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nope_real

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My name is michael. I started an account here I guess, to find people who understand the way I view life, who aren't emotionally attached and won't find the way I see things upsetting. People can view that as lying to loved ones, and not potraying a true self, I guess I believe in the workings of a utilitarian micro society(the small portion of the world in which I live my life with my loved ones).

I had a normal upbringing. My honesty for bruises, my integrity and confidence for humiliation and my manners for silence. I worked hard, did all my sums and studied well. I work minimum wage and was happy at it, until cutbacks made most of us redundant.

I have alot to say, but I will try to be exact. Have you ever had the discussion about what you want life to be with your loved one and felt completely allienated from life itself. Some of the ambitions are maybe; mortage, holidays, kids........you get the picture. I argue back, that would require skills in an economy such as this one. The response I get back is "if we want to make the next step, we need to do this". As if a better life comes from the click of a finger, I know it doesn't come from being idle either. What I ask, is the next step?

People have roamed from country to country on fools luck, the world literally just is people walking in and out of dreams. We are not prisoners to our economy, home, heart, brain, logic, madness -- we just walk on air or crawl along the floor. I get the point where I spit the image of ultimate existentialist question -- what is the point in life? Or rather she spits it in angry opposition to my rant "Why live a life purely for children, giving them everything for them to give everything to THEIR kids". Slightly childish maybe, but you can understand my point none the less. Each generation seems to sacrifice itself to the next generation in an endless line. Maybe youth is the pinnacle of all that is pure, happy, genuine and effortlessly beautiful. People might say it feels different when you have a child, but all the short ambitions I've gone for and all the imaginery mountains i've climbed, merely left me peering into the abyss or a bigger mountain just behind it.

I just don't understand how to take pleasure from simple things. Everything like that seems overcompressed. There has to be more to life than all that. You can say that life itself is beautiful and better than living or ourselves. Life is complicated but simple beauty in all its faculties. The very fact we aren't left like baby trurtles by our mother, or the fact we can find someone who isn't blood related to share life with, who --if comfortable and stable -- will find unconditional love and security with. We aren't always thinking "they dont need to be here, what about the blood, if we dont have the same blood and aren't legally connected, she could run away with the milkman and see if he is blood compatible"
I just feel there must be something more special and beautiful than all this.

Sometimes when things go too wrong. I feel really alone with the universe, like I can "think myself thinking". Like in that moment time is gone, that im so introspective that I've actually become my existence in thought. I know there must be something more than just the simple pleasures in life

The saying "sweet sixteen". I haven't felt truely alive since then. Maybe just like the animals, surviving is all we have.
 
Welcome Michael
 
Welcome.

Life is complicated at times, and it's those complications that make life difficult. But for the most part, I think that the more simple things in life are the better, more relaxed things. I'd rather be as easy-going as I can be than to be all hyped up about life.
 
Hi Michael...I like your name.

You're beautiful Michael...and you will always be.
 
Thank you for your replies.

"[People] cannot endure [their] own littleness unless [they] can translate it into meaningfulness on the largest possible level."
~ Ernest Becke
 

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