raincloud
Well-known member
I've joined a few forums but I've never stuck around long. I thought I'd give this one a try.
I'm a 35-year-old woman and I've lived a mostly solitary life. I've had very few friends and I am estranged from my family because of abusive situations. A few years ago I became very ill and I suffered a complete mental and physical breakdown. I ended up homeless and on social security at age 30. This caused me to become even more socially isolated than I already was.
Due to physical ailments that affected my appearance (including a rare autoimmune disorder), I was very badly bullied as a child. I don't mean "teased," I mean traumatized by physical assault, over and over. My family didn't treat me much better. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Avoidant Personality Disorder.
I was doing better back in 2012, but I went on the drug Abilify and then I gained a lot of weight really fast. I've struggled with weight a lot, and I was at a healthy weight for once in my life and the weight gain set me "off" in a bad way. I also got injured and became more sedentary and continued gaining. I've become more and more socially isolated. I have one friend and I haven't spoken to her since October. I live alone with a cat.
I've never dated. Not even a little. At this point, it doesn't bother me, but it makes me weird and that DOES bother me. Even when I was working, I only had low-paying, terrible jobs even though I have a Master of Science degree. I've just never been able to connect to people, and I hate myself and I hate how I look. I want to be invisible.
I think about suicide pretty much constantly. I'm sure it's inevitable, but I still have some things in my life that I enjoy. I like art, drawing, music, video games, and reading. I like comic books. I have trouble with my attention span. My appearance and some other health issues have made me so self-conscious that I have trouble leaving the house at all.
I have a permanent home now with subsidized housing, but there have been other stresses that come with that (I was and still am occasionally harassed by a neighbor and I had a persistent bed bug infestation).
I was a complete hermit for a while, but I take these art classes for poor disabled people sometimes. That's the only time I get out.
I need a lot of therapy. I have actually been in therapy since 2010, but my therapist just quit and I have to wait to restart with a new one.
My physical appearance is the worst of it, and I have in recent years developed new symptoms that make me even MORE self-conscious. I just would like someone to understand.
I'm a 35-year-old woman and I've lived a mostly solitary life. I've had very few friends and I am estranged from my family because of abusive situations. A few years ago I became very ill and I suffered a complete mental and physical breakdown. I ended up homeless and on social security at age 30. This caused me to become even more socially isolated than I already was.
Due to physical ailments that affected my appearance (including a rare autoimmune disorder), I was very badly bullied as a child. I don't mean "teased," I mean traumatized by physical assault, over and over. My family didn't treat me much better. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Avoidant Personality Disorder.
I was doing better back in 2012, but I went on the drug Abilify and then I gained a lot of weight really fast. I've struggled with weight a lot, and I was at a healthy weight for once in my life and the weight gain set me "off" in a bad way. I also got injured and became more sedentary and continued gaining. I've become more and more socially isolated. I have one friend and I haven't spoken to her since October. I live alone with a cat.
I've never dated. Not even a little. At this point, it doesn't bother me, but it makes me weird and that DOES bother me. Even when I was working, I only had low-paying, terrible jobs even though I have a Master of Science degree. I've just never been able to connect to people, and I hate myself and I hate how I look. I want to be invisible.
I think about suicide pretty much constantly. I'm sure it's inevitable, but I still have some things in my life that I enjoy. I like art, drawing, music, video games, and reading. I like comic books. I have trouble with my attention span. My appearance and some other health issues have made me so self-conscious that I have trouble leaving the house at all.
I have a permanent home now with subsidized housing, but there have been other stresses that come with that (I was and still am occasionally harassed by a neighbor and I had a persistent bed bug infestation).
I was a complete hermit for a while, but I take these art classes for poor disabled people sometimes. That's the only time I get out.
I need a lot of therapy. I have actually been in therapy since 2010, but my therapist just quit and I have to wait to restart with a new one.
My physical appearance is the worst of it, and I have in recent years developed new symptoms that make me even MORE self-conscious. I just would like someone to understand.
