Closetdweller
He Who Must Not Be Harassed Before Coffee
You see, I call myself closetdweller because I spend a lot of my time alone (or even crying) in my closet to hide from all the bad things in life. And some people out there said that my name was "false advertising". When I asked why, they said that Closetdwelller is slang for Homosexual. I had to clarify countless times, they got a bit pissed when I said I was straight.