How to let go of someone

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I was obsessed with this person for like 5 months but she wasn't interested at all in me.

The problem is she still talked to me just to be polite so i always hoped that we could be friends, which didn't happen. We were highschool classmates but now highschool ended and i will only see her again a few times during exams and if we meet with our teacher after summer.

So i assume that i shouldn't talk to her at all in between these times but it's hard not to think about her and yesterday i wanted to text her because i thought maybe we could just chat sometimes. But it wouldn't be a good idea right?

Because i know she doesn't really like talking to me and i don't want to be that annoying person who won't leave others alone. I actually asked her directly why she didn't want to hang out with me anymore even though earlier she said the two of us and another friend should go to a museum, and she told me that she just doesn't get along with me.

So what now? I'm wondering, since she's just a name on the screen shouldn't i just try everything to talk to her and maybe she will talk to me or should i just try to never think about her when we don't see each other?

She talked to me at a party and it was the first time i felt seen, ever since i tried hard to change because i had a lot of anxiety and social anxiety and i wasn't talking to people. She had a big impact on my life and is a really great person, but just doesn't care about me.

Maybe i need some closure? Like asking her about how our relationship was and explain why i did certain things so i feel understood? Because everytime i see her i can't help but think that she doesn't want to talk to me because she said that we just don't get along, and it makes me feel rejected every time.

Anyway, honestly it feels a little better just to write all this down. I am eager to read your responses.
 
Oneitis is certainly a very difficult situation and one with which I am very familiar with personally. The thing to remember is that you cannot negotiate attraction-either it is there or it is not and there is nothing you can do or say to change that. She may like you as a person but is not physically attracted to you so the only thing you can do is try and forget about her and move on. I would suggest cutting off all contact and not acknowledging her because in time the pain will lessen and begin to fade away.

Hopefully you are attractive enough to eventually have other options in the future. Contrary to popular platitudes, I have found that each successive rejection is worse than the last and constant, very long term rejection can be soul crushing and destroy ones self esteem.
 
Maybe i need some closure? Like asking her about how our relationship was...
Honestly IMO, they never tell the truth about this.
I have tried asking them and I have always gotten garbage in return.
They never give hard, physical reasons/criticisms - which of course is what is needed in order to understand and possibly improve.
Granted the females I am talking about in my own personal experiences have not been of very high moral character.
But ALL females seem to rather give sugar coated lies to appear like "nice people" and I suppose to avoid potential conflict that they perceive may arise from giving the hard criticisms.
 
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I currently hace the same problem with my ex.

Best you can do is be busy with something that makes you happy, and preferably around people you're comfortable with.

Jogging or gardening would be a start d:
 
Honestly, with my ex, I used to throw my phone across the room just to leave him alone. When someone has you like that you've typically been under intense manipulation. (Without even knowing it)

For revenge you can talk to people she knows and never her, omg thats the way or to just get over her and move on, well, find someone else to talk to, occupy your thoughts with. Preferably someone better looking as most of you men are visual creatures.

Best I can suggest 💫
 
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Oneitis is certainly a very difficult situation and one with which I am very familiar with personally. The thing to remember is that you cannot negotiate attraction-either it is there or it is not and there is nothing you can do or say to change that. She may like you as a person but is not physically attracted to you so the only thing you can do is try and forget about her and move on. I would suggest cutting off all contact and not acknowledging her because in time the pain will lessen and begin to fade away.

Hopefully you are attractive enough to eventually have other options in the future. Contrary to popular platitudes, I have found that each successive rejection is worse than the last and constant, very long term rejection can be soul crushing and destroy ones self esteem.
Thank you for replying! I agree with what you are saying except in my situation i just wanted to be friends, so physical attraction wasn't the issue but the same idea applies.

And yes i have unfollowed her which makes it a lot easier to not be sad but now i feel bored instead.

I guess i can't know for sure but i strongly think that psysically i am ok, so at least i'm not worried about that and i know that i just need to work on myself, like talk to more people until i feel comfortable in social situations.
 
Honestly IMO, they never tell the truth about this.
I have tried asking them and I have always gotten garbage in return.
They never give hard, physical reasons/criticisms - which of course is what is needed in order to understand and possibly improve.
Granted the females I am talking about in my own personal experiences have not been of very high moral character.
But ALL females seem to rather give sugar coated lies to appear like "nice people" and I suppose to avoid potential conflict that they perceive may arise from giving the hard criticisms.
Yeah, that's an issue. Granted i have never tried asking lots of questions, especially because i can guess the answers
 
I currently hace the same problem with my ex.

Best you can do is be busy with something that makes you happy, and preferably around people you're comfortable with.

Jogging or gardening would be a start d:
This is true and i am doing it, but i hope that someday things won't feel so boring like they do right now, i just can't imagine a person that i will like just as much, but certainly she exists and i will find her
 
I was obsessed with this person
This right here is the problem. Obsession never tends to lead anywhere good. Which could be why she says you don't "get along." Now maybe you're exaggerating with the word obsession, but I would recommend figuring that out.
My advice would be to let it go. She made it clear how she feels.

