Have you ever been the victim of gaslighting?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

sunflowergirl1306

sunflower lover
Joined
May 29, 2022
Messages
3,487
Reaction score
1,737
Location
southwest Florida
"In severe circumstances, people toy with someone else's memories to make them feel like they are going crazy. It's called gaslighting." I think, or I'm almost sure I am gaslighted. I started to question my memories. I am on shaky ground. If you have experienced gaslighting, please share!
I'm sorry this is the first time I have ever heard of this,that's terrible,I'm so sorry you went through this.
 

Bam111

Abandon your fear. Look forward.
Joined
Aug 3, 2022
Messages
2,917
Reaction score
1,264
Location
My Inner World
ah is that what it was called I didn't know there was a name for it... I'm sorry you had to go through that well I won't go into complete detail but yes this happened alot to me in my past by someone who was supposed to be my guardian and my parent... my mother (real mother) I have a mental condition there are time gaps in my childhood, teen, and young adult life where there are huge gaps of repressed emotional (physical, mental, psychological abuse.) My mother would manipulate my memories of these times when I was younger, she would make up events and memories to cover the fact of what she was doing to me she would make up stories about my father and my grandmother to make me feel they abandoned me and that I was so lucky she wanted me. She would also tell me that I was ugly, worthless, and would never amount to anything (I know that these things are not related to the topic but it messed with my psyche.) But I didn't know there was a name to it yea thanks for posting I would have never known otherwise I learned something new today.
 
Joined
Mar 21, 2020
Messages
11,190
Reaction score
4,370
Location
In my mind
That sucks! They are your memories! Don't let others screw with them.

I have found that my memories and other's memories don't seem to match up very well. However, I have so few interactions with other people that I believe that I remember things accurately. I really make an attempt to do so too. I think about things from my side and from their side. Most people only see things from their side and it really skews their memories.
 

Lady Grey

A Lonely Life Supporting Member
Supporting Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2022
Messages
483
Reaction score
628
Location
Florida
I am no longer on shaky ground. What happened was this. My fix-it man replaced my water heater. We decided to watch a movie. He claimed I rented The rise of Gru. (new minion movie). A day later, Upon questioning myself, I realized I would never have done this! Why? Because the last memories I have of my deceased dog Snoopy, and I were when we dressed up for Halloween as Scarlet Overkill and a Minion. We won our veterinarian costume contest. I become sad whenever I see anything minion-related. Ergo, Never would I have rented this movie! I finally confronted him, and his new answer was one of my dogs must have stepped on the button. I was the victim of a fix-man trying to gaslight me! My mind is right again!
 

TheRealCallie

Princess Pink Love
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
13,909
Reaction score
2,019
Location
My house
I am no longer on shaky ground. What happened was this. My fix-it man replaced my water heater. We decided to watch a movie. He claimed I rented The rise of Gru. (new minion movie). A day later, Upon questioning myself, I realized I would never have done this! Why? Because the last memories I have of my deceased dog Snoopy, and I were when we dressed up for Halloween as Scarlet Overkill and a Minion. We won our veterinarian costume contest. I become sad whenever I see anything minion-related. Ergo, Never would I have rented this movie! I finally confronted him, and his new answer was one of my dogs must have stepped on the button. I was the victim of a fix-man trying to gaslight me! My mind is right again!
I don't think this would be considered gaslighting.
Sounds more like a mistaken assumption to me. If it was on the TV and it's new, it's natural to assume that you rented it.
 

Serenia

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2014
Messages
8,103
Reaction score
181
Location
England
I have some awful gaslighting stories from various people. My ex husband was a master at it still tries on with our older children, but they are more immune to him because of the distanced he created in his own doing. A carer for my father tried to on a couple of occasions, nobody believed me until she was arrested for something she commited against an employee. Then a so called friend has tried it a number of times. Each time these people tried it, I was at my most vulnerable.
It sounds like you're ok now, I'm glad.
 

