Excusing Myself from the dating world for a while....

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Link17

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Jul 26, 2021
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Mexico City
Hey guys, I am link, new to this place, 22 year old college student. 

So like u have read on the title, I think I am gonna excuse myself from the dating world for a while, I think its gonna be best for both my mental health and personal growth. Ive always been a pretty laid back kid when it comes to dating, I never worried myself about getting a girlfriend or desperate to be in a relationship, but it just hasnt been working out for me, I just kind of somehow find a way to screw it up every single time. I got really hurt when I was 17, and I think I kind of have a defense mechanism when I meet new people and am in a potential relationship, idk what is it that I do exactly to mess it up but I do, and I have some theories but I just dont want to bore u guys with the details. I am also very insecure about myself.

My grandpa died almost 3 motnhs ago, its been pretty rough to say the least :/..... I have diagnosed ADHD and a pretty bad anxiety disorder, and after my grandpa died, Its been getting worse, I have panic attacks frequently and I am a bit depressed, I am constatntly anxious, I havent done well in school either recently (or ever).  Lately Ive been very isolated in my apartment, I dont go outside of my room, I cant sleep and when I do, I sleep the whole day, I just lay all day, and just stand up to shower, eat, brush my teeth or go to the bathroom, I have constant anxiety attacks, and it got so bad that I went to a doctor on Thursday, they sent me some medication for it, and told me " I looked like a kid that wasnt going through a nice time", so yeah that sums up pretty much my state of mind. Ive just been feeling very lonely, and been feeling very unnattractive (pretty big insecurity of mine), and just overall bad about myself, I dont feel capable, I dont feel smart, I dont feel like I have a personality, and I dont feel like I have a future or any potential. I live by myself, my Mom lives in the United States, so it feels even worse cause I dont have any family in the country, luckily I have a very good and close group of friends, but still......

So bcs of all of this mentioned, I just want to be more relaxed and I think it would be better for me if this semester I am about to start I just focus on school and getting better mentally, try to actually make friends (I am very socially anxious, and its worse with girls), I always try to be attractive to girls and can never be at ease or be fully myself, (which I think it might be a factor to why it all goes wrong), so Ill just be a normal guy, without trying to be "cool", and without trying to prove anything, I will try to be "asexual" in a way, not look for anything romantic, no hookups, nothing, just try to have some peace in my soul, focus on my studies, watch cool movies, try to meet new people and just make friends and just enjoy them without having to worry about all that dating crap that feels like it exhaust the mind of so many people of my age, or overall the general population.

I want to get a puppy, but in my apartment they dont allow pets :/

So what do u guys think, do u think this descision would be beneficial ? Idk how long I would be like this but I just feel like it would be for the bets....
 
Sorry to hear about your grandpa.

Working on yourself is a good idea, I think. It sounds like you are likely self sabotaging or trying so hard to be what you think people want that you are likely messing up that way. Focus on yourself and what you want out of life and who you really are. Work on the anxiety and all that. And just remember, girls aren't really any different than guys, no need to be more anxious around them. The right girl will accept you as you are....the right friends will too.

I'm not sure I'd use the word asexual that way. I think you're looking for the word celibate.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Sorry to hear about your grandpa. 

Working on yourself is a good idea, I think.  It sounds like you are likely self sabotaging or trying so hard to be what you think people want that you are likely messing up that way.  Focus on yourself and what you want out of life and who you really are.  Work on the anxiety and all that.  And just remember, girls aren't really any different than guys, no need to be more anxious around them.  The right girl will accept you as you are....the right friends will too. 

I'm not sure I'd use the word asexual that way.  I think you're looking for the word celibate.

Thank u for your words. Yeah I guess celibate would be the word, idk why I used asexual. The thing is not that I am a different person around the girl I like or pretend to be someone else, its just that I am so insecure about myself that I dont let my full personality be shown cause I am scared theyll think I am weird, uninteresting, or that theyll just simply wont like me outside of my apperance, or that my personality is so bad itll make them unlike me, maybe its bcs I think of myself that way, but who knows, and its just so bizarre bcs my best friends love me but I am just so scared to be myself when I have a Girlfriend, I am just really insecure and it really sucks to feel that way. 

I think its also in part bcs the my first Gf broke up with me bcs of a missunderstanding in High School, she was the first person I ever told all my personal stuff to, and all of me, and after that I felt like such an idiot, knowing that now there was someone out ther who knew everything stupid, embarrasing or personal stuff about me and that they could just tell anyone, it just made me feel like an idiot after, and fter that its very difficult for me to open up in any relationship Ive had after wards, and I think u are correct that I do self sabotage in a way, but thats just one of my insecurities.
 
Thank u so much for your words my friend, they are highly appreciated! Its not that I am not myself for example, I always try to be autenthic since ik pretending to be something u are not can drive u into a whole 'nother rabbit whole that I really wish not to go in, however I do hide parts of my personality to almost everyone thats not a good friend of mine, since I am afraid other people wont like me for who I am, specially the girls I date, I think I am little boring and I am really bad with conversations, only people I am a 100% real with are my best friends of 8 years, and tbh I couldnt ask for better friends than them, they are like my family, however, everything else that u have said has been on point, specially how my generarion has been programed to think, and what things to care about. I would really really love to have a puppy, it really sucks I cant get one right now, I would feel like it could really bring me a lot of happines and good company, since I try to bring myself some company with meaningless sex and hookups and they just made me feel more lonely :/.

I will add the film to the list, I have a list of films I really want to watch that I havent, I recently watched The Thing (1982) with Kurt Russell, IT WAS AMAZING! next up is Alien, and then "The good, The bad, and The ugly", so thank u for your suggestions, I am a lover of both new and old films :), my fav films are basically Back to the Future, Logan (2017), Scarface, Baby Driver, and Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi. Again, thank u very much for your advice and outlook, its highly appreciated, and it helps a lot! :).
 
Oi, young brother, be sure to read the Zen Buddhist proverb I just threw down as an edit of my previous post... I believe it will help you, same way it helped me so many years ago, and throughout my subsequent life unto this very day. CHEERS!!!   :cool:
 
Sidewinder said:
Oi, young brother, be sure to read the Zen Buddhist proverb I just threw down as an edit of my previous post... I believe it will help you, same way it helped me so many years ago, and throughout my subsequent life. CHEERS!!!   :cool:

Thank u very much my friend, I am very grateful! Cheers Mate!.
 
Link17 said:
Hey guys, I am link, new to this place, 22 year old college student. 


I want to get a puppy, but in my apartment they dont allow pets :/

So what do u guys think, do u think this descision would be beneficial ? Idk how long I would be like this but I just feel like it would be for the bets....

Hello, Link17. Hoping you're having a good day.

It really sucks that you cannot have a pet and if I were you I'd try to find a place that accepts pets right away

Your decision comes from a place deep within you and there obviously is something that makes you feel like plugging off and if there is something I can say I've learned in life is to listen to my gut feelings and trust them over anyone else. 
Listen to yours and you'll be alright.
 

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