How to help a “push over”?

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CenotaphGirl

Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
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If your partner is a total push over how would you help them? Is it unfair to expect them to change? Why do people adopt this behaviour? Is it fair to assume being a push over is a personality trait? Can it be changed, I just dont know… so many questions and my advice on this is so limited.
 
Define Pushover - Someone who is easily swayed or influenced to change his/her mind or comply.

Well, pushovers tend to do well with bullies or over bearing type people. They usually lack confidence and want someone else to guide them. In "traditional marriages," old fashion, women typically played the pushover roll.

They may feel more comfortable being pushovers because they don't have to make any decisions. Hence they won't be the ones making the mistakes.

I noticed this at work. Many times people fear making mistakes so they do not want to be in charge of things.

They don't neccesarily need to change unless they themselves want to change.
 
Define Pushover - Someone who is easily swayed or influenced to change his/her mind or comply.

Well, pushovers tend to do well with bullies or over bearing type people. They usually lack confidence and want someone else to guide them. In "traditional marriages," old fashion, women typically played the pushover roll.

They may feel more comfortable being pushovers because they don't have to make any decisions. Hence they won't be the ones making the mistakes.

I noticed this at work. Many times people fear making mistakes so they do not want to be in charge of things.

They don't neccesarily need to change unless they themselves want to change.
I agree Finished, my friend is pregnant and her push over husband is driving her crazy. I told her she cant have everything, the perfect life, pregnancy and husband. But he literally is perfect its just you know… he is not alpha? his ability to be pushed over by other men… is… you know, she feels like unprotected.

I told her this would happen before she married him but she loves him. I explained to her that she cant simply bring up that he’s a push over as questioning a mans… manhood might be dangerous/very hurtful to him. She said she got so mad she told him to leave so she can find someone to protect her 🥺 I dont know…. im so lost on this one… I just dont think you can talk to your husband like that… no matter what. At the same time I dont know how vulnerable being pregnant makes you feel and what i’d do if my fella wasnt as dominant in all situations as he currently is.
 
I agree Finished, my friend is pregnant and her push over husband is driving her crazy. I told her she cant have everything, the perfect life, pregnancy and husband. But he literally is perfect its just you know… he is not alpha? his ability to be pushed over by other men… is… you know, she feels like unprotected.

I told her this would happen before she married him but she loves him. I explained to her that she cant simply bring up that he’s a push over as questioning a mans… manhood might be dangerous/very hurtful to him. She said she got so mad she told him to leave so she can find someone to protect her 🥺 I dont know…. im so lost on this one… I just dont think you can talk to your husband like that… no matter what. At the same time I dont know how vulnerable being pregnant makes you feel and what i’d do if my fella wasnt as dominant in all situations as he currently is.
Well, we are all a mix of different things. I used to be somewhat of a push over until I had enough and then the pendulum would quickly swing the other way. Then it was like why the hell did he come back so strong? I still come back strong in the end. But, I don't allow a single thing to slide by me IRL unless it has to do with someone I'm in a relationship with. Then I let lots of things go by knowing I'll be getting sex very soon. So, nowadays with no woman in site, I only let something go by because I'm planning way over the top revenge and then I do it.

But, I have run into several men in my lifetime that are 100% push overs. At times I admire them because they don't seem to be bothered by much. That would be nice. Their women are usually happy being the bosses that they are until they want a testosterone filled man around. Then they get all upset.

The bad thing is that the women will start looking for other men to fullfill her needs. That's exactly what my alpha female neighbor has been doing for years. She tried to loure me in years ago. But, I wanted no part of that mess. I think her husband is aware of her cheating on him with another neighbor. But, he's too timid to bring it up. He even became friends with the guy because she was spending so much time with him. It's amazing to me. But, what the hell do I know? I was going to catch her cheating on camera because I really don't like her. But, I don't like him either. So, I let them continue on with their miserable drunken lives as is.

If I could advise your friend it would be to start trying to view her husband in a positive light. Instead of viewing him as a whimp. She should see his good qualities or she will become a miserable trapped wife.
 
