Have you considered lying about your lack of relationship history?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

Adamridge79

Mr Bakerman
Joined
Oct 20, 2021
Messages
3,318
Reaction score
677
Location
Minnesota
Oh...and the one who has a relationship with nothing fulfilled and wants non existent children ..probably is having the crust cut off while existing in their parents bedroom...
 

GMT-8

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2019
Messages
6
Reaction score
4
I’m coming in on the conversation late, but in my opinion, purity should be valued. And yes, I used the word should, but for me, it actually IS.

If I find the lady has nice qualities such as being well mannered, intellectual, good job or career, good hygiene, converses well, and especially if I find her somewhat attractive, I would only value her MORE if she has a lack of “experience”.

I can’t speak for the other side, but one would hope it to be the same.
 

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
1,836
Reaction score
965
Location
United Kingdom
Honestly, I always thought inexperienced men were like that by choice… my issue with the ones I know is, its not like they never had female attention its just they were super judgemental of the women that liked them or was literally afraid of women. 1 guy called every single girl my brother liked “ugly or average” to the point I thought omg maybe he’s just gay? Cant we support him on coming out and the other would never believe a girl liked him even if she flat out told him, and would get all suicidal on social media.

I think the trick men need to understand that women learned a long time ago is as much as men wish they could tell body count, they simply cannot. We cant either. So move accordingly and keep things on a need to know basis.
 

constant stranger

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 8, 2013
Messages
5,396
Reaction score
99
Location
mid west USA
I have lied about my low level of experience with man/woman relationships before, but it was too tricky keeping the stories straight. Besides, dishonesty is a self destructive basis for a relationship.
I'm an old man now and my own self image and how I define who and what I am isn't as contingent on someone else's opinion as it used to be.......I don't see the point of faking things just to impress a lady..
And CG makes a good point....let's keep some things on a need to know basis.
 

ardour

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2011
Messages
4,517
Reaction score
422
Location
New Zealand
Honestly, I always thought inexperienced men were like that by choice… my issue with the ones I know is, its not like they never had female attention its just they were super judgemental of the women that liked them or was literally afraid of women. 1 guy called every single girl my brother liked “ugly or average” to the point I thought omg maybe he’s just gay? Cant we support him on coming out and the other would never believe a girl liked him even if she flat out told him, and would get all suicidal on social media.

I think the trick men need to understand that women learned a long time ago is as much as men wish they could tell body count, they simply cannot. We cant either. So move accordingly and keep things on a need to know basis.
Plenty of women are afraid of men, or men's judgements, and still end up in relationships because they don't need to be the active party.

No offence but you don't understand the cost social awkwardness has for us. Those guys, as obnoxious as they may be, sound confident enough in themselves. You notice them because they still count as men. The ones you don't notice have issues running deeper than a bad attitude.
 

Adamridge79

Mr Bakerman
Joined
Oct 20, 2021
Messages
3,318
Reaction score
677
Location
Minnesota
Yeah. It's just way to difficult to attempt to interact, well, for me. A lot of unintended self loathing. And the whole no self esteem thing. Oh, and lack of self worth. Again, just me.
 

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
1,836
Reaction score
965
Location
United Kingdom
Plenty of women are afraid of men, or men's judgements, and still end up in relationships because they don't need to be the active party.

No offence but you don't understand the cost social awkwardness has for us. Those guys, as obnoxious as they may be, sound confident enough in themselves. You notice them because they still count as men. The ones you don't notice have issues running deeper than a bad attitude.
It's not about men vs women Ardour, it'll never be the same because in general we look for different things. Men actively talk about how much they prefer shy and inexperienced women... women in general talk about how much they prefer confidence, strength, and experience .... Also, being an active party in a relationship... is something everyone needs to be, being an active party to have access to sex alone as a woman... deffo not, theres a very huge difference.

