How did I function?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

AFrozenSoul

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2010
Messages
1,624
Reaction score
17
Location
Somewhere No One Knows Me
S
o for the past, I guess five months, I have been 85% successful at following, which includes a 98% success rate with not drinking. After this time, I have to wonder exactly how I functioned before starting this new path. Before I started, I was maybe 33% of the time on my diet, and I drank a lot every night, generally between 750 ml to 1250 ml of vodka. When I say every night like it was every night, the only times I stopped was when I had company, and sometimes that did not stop me. However, last weekend I decided to do some drinking, just because, and I have no idea how I survived a full year in that state.

I mean, first, off I was physically weaker. No more than a week after I stopped drinking, I felt physically stronger. I could lift heavier things and do more difficult chores and stuff. This was quite a shock to me, to be honest. Then when I got drunk, all that strength was more or less sapped. It was hard to move around and do stuff. Just one night, how did I survive?

Then there is my mood. I am not sure I would qualify myself as suicidal anymore. I mean, if someone threatened to kill me, I would encourage it, but as far as thinking about ways to kill myself or even hoping for really bad luck. After about a month of not drinking and healthy eating, those thoughts left me. Do not get me wrong, I see no point in living, but I am just fine with existing and not caring about anything. However, when I drank last week, those thoughts came flooding back. It was terrible, but they are gone again.

The not drinking has done wonders for what I call the Zen of not Giving a F***. I mean, I am still aware of other people for work. However, outside of basic politeness, I am not caring about my appearance or smell or anything like that. If anything, I am thinking of new ways to keep people away from me so I can be alone.

My reclusiveness has shot through the roof as well. It is awesome. Once I get my vacation going, I will try and stock up and make it my goal to stay in my apartment and not leave for at least 10 days. I have to enjoy that for now because if I continue at my current rate sometime next year, I should be light enough to return to doing my gym regiment. Since I am in an apartment, for now, I have no choice, but I hope that I will be able to change that in the next 5 years. However, not being around people is easier than ever. I guess the alcohol and poor eating made me feel a need to have people around. However, now I am just fine living alone. Sadly I must suffer through my mom visiting, but I guess I have no choice when it comes to something like that. My other friends are too poor and too lazy to come to visit. If we only send one text a month, that seems too tedious. I am finally letting go and being free. To be honest, I cannot believe that I once lived with people or even let people in my life outside of the occasional forum post.

Other events have also stirred me to get back on posting to an old website. Hard to believe that it has been around for 14 years. Now that I am not poisoning myself, I have more energy to write and keep it up to date, enough. Plus, now that I can use tools that will be useful to my career, I can actually get excited about developing new features or writing code again. This is good since I really need to get back on that. You never know when they will end your contract.

Life is calm and tolerable now. I am glad that I started down this path. Plus, no one whines about me not having a romantic partner or friends as I age. Everyone seems to have given up on trying to convince me that such things are worth the effort, especially the romance one. I guess when you call your sisters' husbands idiots for thinking marriage is a worthwhile thing, people give up. Still, it is hard to believe I functioned from 2019 to 2021 when my drinking and habits became terrible. If I stay, the course dying alone and old and not being discovered till I have decomposed is not just a whimsical fantasy. The more things get better, the easier it is to keep on things even when I am annoyed or really craving some stuff. Hopefully, I won't do anything when I get in shape then lose my way again. Luckily that would be a decade off for now.
 
Joined
Mar 21, 2020
Messages
15,470
Reaction score
7,093
Location
In my mind
S
o for the past, I guess five months, I have been 85% successful at following, which includes a 98% success rate with not drinking. After this time, I have to wonder exactly how I functioned before starting this new path. Before I started, I was maybe 33% of the time on my diet, and I drank a lot every night, generally between 750 ml to 1250 ml of vodka. When I say every night like it was every night, the only times I stopped was when I had company, and sometimes that did not stop me. However, last weekend I decided to do some drinking, just because, and I have no idea how I survived a full year in that state.

I mean, first, off I was physically weaker. No more than a week after I stopped drinking, I felt physically stronger. I could lift heavier things and do more difficult chores and stuff. This was quite a shock to me, to be honest. Then when I got drunk, all that strength was more or less sapped. It was hard to move around and do stuff. Just one night, how did I survive?

