even if lonely, are you still choosy?

[AngryLoner]

One of my bigger fears is that I'll someday have to drastically lower my expectations of people out of desperation. That's when I'll know I have hit the bottom of social loneliness I think...

I kinda feel like maybe one's expectations can be too high (perhaps having been influenced by their life in general) but then I also think that people tend to know what they want, and maybe that's the real key to happiness, never settleing for less...

I dunno, I'm kinda of the mind that that's how most people become lonely. By simply wanting more than is available to them... but who knows lol

 

[mimizu]

Not always, when I was in school, I was around people that I would like to spend time with, but they didn't seem too eager to accept me into their company. There is also a girl that lives in the building next to me (I used to go to school with her), sometimes I see her outside and say "hi". I kinda have a crush on her. But I have no idea how to enter her circle of friends. #_#

This girl isn't "hot" or "popular" anything, just a normal girl, she is shy and a nice person... she used to be really self-conscious in school, but she seems to be a bit better now. I would like to become her friend, but I don't know how. I can't think of anything to talk about with her.

I don't think that my expectations are high.
I just want to be with a person who

- is kind
too many people are cruel... especially people who are cruel to the sick, the poor, and animals. I'm sorry, byt I can't force myself to be friends with someone who calls a homeless person a "worthless loser". Cruelty naturally repulses me.

- ISN'T INVOLVED IN CRIME
is this too much to ask? the place where I live is full of criminals, pimps, and prostitutes -_-

- shares some of my interests
like manga, anime, videogames... so that we have something to talk about. Natural, ne?

 

[Bluey]

To a certain degree I would and do. But I do draw a line at hanging with some ppl

Basically I would not go out with a girl I didn't feel that much for just cos I feel lonely. I can understand why ppl do this. I just cent.

Friends is different. I do go out with ppl sometimes for a drink just so I get out the house. Just lately Ive not needed to do that but have and probably still would.

 

[mimi38]

same here,,i cant go out with a guy if there isn't a little something there,,it might be that he is georgous,,,though i have never went out with one of those,,,, or it could be that he is smart and funny,,,i mean i don't understand them girls that will go out with a guy for the money **** if the guy is not interesting well he wont get my vote,,,,i don't care about the money,,,,ermm maybe thats why i am broke as hell too

 

[Corgi mom]

I wouldn't be able to 'hang' out with them, however I wish I could! Maybe I could meet other people when I was hanging out. But I always chose the safe road and hang out alone.

 

[pocaloca]

Every time I've lowered my standards I have met with disappointment. My ex-roommate is a good example. I ALWAYS thought he was a shiftless leech, but my other (female) roommates had a crush on him and we needed to fill the empty room. Even when he stopped paying the rent and confided really humiliating things about them to mutual friends, they would find excuses for him. Not me. I kicked him out...and lost a lot of "friends" as a result. I am lonely, but there is a certain cold comfort in having self respect, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I know better now. And no one else should have to settle, either!

 

[Atomic Rabbit]

let's say you have no social life (or a poor one) and would really like to have more human interaction. you just don't want to spend so many evenings alone and miss having friends.
and then you meet someone who's quite nice to you and invites you to hang out with them, but... they're not really the kind of person you'd like to spend your time with.
either you find them a bit boring, you have very different interests, you disagree with them in basic values, or for any reason the conversation is strained and non-stimulating.
would you still meet with them?

oh goodness I've done that for the last 2 years! lol ok maybe not like to the extream but the only reason I wouldn't hang out with someone is if I didn't agree with their values, like if they beat animals for amusment...but I find that I can get at least something even out of the most boring people, or people that I have nothing in common with, sometimes its just fun to figure out why a person is the way that they are, and getting to know people is always interesting at least.[/i]

 

[Matha]

no. that's my case and i guess i should be less choosy

 

[frey12]

(im new)I have done that at least twice can I remember and normally its just because Im to afraid, and dont know how to follow through without being uncomfortable. because its so unfamiliar, on top of that I dislike drinking alcohol, smoking, and well drugs of any form. Which pretty much makes the entire party scene terrifying for me. I have one friend who never leaves his house ever, so when I get out of school I visit him and sometimes on the weekends. But trying to make friends hasnt gone well out of school, because I just dont know how to take the small amount of friendships I had out of school. Pretty much one to two people I have met in my 3 years in college. One got pregnant so I lost touch with her. And well I just didnt know how to talk to the phone with the other one and a part of me didnt want to, because looks, even though we had things in common, I still felt like i would be disappointed in the end.

