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Experience with Meetup for 2 years

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ardour

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Positives.

Potentially sanity saving for general loneliness. Made a few friends while visiting places I would never would have otherwise. People who turn up are generally friendly.

Negatives...

As far as potential dates... no. Most of the women at the interest based groups were over 50 or retired.  It seems like young or youngish women have too many social options and most likely don't want to be in  spaces flooded with  lonely dudes trying to chat them up. A lot of men seem to have gotten advice to go to meetups/clubs to find a girlfriend. Some of them were obviously more intent on talking to the women around than just making friends. There's quite of bit ageism and gender segregation with the groups no doubt for that reason. At least half the social/meet and greet groups are age restricted or female only with those intended for older ages mostly inactive. There isn't one active book club right now that isn't women only. 

It's depressing seeing well attended events intended for young people in their 20s to early 30s, knowing I wouldn't be welcome because of my age, which is a  kick to the rib cage reminding me the best part of life is over.  I wouldn't recommend speed dating groups since it's 80% male anyway, but everyone over 40 was being lumped into one age category as if we're all 'old' at that point.

The human interaction has been beneficial after years wallowing alone, but it's not a good route for guys hoping to find someone. Sorry - women have caught on guys. Otherwise I'd recommend trying it if you are in a large enough city.
 

TheRealCallie

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Okay, you are looking something pretty specific in terms of who will and won't date. I'm sorry, but when it's that specific, you're going to have trouble finding someone. Have you considering creating a meetup of your own and clarifying what you want? Not in a creepy *young hot chicks only* type of way, but more subtle. You can't exactly expect younger girls willing to date that much older to just appear out of the blue. They are going to be harder to find, but yes, they are out there.

And just stop with the whole fucking "best years of your life" shit. If you want the best fucking years, stop being so fucking negative and start living your best years. There is NOTHING that states you can only have your "best" years when you are young and dumb. I know plenty of people in the 50's and 60's that are just starting to live their "best" years now, doing all the shit they wanted to do when they were younger, but instead chose to be responsible. Life is not a fucking race that has stations for certain things only at certain points in the journey. You can have those certain things whenever the hell you want. So just fucking stop and start living the life you want. You are aware that you likely won't get that life if you only focus on the negative shit right?
 

ardour

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TheRealCallie said:
Okay, you are looking something pretty specific in terms of who will and won't date.  I'm sorry, but when it's that specific, you're going to have trouble finding someone.  Have you considering creating a meetup of your own and clarifying what you want?  Not in a creepy *young hot chicks only* type of way, but more subtle.  You can't exactly expect younger girls willing to date that much older to just appear out of the blue.  They are going to be harder to find, but yes, they are out there. 

I couldn't even meet women my own age. I spoke to only 3 who were within 5 years of me. Not a lot of early-mid 30s either, outside of the 20s-30s social group which I've aged out of. Like I said youngish adult women seem to avoid a lot of these groups. As for starting one, we're probably at saturation point with the number of groups and I think it would be very bad form to do this with ulterior motives.
 

TheRealCallie

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So the only reason you do these meetups is to find someone to date? You're not looking for friends or aquaintances or networking opportunities?
If that's the case, you are focusing way too much on one thing. If it's not the case, you don't really have ulterior motives because everyone who is single is likely hoping, at least on a small scale, to find a partner at one of these meetups.
 

ardour

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True but women would still smell that a mile off and I as the group organizer would be bound to strict code of behaviour (no asking anyone out).

Just to add I got annoyed a the simpish behaviour of other men at times. Once a woman appeared they'd focus exclusively on her, even getting annoyed if I spoke to them again and interrupted their, er, 'game'. Something's wrong in society if men are driven to act like this. It's pathetic, and ironically, very unmasculine.
 

TheRealCallie

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ardour said:
True but women would  still smell that a mile off and I as the group organizer would be bound to strict code of behaviour (no asking anyone out).

Just to add I got annoyed a the simpish behaviour of  other men at times. Once a  woman appeared  they'd focus exclusively on her, even getting  annoyed if I spoke to them again and interrupted their, er,  'game'. Something's wrong in society if men are driven to act like this. It's  pathetic, and ironically, very unmasculine.

So don't ask a woman out on meetups.  Get to know people.  If they like you, they will go to other meetups you have.  And eventually, they might make the move instead of you having to. 

As for the behavior of men, I'm not sure that's something recent.  I'm pretty sure it's always been that way.  Caveman technique and all that.  But yes, I agree with you on that one.  It's annoying and I wish more men would realize this.
 

Finished

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Hmmmm. Okay, so Meetup didn't work for you. Maybe you can try another approach. Try and figure out what the women you are interested in want. Find out where they hang out. Find out what they like and like to do. I see many mid-twenties and mid-thirties women on hiking trails around here. Most are in groups of 3 to 5. It's kind of fun to listen to the differences of their conversations. They typically show up at similar times each week. Some have seen me many times on the trails and have talked to me in passing as I usually am smiling and having fun on the hikes.  They've asked me how far I go, best things to see, etc, etc, etc. Basically just stupid BS. But, it is a way in. I'm too old to fit right in with them. So, maybe that's why they are willing to talk to me. I'm safe. I don't know. I don't care. I'm done with that part of my life. But, you are not.

The point is that if you are around more women that you are interested in the better chance you have to connect with one of them or someone that they know. Do not attempt to make romantic connections with them early on as they may quickly put up the wall. Instead try to make friend connections with them. You might even tell them that you have a long time girlfriend to make them feel that you are safe and will not try to put the moves on them. You will probably have a better chance to hook up with a friend of a friend of one of them any way. I have noticed that I can become friends with women IF dating is completely off the table. But, as soon as I ask them to dinner or the movies they instant black list me and I no longer exist. So, if you end up at events looking like you are on the hunt you will get the cold shoulder. If one place doesn't work then move on to something else after making many real attempts.

Personally I prefer athletic women, dancers especially. So, if I was interested in dating a women like that I would get a job, volunteer, help out, whatever, at a gym, a dance studio, or something where they frequent and when need to interact with me somehow. Then I would be super nice and help them out as much as possible. So, do your research and make your plan. You are not attractive enough to just hang out and expect women to be drawn to you. You have to be sneaky and not obvious about it. Get them to let down their wall by being their friend. Then slowly get them to see your good qualities even if they are a lie. It's all about them getting to think you are a nice guy. You can even talk to them about your how your fake girlfriend's relationship isn't working out. Ask them for their advice. Tell her it's working. Then at the right time tell her that it looks like it isn't going to work out after all because she cheating on you. You are attempting to get sympathy from them. Then you can tell ask her why you can't just find a nice woman like her. It's all about planting the thoughts into their minds that you would make a good mate. It is a slow process. It's a lot of work. It's not fair. But, it's the game that you have to play if you really want to date someone that you want to date. You have not been giving the gift of being attractive to women. So, stop thinking you can get a girlfriend like others do. You have to use different uncomfortable strategies. It's not being pathetic. It's being real about it.
 

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