Fed up with Relationships

[CenotaphGirl]

I think being jaded is the only thing I can call hating relationships.
I love the idea of love, but the idea of relationships seems to pollute the whole thing.
Anyway.... not in the mood to post positivity lol but I want to, so here's a positive take away...

Be the person you want to find, in this dark world, be the person holding the light... always

 

[Richard_39]

I'm not sure I follow.

I love the idea of love, but the idea of relationships seems to pollute the whole thing.

How can you have the former without the latter?
Always seemed to me that it's the relationship leads to love. Not quite sure if you mean it another way.

 

[TheRealCallie]

 

[cyan]

I totally get what you're saying. Relationship doom has taken a huge dump on my idea of love.. I think I've given so much of myself to the wrong people and ignored the red flags. I blame myself for that though so that's really where more of my focus is now. I love pretty **** hardcore and being with the wrong person has depleted my energy, my vibes, my hopefulness, all that.. having it happen more than once really takes the cake. I won't write off love, but it's not on the top of my agenda.

 

[Unsigned]

I've never had a real one.
It would have been nice, at least just once, I think.
So to me hearing someone saying "fed up of relationships" is kind of like a poor person hearing Bill Gates say he is "fed up with all that money".

But I do understand what could drive someone to think that way.

Good Relationship > No Relationship > Divorced & stripped bare by exes lawyers or having a Bunny Boiler stalking you.

 

[Richard_39]

I totally get what you're saying. Relationship doom has taken a huge dump on my idea of love.. I think I've given so much of myself to the wrong people and ignored the red flags. I blame myself for that though so that's really where more of my focus is now. I love pretty **** hardcore and being with the wrong person has depleted my energy, my vibes, my hopefulness, all that.. having it happen more than once really takes the cake. I won't write off love, but it's not on the top of my agenda.

Many women I know LOVE red flags. That's something I've never quite understood either.
"Isn't he the greatest?!?"
"No, he's an ass and a piece oh honeysuckle"
"Nah, he's fine!"
6 months later, usually crying "Oh, he's an ass and a piece of honeysuckle!"
Well...yeah, I kind of told you that before, in a very disinterested way.
"Oh, if only they were all like you!"
"God no, get away from me"
Maybe exercising a bit more judgment would be a good thing. Beforehand. It becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy at some point.

 

[ardour]

Many women I know LOVE red flags. That's something I've never quite understood either.
"Isn't he the greatest?!?"
"No, he's an ass and a piece oh honeysuckle"
"Nah, he's fine!"
6 months later, usually crying "Oh, he's an ass and a piece of honeysuckle!"
Well...yeah, I kind of told you that before, in a very disinterested way.
"Oh, if only they were all like you!"
"God no, get away from me"
Maybe exercising a bit more judgment would be a good thing. Beforehand. It becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy at some point.

Obnoxious, red flag behaviour is a proxy for masculinity - Better that than a man who has no masculinity.

 

[Richard_39]

Obnoxious, red flag behaviour is a proxy for masculinity - Better that than a man who has no masculinity.

People have weird perceptions about what exactly masculinity is, or is supposed to be. It always amazed me that someone who gets attracted to someone else because he acts like a fun 13 year old kid....to expect behavior or a mentality ANY different from a 13 year old kid.
I think it's much more about building up unrealistic expectations and taking one's dreams for reality. With a bit of projection sprinkled on top.


BUT, in keeping with the topic, there's a big difference between that and not believing in love anymore.
Several studies have pointed out that a lot of people start by not being in love with the actual person; they're in love WITH LOVE. It's not until about three years into a relationship with someone you can really get to know them enough and be able to say "I'm in love with this person". Which is why a LOT if relationships are under 3 years

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm not sure I follow.

How can you have the former without the latter?
Always seemed to me that it's the relationship leads to love. Not quite sure if you mean it another way.

You can love people from a distance, I dont think you need to be in a relationship with everyone you love, something I had to learn... I suppose.

I thought this was someone else's song, bloody hell is this the original?

I totally get what you're saying. Relationship doom has taken a huge dump on my idea of love.. I think I've given so much of myself to the wrong people and ignored the red flags. I blame myself for that though so that's really where more of my focus is now. I love pretty **** hardcore and being with the wrong person has depleted my energy, my vibes, my hopefulness, all that.. having it happen more than once really takes the cake. I won't write off love, but it's not on the top of my agenda.

Awh no, honestly I ignore them too, I think oh he's just being human, none of us are perfect, pretty sure I'm a walking talking red flag myself in all honesty lol but I think of he'd never hurt me, I love him, how could he hurt me, why would he hurt me, whattt could I have possibly done to make him want to hurt me? Honestly, I am convinced men just want to see my gravestone. it's like a bloody wet fantasy for them. Not getting the satisfaction, my dad is the last 'man' I'll try to end it for, not the rest of these clowns. I'd be very happy never seeing a vast majority again.

I've never had a real one.
It would have been nice, at least just once, I think.
So to me hearing someone saying "fed up of relationships" is kind of like a poor person hearing Bill Gates say he is "fed up with all that money".

But I do understand what could drive someone to think that way.

Good Relationship > No Relationship > Divorced & stripped bare by exes lawyers or having a Bunny Boiler stalking you.

I guess we all have our own crosses to bare sadly. I complain about leg cramps too, but I still feel for people who have no legs.

Obnoxious, red flag behaviour is a proxy for masculinity - Better that than a man who has no masculinity.

Let's be real here, you are telling me, you'd prefer a woman with no femininity ?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I thought this was someone else's song, bloody hell is this the original?

Yes, that is the original.

 

[Richard_39]

Let's be real here, you are telling me, you'd prefer a woman with no femininity ?

Only if her beard is shorter than mine and she keeps it trimmed.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I think a large part of the problem is how we're taught about love and relationships as children versus how love and relationships actually functionally work in reality.

When we're children, we're taught about love and relationships from an idealistic and fantastical perspective. It makes sense from the perspective of a parent trying to instill values into their children and have them be properly socialized, but into adulthood that gets forcibly challenged and typically ultimately diminishes under the weight of a reality that a relationship demands compromise to be respected in order to continue to exist.

Simply put: What we're taught as kids, just isn't how it actually is in adulthood.

And yeah, that likewise makes a person want to just not partake. I think that's a perfectly rational and understandable reason. I mean, nobody bets when the odds are against them and it looks much more like they'll lose the bet rather than win it.