Well, we are all a mix of different things. I used to be somewhat of a push over until I had enough and then the pendulum would quickly swing the other way. Then it was like why the hell did he come back so strong? I still come back strong in the end. But, I don't allow a single thing to slide by me IRL unless it has to do with someone I'm in a relationship with. Then I let lots of things go by knowing I'll be getting sex very soon. So, nowadays with no woman in site, I only let something go by because I'm planning way over the top revenge and then I do it.

But, I have run into several men in my lifetime that are 100% push overs. At times I admire them because they don't seem to be bothered by much. That would be nice. Their women are usually happy being the bosses that they are until they want a testosterone filled man around. Then they get all upset.

The bad thing is that the women will start looking for other men to fullfill her needs. That's exactly what my alpha female neighbor has been doing for years. She tried to loure me in years ago. But, I wanted no part of that mess. I think her husband is aware of her cheating on him with another neighbor. But, he's too timid to bring it up. He even became friends with the guy because she was spending so much time with him. It's amazing to me. But, what the hell do I know? I was going to catch her cheating on camera because I really don't like her. But, I don't like him either. So, I let them continue on with their miserable drunken lives as is.

If I could advise your friend it would be to start trying to view her husband in a positive light. Instead of viewing him as a whimp. She should see his good qualities or she will become a miserable trapped wife.
She literally adores him Finished, like he’s her world, but he isn’t making her feel safe and shes so lost, shes like going to her mum and dads house to feel safe, I mean, shes no cheater or alpha shes super passive but I guess when a man withdraws his energy someone has to compensate… i guess its out of her comfort zone too. They got into a disagreement with 2 men and she had to waddle downstairs pregnant and tell them and he didnt say a single word even when she asked him a question. He just was frozen and then they had some long talk in the car and she was just beside herself… but i dont think she’d cheat shes a lovely person but I mean… I probably would just dump him😅 I cant deal with all that.
 
She literally adores him Finished, like he’s her world, but he isn’t making her feel safe and shes so lost, shes like going to her mum and dads house to feel safe, I mean, shes no cheater or alpha shes super passive but I guess when a man withdraws his energy someone has to compensate… i guess its out of her comfort zone too. They got into a disagreement with 2 men and she had to waddle downstairs pregnant and tell them and he didnt say a single word even when she asked him a question. He just was frozen and then they had some long talk in the car and she was just beside herself… but i dont think she’d cheat shes a lovely person but I mean… I probably would just dump him😅 I cant deal with all that.
Well, what happens when you and your man are wed. Things are going great. Then something happens and he is no longer confident and retreats to a push over position. What will you do? What if he stays that way? IMO, with love and relationships you have to accept and deal with every part of the other person if you want it to last. Or do you believe differently?
 
Well, what happens when you and your man are wed. Things are going great. Then something happens and he is no longer confident and retreats to a push over position. What will you do? What if he stays that way? IMO, with love and relationships you have to accept and deal with every part of the other person if you want it to last. Or do you believe differently?
Idk… if I could handle that, what if I suddenly become a sex addict and start sleeping with the whole town, or transition into a whole new gender, or have an addition to god knows what and spend all his money I mean…. Theres a line Finished, I cant spend my limited time with someone who no longer makes me happy, regressing is not an option its just not fair. If I wanted a timid man… I’d go out and grab one, surely…. I’d sick with him through thick and thin but not total personality changes that are permanent, thats not him, thats someone else 🥺
 
Idk… if I could handle that, what if I suddenly become a sex addict and start sleeping with the whole town, or transition into a whole new gender, or have an addition to god knows what and spend all his money I mean…. Theres a line Finished, I cant spend my limited time with someone who no longer makes me happy, regressing is not an option its just not fair. If I wanted a timid man… I’d go out and grab one, surely…. I’d sick with him through thick and thin but not total personality changes that are permanent, thats not him, thats someone else 🥺
Well, that's what is the thick part. So, make sure in your wedding vows to only say ..... through thin only ...... Ha! ha!