Although you aren't trying to offend me, I slightly am.. I dont understand the cost of social awkwardness? How do you know that? You think I dont have social anxiety, I speak perfectly and haven't ever been completely alone due to my fear of men?... wow.. I thought you knew me better than that... moving on...
 

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
1,836
Reaction score
965
Location
United Kingdom
I have lied about my low level of experience with man/woman relationships before, but it was too tricky keeping the stories straight. Besides, dishonesty is a self destructive basis for a relationship.
I'm an old man now and my own self image and how I define who and what I am isn't as contingent on someone else's opinion as it used to be.......I don't see the point of faking things just to impress a lady..
And CG makes a good point....let's keep some things on a need to know basis.
Thank you CS, I think the issue is some men have this urge to fill empty gaps in conversation desperately... as awkward silence may mean he is cancelled without a second chance... I understand. But instead of learning healthy ways to deal with this, they fill empty gaps in conversation with private personal information. I honestly feel like if I went on a date with a guy tonight that has low self-esteem I could probably know his security questions to his bank lol. I lied to my fella about my age, if I could go back in timeeeee ugh I would have never done it, but 99.99% sure I'd be single right now so lool no idea what I should have dine anymore.
 

ardour

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2011
Messages
4,517
Reaction score
422
Location
New Zealand
It's not about men vs women Ardour, it'll never be the same because in general we look for different things. Men actively talk about how much they prefer shy and inexperienced women... women in general talk about how much they prefer confidence, strength, and experience .... Also, being an active party in a relationship... is something everyone needs to be, being an active party to have access to sex alone as a woman... deffo not, theres a very huge difference.

Although you aren't trying to offend me, I slightly am.. I dont understand the cost of social awkwardness? How do you know that? You think I dont have social anxiety, I speak perfectly and haven't ever been completely alone due to my fear of men?... wow.. I thought you knew me better than that... moving on...
Who do you expect to organise dates, do the asking, dealing with the rejection, "lead" the conversation etc. etc.?

You're what, 22? "Completely alone" means something very different for you to some awkward middle aged guy who watched decades of his life pass by because he wasn't cut out to snake charm his way into someone's affections.
 

kaetic

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2012
Messages
1,330
Reaction score
135
Location
Ohio
I've thought about lying about my lack of a history before, because people judge. Even if they don't say it outright, they'll wonder what's wrong with me... or jump to conclusions.

But, in the end, what's the point. If I'm in a relationship I want them to actually know who I am and like me anyway. I don't figure that will ever happen, but I think I'd rather be alone than have to lie about my life. Besides, I'm shit at lying.

I understand why some one might choose to lie, it's just not the right choice for me.
 

TheRealCallie

Princess Pink Love
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
13,437
Reaction score
1,754
Location
My house
I don't really see how it matters all that much. You aren't dating who they WERE, you are dating who they ARE...now, not in the past, so why should past relationships matter?

Obviously, since I have kids, I have experience. I keep it vague. I was married, now I'm separated. I've dated since then, but nothing serious. They don't need to know anything more specific than that. Well, maybe about the guy I was married to, but that's only because he's the father of my kids, so whoever I date seriously would end up being around him at some point.
 

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
1,836
Reaction score
965
Location
United Kingdom
Who do you expect to organise dates, do the asking, dealing with the rejection, "lead" the conversation etc. etc.?

You're what, 22? "Completely alone" means something very different for you to some awkward middle aged guy who watched decades of his life pass by because he wasn't cut out to snake charm his way into someone's affections.
Well if its a competition on who's the loneliest... thats a game I'll never play. If you want to explain to me what I feel, what I've been through without even knowing me then go ahead, I girl so I never lonely.... You asked, im telling, there is no benefit lying about it or oversharing about it Ardour. Thats that. I'm no liar, I expect a man to be a man, I've said this since I started here despite the backlash, I make no exceptions. I don't however expect a man to lead conversations, or carry a relationship on his back alone. I consider myself high maintenance and not even I expect that.
 
Top