Then there is my mood. I am not sure I would qualify myself as suicidal anymore. I mean, if someone threatened to kill me, I would encourage it, but as far as thinking about ways to kill myself or even hoping for really bad luck. After about a month of not drinking and healthy eating, those thoughts left me. Do not get me wrong, I see no point in living, but I am just fine with existing and not caring about anything. However, when I drank last week, those thoughts came flooding back. It was terrible, but they are gone again.

The not drinking has done wonders for what I call the Zen of not Giving a F***. I mean, I am still aware of other people for work. However, outside of basic politeness, I am not caring about my appearance or smell or anything like that. If anything, I am thinking of new ways to keep people away from me so I can be alone.

My reclusiveness has shot through the roof as well. It is awesome. Once I get my vacation going, I will try and stock up and make it my goal to stay in my apartment and not leave for at least 10 days. I have to enjoy that for now because if I continue at my current rate sometime next year, I should be light enough to return to doing my gym regiment. Since I am in an apartment, for now, I have no choice, but I hope that I will be able to change that in the next 5 years. However, not being around people is easier than ever. I guess the alcohol and poor eating made me feel a need to have people around. However, now I am just fine living alone. Sadly I must suffer through my mom visiting, but I guess I have no choice when it comes to something like that. My other friends are too poor and too lazy to come to visit. If we only send one text a month, that seems too tedious. I am finally letting go and being free. To be honest, I cannot believe that I once lived with people or even let people in my life outside of the occasional forum post.

Other events have also stirred me to get back on posting to an old website. Hard to believe that it has been around for 14 years. Now that I am not poisoning myself, I have more energy to write and keep it up to date, enough. Plus, now that I can use tools that will be useful to my career, I can actually get excited about developing new features or writing code again. This is good since I really need to get back on that. You never know when they will end your contract.

Life is calm and tolerable now. I am glad that I started down this path. Plus, no one whines about me not having a romantic partner or friends as I age. Everyone seems to have given up on trying to convince me that such things are worth the effort, especially the romance one. I guess when you call your sisters' husbands idiots for thinking marriage is a worthwhile thing, people give up. Still, it is hard to believe I functioned from 2019 to 2021 when my drinking and habits became terrible. If I stay, the course dying alone and old and not being discovered till I have decomposed is not just a whimsical fantasy. The more things get better, the easier it is to keep on things even when I am annoyed or really craving some stuff. Hopefully, I won't do anything when I get in shape then lose my way again. Luckily that would be a decade off for now.
Fantastic!!!!! After I stopped drinking I too didn't have any need to be around others. I realized they just caused me grief and stress. I was actually drinking to tolerate being around them. If one can be happy alone that is perfect! Plus, drinking just screws you up as you know. Loosing weight is awesome too! That'll be really cool when you get back into the gym and work out. I bet you'll feel even better. Good job man!!!!!!

My advice is to stay clear of alcohol all together. It took me many tries to stop drinking. I kept thinking, I'm smart, I'll just have 3 or 4 drinks and then stop. No big deal. It usually worked for awhile. But, then I would drink 20 to 30 at a time. And then back on the roller coaster. I just couldn't control my drinking. I'm very glad I finally stopped. Also I will never have another drink period ever again.
 

AFrozenSoul

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2010
Messages
1,624
Reaction score
17
Location
Somewhere No One Knows Me
Fantastic!!!!! After I stopped drinking I too didn't have any need to be around others. I realized they just caused me grief and stress. I was actually drinking to tolerate being around them. If one can be happy alone that is perfect! Plus, drinking just screws you up as you know. Loosing weight is awesome too! That'll be really cool when you get back into the gym and work out. I bet you'll feel even better. Good job man!!!!!!

My advice is to stay clear of alcohol all together. It took me many tries to stop drinking. I kept thinking, I'm smart, I'll just have 3 or 4 drinks and then stop. No big deal. It usually worked for awhile. But, then I would drink 20 to 30 at a time. And then back on the roller coaster. I just couldn't control my drinking. I'm very glad I finally stopped. Also I will never have another drink period ever again.
Yeah I understand fears it is what prevented me from staying on board all through 2020 and most of 2021. Still I am not a huge fan of perfect records. That is why I am more lenient with myself. Luckily for me the hangovers have been enough to keep me off of the booze more than one every couple of months
 
Joined
Mar 21, 2020
Messages
15,470
Reaction score
7,093
Location
In my mind
Yeah I understand fears it is what prevented me from staying on board all through 2020 and most of 2021. Still I am not a huge fan of perfect records. That is why I am more lenient with myself. Luckily for me the hangovers have been enough to keep me off of the booze more than one every couple of months
Good!
 

Latest posts

Top