Are you sure you want to be married? You don't have to be married to be in a committed long term relationship. You could get pregnant, have your baby, give it your last name, and then move into together with your man. Then if either of you don't feel the connection any more it will be easy to separate.

I, myself, have always had an open door policy. As in, I always made sure I wasn't there only option. I liked that because it showed me that they chose to be with me until they didn't. I would hate to trap someone in a relationship with me even by accident.
 
Well, that's what is the thick part. So, make sure in your wedding vows to only say ..... through thin only ...... Ha! ha!

Are you sure you want to be married? You don't have to be married to be in a committed long term relationship. You could get pregnant, have your baby, give it your last name, and then move into together with your man. Then if either of you don't feel the connection any more it will be easy to separate.

I, myself, have always had an open door policy. As in, I always made sure I wasn't there only option. I liked that because it showed me that they chose to be with me until they didn't. I would hate to trap someone in a relationship with me even by accident.
I can do thick, I just cant do concrete 😅 I have stuck by my fella through sooo much that others think wtf, but I do it for him. If he suddenly wants to act weak and timid… and feminine…. 🙃 thats for someone else to love. I cant do it 🥲 I just cant be attracted to that, I have a mental block… I’d rather just try my luck at being a lesbian which… wouldnt work lol

I deffo wanna be married Finished 😇 Im still waiting I picked 3 rings omfg 😖 I am more traditional than people think on here 😅 but im honest, ask and I will tell, dont ask and I will shut up, but I refuse to pretend a timid man is what I want because society says so, however theres plenty of women who’d love one, and some who’d love to cheat on them as you mentioned.
 
Most so-called 'Alpha's' ( terribly immature and ridiculous term.... we are humans, not animals out in the wild) are actually very insecure and emotionally stunted. If this bloke is getting pushed around by other men, then maybe it says more about the knuckle dragging ******** he is probably mixing with, more so than what is says about him. Tell your friend to get real, and give the poor guy a break....
As for the incident where your 'seemingly extremely shallow and immature' friend waded in to calm the situation down between the two men and her man..... do you have any idea what it's like being a bloke..? women are able to get inbetween two waring men confident in the knowledge that they will probably not get hurt. Men on the other hand have to take into account that there is a great possibilty that they may get seriously hurt in any sort of altercation with other men, particularly with men who a physically bigger than them. We no longer live in the cave man era... survival of the fittest etc etc, I just wish many muscle bound young men, along with their impressionable female counterparts would realise this. Sorry, but you did ask the question...??
 
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Most so-called 'Alpha's' ( terribly immature and ridiculous term.... we are humans, not animals out in the wild) are actually very insecure and emotionally stunted. If this bloke is getting pushed around by other men, then maybe it says more about the knuckle dragging ******** he is probably mixing with, more so than what is says about him. Tell your friend to get real, and give the poor guy a break....
As for the incident where your 'seemingly extremely shallow and immature' friend waded in to calm the situation down between the two men and her man..... do you have any idea what it's like being a bloke..? women are able to get inbetween two waring men confident in the knowledge that they will probably not get hurt. Men on the other hand have to take into account that there is a great possibilty that they may get seriously hurt in any sort of altercation with other men, particularly with men who a physically bigger than them. We no longer live in the cave man era... survival of the fittest etc etc, I just wish many muscle bound young men, along with their impressionable female counterparts would realise this. Sorry, but you did ask the question...??
Why sorry? I respect your opinion, you dont need to be sorry for it 😇 . I think the situation with my friend has more context though, she went down because he asked for her help not because she wanted to. She's actually going through pregnancy complications and is supposed to be in bed. She didn't just wade in. Just to make that clear. She tried to give him support from her bed, but the men couldn't come in as she was in bed so she joined him downstairs because he was struggling. She's the most mature and kind friend I have, she's the first one out of us to be married, and she's a very kind person, she feels vulnerable right now, and I dont think thats her fault, or even his, he is afraid of other men, and so is she... I believe in a counterpart being the strength to your weaknesses, in all areas. If its just weakness with weakness then you get a break down... the men felt so embarrassed for him, they started to apologise to them as they could see she is very unwell and has to come down and sort things out because her husband couldn't handle the task.
 
