Down the river.

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Yaku

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Just expressing myself.

I started my adventure high on the mountaintops, above the clouds where there were sun heated rocks and scenic peaks. There the sun was so close I could reach out and almost touch it if I tried. It was a place of hope, inspiring thoughts and radiant ideals. The possibilities that lay before me warmed my young heart.

There was a fountain there, and its refreshing sweet water calmly played down the side of the mountain and its sound was like the voice of a dear one, beckoning me to come along. I was young and the promise of secrets revealed led me by the hand and I followed. My boat was small and light but the stream was calm, and I did not yet know any fear. I drifted down and my heart was ablaze with anticipation. The stream became bigger as its friends joined in, as if they all knew the same way to happiness. The voice of the stream became louder, like a choir slowly building up to some crescendo.

I passed through the clouds as I went down, and it became darker, but I could still see the outline of the friendly sun and that reassured me. For a moment I could swear I heard a voice out of the darkness calling me: "Do not fear dear one, your hopes and dreams are at hand." Finally, before any worry could arise I drifted down further and the clouds started to part, like a theater curtain drawn open to great applause, and I gasped as a world of color revealed itself. Before my eyes the stream picked up speed as if rushing to get home in a hurry and became a river. It stretched out in front of me and the beauty of the land it was dividing was awe inspiring. The paradise there was bountiful. As I passed through, the bright green trees and colorful explosions of flowers made me smile and filled my heart with warmth. Various animals skipped about and birds darted around the canopies. Aside from the beauty, a feeling of contentment and bliss permeated this place.

I wanted to get off there but my smile turned to a frown when I realized someone had tied my leg to the boat. I pulled and tugged at the rope to no avail. I wondered who tied me down. Was it the one who owned the voice that made promises in the cloud? For the first time a strange coldness sprung up in my heart. What was this feeling? Fear introduced itself and its presence made me want to get off even more. But the rope was tied with inhuman strength. The voice came again: "Don't resist my dear, only a little further" It did not find me well.

Feelings of hope and dreams made real faded as the color started to fade from the trees, and the flowers perished before me. The boat drifted further and now started to rock hence and forth as the water became increasingly angry. The clear happy stream had become a deep and dark torrent, and I felt evil intent emanating from the depths. The once beautiful land on the shores had become a lifeless forest of dead trees and ash. Smoke rising up from where the beauty was scorched. The last warmth left my heart and was replaced with cold emptiness. Why did I ever leave the mountain? "Take me back, take me back!" I yelled. My voice echoed in the dark and became softer and softer until it disappeared like the last hope in me had.

I must have hit my head on the side of the boat due to the turbulent rapids because the next thing I remember was waking up to complete darkness and total silence. I was still tied to my mute companion, and tugged at the rope once again to no avail. All I could see around me was glimmers of moonlight on the water. I must have washed into an ocean. The contrast to the place I came from was now complete. Here was no friendly sun, or warmth or hope. A desolate place like the prison of angels: Tartarus. Even their wings could not give them escape from there, so what could I do? Even if I could loosen my bonds any moment of hopes light would soon be replaced with the dark realization that below me lay the deep abyss, and above me heights I could not scale. I cried out again: "Take me back, take me back!" but here was not even an echo to converse with. Even the voice of the one who called me earlier refused response.

In the darkness I sang a somber song:
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Don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat, the depths await.
The silence here is overwhelming, and far out of reach heavens gate.
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This has been a story of my journey from my youth, the honeymoon of relationships and then loss of freedom, the aftermath of lost love and awakening in the place I am now: Loneliness.
 

Yaku

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Location
South Africa
Just expressing myself

Take me away far away to places untouched, unexplored and untainted. Please, at great speed so the stars are just streaks of light and so that my problems and worries can shrink as quickly as the rock we call home shrinks into the distance. And may that prison take my sorrows and regrets and even my sins with it as it dissappears into the dark, so I can be clean and new and discard these heavy red stained robes forever. Take me somewhere I can breathe without restriction, air that still has its strength.

Quickly, quickly take me away for I'm withered and tired like a tree that's grown too old. My branches are bulky and heavy and crack and moan from the slightest breeze. My roots have grown shallow and lost their strength. My leaves are dry and lifeless and eager tinder for the slightest spark. Take me to waters of life.

Take me away, far away in all haste I beg you. I've burned bridges and homes and dear one's hopes and the guilt is too much to bear. Those I've lost haunt me because I abandoned them in my isolation. Those I've yet to gain terrify me for I can't believe they deserve one such as me that has sinned and burned and disappointed and abandoned.

Take me away, far away whoever has the power. To where this galaxy and its memories are only a faint afterthought. Empty my heavy heart as we go I beg you, for it is heavy indeed. Take me so far that my reputation is new, my heart is light and hope blooms anew.

But when I get there I hope not to ask: What makes me, me? Without the sins and burned bridges, the abandonment and disappointment, the sorrows and heavy heart, would I even be me? What will hold balance in me if my scale only has my deep love, humor, loyalty, intellect (debatable), strong conviction, empathy, selflessness, creativity, stunning good looks and extreme humility on it?

I should go home now. For the sake of being me. Take me home, oh you agent of happiness. 😀
 

Yaku

Active member
Joined
Oct 30, 2022
Messages
37
Reaction score
55
Location
South Africa
Just expressing myself

I stay in the forest, far away from other folks. Where the sound of people doing their people things are of no concern and irrelevant; even unwanted.

I've always been more attracted to fantasy than reality, and the silence here is a perfect catalyst for the imagination. I never go anywhere but I go everywhere.

I used to try and be someone else, you know, the one people wanted. The guy who cares about sports and cars and women. And I found great success; sports and cars and women. But in the end I felt like I was living someone else's life. I felt empty, and even worse, caged. Trapped by shiny cars and revelry, trapped by toxic love and manipulation. All that made me appreciate freedom; in fact, yearn for it.

So what is freedom you ask? Is it having enough money? Is it having enough things? Is it having perfect love? I tell you a secret here friend: It's having less, and more importantly, giving, giving who and what you truly are.

So who am I? I am an introvert, and a scorpio. I enjoy emotional experiences more than physical ones. I am uneducated in writing, and English isn't even my mother tongue, but I enjoy expressing myself in writing even though my spelling and grammer are bad. And probably only I enjoy it. But I have found this is who I am, and when I give this part of me I give something true and genuine. And I find freedom on the wings of my words.

So here I am in my wooden house in the shady forest, chanting my truths into the void. I've given up the shiny things, the shallow love of insincere women, the drama of a modern life, the fleeting pleasures of the body. I have gained my true self, with all its ineptitudes...but I'm free.

My physical body is in chains of bills and work or no work and fancy clothes and shiny cars, but my heart is unchained; and whenever it wants, it lifts me out of this forest up into the blue, where I'm not weighed down by the burdens of reality. Thats why I choose my heart and not my body. My heart is where I'm free, and I drift on clouds of emotion, and the sun's truth warms me.

I wish you could be with me friend, but my place would be a cage to you. You need to find your own self, and I hope you do. Then we can both be free, and love more completely.
 
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