are by far the most important aspect of life i think the conclusion is obvious.

 

[iseestars]

Yes, sometimes I feel like a loser when I fail achieving what I wish to achieve. But that feeling doesn't last too long in my case, it just comes and goes.

 

[Paths and roads]

No.

 

[Hazed]

Not anywhere near as much as i used to i think.

 

[Abstamyous]

I've accepted that I will feel like one forever.

 

[HypnoGhost]

Yes some days I do, other days I feel inspired, drained then tired.
Some days I cry and awake thinking about those who have gone.
I've lived with rejection and bullying my whole life, but something keeps me going.
Near death experiences and my experiences have me intrigued.
It's hard to express with inadequate words.
I've gone as you have said with you create your own destiny, empowered, then crashed and come full circle to realise that yes we do, with our decisions, create our selves.
I do not like or agree with societies pigeon holes.
We are all human, we are all individuals.
Those that succeed seem to just be who they want to be, and so should you!
That is the great freedom of life is it not?
You can be an angry bitter SOB, or an angelic church goer. And that's OK!
If it we were all the same life would be boring.
Find something you like to do and do it.

Now I'm rambling haha
I'm talking to myself now.
Take what I say and do with it what you will, it is your freedom and your right!
You are beautiful, even if you don't believe it

 

[mgill]

I've accepted that I will feel like one forever.

acceptance is key.  i have never been able to do this so suffer greatly by ruminating endlessly on my huge shortcomings and lacks.