One thing that I have noticed is a garentee in this toxic relationship I'm stuck in, is that if there is a day that is about Me and I'm looking forward to it, there will be some issue.
I didn't notice it right away but there is a definite noticeable mood change in him the days that should be my best days. On these days I can't seem to even breath right in his opinion. There is always going to be some blow up and will will be do to what HE says I'm feeling, thinking, meaning. It is crazy making ssituations. I have never been told how I'm feeling, or what I'm thinking by someone this much. I read the books and listen to the advise. I read the moments and either agree and apologize ( even though I don't feel or think what he is says I do ) or I hold my ground and calmly sternly say that I will not entertain the situation and I did nothing wrong, or I just sit quietly and take it until he is done. Now I admit when the shift in him first started to show I was confused and shocked, angry and hurt, and I did fight for my voice and TRUE feelings to be known and it was a yelling back and forth crazed mess that ended with him taking my deepest insecurities and using them against me. I know though more of what is happening and who he is so I'm able to not let the hurt and frustration take over. I have more control over my emotions than I ever have before, I have to to survive this.
But anyways, today is a happy days for me and this morning he tried his hardest to take it away. I admit he got under my skin for a moment, I cried and prayed it out and now I am ready to let it go and enjoy this beautiful day God blessed me with and have the fun I've been looking forward to!
This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
❤
I didn't notice it right away but there is a definite noticeable mood change in him the days that should be my best days. On these days I can't seem to even breath right in his opinion. There is always going to be some blow up and will will be do to what HE says I'm feeling, thinking, meaning. It is crazy making ssituations. I have never been told how I'm feeling, or what I'm thinking by someone this much. I read the books and listen to the advise. I read the moments and either agree and apologize ( even though I don't feel or think what he is says I do ) or I hold my ground and calmly sternly say that I will not entertain the situation and I did nothing wrong, or I just sit quietly and take it until he is done. Now I admit when the shift in him first started to show I was confused and shocked, angry and hurt, and I did fight for my voice and TRUE feelings to be known and it was a yelling back and forth crazed mess that ended with him taking my deepest insecurities and using them against me. I know though more of what is happening and who he is so I'm able to not let the hurt and frustration take over. I have more control over my emotions than I ever have before, I have to to survive this.
But anyways, today is a happy days for me and this morning he tried his hardest to take it away. I admit he got under my skin for a moment, I cried and prayed it out and now I am ready to let it go and enjoy this beautiful day God blessed me with and have the fun I've been looking forward to!
This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
❤
