- Mar 24, 2019
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Im going to be here for a while. is that ok?
They know it. I do everything I can and never miss a chance to let them know I love them. Ironically, my oldest is the one who is faring the best out of all of us. I don't know where that kid came from, she is without a doubt the single, most inteloigent, strongest and courageous young woman I k ow, bar none. I am immensely proud of her. She's using that as a focal point to channel her life into positivity. She's in college studying psychology. She's been with her boyfriend for three years, a nice strapping young lad her age who knows and respects everything she's been through, who's also slightly terrified of me. She has a good and varied social circle now that the pandemic is over. And she's fearless. Utterly. She's everything I hoped she would be and more.You will never blame the child for her own being. In that, if you have the chance, I'm sure you will love her regardless.
I had a similar experience, my son had a sudden personality change when he was nine. I saw the signs. So many simply baffled me. I couldn't understand them.
Not until my wife's brother committed suicide did I get the answers I'd missed. Looking into reasons for his death I found him on an abuse survivor site. I was stunned. Suddenly all those clues I'd found ten years earlier made sense. They'd both had the same abuser.
Not meaning to redirect this thread, it is important that you keep your daughter close in your arms all you can. Abuse changes children. They can't cope with it. They harbor anger and confusion and guilt. So make sure you tell her you love her and do it often. You don't need to bring up the why of it. She just needs to know you are behind her no matter what.
I say this because I've lost my son. We were best buddies before this. After, he was acting out. He never had the opportunity to deal with it. I couldn't fathom the abuser having done what I now know he did. I was left to confused to address it. My son has blocked it. He outright denies it now. But his anger had ten years to fester and it hunts for reasons to be, and he chose me as the source of all his pain. And he lets me know regularly.
I suppose I am at fault for not putting the clues together in time for him to deal with it. It's tough to fix something broken for so long. That's up to him now. He knows his anger is a problem. Until he faces the truth it will go on. But I'll never get him back.
Do all you can to not lose her.
Thanks. But don't. It's even part of why I'm still single; if I let some fall for me, she'll have to carry it around. No one but me has to. No one SHOULD have to.Thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. I don't have much to say. Just wanted you to know that I read your words and I feel your pain like a similar wound upon myself.
I've been reading this thread from the beginning. Now I get better what you were talking about yesterday about dating.Thanks. But don't. It's even part of why I'm still single; if I let some fall for me, she'll have to carry it around. No one but me has to. No one SHOULD have to.
But thanks for the thoughts.