Lady Grey

A Lonely Life Supporting Member
Supporting Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2022
Messages
483
Reaction score
628
Location
Florida
I don't think this would be considered gaslighting.
Sounds more like a mistaken assumption to me. If it was on the TV and it's new, it's natural to assume that you rented it.
Hi Callie, In the past, the Fixit man has added things to my To-do list and tried copying my handwriting. There have been other instances, but I won't go into them. The movie I wrote about, The rise of Dru cost $19.99. I would never spend that much on a rental. The essential fact is viewing anything, even commercials with Minions, makes me incredibly sad. So today, my head is clear, and I know I did not press the rent button. Thanks for replying to my post.
Sincerely, Lady Grey
 

TheRealCallie

Princess Pink Love
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
13,909
Reaction score
2,019
Location
My house
Hi Callie, In the past, the Fixit man has added things to my To-do list and tried copying my handwriting. There have been other instances, but I won't go into them. The movie I wrote about, The rise of Dru cost $19.99. I would never spend that much on a rental. The essential fact is viewing anything, even commercials with Minions, makes me incredibly sad. So today, my head is clear, and I know I did not press the rent button. Thanks for replying to my post.
Sincerely, Lady Grey
I'm not saying what he did was right, I'm just saying it's not gaslighting. As for the adding things, that's kind of typical for that type of work, depending on who it is and where you live. If they think they can take advantage, they tend to try. But, without knowing the entire story, I can't say much about that, perhaps the things needed done. The handwriting is actually criminal.
My question is why are you watching movies with the fix it guy if he's done these things in the past?

The term gaslighting is seriously overused and not usually used correctly. Honestly, the same with ghosting. I can't stand either one of the terms, TBH. But, to answer the title of the thread, yes, I have been. I was in a long term abusive relationship with an alcoholic, so yes, I know exactly how and what it is. I don't call myself a victim though. Being a victim comes with victim mentality and I won't do that to myself.
 
Last edited:

crayon man

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2011
Messages
12
Reaction score
4
I'm not saying what he did was right, I'm just saying it's not gaslighting. As for the adding things, that's kind of typical for that type of work, depending on who it is and where you live. If they think they can take advantage, they tend to try. But, without knowing the entire story, I can't say much about that, perhaps the things needed done. The handwriting is actually criminal.
My question is why are you watching movies with the fix it guy if he's done these things in the past?

The term gaslighting is seriously overused and not usually used correctly. Honestly, the same with ghosting. I can't stand either one of the terms, TBH. But, to answer the title of the thread, yes, I have been. I was in a long term abusive relationship with an alcoholic, so yes, I know exactly how and what it is. I don't call myself a victim though. Being a victim comes with victim mentality and I won't do that to myself.
I'm not sure about gaslighting etc...not really come across it, but reading your post about alcohol made me think, that I came out of a relationship, on of, more times than a switch, and the main culprit, alcohol, my then girlfriend never stopped being abusive or making me feel bad, they would just change, and I'm a man, but it was never physical, just was always my fault, everything.
 

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
2,508
Reaction score
1,526
Location
United Kingdom
Totally been a victim of this, to the point I told my therapist I was smelling smoke that wasnt there, had my medication upped too high because the truth was someone started smoking again and didnt wanna admit it, when I found out I could barely stand. I hate mind games, makinng someone feel completely insane is just not fair.
 

NoxApex(N/A)

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
1,023
Reaction score
945
My ex gaslighted me for most of our 8-year relationship.
Nothing I ever did was good enough.
But after I left her she couldn't find a man who would do everything that I did.
So then she started crying "take me back, take me back" and my response was:

"You don't love me, you love what I do for you."

She is now 34 years old, and has not matured past the age of probably 22.
Doesn't drive, has no desire to learn to drive.
Hooked up with a guy who's 70+ that's an abusive alcoholic who just throws money at her to shut her up so he can sleep.

They separated for about 6 months because he messed up and cheated.
She went back to him. And is no wiser, no more matured. Still has an inflated ego that looks more and more unrealistic the older her and I get.

People that gaslight do it because they are stonewalling against the acceptance of responsibility so hard that they are outsourcing it to others like spoiled children. I realize that now.

She took advantage of the fact that I was young and inexperienced when her and I first got together and in my naivety I took the bait, believed everything she said, and ended up heartbroken over it 8 years later.

I'm long over it now. It's been another 8 years already since I left her.
Her and I still talk, we're distant platonic friends, she still begs for me to go back to her, albeit more seldom these days, I think because she gets that I'm not going to because of her avoidance to being a responsible, independently-driven adult.

Most of the people I used to talk to in my age group actually, have all fallen off the bandwagon of this in one way or the other. Seems like everyone is trying to have their cake and eat it too.

And I'm just over here like that one Hindu kid in The Matrix:

"There is no spoon." 🧘‍♂️
 

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
2,508
Reaction score
1,526
Location
United Kingdom
My ex gaslighted me for most of our 8-year relationship.
Nothing I ever did was good enough.
But after I left her she couldn't find a man who would do everything that I did.
So then she started crying "take me back, take me back" and my response was:

"You don't love me, you love what I do for you."

