Have you considered lying about your lack of relationship history?

[ardour]

Yup, you dated before: in reality those "dates" were just outings with female acquaintances with you hoping for more, but she doesn't need to know that.

And those couple of official dates you had years ago where it went nowhere and ended badly: that's a short term relationship.

I could just about convince myself of these things to the point where it doesn't feel like lying.

I've experienced a woman's reaction to my honesty about inexperience before. I don't want to see that 'look' again.

 

[Minus]

Is that something that you find yourself getting quizzed on often?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Just dont mention it ? keep your cards close to your chest….Ardour seriously lying and oversharing are both as detrimental. I could have told my fella I usually spent my single nights entertaining married men… I dont think he’d appreciate that information so I keep it to myself…. Its your personal business.

 

[roses4all]

I would much rather try to develop something with someone who is inexperienced and caring
than someone who has failed repeatedly
and is likely to fail again (this time with me).

 

[user 136944]

Nope, never... If a woman judges you for only ever having say.. one girlfriend in the past, well that says more about her than it does you really.

 

[Mr Doubtfire]

No.

 

[Finished]

Well, hold on. Has anybody ever tried pretending to be more experienced. I know I did before my first time. I believe it put the other person at ease. The other thing I noticed was women seemed to be more comfortable with me since I was divorced. It was like, "oh okay, he'll understand all the crap that it takes to get to that place. He won't be expecting perfection from me. Hopefully, he's grown from it and not just damaged goods." So, IMO, overstating your experience may be helpful. I know I've seen plenty of guys believing they were gods gift to women, when in actuality they were just douchebags. Ha! ha!

 

[TheSkaFish]

Just dont mention it ? keep your cards close to your chest….Ardour seriously lying and oversharing are both as detrimental. I could have told my fella I usually spent my single nights entertaining married men… I dont think he’d appreciate that information so I keep it to myself…. Its your personal business.

Agreed with this. Don't lie, because one, lying is wrong, and two, because then you will have to keep your stories straight forever. And if you are ever caught in the lie, then I don't see how you will regain their trust. I don't think that a relationship built on lies could ever last for any serious amount of time, lies have a way of wanting to get out some way or another.

But at the same time, if they don't ask about your dating history, you don't have to tell them. Just don't bring it up. Maybe after an emotional connection is established, the conversation will come up naturally, but hopefully by then, there will be enough good feelings for you, that even if you take a hit by admitting that you've never dated before, you'll still have a net amount of good feelings left.

The number one rule of being a guy in life seems to be, never say or do anything to make yourself look weak - a lesson I learned too late in life. Life is hard enough naturally that we don't have to, and can't afford to, make it harder by shooting ourselves in the foot. The more I think about it the more it seems to be that respect is an important part of attraction for guys, and when you look weak it hurts your respect a lot - it triggers the "eww" reaction, the gross/disgust/contempt/"you're not good enough" reaction that I hate like hell. It's either a response to doing something physically gross, or if your character comes off "gross" due to weakness.

That's only the way you look or come across though - it's harder to actually have power, because that means you have to have some kind of naturally strong traits or something that you're actually good at. And can people become good at things or do you have to be born with it, is a question I have been wrestling with my entire life, and is another can of worms.

Like - I hate this stuff, even as I say it. I hate that it is this way, all this survival-of-the-fittest, kill-or-be-killed stuff. I know evolution happens slowly, but I still think we should be doing better than this by now. People suck and their rules suck. It's totally the opposite of what I was taught, and believed, was good and true and right growing up. The more I learn about attraction (or capitalism, anything with hierarchies largely determined by dumb luck, and strength and weakness being more important than good and evil - even in movies, this is what the supervillains usually believe) the more misanthropic I become. But I find that it's true in some way, more often than not. It's really a rare person that will throw all this honeysuckle out and give you a fair chance.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Agreed with this. Don't lie, because one, lying is wrong, and two, because then you will have to keep your stories straight forever. And if you are ever caught in the lie, then I don't see how you will regain their trust. I don't think that a relationship built on lies could ever last for any serious amount of time, lies have a way of wanting to get out some way or another.

But at the same time, if they don't ask about your dating history, you don't have to tell them. Just don't bring it up. Maybe after an emotional connection is established, the conversation will come up naturally, but hopefully by then, there will be enough good feelings for you, that even if you take a hit by admitting that you've never dated before, you'll still have a net amount of good feelings left.

The number one rule of being a guy in life seems to be, never say or do anything to make yourself look weak - a lesson I learned too late in life. Life is hard enough naturally that we don't have to, and can't afford to, make it harder by shooting ourselves in the foot. The more I think about it the more it seems to be that respect is an important part of attraction for guys, and when you look weak it hurts your respect a lot - it triggers the "eww" reaction, the gross/disgust/contempt/"you're not good enough" reaction that I hate like hell. It's either a response to doing something physically gross, or if your character comes off "gross" due to weakness.

That's only the way you look or come across though - it's harder to actually have power, because that means you have to have some kind of naturally strong traits or something that you're actually good at. And can people become good at things or do you have to be born with it, is a question I have been wrestling with my entire life, and is another can of worms.

Like - I hate this stuff, even as I say it. I hate that it is this way, all this survival-of-the-fittest, kill-or-be-killed stuff. I know evolution happens slowly, but I still think we should be doing better than this by now. People suck and their rules suck. It's totally the opposite of what I was taught, and believed, was good and true and right growing up. The more I learn about attraction (or capitalism, anything with hierarchies largely determined by dumb luck, and strength and weakness being more important than good and evil - even in movies, this is what the supervillains usually believe) the more misanthropic I become. But I find that it's true in some way, more often than not. It's really a rare person that will throw all this honeysuckle out and give you a fair chance.

