Being older sounds ******* terrible. I bet Ill still be alone and ignored by every woman AND THEN if Im sober and life will be motherfucking horrible
Maybe the point of mentioning age is this. If a person survives to an older age, it's likely that they've often been in what seemed at the time hopeless situations, but conditions eventually changed. When new problems arise, it becomes easier to believe the new problems also won't last, and that you will survive. This is just a theory, of course.
I am absolutely not saying "things will get better". They almost certainly will not.
I am also not trying to convince you to give up the reliable relief you get from smoking pot.
Your body, your life.
I in no way endorse the War On Drugs. I believe there is a huge silent majority of persons who function seamlessly with society while being addicted to something. For example, drug use is very common (blood tests prove it) among the staff in the US air force tasked with sitting in missile bunkers with fingers on the trigger ready to launch nuclear war. It's a boring job, and they do drugs.
However, the "Just Say No" era put out some great propaganda.
I do observe that despite your claim that smoking gives you comfort, you sound resentful, unhappy. Your comment "alone and ignored by every woman" is significant.
Life absolutely is full of tragedy and hardship. The system is indeed completely rigged, and your chances of anything are very close to zero. Nothing in life is "fair". This is a good thing. Why? You have literally nothing to lose by trying.
At the least, you have some small options, some small control over yourself. You can choose to set very low goals and work on them, rather than stay stagnant on pot. Exercise, study. These things are available to anyone. A library card costs nothing and you have the world at your fingertips in the internet.
In some of the most impoverished regions of the world, persons achieve remarkable things with close to zero resources. Yoga and Tai Chi have enormous benefits, but require no gym membership, no equipment. They require only a little room to work, and some time/effort. You always have the option, the possibility of beating "personal best". No one and nothing can take that away from you.
As I said, the system is rigged. Social rules have tried to circumvent nature.
Biologically, a single individual man can impregnate hundreds of women.
Nature intended for men to compete, to literally kill each other off until only one breeding male is left.
Similarly, nature trains women to reject, to ignore, any but the best. If her genes, her children, are to prosper, she must breed only with the best.
Society turned the surplus supply of breeding males into worker drones. Drones who should have died, but instead live in hopeless misery.
Again, your comment "alone and ignored by every woman" is significant.
Since few women or men can obtain the mate they genuinely desire, people compromise, and nothing could more certainly assure a lifetime of frustration and resentment than settling for what you can get, in any venue. It's highly likely you're far better off alone than being involved with a woman who has lowered her standards.
What do you want from a woman? You think she will supply the nurturing approval of a mother, take away your feeling of being alone?
You think she will satisfy your breeding impulse, your craving for sex?
What do you have to offer in return? How well do you understand her needs?
Most people have no understanding of themselves or their needs.
It is perfectly reasonable, logical, to be pessimistic and bitter.
It is not entirely your fault that you are not the Alpha Male.
Yet you will be judged and filtered out despite these facts.
All you can do is let go of the desire for a woman, and pour all your energy
into self improvement, however gradual and slow. Determination all by itself
can be an attractive trait. You are still a variety of "winner" if you can consistently beat "personal best" at least, and women will notice that trait.
Sometimes, hardship and crisis force a person to improve rapidly. When was the last time you really suffered, really sacrificed?
Sometimes, finding someone worse off than yourself, and helping them, improves your self esteem.
Bootstrap techniques, such as neuro linguistic programming, work for some people. You have nothing to lose by trying. Books by Robbins and Dr. Lieberman may prove useful to you.
I strongly advise against getting into any type of romantic relationship with a woman, but if you must, at least be aware that they want to get more than they give. They want to hitch onto a moving train headed somewhere good.
Explicit goals are essential, and they must be achievable. You certainly won't ever finish a marathon race or become an olympic athlete. But you CAN run one block further every month, you CAN gradually make tiny progress.
Be careful what you wish for. In sales training, a man was told to go home, cut pictures of things he wanted out of magazines, glue them to poster board, and tape this to the ceiling above his bed, to stare at every night, to program himself with goals.
One day he was driving home in the beautiful truck he imagined, to the luxury home he pictured, where the beautiful wife he cut out of a magazine was waiting for him. She greeted him in the driveway, and asked, "Honey, why do you have a rider lawnmower tractor in the bed of the truck? We have a lawn service." He couldn't explain. He saw it at a dealership, and was compelled somehow to pull in and buy it.
That night he studied his goal poster. There, parked on the lawn of the exact mansion home he'd cut out, was the image of this exact model of tractor.
Sometimes, reality is nothing like the dream.