things just keep slowly getting worse as the months & years pass by. i truly cannot even remember when i was last happy or content-if ever. each day is another one wasted being alone & unwanted and as the song goes- older, shorter of breath and one day closer to death. some people consider life to be a gift because they were fortunate enough to be born with the tools to succeed & thrive. for those of us who were cursed at birth with garbage genetics life is anything but and our existence is one of loneliness, depression & envy for those who have what we never will. far better to have never been born at all imo.
^Kinda feeling this lately. I'm afraid that it's too late for me to turn my life around, and I'm doomed to a life where I'll just have to save every penny while I sit on the couch and do nothing for the rest of my life. That the best I can hope for out of life anymore is TV, movies, videogames, booze, weed, sleep, and pretending to be happy with corny, lame free stuff instead of actually living. I hoped for something more than that, but I'm afraid that unless I somehow unlock some kind of latent genius and become a millionaire, that's going to be my existence. And I can't imagine there are too many women who would want to join me for that.
Or I'm afraid that I never had a chance in the first place, because my genetics just weren't good enough to begin with. Not talking about looks either, talking more about intelligence (which would allow me to do something that pays well enough to have a life instead of just waiting to expire), or having some kind of talent or natural ability which would allow me to be an interesting person.
no hobby or distraction can make up for the complete lack of physical & intimate connection. i think if i were to admit defeat i would not find much to make it worthwhile to carry on
^This too. Again, only drinking and smoking comes close, when you get to a point where you are OK just laying on a couch or the floor. Or just sleeping.
^ How about changing your focus? If you can't succeed in one area, women, or even several areas. Admit defeat. It's completely unfair. You'll never win. It sucks. I agree. I'd rather not have been born myself. My life is not a gift. If given the option to come back after I die I will request to go into nothingness. I had a vasectomy early in my life partly because I didn't want another human being to have to go through what I have. But, continually beating yourself up about it doesn't help you.
Try focusing your attention in areas that you can exceed in where others might very well fail. It probably won't make you as happy as getting what you want. But, it might very well get you satisfied and at least get you feeling better about yourself. Because after all your genetics are not your fault. The decisions you make about them are though.
The problem is when you can't succeed in ANY area, when you can't shine at anything, and can't beat anyone at anything. Makes you feel like you just aren't good enough, like you are just inherently a loser. Like you were born to be just another member of the crowd, a nobody. Like the ******** are right - some people really ARE better than others. As much as I've always hated that view, I've always been afraid that it's true.
I find that success and failure kind of build on each other - like if you're good in one area, it can carry over to another area, and another, and so on and just kind of build you up. Like if you're good at a hobby, or have a good career, you can have confidence that you're a valuable person (or at least NOT think of yourself as mediocre/inferior/a loser), and then you have better interactions with people, a more optimistic worldview which people like instead of a pessimistic one, and so on and so forth.
But when you don't have any strengths, your problems compound, which saps your confidence, makes you feel like a loser, makes you frustrated and pessimistic, and turns people off from getting to know you because it makes you negative and boring. But it's hard to get out of that, because that would require you to actually be successful at something - which you feel is impossible, because there isn't anything that comes to you easily.
I don't know. I'm feeling gloomier than usual today.