 

[Bluey]

(im new)I have done that at least twice can I remember and normally its just because Im to afraid, and dont know how to follow through without being uncomfortable. because its so unfamiliar, on top of that I dislike drinking alcohol, smoking, and well drugs of any form. Which pretty much makes the entire party scene terrifying for me. I have one friend who never leaves his house ever, so when I get out of school I visit him and sometimes on the weekends. But trying to make friends hasnt gone well out of school, because I just dont know how to take the small amount of friendships I had out of school. Pretty much one to two people I have met in my 3 years in college. One got pregnant so I lost touch with her. And well I just didnt know how to talk to the phone with the other one and a part of me didnt want to, because looks, even though we had things in common, I still felt like i would be disappointed in the end.

Why dose your friend not leave the house and I know what you mean about making convo on the phone. Sometimes can be difficult to do that I know. Good thing you stay away from drugs, smoke and drink tho. You should be proud of that. One day ppl, decent ppl well respect you for that. Just I know at college all the world seams to be doing them things. It dose show your ye own person tho. Good on ye I say, Oh and welcome to our little home

 

[evanescencefan91]

ya i only have like 2 friends right now, and one friend i talk to on the phone a fair amount, which i've never had afriend that would call me up just to chat. But sometimes it just feels like my time is getting wasted like she'll call when i'm working on ho,ework and i'll hav to put it off, and a lot of times we don't talk about anything very intersting. but she's the only friend that i have to consider close, and i don't want to ever blow any one else or not talk to them becuase i know how much that hurts and i wouldn't ever want to do that to some one else.

 

[mink]

But sometimes it just feels like my time is getting wasted like she'll call when i'm working on ho,ework and i'll hav to put it off, and a lot of times we don't talk about anything very intersting. but she's the only friend that i have to consider close, and i don't want to ever blow any one else or not talk to them becuase i know how much that hurts and i wouldn't ever want to do that to some one else.

Totally know what you mean cos I go through the same thing too. Well sometimes I'd feel kinda bad to put them off or say that I couldn't talk to them. But if it's really urgent for me to get something done and someone calls, I'd usually tell them that I'd get back to them. If not? Lol I could spend hours just hearing someone talk about what they wanna talk about. Oh that has happened many times before lol..

 

[blak000]

Why not? It's not like you're going to marry the person. Just enjoy that person's company, and the fact that he/she wants to spend time with you.

The only type of people I choose not to spend time with are those with negative or passive attitudes. I can stand people who put others down constantly, or complain continuously about their situation but do nothing to change it. I believe if a person is unhappy about something, then he/she should do something about it. Whining about it won't fix anything, and putting others down is a pathetic way of running from your problems.

 

[sloth4urluv]

I dont really see to many ugly people in this world to be honest.
I guess my sense of beauty is a little different than most everyone else.
Maybe its because most of the "attractive" people are hollow.
I want someone I can share myself with and that would love me as much as I would love them.

 

[Occipudding]

i wouldn't say im "choosy" but "selective." if im not feeling it, i wont continue it. i try to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes you can't try and create something that isn't there. why deal with the headache? ive hung out with people who just don't click with me and each time, im thinking to myself "i just wanna go home." i have a few friends but all except one live pretty far away. it just sucks because when i meet someone and hang out with them and they're loud, or obnoxious, or we clash on certain things, i feel like ive wasted my efforts and it'll be a long time before i have another chance to make a decent friend. i have social anxiety and it's pretty hard for me to talk to new people so when i actually do, i have pretty high hopes for it. when it doesn't work out, i feel kinda crushed.

I'm sorry, byt I can't force myself to be friends with someone who calls a homeless person a "worthless loser". Cruelty naturally repulses me.

most of them are. having been homeless, i can say that in all honesty.

 

[Controlling_Freak]

let's say you have no social life (or a poor one) and would really like to have more human interaction. you just don't want to spend so many evenings alone and miss having friends.
and then you meet someone who's quite nice to you and invites you to hang out with them, but... they're not really the kind of person you'd like to spend your time with.
either you find them a bit boring, you have very different interests, you disagree with them in basic values, or for any reason the conversation is strained and non-stimulating.
would you still meet with them?