Honestly Ska I agree with you but I will be honest, I dont know many ladies dying to meet a virgin, the same way I dont know m men dying to meet a slut…(unless they are married lol) so its like theres the line the closer you are to it, the harder it is to find someone, Ardour is right there.

I spoke to my fella about this question at around 6 pm and he said what the poster (Ardour) will never admit is, he wants to know her past… he wants to judge that, thats the real reason it will keep coming up… I said .. ah ha! So now I have to ask… Ardour, is this true? The reason why it keeps coming up is because its just as important to you?

 

[ardour]

But at the same time, if they don't ask about your dating history, you don't have to tell them. Just don't bring it up.

How is it not going to be brought up at some point? Past relationships are a common, near universal topic of conversation when people are getting to know each other. People ask about this generally. You must have been too.

And like I said, the moment I indicated a lack of experience, things went south very quickly. It's almost funny now, in hindsight, the sudden change.

As a man, anything that places you outside the norm is a giant red flag. It's not normal to be completely inexperienced at 25 + People online say it doesn't matter. What they mean is it shouldn't matter.

 

[Adamridge79]

You just accept things as there are, don't dig up honeysuckle that doesn't concern you. The past is literally the past.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

How is it not going to be brought up at some point? Past relationships are a common, near universal topic of conversation when people are getting to know each other.

No nopes nuh uh maybe in NZ I dont ask guys things like this I wont tell any lies but I care sooo little about my fellas ugly ex’s just give him my condolences for having to settle for so long and move on

 

[TheSkaFish]

Honestly Ska I agree with you but I will be honest, I dont know many ladies dying to meet a virgin, the same way I dont know m men dying to meet a slut…(unless they are married lol) so its like theres the line the closer you are to it, the harder it is to find someone, Ardour is right there.

I spoke to my fella about this question at around 6 pm and he said what the poster (Ardour) will never admit is, he wants to know her past… he wants to judge that, thats the real reason it will keep coming up… I said .. ah ha!

I'm surprised though, that women want to meet a guy with more experience. Aren't they concerned about potential disease risk?

I wouldn't blame a woman if she had no past experiences or bad past experience. Life is hard for a lot of people, more so all the time. Life isn't great. My life hasn't been perfect so I understand if someone else's isn't either, I know how easy it is for things to go wrong, and how hard it is to do everything right and even if you do, you can still lose anyway. But for me the opposite of what your guy said, is true - other than full STD disclosure (and full drug disclosure too while we're at it), the less I know about her past the better. It's not realistic to expect them to have not been with anyone before in the modern world, but at the same time I don't want to think about other guys being..."in there", so to speak.

I think I said this before somewhere. Lol.

 

[Adamridge79]

Also, don't take advice from someone who has a 'fella' that she spends no time with. Poison apple all the way

 

[Adamridge79]

No one steps up to the plate

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm surprised though, that women want to meet a guy with more experience. Aren't they concerned about potential disease risk?

I wouldn't blame a woman if she had no past experiences or bad past experience. Life is hard for a lot of people, more so all the time. Life isn't great. My life hasn't been perfect so I understand if someone else's isn't either, I know how easy it is for things to go wrong, and how hard it is to do everything right and even if you do, you can still lose anyway. But for me the opposite of what your guy said, is true - other than full STD disclosure (and full drug disclosure too while we're at it), the less I know about her past the better. It's not realistic to expect them to have not been with anyone before in the modern world, but at the same time I don't want to think about other guys being..."in there", so to speak.

I think I said this before somewhere. Lol.

Truee I mean STD and STI’s have to be discussed, I know good church girls riddled They wanted to “pray it away” and sat there infected for months… To the point, the men in the guy who gave it to her life had to drag her to the clinic. Statistically I believe girls who have multiple partners go clinic more regularly whilst others are too shy nervous about being real… sit with things blah blah blah.

 

[TheSkaFish]

How is it not going to be brought up at some point? Past relationships are a common, near universal topic of conversation when people are getting to know each other. People ask about this generally. You must have been too.

And like I said, the moment I indicated a lack of experience, things went south very quickly. It's almost funny now, in hindsight, the sudden change.

As a man, anything that places you outside the norm is a giant red flag. It's not normal to be completely inexperienced at 25 + People online say it doesn't matter. What they mean is it shouldn't matter.

I have been asked before, but I could have/should have steered the conversation elsewhere first. Not that that particular situation mattered, I wouldn't have been happy with that person anyway.

I believe you. What I meant was, hopefully by the time you do bring it up, you'll be in a place in the relationship where the connection is strong enough that it's not an issue - where they value you more than any points against you and are willing to give you the benefit of doubt.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I know I've seen plenty of guys believing they were gods gift to women, when in actuality they were just douchebags.

If there is a hell, I hope they wind up in it.

I wonder what would be a cruel but funny punishment for bullshit artists!

Edit:
OK I was in a bad mood yesterday. I don't know if I wish hell on them after all.

Maybe just a good kick in the nuts, or the classic pie in the face.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

If there is a hell, I hope they wind up in it.

I wonder what would be a cruel but funny punishment for bullshit artists!

Edit:
OK I was in a bad mood yesterday. I don't know if I wish hell on them after all.

Maybe just a good kick in the nuts, or the classic pie in the face.

Awh glad ya cheered up SkaFishy Sometimes its hard not to have an inflated ego when people constantly pump it up

 

[Adamridge79]

So...bare bones boiled down...most people suck?