Sorry because I don't know you, and my comment may come across as rude or aggressive.... and even though I state my views, I don't want to offend anybody either. Obviously you haven't given details here, nor do I want to know them, but whatever happened downstairs involving struggles etc in the house is a definate sign to all involved to change the company they are keeping, and maybe make some sort of lifestyle changes to boot. All sounds very disfunctional to me, but like I say... I don't know the exact details. Please tell your friend to get off the internet and to stop being taken in by reading ridiculous nonsense such as 'Alpha male' 'simp' etc etc... it's really silly and bears no resemblance to real life. Do you know what a 'real' so called Alpha is....? It's a man whom is totally 'content' with himself... thats it. He doesnt need to be a 'beefcake' he doesnt need to 'throw his weight about' and he certainly doesn't need to 'validate his own fragile ego' by proving that he is 1) harder than other men, and 2) trying to prove something to his missus... thats the epitomy of 'not alpha'
 
Sorry because I don't know you, and my comment may come across as rude or aggressive.... and even though I state my views, I don't want to offend anybody either. Obviously you haven't given details here, nor do I want to know them, but whatever happened downstairs involving struggles etc in the house is a definate sign to all involved to change the company they are keeping, and maybe make some sort of lifestyle changes to boot. All sounds very disfunctional to me, but like I say... I don't know the exact details. Please tell your friend to get off the internet and to stop being taken in by reading ridiculous nonsense such as 'Alpha male' 'simp' etc etc... it's really silly and bears no resemblance to real life. Do you know what a 'real' so called Alpha is....? It's a man whom is totally 'content' with himself... thats it. He doesnt need to be a 'beefcake' he doesnt need to 'throw his weight about' and he certainly doesn't need to 'validate his own fragile ego' by proving that he is 1) harder than other men, and 2) trying to prove something to his missus... thats the epitomy of 'not alpha'
Awh no I read no aggression in your message at all. They had actually a similar experience to myself recently, they had works done to their boiler and the nursery room set up by tradesmen and the tradesmen ended up asking for way more money than what was agreed is the whole context. Alpha was my word choice for lack of a better one... not sure what else to call a man who is more... dominant and demands respect. I think the issue is more... she is very sick, and he'd rather make her get out of bed than handle the situation, I cant imagine... even as a woman, calling my man out his sick bed to handle something, id rather just give them the extra stupid money than do something like that. They are a very nice couple I just think, how can it last if he won't protect her? He literally ticks every other box, he's a provider, kind, super attractive physically, he is just more soft than he looks.
 
not sure what else to call a man who is more... dominant and demands respect.
An insecure bully.

I'm a self employed tradesman, and I can tell you that there are many......many, big, fat, ugly, smelly, thick as pig honeysuckle, buliies in the building/construction industry. (Im not in any of those by the way... 🙄) I do understand how a woman would not feel that attracted to a total wimp, lets be fair, thats not very manly and women in general dont go for infeminate men, or so I'm led to believe..? But men are trashed constantly in the media for being 'toxic' 'violent' 'abusive' 'harrassing' and so on and on... of which many of the criticisms come from females, yet in the next breath, said female wants a 'manly man' a 'protector' a 'disney esque' type hero..... in the words of Bob Dylan... 'To protect you and defend you, whether you are right or wrong. Someone to open each and every door for you, but it aint me babe... no, no, no, it aint me babe, it aint me your looking for babe.'
 
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An insecure bully.

