Feeling Particularly Lonely Today
- Thread starter AceFace
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
Hi Deb's I have lots of hobbies they are all solo such as my beloved Lambrettas, they carnt substitute for a conversation and interaction
Hi Deb's I have lots of hobbies they are all solo such as my beloved Lambrettas, they carnt substitute for a conversation and interaction
I ride on the North Yorkshire Moors where I live I have six, bit of a thing for me
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charlotte craig
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Maybe when someone reaches out to you to be friends with you it would be a good idea to respond, send them a nice interesting message back, rather than leave it or only write a few words which don't engage them or which they will end up ignoring after a bit? It takes time to make a good friend. If the friendship consists of words on a screen they have to be good and interesting and not just a handful.
I never make online friends with people whose idea of a reply to a full and proper message is something like how are you today? where they ignore everything I said to them, expecting me to do all of the talking - or who ignore it when I ask them a question - or who only bang on about what they have done with their time - nor ones whose grammar and english makes me cringe.
Also if you work long hours travelling a lot you cannot expect everyone to jump and be available when you have a few days break in between, they have their own life to head and their hours and lifestyle might mean they are busy on the days you have a break.
We all seek different types of friends anyway. Personally the ones who bang on about their car or football or what they ate for dinner or saw on tv are not for me. Elevator talk is boring to me, especially when it is with someone I don't know. You could exchange for years and still not know them properly. To me that is not worth any investment of time. Anyway I know people I can chat that way too already and avoid them! They have no depth or soul.
I've had six people pm me over the past few days wanting to get to know me. I can soon tell which are the serious ones who don't want it all instant and guaranteed, unrealistic and lazy, or the ones who only want me for free advice. You need to sort out the wheat from the chaff with this as you would with hobbies, jobs and lots of other things. A friend should enhance your life. If they are not going to enhance your life you are better off without them altogether.
I was just thinking back to a woman I met a few years ago, about same age as me. But she was very short of money. Unlike me it would not occur to her to spend less or earn more. We were talking about going to a certain social thing each tuesday. She said she could not afford it - even though the cost was just £2 each. A very stupid and naive person I know said the best thing to do was pay for her to go there, we pay out of OUR money. No that was not going to happen. Everyone knew this woman had cats and doted on them. She spent a lot on feeding them the very best fish and meat - fresh - each day. I do not spend that on my own food! I budget with my own food. So why would I give her money so that her cats can eat far better than me?
But one thing it taught me is that you should always stick to people you have things in common with. Age, attitude, even things like how lazy someone is can come into it. Otherwise that friendship will never get off the ground or last.
A few months ago a woman I don't know other than that she goes to this social group - I only know her face and first name - came up to me nagging me to go out to lunch with her one day. She does not work and is bored all day. I reminded her I work. Oh no, no, she said,that is all wrong, you spend far too much time working,
you should forget about work, do a lot less or retire, and come out with me for lunch etc. The really ridiculous thing was she only wanted me to go with her for lunch so she could have a 2 - 3 hour FREE consultation that otherwise would cost her a bomb. She really expected me to turn away paid work to do that instead! Now would you want someone like that as a friend? No. There are lots of other people she could go out to lunch with, but its always me she wants for the free professional advice. And she wants me to lose wages to do it.
Not a nice person, a very selfish person. She also forgets that if I were dumb enough to do that my advice would not be worth having.
Another thing I learnt years ago - never take on new friends who want you because of your profession.
Or need advice all of the time. It will all be a one way street.
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Is there a scooter club you can join?
I hear you Charlotte
Yes there are several in England it's part of our culture, I was a mod back in the day
but too far away from me
charlotte craig
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I think there are. My partner runs a big and busy classic car club, all such things are popular but only more with old people - and often people with money who have a whole collection of cars or scooters.Yes there are several in England it's part of our culture, I was a mod back in the day
One of the reasons we go to this classic car club is because it is one place we can go where we don't get people always banging on about how come we have more money than them, and can we give them advice (all free of course) on how to set up a business etc. They stand on their own two feet and don't try to lean on us or get jealous of us. A cousin has a car worth as much as one of my houses. He has had it for years. Keeps it immaculate and never ever drives it.
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How far? I joined a social motorcycle club back in 2011, and had to ride over and hour just to get to the starting point for the club rides. It was a great club, but after a couple years it imploded due to internal politics and I lost a comfortable place.Yes there are several in England it's part of our culture, I was a mod back in the day
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Even though I'm born and bred Yank...I'd love to take a ride on Beachy Head one day...
charlotte craig
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Most of these clubs only meet once or twice a week. If you are often away travelling and working you would often not be able to attend on those days so wouldnt get much out of it.
Well, maybe you, we, can learn something from people who choose to live by themselves in very isolated places, like Siberia, and just keep themselves busy keeping warm and fed. They seem to be free of the stresses a lot of us have.
Your right I should be more humble, there is so many people so worse of than me, look at the earth quakes, Ukraine.
Acknowledging to ourselves that many others have it worse than us is fine, but we still feel what we feel, until we focus our minds a little differently, I guess. Living with loneliness can slowly change to just living alone, but we have to refocus. I'm not saying that is easy, hell no, I have trouble with it, but slowly I'm learning to accept that it will be my life. I don't know if I'm ready for it, and it seems a depressing thought. Maybe because we still have a glimmer of hope that there's someone there for us? Maybe those who survive alone just can't stand others anymore and feel better to be away from them? It's like not wanting to really commit suicide because there's always that slight possibility life will be better somehow. I think I'm jut trying to convince myself here.
