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user 188522

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Do you remember anyone you hated ten years ago? Does it matter now?

Unforgiving is not one of my best qualities. Despite time passage, I still hold on to hate.
 
I don't hold to hate or carry grudges. Although that depends on what someone does to me. I can see myself disliking someone for a long time. I dunno about hate though.

I did have a bully that made my life miserable but I don't hate him.
 
Ten years ago...well, there's always the bullies that antagonized me in childhood.

And there have been a few select individuals here that I put in the same category (though that was not ten years ago).

But does it matter though?

Like others have said, I don't know if it's "hate". I try not to hate because I feel like hate is something you have to do actively, which means it costs you energy to keep up the hate. It drains you. I try to keep it down to "strongly dislike", because it's true, I don't think they are good people, I think they knowingly and intentionally act in a harmful way because they get their jollies from it.

I used to say, if I ever saw them again, these childhood bullies, I would fight them on the spot, like I should have stood up for myself before. I used to think insulting and swearing at them showed them I was pushing back, but since then I've re-thought about it - I've learned that bullies like attention, even negative attention. And they also like feeling like they got to your emotions. So when you say or do something that makes a bully feel like they got to your emotions - that you care about what they think of you - it gives them satisfaction, it makes them feel like they have power over you. They get validation from it, which then encourages the bully to keep doing it, to come back for more (doing nothing isn't the answer either, though - that just looks weak, and also encourages bullies to continue - I feel like you have to stick up for yourself, you have to say something strong enough, but at the same time, not so angry that it makes the bully think that they actually made you mad). This has been a huge realization for me, that changed the way I think about these people and situations.

It made me think that it would be better to act sarcastic or dismissive towards a bully, rather than angry and confrontational, because that's what they want - they want to know that they got to your emotions, because they are immature, they're childish. I guess they don't have enough to occupy them, to get their kicks a different way. I guess they did it because they thought I was weak, but that's the personality they choose to have - I'm not responsible for it. It dawned on me one day, what do they think they're denying me, that makes them "higher" than me? Their approval? Inclusion in their little group? But if that's the kind of personality they have, I don't want it anyway. So the only thing they can deny me, is nothing I want or care about. They did harass me and treated me hatefully - they did try to destroy me, and thought it was a perfectly acceptable, desirable thing to do. At the time, a physical response might have been necessary. I think they're trash people for the way they treated me, like, what kind of person thinks it's OK to treat someone else like that? But at the same time, being the way they are just self-identifies them as people I want nothing to do with, whose opinions I can disregard. Their personalities suck, but it's not my problem.

So if I saw them today, I don't think I'd get all mad and physically fight them after all - that's just giving them what they want. Instead I'd just brush them off, in a way that says, "I don't think you're a good person, and I don't care what you think." They're irrelevant to my life now. And I really don't care what they think of me. So all in all, dislike? Yes, strongly. But actively hate? I guess not. I'd rather just act like they don't exist. I can't, and don't forgive, but I can forget. I think for me, that's healthier.
 
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I'm with Ska on this, hate takes far too much energy and time. There are people I dislike and I've found the best way to deal with them is by forgetting they exist and getting on with my life, that really pisses them off.
 
I remember everybody that I had strong emotions for in my past. But, either love or hate, the feelings have deminished. Now mostly I just don't care about the people I hated or really disliked. But, I do keep the memory.
 
Ten years ago or more...sometimes. There's one person whom I wished I'd never met. There are a few that if I think about, I can get a bit peeved. But for the most part, it's not that I forgive them, I just forget about them. Nothing they did really altered my life for the worse.
 
Oh I remember them, I just don't care anymore.
More or less as soon as I hit the age of 30, I really picked up on the lesson of a 10 year difference in life, both physically and mentally.
What allowed me to let go of most of my emotionalism was a matter of priming myself for efficient living. Because much to my dismay, I still have to get up and go to work in the morning. 😒😩😞 So, it's easier to just default to bitter apathy than it is for me to continue holding onto past things that I can't do anything about. 🤷‍♂️ It's a better expenditure of my energy that way. 😅
 
Do you remember anyone you hated ten years ago? Does it matter now?

Unforgiving is not one of my best qualities. Despite time passage, I still hold on to hate.
I hated my cousin still remember but the hate has worn off now its just a strong dislike with a hint of never wanting to hear her name again 😒
 
I've never hated eanyone.
And I stiil dislike people I dilsiked 10 years ago ) There are some people I'd prefer never meet again.
There are a few I used to like but now I don't but it doesn't work in other direction.
 
I think I've truly only hated one person in my life and when he died I was so pleased and relieved he no longer existed. That was 28 years ago and, even though I rarely allow the memories of him to surface, I am still just as pleased and relieved that he is dead.
 
Do you remember anyone you hated ten years ago? Does it matter now?

Unforgiving is not one of my best qualities. Despite time passage, I still hold on to hate.
I sometimes have trouble with this too. Most especially when it's a family member. But the opposite for me to try and remember is that holding on to anger at someone is like me taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. There is also a philosophy that if you yourself dwelling on a person you are angry at, you are allowing them to rent space in your head for free.
 
Only one person do I really hate. Forgiveness won't ever be possible. Best thing he can do is never cross my path again.
But in general no, I'm not much one for grudges.
 
If you feel you can forgive someone, do it, but never forget what they did to you.

I made that mistake several years ago when a couple of people got together and basically pushed me out of my job. I left of my own free will, but it was not under good circumstances but I couldn't take it anymore. Flash Forward about 25 years later and I was at a job I had for over 15 years and one of those people started and I was supposed to train her. I figured I may as well let bygones be bygones and when boss introduced us not knowing we were familiar with each other, she just acted so friendly and like we were best friends.

Within hours, she started turning on me behind my back. When the big boss approached her about something she had done wrong, she told him she didn't know it so the big boss just cleared at me and I had told her clearly three or four times.

So I forgave her on that and we moved on and it was a matter of a few weeks and she started pumping me for as much info as she could get out of me and then I learned she was running to the boss telling him all of these things she knows and he was just surprised at how intelligent she was. Just there a while and knows all of this. She impressed a lot of people and flash Forward a couple of months and she tried to get me fired. The very person she was trying to get in there was her co-conspirator at a job for years ago. So move on and forget about it, but never let down your guard. Everyone doesn't change for the better.
 

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