First post

[sadmoongaze]

I'm sorry as I had meant to come on here sooner, but I kept holding it off for one reason or another. I don't really know the best way to start this so I'll just start typing and hoping some of this rambling mess will make sense.

I am an only child, so to a degree being by myself doesn't really bother me. It's when I'm around others that I feel loneliness. Whether it's at work or out in public, it just hurts seeing how others connect with one another so easily. I have experienced a lot of hurt from people, through being judged harshly to rejection, and so trying to put myself out there has always been a struggle. I guess I feel conflicted in that a part of me desires to connect with others, while another part of me really just wants to not deal with people at all.

Right now, I have a desire to move past the painful heartaches and resentments that have come from attempting to socialize, and I want to try doing so more again. but I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling and if this didn't make sense.

 

[Abstamyous]

Welcome to the forum

 

[Minus]

Welcome, I am glad you decided to get around to posting.

I don't imagine that the conflict between just wanting to be left alone and wanting to do some degree of socializing is too unique. Yes being around people can at times bring on a feeling of loneliness by noticing how separated we are.

 

[user15010]

...I guess I feel conflicted in that a part of me desires to connect with others, while another part of me really just wants to not deal with people at all.

...but I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling and if this didn't make sense.

I does make sense. I think many of us here feel unsure and torn in a similar way.

 

[Sarah G]

Welcome

 

[randomguy]

Hullo, welcome

 

[TheRealCallie]

it just hurts seeing how others connect with one another so easily.

Are they connecting? People today tend to put on an act, so even if it looks like they are "connecting," they could actually dislike each other. Never judge a book by its cover and all that. Looks can definitely be deceiving.

Just start small. Say hi to people. If you get the right person, you won't have to "try," It'll just happen.

Welcome to the forum

 

[Colster]

Welcome, although I too am fairly new here. I don't think it has yet been 24 hours.

Anyway, don't believe the hype that being surrounded by people, seemingly all "connecting", is a positive thing. Often this is merely superficial.

I was for many years, a popular person. Weekends we're filled with events and socialising. Never been without pretty company, and always have been able to chat with almost anyone.

However, two years ago, pre-pandemic, it started to dawn on me, the popularity was not about me, but rather what I could do. Date a pretty girl, and guys want to know you. Date a couple of pretty girls, and other girls want to know you. Suddenly, you are invited to every occasion.

Looking into it deeper, the attachment is superficial. The people are there only because they want something that you have, either the girls, knowledge, or the confidence and charm.

Occasionally, these people put business my way. But they were never buying my services as a professional. Instead, they wanted favours, introductions, inside information, and so on.

You notice that the people who say "call me if you need anything", are never actually there when you do need something. The social media LIKES are in the hundreds, if I post a pretty girl or my dog. Anything remotely personal, might gain the usual dozen or so views.

I walked away from it all in 2019. The first few months, I don't think that I spoke to anyone. No social media, no phone, and threadbare little connection to the outside world. It was bliss.

Moving on to present day. I have two friends who still remain. One is autistic, the other alcoholic. Both are good people, and in their own way, care about me, for the me that I am. Unfortunately, we have pretty much exactly the same conversation on each occasion we meet.

I like being alone, and I am comfortable within my own company. Yes, I do still dream of settling down with someone, and then come to the reality that it just is not worth the effort. Although, some days, I do yearn for conversation. Laughter is always good, but so is just different opinions or news.

And so, the ever popular weird little guy, finds himself searching the internet, for sites to chat with other lonely people.

People do not cure loneliness. A sense of worth and belonging, does.

 

[Sir Joseph]

Sadmoongaze, you've come to a good place to get others' perspective on people and relationships. Here, you'll get all kinds of views, good and bad, but overwhelming support and understanding from all.

Your first post has already yielded a truth from others that I agree with: many of the people we see around us that seem so happy and engaged socially really aren't. They're hurting, lonely, and struggling to fit into some type of social scene. It's easy for some, but I think hard for most who aren't blessed with special talent, great looks, or ideal circumstances. In any case, I encourage you to settle your conflicted feelings decisively by making a firm, right choice to connect with others in every opportunity possible. We weren't created to be alone or isolated, no matter how safe or comfortable it may be. Life is about building and growing relationships, not just enduring. That requires us to be assertive in reaching out to others, to get out of our comfort zone, and to risk rejection or disappointment. The life long process though is what builds our character, growing us into the person God intended us to be.

 

[sadmoongaze]

I'm sorry for the late response. I didn't want to make another topic, but it has been a difficult couple of months. I just feel very aimless and frustrated with life. I have tried moving forward and none of it matters. I'm tired and I want to give up. I'm sorry for not making sense.

 

[Abstamyous]

Don't apologize. Please do write here if you would like. We would love to hear more from you!

*big hugs*

 

[Finished]

Welcome! Wow! I told missed this one.

 

[Melli12]

You make sense and it's okay

 

[Sunless Sky]

Welcome to the form my dude/dudette.

Hope you find what you need here.

 

[U-122]

Welcome aboard. I'm glad i'm an only child. My parents tried and lost one after me. We both would suffer but maybe i wouldn't be so lonely. I also felt lonely or alone when i socialized. I solved that problem by not socializing anymore. Nobody gives a crap about me, i'm useless and invisible to all. I feel better alone. Until recently loneliness sometimes made me very sad or depressed and i tried to socialize again. It backfired so hard i never want to try again. It's over for me.

 

[U-122]

I'm sorry for the late response. I didn't want to make another topic, but it has been a difficult couple of months. I just feel very aimless and frustrated with life. I have tried moving forward and none of it matters. I'm tired and I want to give up. I'm sorry for not making sense.

Same here. I'm also tired and want to give up. I've been tired and giving up for the past 20 years. I exist and get through another day. I'm tired of being tired and giving up. I have no final solution.

 

[sadmoongaze]

Same here. I'm also tired and want to give up. I've been tired and giving up for the past 20 years. I exist and get through another day. I'm tired of being tired and giving up. I have no final solution.

I'm sorry that you struggle with similar feelings. Yeah it is hard trying to get through one day after another and it all feels in vain.