Absolutely not

No, it doesn't work. Especially not with a person who just plain annoys you. --_--

I tried being friends with some guy.. all he talked about was prostitutes and boring stuff like studying for exams. He was also much richer than me, and kept inviting me to all kinds of things that I couldn't afford. So I had to say "sorry I have no money for that". All his friends were rich snobs also.

Sound like a total nerd!

Today I went out with that guy again. He kept talking about prostitutes the entire time (2+ hours), and he even showed me the place where his favorite prostitute lives. He also said that he feels like a horrible person because he had sex with a prostitute and he doesn't want to see her anymore. Then one minute after he starts talking about her again. #_# He has bipolar disorder I think.

Also we ate some kebab. He shoved the entire thing in his mouth, and all the sauce dripped on his pants and on the table. He ate the whole kebab in like 3 seconds (using his fingers to push it into his mouth deeper), and his part of the table was a mess. It's a good thing I'm not an easily disgusted person, others might have vomitted at the sight. -_- I just ate mine normally, and the table was clean after me. I told him that he eats like a pig, and he told me that I dress like a hobo, and I should wear jeans to be cool. (I decided to pass on pointing out that it's not so cool when your jeans are dripping with mayonnaise.)

LOL so funny! Seriously he right though, jean are nice

same here,,i cant go out with a guy if there isn't a little something there,,it might be that he is georgous,,,though i have never went out with one of those,,,, or it could be that he is smart and funny,,,i mean i don't understand them girls that will go out with a guy for the money **** if the guy is not interesting well he wont get my vote,,,,i don't care about the money,,,,ermm maybe thats why i am broke as hell too

Forgive me...but you could always show him your DD

(im new)I have done that at least twice can I remember and normally its just because Im to afraid, and dont know how to follow through without being uncomfortable. because its so unfamiliar, on top of that I dislike drinking alcohol, smoking, and well drugs of any form. Which pretty much makes the entire party scene terrifying for me. I have one friend who never leaves his house ever, so when I get out of school I visit him and sometimes on the weekends. But trying to make friends hasnt gone well out of school, because I just dont know how to take the small amount of friendships I had out of school. Pretty much one to two people I have met in my 3 years in college. One got pregnant so I lost touch with her. And well I just didnt know how to talk to the phone with the other one and a part of me didnt want to, because looks, even though we had things in common, I still felt like i would be disappointed in the end.

Are you talking about me?

 

[tal]

I think I'm rather choosy. The people I work with say I am anyway. They always run through lists of women on dating sites or at the place I work, and I always manage to come up with the reasons for not wanting to get to know them...some of them rather silly reasons.

I think I tend to look for friends who are like me. I start to avoid people who don't have a similar personality, similar background, similar interests, similar intelligence, similar (lack of) social life. I guess I feel intimidated by anyone who I perceive as better or more outgoing. Its somewhat ridiculous but that's how my mind works at present.

 

[CakeFace]

i am insanely choosy. maybe we're lonely because we're too choosy? i dont know.

 

[CakeFace]

i always say that i'd rather have NO friends, than bad friends.

 

[Einsam]

I've done this. Hanging out with people only because they're the only ones who'll take you. I hung out with this group last year like that. I'm sorry to say I found them totally uninteresting. Or maybe it was 'cause they didn't talk to me. I was friends with two girls in the group who always invited me to sit with them. I'd go because I didn't want to be rude and because I had nowhere else to go. Thing is, once we got there, they'd always talk to other people. I'm not good at talking in groups. I do one-on-one conversations. They'd be so into the conversation and I'd just sit there. I hated it. The other girls never spoke to me. I felt like they were thinking "what's she doing here?" Because our lunchtime is so long, I didn't want to hang around for the extent of it. I'd try to leave as soon as I finished my lunch (to the computer room). It was so awkward, they were all talking and I was sitting on the end. I didn't know whether to just get up and walk away or to say 'bye' to everyone. I speak quite softly, and I'm told I mumble. So they probably wouldn't have heard me anyway. Anyway, I got invited to a birthday party. Not much different. I sat and spoke to this girl who was the birthday girl's friend from her old school. She didn't know anyone either. If she wasn't there, who knows what I would've done? Anyway, I had 'a group' to work with. But it was just uncomfortable. I wasn't that eager to get to know any of them. I've found a new group since then. I like these ones because I find them interesting and they actually say hi to me when I sit down.

In response to the question, I think it's better to find people you click with than to try and force it. It's just... uncomfortable. And even if you do get it smoother, it's not even with someone you really care to know. Why bother?