Go around other people, meet new people. Get a new hobby, volunteer, etc etc. Put yourself out there to find the people who will accept you.

As for closure, don't bother, because in the end it doesn't matter. Learn from the experience and move on to better people and better things.
 
Your word choices are a bit odd. At first it sounds like you are in love with this person and can't stop thinking about them. And also, at first, it sounds like you've only exchanged a few words with them; but, then you go on to say that you've both spent personal time together.

Then you talk about closure; but, then state later you only see them as friends.

heh... I'm just sleuthing a bit, I suppose.

My grandmother used to say something to the affect of: "How dare you be bored, in such a beautiful, complex, and intriguing world."

Friendship, and love for that matter, are probably things that can not be forced.

A flower blooms on it's own time. Trying to force a bud open, will only damage it.

Some times persistence pays off; other times, it's a good way to get a door slammed in your face.

You'll figure it out.
 
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Honestly, with my ex, I used to throw my phone across the room just to leave him alone. When someone has you like that you've typically been under intense manipulation. (Without even knowing it)

For revenge you can talk to people she knows and never her, omg thats the way or to just get over her and move on, well, find someone else to talk to, occupy your thoughts with. Preferably someone better looking as most of you men are visual creatures.

Best I can suggest 💫
She wasn't manipulating me so there's no need for revenge. You're right about finding someone else though, which is what i'll be doing. Thanks for the advice!
 
This right here is the problem. Obsession never tends to lead anywhere good. Which could be why she says you don't "get along." Now maybe you're exaggerating with the word obsession, but I would recommend figuring that out.
My advice would be to let it go. She made it clear how she feels.

Go around other people, meet new people. Get a new hobby, volunteer, etc etc. Put yourself out there to find the people who will accept you.

As for closure, don't bother, because in the end it doesn't matter. Learn from the experience and move on to better people and better things.
I was definitely obsessed, there was a period of time when i would only think about her all day everyday. Certainly i should let it go, and i have to some degree. But i still think i'd like to talk to her sometime, just a chat and nothing more, whenever we get together as part of a larger group, if more of us go out or for exams. And i completely got over the closure part, because you're right, it doesn't matter and the only reason i was even thinking about it was that i hoped that if she got to understand me she'd want to be friends, which is stupid, nobody wants to be friends with you just because you have issues that might make them feel sorry for you. Thanks!
 
Your word choices are a bit odd. At first it sounds like you are in love with this person and can't stop thinking about them. And also, at first, it sounds like you've only exchanged a few words with them; but, then you go on to say that you've both spent personal time together.

Then you talk about closure; but, then state later you only see them as friends.

heh... I'm just sleuthing a bit, I suppose.

My grandmother used to say something to the affect of: "How dare you be bored, in such a beautiful, complex, and intriguing world."

Friendship, and love for that matter, are probably things that can not be forced.

A flower blooms on it's own time. Trying to force a bud open, will only damage it.

Some times persistence pays off; other times, it's a good way to get a door slammed in your face.

You'll figure it out.
Nicely said! Well i certainly was infatuated, but i wanted to at least be friends with her.
The thing about our relationship is i got obsessed with her even though we only spoke briefly, and then i did everything i could in order to talk to her more. Then she agreed to go out to eat with me and a group of her friends but none of her friends could come so it ended up being just us. It seems like she decided to give me a chance as a friend, but the point is i blew it. I wasn't ready and had way too much anxiety.
By closure i meant explaining myself to her in the hopes that i would feel better, but now i don't feel the need for that anymore. The thing with getting bored is that everybody needs to socialize, talk to people, and i am in a situation that makes socialising difficult. My parents aren't good to talk to, i basically have no friends that i can just chat with through texts because we're not close enough and i get anxious around other people so it's difficult for me to start a conversation. But i made some progress with the last part and i want to keep improving, so i'm waiting to get over the exams to move out and meet new people.
Thank you for your response! I definitely resonate with it and it feels encouraging
 
Closure definitely helps. I had to do the 'moving on' two times (major ones). It worked very differently in both cases.

1. I am 16. I am obviously naïve, innocent and immature. That love is a deep infatuation devoid of any maturity. There's no internet around, relationship thing is not encouraged at this age where I live, we go to school to get education. I lacked guts but she knew, and so she friend zoned me publicly. I thought she was the one, the only one I could ever love. I would come home and lock myself and keep crying all day and night. It must have been hundreds of hours. I had nobody to express it to. No internet, not even a remote existence of the concept of red pill or ay guidance for a teenager.

I would cry in the class with head down, and come back home and continue the session. This lasted almost a year. Everyone in the class knew and it was very embarrassing.

The moment came one Saturday evening. It was raining I came back home, threw my bag and sat besides my bed. No one was home. I began. The song "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele was playing on my cellphone. I cried the hardest I ever could. I thought my veins on my temples were going to burst. My eyes were pure red. I felt a strong pain in my upper head. I took a pause and continued crying. After an hour, the crying stopped. I surrendered. Felt absolutely relaxed, and recharged, and refreshed. I was taking deep breaths, and felt like I was healing. It was the best feeling. When I got up, I felt "happy" and lost all the burden. Realized, I had moved on. No pretense.
It was one of the best feelings.