I'm a self employed tradesman, and I can tell you that there are many......many, big, fat, ugly, smelly, thick as pig honeysuckle, buliies in the building/construction industry. (Im not in any of those by the way... 🙄) I do understand how a woman would not feel that attracted to a total wimp, lets be fair, thats not very manly and women in general dont go for infeminate men, or so I'm led to believe..? But men are trashed constantly in the media for being 'toxic' 'violent' 'abusive' 'harrassing' and so on and on... of which many of the criticisms come from females, yet in the next breath, said female wants a 'manly man' a 'protector' a 'disney esque' type hero..... in the words of Bob Dylan... 'To protect you and defend you, whether you are right or wrong. Someone to open each and every door for you, but it aint me babe... no, no, no, it aint me babe, it aint me your looking for babe.'
In GENERAL, many women want a bad boy appearing and somewhat acting secretely nice guy at home. I've seen many normal guys play dress up and ride their shiny Harleys to the local bar to pretend to be bad asses. Play time seems to work for many of them too. Then on Monday they go to work in their BMWs, hold the door open for the next person, and say yes sir / no sir to their male counterparts.

As a matter of fact that reminding me of a funny story:

So, I was meeting my real biker friends at a bar. I've never played dress up and decided to ride my bicycle to the bar so as to avoid a possible DUI because I planned on drinking quite heavily. Anyway, the bikes were all lined up and this poser, with the exhaust pipe cut off, pull up and walked his bike back while continually revving up his bike. He kept looking around as if to say, "Check me out! I'm a bad ass on a bas ass bike. Take notice!"

I waited for him to finish his performance. Then I pulled up my bicyle close to his making revving/chugging sounds with my mouth as loud as I could. I also did the, "hey! I'm a tough guy look." Then I slowly backed my bicycle inline with all the Harleys. My friends were watching and laughing like crazy. Then a bunch of others noticed and started laughing too. It was super funny. The guy looked around, started his bike up, and left. Ha! ha!
 
Nice story mate.... in the UK we would call the guy your on about... 'a total, wanker' Lol.
I agree with your first sentence.... in general women seem to want a 'bad boy' when it suits, and a nice calm responsible man when that suits. Women have a lot of qualities I really admire, however theres something that bemuses me with women, it seems to be a universal similarity with all of them where they are all 'wanting' something 'more' or something 'other' than what they have... always seeming to have a grass is greener type mentality... maybe I'm wrong, but thats how they come across to me anyhow..??
 
Nice story mate.... in the UK we would call the guy your on about... 'a total, wanker' Lol.
I agree with your first sentence.... in general women seem to want a 'bad boy' when it suits, and a nice calm responsible man when that suits. Women have a lot of qualities I really admire, however theres something that bemuses me with women, it seems to be a universal similarity with all of them where they are all 'wanting' something 'more' or something 'other' than what they have... always seeming to have a grass is greener type mentality... maybe I'm wrong, but thats how they come across to me anyhow..??
Sooo many offers how on earth is a girl to choose, guy A is a total hunk but broke, guy B is ugly but rich and guy C well… we all know what guy C brings to the table 😂 okay Im joking idk, cant say im like that my fella ticks my boxes, but if I had to find something… his brother is hotter than him sadly 😞
 
Sorry I'm lost... what does guy C bring to the table..? Does your fella know that you are on here saying things like that about his brother CenotaphGirl..?
 
Sorry I'm lost... what does guy C bring to the table..? Does your fella know that you are on here saying things like that about his brother CenotaphGirl..?
Lool he brings absolutely nothing, and eh no its the truth though, my sister is way hotter than me so its just life 😞… theres always someone hotter
 
Nice story mate.... in the UK we would call the guy your on about... 'a total, wanker' Lol.
I agree with your first sentence.... in general women seem to want a 'bad boy' when it suits, and a nice calm responsible man when that suits. Women have a lot of qualities I really admire, however theres something that bemuses me with women, it seems to be a universal similarity with all of them where they are all 'wanting' something 'more' or something 'other' than what they have... always seeming to have a grass is greener type mentality... maybe I'm wrong, but thats how they come across to me anyhow..??
Thanks! Yep! But, to be fair, I think many / most women and men think the grass is greener on the other side. I admit I've done that myself. After I'm in a relationship with someone I start thinking, I wish she was ....... or had a better ...... or whatever. Then I start noticing other women with those qualities. There are so many choices for everything nowadays. Hell, go down the isles in a grocery store. One used to just have five basic choices for cereal. Now there's like 40 or so.
 

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