solonely20
Well-known member
I developed a friend online a few months ago and though, she's a bit older or much older than me, I felt we were connecting or at least I felt we did. Not going to get into the specifics of what we mostly talked about but she's not talking to me anymore and I doubt she'll talk to me again. It was a short but active dialogue between us (nothing romantic) but since I've been traumatized by people I know in real life and life circumstances I at times am easily able to connect with people who are nice to me as I'm not used to people being nice to me at least those in real life. I've found online people to be much nicer especially on this forum.
Our discussions were mostly based on one topic and I guess my passions, feelings or believing I'm right made me come off way too strongly on occasions. Normally, I don't come off strong on any issues and I've learnt to just let people speak what they want to say but I do feel other issues in my life at times have made me prone to snapping on occasions because in other avenues in my life my voice has been suppressed which it has and I'm so unhappy.
I know I hurt her a lot and she hates me. This is a new feeling for me because I've never hurt or upset anyone besides probably my mother but I'm not going to get into that.....sounds bad saying I've upset my mother but there is context to the story which I don't feel like sharing. I've just never been used to hurting people who did nothing bad to me. I do recall making a girl cry when I was like six years of age a long time ago now but nothing else. I've been the one who always gets hurt.
This is a new feeling. It is horrible. It is not helping my depression. It has been just over a month since she last msg me and her last msg was mean which hurt me. I've since apologized multiple times.
I think in time the feeling will go away but as for right now it hurts me a lot knowing I upset someone so much with my words. I allowed my aggression to be sent to her when she never did anything wrong to me when it should be released at other people who've made my life a living hell and who've also traumatized me but I guess since they've got control of me I can't do that....in other words I'm too weak to do it. And instead, I pushed my suppressed anger into her direction when all she ever did was be nice to me.
Feeling sucks. Like really, really, really sucks. It hurts feeling helpless. It hurts even more when you hurt people who were only nice to you.
Does anyone have any recommendations as to how I can feel less shitty? I've apologized multiple times and I've gotten no response so I'm not going to bother anymore with that.
I'm really not used to hurting people who've been nice to me. This is a new feeling.
Our discussions were mostly based on one topic and I guess my passions, feelings or believing I'm right made me come off way too strongly on occasions. Normally, I don't come off strong on any issues and I've learnt to just let people speak what they want to say but I do feel other issues in my life at times have made me prone to snapping on occasions because in other avenues in my life my voice has been suppressed which it has and I'm so unhappy.
I know I hurt her a lot and she hates me. This is a new feeling for me because I've never hurt or upset anyone besides probably my mother but I'm not going to get into that.....sounds bad saying I've upset my mother but there is context to the story which I don't feel like sharing. I've just never been used to hurting people who did nothing bad to me. I do recall making a girl cry when I was like six years of age a long time ago now but nothing else. I've been the one who always gets hurt.
This is a new feeling. It is horrible. It is not helping my depression. It has been just over a month since she last msg me and her last msg was mean which hurt me. I've since apologized multiple times.
I think in time the feeling will go away but as for right now it hurts me a lot knowing I upset someone so much with my words. I allowed my aggression to be sent to her when she never did anything wrong to me when it should be released at other people who've made my life a living hell and who've also traumatized me but I guess since they've got control of me I can't do that....in other words I'm too weak to do it. And instead, I pushed my suppressed anger into her direction when all she ever did was be nice to me.
Feeling sucks. Like really, really, really sucks. It hurts feeling helpless. It hurts even more when you hurt people who were only nice to you.
Does anyone have any recommendations as to how I can feel less shitty? I've apologized multiple times and I've gotten no response so I'm not going to bother anymore with that.
I'm really not used to hurting people who've been nice to me. This is a new feeling.