Facing the pain and loneliness

[Azariah]

what ways help you cope with the pain and loneliness?

sometimes when im alone i face the pain by crying alot, till i actually enjoy the crying, its weird, i actually like the pain like im addicted to it. i feel alive.

i do believe in a God, tho i dont think you need to. just have hope that things will get better in time. and pain like everything does not last forever.

funny thing about loneliness is i feel better when im alone taking long walks or being close to nature. there is a peace i cant explain that i get.

friends dont really help with loneliness but i find a good conversation even with a stranger helps immensely. all i need is to connect with a soul.

 

[CFM]

Oddly enough, being alone helps...and silence. I get overwhelmed easily and I fell like there's nothing worse than feeling lonely even when someone's around. Lots of routine and order helps too.
Being in nature helps alot too, watching the birds, gardening, ect. but I don't get that often anymore. The city is creeping my way and they're building everywhere around me. It makes me feel claustrophobic. Can't wait until I sell the house and get to move.

 

[non_entity]

Becoming engrossed in a good TV series and emotionally investing in the protagonists.

 

[solonely20]

Becoming engrossed in a good TV series and emotionally investing in the protagonists.

The more lonely I've felt the less I'm able to watch anything anymore. My peace and joy has gone in life.

 

[non_entity]

The more lonely I've felt the less I'm able to watch anything anymore. My peace and joy has gone in life.

Honestly, same here. It's all distractions. Dopamine fixes.

My favorite show just ended with its final season a few weeks ago, and not only was it sad in a way like saying goodbye, but it was like a dissipating high - sobering back to an unpleasant reality that that show was distracting me from temporarily.

 

[solonely20]

Honestly, same here. It's all distractions. Dopamine fixes.

My favorite show just ended with its final season a few weeks ago, and not only was it sad in a way like saying goodbye, but it was like a dissipating high - sobering back to an unpleasant reality that that show was distracting me from temporarily.

I've got a phone addiction. Thats what distracts me. i struggle with tv and have for a while.

 

[solonely20]

what ways help you cope with the pain and loneliness?

sometimes when im alone i face the pain by crying alot, till i actually enjoy the crying, its weird, i actually like the pain like im addicted to it. i feel alive.

i do believe in a God, tho i dont think you need to. just have hope that things will get better in time. and pain like everything does not last forever.

funny thing about loneliness is i feel better when im alone taking long walks or being close to nature. there is a peace i cant explain that i get.

friends dont really help with loneliness but i find a good conversation even with a stranger helps immensely. all i need is to connect with a soul.

I think you're a nice person Azariah. I know you dm me when I said I was sad a few weeks ago.

Try running and see if that helps.

 

[FremieHere]

I just let myself soak in my loneliness. It sucks at first but eventually, with some fitting music, it becomes bearable. And then I try to sleep and forget about it until the next night.

 

[solonely20]

I just let myself soak in my loneliness. It sucks at first but eventually, with some fitting music, it becomes bearable. And then I try to sleep and forget about it until the next night.

This is how I feel at night I listen to sad piano instrumentals and I sleep.

 

[Sarah G]

I try and do RAIN (recognize, accept, investigate, nurture) which is a sort of meditation or mental exercise to sit with the feelings and look at them, accept them and (hopefully) let them pass. It helps because otherwise I seem to get upset about being upset and it spirals.

 

[youcouldnevertell]

nothing really helps me

 

[alandaram]

loneliness is good sometimes

 

[Sarah G]

loneliness is good sometimes

What do you find good in loneliness? I'd like to be able to think of some positives when I'm feeling sad about it instead of making myself feel worse with negativity.

 

[Prebb89]

I try and distract myself as much as possible, I can not do TV anymore as I struggle, I moved onto phone but that has started to lose interest (no games at moment). I'm genuinely terrified what I will do now.

I have started crying alot recently not something I've done in many years! Music doesn't do it for me anymore so can't even have a fitting palylist in the background. I'm hoping I start climbing pit of this soon but it's never lasted this long before.

 

[user15010]

I try and distract myself as much as possible, I can not do TV anymore as I struggle, I moved onto phone but that has started to lose interest (no games at moment). I'm genuinely terrified what I will do now.

I have started crying alot recently not something I've done in many years! Music doesn't do it for me anymore so can't even have a fitting palylist in the background. I'm hoping I start climbing pit of this soon but it's never lasted this long before.

 

[user15010]

I'm hoping I start climbing pit of this soon but it's never lasted this long before.

Can you remember what helped you before? Would it be of any help this time? Do you have any older plans or dreams worth pursuing?

 

[user15010]

I try and do RAIN (recognize, accept, investigate, nurture) which is a sort of meditation or mental exercise to sit with the feelings and look at them, accept them and (hopefully) let them pass. It helps because otherwise I seem to get upset about being upset and it spirals.

Thank you Sarah G! I've just tried it. Useful. It reminds me of another similar technique I learned in the past during a brief episode of monastic life.

 

[Sarah G]

Thank you Sarah G! I've just tried it. Useful. It reminds me of another similar technique I learned in the past during a brief episode of monastic life.

I've found it so useful, it's changed my life. I heard that the N originally stood for 'non-identification' but that most of us better reach non-identification through nurture. I also heard Tara Brach (who teaches it but didn't invent it) sat that if our trauma is a lot at that moment we might need to go to N first (nurture) to avoid re-traumatising ourselves. I used to cry every time I did RAIN because I wasn't used to being kind to myself. I've made great progress with it.

 

[user15010]

I've found it so useful, it's changed my life. I heard that the N originally stood for 'non-identification' but that most of us better reach non-identification through nurture. I also heard Tara Brach (who teaches it but didn't invent it) sat that if our trauma is a lot at that moment we might need to go to N first (nurture) to avoid re-traumatising ourselves. I used to cry every time I did RAIN because I wasn't used to being kind to myself. I've made great progress with it.

Is there a particular resource on RAIN, a book or a webpage, you'd recommend?

 

[Sarah G]

Is there a particular resource on RAIN, a book or a webpage, you'd recommend?

Tara Brach seems to be the main teacher of it. I usually watch her videos on YouTube but you can also watch them for free on her site. She's written several books too, Radical Compassion is one. Her site and YT videos are both advertisement free as far as I've noticed which is something I really appreciate about her, she's so generous.

What was the technique you had learned to use in the past, I was wondering? I'm trying to absorb useful techniques to avoid drowning in my own emotions.