Had dinner. Slept. Got up at 5 AM, super motivated and studied all day. I NEVER EVER missed her again.

I was 16. If an immature kid can move on on his own, you can too. You are way mature and experienced than that kid!!
 
Closure definitely helps. I had to do the 'moving on' two times (major ones). It worked very differently in both cases.

1. I am 16. I am obviously naïve, innocent and immature. That love is a deep infatuation devoid of any maturity. There's no internet around, relationship thing is not encouraged at this age where I live, we go to school to get education. I lacked guts but she knew, and so she friend zoned me publicly. I thought she was the one, the only one I could ever love. I would come home and lock myself and keep crying all day and night. It must have been hundreds of hours. I had nobody to express it to. No internet, not even a remote existence of the concept of red pill or ay guidance for a teenager.

I would cry in the class with head down, and come back home and continue the session. This lasted almost a year. Everyone in the class knew and it was very embarrassing.

The moment came one Saturday evening. It was raining I came back home, threw my bag and sat besides my bed. No one was home. I began. The song "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele was playing on my cellphone. I cried the hardest I ever could. I thought my veins on my temples were going to burst. My eyes were pure red. I felt a strong pain in my upper head. I took a pause and continued crying. After an hour, the crying stopped. I surrendered. Felt absolutely relaxed, and recharged, and refreshed. I was taking deep breaths, and felt like I was healing. It was the best feeling. When I got up, I felt "happy" and lost all the burden. Realized, I had moved on. No pretense.
It was one of the best feelings.

Had dinner. Slept. Got up at 5 AM, super motivated and studied all day. I NEVER EVER missed her again.

I was 16. If an immature kid can move on on his own, you can too. You are way mature and experienced than that kid!!
Thank you! Really beautiful personal story.

I went through a similar crying stage where sometimes it would happen on multiple consecutive days, but it wasn't as bad as yours. What i realized is that i was so hopeless because i didn't like myself and i didn't believe that i could be happy with anyone else but her. An easy way to remind myself that that's not true is to think about how happy she is with other people who are not like her, so if she can be happy with them then so can i with others.

I am getting better and better these days. Thank you for your amazing story, i could really relate to it, and also for the really encouraging tone of the comment!!
 
Omg I hope it gets better, do you still think about her? Remember it's okay to let people go :) might seem frightening but it will be alright.

Just think where you will be in a year. Somewhere more fun and without her :p
 
I was obsessed with this person for like 5 months but she wasn't interested at all in me.

The problem is she still talked to me just to be polite so i always hoped that we could be friends, which didn't happen. We were highschool classmates but now highschool ended and i will only see her again a few times during exams and if we meet with our teacher after summer.

So i assume that i shouldn't talk to her at all in between these times but it's hard not to think about her and yesterday i wanted to text her because i thought maybe we could just chat sometimes. But it wouldn't be a good idea right?

Because i know she doesn't really like talking to me and i don't want to be that annoying person who won't leave others alone. I actually asked her directly why she didn't want to hang out with me anymore even though earlier she said the two of us and another friend should go to a museum, and she told me that she just doesn't get along with me.

So what now? I'm wondering, since she's just a name on the screen shouldn't i just try everything to talk to her and maybe she will talk to me or should i just try to never think about her when we don't see each other?

She talked to me at a party and it was the first time i felt seen, ever since i tried hard to change because i had a lot of anxiety and social anxiety and i wasn't talking to people. She had a big impact on my life and is a really great person, but just doesn't care about me.

Maybe i need some closure? Like asking her about how our relationship was and explain why i did certain things so i feel understood? Because everytime i see her i can't help but think that she doesn't want to talk to me because she said that we just don't get along, and it makes me feel rejected every time.

Anyway, honestly it feels a little better just to write all this down. I am eager to read your responses.
you've been going through a difficult time with your feelings for this person. It can be challenging when you develop strong emotions for someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings. It's important to respect their boundaries and their decision to not pursue a friendship or relationship with you.

In this situation, it's best to focus on yourself and your own well-being. It may be difficult, but try to give yourself some distance from this person. Continually reaching out to her, especially when you know she's not interested in talking, might only lead to further disappointment and frustration.

Instead, focus on your personal growth and finding activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Invest time in hobbies, spend time with friends who value and appreciate you, and work on building your self-confidence and self-esteem. This can help you move forward and find closure in your own time.

If you feel the need for closure, it might be helpful to reflect on the situation on your own or seek support from a trusted friend Writing down your thoughts and feelings, as you've done here, can be a therapeutic exercise. It allows you to process your emotions and gain clarity about your own needs and wants.

Remember that it's natural to feel rejected when someone doesn't reciprocate your feelings, but it's important to focus on your own well-being and happiness. With time, you'll be able to move on and find new connections with people who appreciate and value you for who you are.
 

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