She is now 34 years old, and has not matured past the age of probably 22.
Doesn't drive, has no desire to learn to drive.
Hooked up with a guy who's 70+ that's an abusive alcoholic who just throws money at her to shut her up so he can sleep.

They separated for about 6 months because he messed up and cheated.
She went back to him. And is no wiser, no more matured. Still has an inflated ego that looks more and more unrealistic the older her and I get.

People that gaslight do it because they are stonewalling against the acceptance of responsibility so hard that they are outsourcing it to others like spoiled children. I realize that now.

She took advantage of the fact that I was young and inexperienced when her and I first got together and in my naivety I took the bait, believed everything she said, and ended up heartbroken over it 8 years later.

I'm long over it now. It's been another 8 years already since I left her.
Her and I still talk, we're distant platonic friends, she still begs for me to go back to her, albeit more seldom these days, I think because she gets that I'm not going to because of her avoidance to being a responsible, independently-driven adult.

Most of the people I used to talk to in my age group actually, have all fallen off the bandwagon of this in one way or the other. Seems like everyone is trying to have their cake and eat it too.

And I'm just over here like that one Hindu kid in The Matrix:

"There is no spoon." 🧘‍♂️
Not sure if thats gaslighting or just some women in general 😅 nothing a man does is ever good enough he could carry me on his back over lava and I’d wonder why he didnt carry me in his arms 🙈
 

NoxApex(N/A)

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
1,023
Reaction score
945
Not sure if thats gaslighting or just some women in general 😅 nothing a man does is ever good enough he could carry me on his back over lava and I’d wonder why he didnt carry me in his arms 🙈

I know that now, lol. That's why I stopped dating. 😅
I'm middle-aged, it's a more efficient use of my time to put mind over matter and focus on trying to prepare for my future and hope for the best with that.
What I learned is that people who play stupid games get stupid prizes. And after I turned 30 I decided I was done playing stupid games.
I'm kind of an oldschool hardass. 😅
If I waited around for unrequited love to work like a child's fantasy novel, nothing would ever get done. :rolleyes:🤷‍♂️😂
 

Claudia1794

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 17, 2022
Messages
1,837
Reaction score
632
Location
South
I remember seeing the movie Gaslight in a college film class. It didnt make as big of an impression as say The Night of the Hunter or Alfred Hitchcock's use of red or green in every scene. What am I on about?...Anyway, I kind of think that everyone has suffered by some form of manipulation. Some obviously more damaging and long-lasting than others. I have been manipulated and I have manipulated. I wasn't aware I was being manipulated. It took years for me to open my eyes and pay attention. Vulnerabilty makes a person easy bait. A series of situations going from bad to worse and the entire time I was clueless dosed out of my mind on meds. Easy bait, that was me then, but never again. But, I am no better than the sadistic shit I allowed to bend me to his will and influence me. Not only did I get him back in the oh so sweetest way, I then used his tactics on another person. Did they deserve it, yes. Was it my place to do it? Doesnt matter really. Whats done is done.
I did something similar to 2 someones, Lady Grey. I had him believing he was going behind my back corresponding with his ex. The whole time it was me sending the emails and checking his account. I had access to everything of his. I sent her flowers, bought her stuff she mentioned she wanted. The best part was seeing her gloat as though she had the upperhand knowing the whole time it was me controlling the entire thing. When he came home from iraq she tried reaching out to him but she was denied. I had to stop the emailing because he then had access to his account regularly. As far as i know neither of them ever figured it out. Theres a back story to the three of us that led to this. Also, this was childs play to what I suffered. But what happened with your fix-it man is unacceptable. Id say get revenge but Im told that is unhealthy but you definitely need to not use him anymore.
 

Butterfly 2

A Lonely Life Supporting Member
Supporting Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2022
Messages
62
Reaction score
49
Location
Florida
"In severe circumstances, people toy with someone else's memories to make them feel like they are going crazy. It's called gaslighting." I think, or I'm almost sure I am gaslighted. I started to question my memories. I am on shaky ground. If you have experienced gaslighting, please share!
Yes. I saw this thread much earlier and was going to reply to it and I got distracted and forgot to come back to it.

I am very familiar with gas lighting and I have been the victim of it for many years. We had an offspring who was indescribable and of course, all contact was cut off many years ago. It wasn't initiated by us. This person is a pro at gaslighting. I think it gives them a sense of superiority and control over us.

I didn't read this whole thread so maybe it was already mentioned, but there had been a movie several decades ago about gas lighting and that term stuck.
 

Latest posts

Top