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Hung Up On Her

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Arapahokid15

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Okay, these happen every now then like a wave. I go through a binging episode to where I can’t get this one girl out of my mind…we will just say her name is Kelsey…This week has been that. Kelsey came across my mind and she’s stayed ever since and it’s driving me insane. Here’s the backstory of where I’m going with this…

Mid 2012..I add Kelsey on fb because I seen her in a pic with other girls on a public page with listed names. I searched and found her. It was like a month or so later and I messaged her leading to general conversations. We grew close. Texting, playing those fb games together so on so fourth. I was falling. I’m fresh out of HS at this point so I’m all new to this whole love game.

Sometime in the year 2013, Kelsey tells me she found a bf which tore me up on the inside as you can imagine. I was broken on the inside but began to and continued to encourage her and her bf at the time. I made it seem like I was happy and joyful for who she had. That was my mistake.
***Remember, she has no idea how I feel about her.***
He was from Canada and she was from Kansas. They met at this festival for music and dance somewhere I can’t remember. Anyways..it amazed me how they managed to keep it together for so long into the next year.
They never seen each other other than a couple times when he came down for USA Thxgiving and she went up for Christmas while texting and calling to keep the comms between the two of them.

It’s May 2014. Their relationship was starting to become rocky and it took a slight turn. It’s time for her to graduate HS. She wanted him to come down and watch her grad. He straight up told her no because it’s too far and he didn’t wanna spend money for an evening. So that upset her. I had already made plans to go up and be with her for her grad and she knew that too. I brought one of my friends with me that night. My friend and I sang this little song to her to close out her graduation dinner with her family and grad gift exchanges.

September 2014.
Theyre relationship took a turn for the best (lol). I was on the way to have a jam session with the boys, go play some songs in the basement for a Friday night. Needless to say, we jammed only a couple songs rather than a set list amount because I was broken…
I grew some balls and told her how I truly felt…it was a long paragraph that took forever to write. I awaited a response and she sent it. It was one sentence that read. “Bryce, I only think of you as a friend”. That right there messed me up real bad. I still felt the effects for a few years after that. I did bring this on myself and it brought my world to a temporary end that evening.
Where I went wrong was i jumped on the wagon when she was still about the other guy. I got trigger happy and made myself look like a clown.

Before I told her my feelings for her, we’d hangout every now then when we’d see each other at events that us and our friends would meet up at. A couple times, it’d be just me and her sitting together watching everything. I think one time we had like Denny’s or ihop late at night one time…I can’t remember it’s been forever
I haven’t spoken to Kelsey since that evening I expressed myself. I deleted her off everything because we became ruined and I was embarrassed. All my friends who I’m close to know how I truly feel about her. They knew how much she meant to me and how much more she would’ve meant to me if she was mine. They all know the whole story. Every now and then I’d see her around and it’d just set me a rewind back to to the good times when I felt like she was the only person in this world. One look at her is all it took to break me down on the inside but to also send me into a feeling of euphoria. She’s had this bf for a few years now but I think they split or something I honestly don’t know. He’s got money because he gets oil checks and he’s popular..he’s like a celebrity but not like those in movies. More like in a very large social group of people that we all know. I myself get oil checks too but there no more than $100 once a year and I’m not popular by any means whatsoever…but that’s beside the point lol.

Today, October 2021, I still feel the same way about Kelsey as when I fell for her the first time I seen her 8 years ago. When I think of her, I think of her genuinely. I feel like no one else exists. Right now I can’t bring myself to talk to a different girl because she’s all I see in this world. She just doesn’t realize what kind of mark she left on me. She has a piece of me… Like that spot in my heart truly belongs to her, she left her imprint in my heart. Yeah I could get a different girl and go through the motions and she could take that spot but she won’t fit perfectly. There’s only person who does and that’s Kelsey. She’s what I call, My Life Crush. I’ll always have that thing for her, I mean I’ve had it since even through being friendzoned..I still feel the same. This is something I will take to my grave. I don’t think I’ll ever receive the privelage of having her hand, being the one to lift her veil, giving her my respect and honor she deserves in a husband. It’ll remain a figment of my wishes being played out like a perfect movie scene. Sometimes, I like to think she’s gonna add me on fb and dm me. Sometimes I hype myself up to do it but I don’t because I’d just end up making myself look like a clown.
If we happened to have gotten and stayed together, it would’ve been 7 years. I would’ve married her a long time ago. I’m going to feel really bad when she announces a pregnancy.

Anyways..I appreciate all you readers and responders. Feels good to express myself.
 
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ardour

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An obsessive "life long crush" is a common theme from men with emotional problems and non existent self esteem - they let a woman own a piece of their mind, fantasize endlessly about her wanting them so they finally have a purpose and feel good about themselves.

You need her approval, or someone's approval. That is your issue. This is more than a crush, it's another person owning your self worth. We've all been there and had crushes that went on far too long but this is 8 years already AND during an important phase of life. You should have been dating and working on growing your social skills during this time.

Clearly this woman is never going to care about you. She's probably forgotten you exist. Get obsessed with someone else if you have to, just move on, or you'll end up middle aged and regretting it.
 
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Arapahokid15

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An obsessive "life long crush" is a common theme from men with emotional problems and non existent self esteem - they let a woman own a piece of their mind, fantasize endlessly about her wanting them so they finally have a purpose and feel good about themselves.

You need her approval, or someone's approval. That is your issue. We've all been there and had crushes that went on far too long but this is 7 years already AND during an important phase of life. You should have been dating and working on growing your during this time.

This woman is never going to want you. Get obsessed with another woman if you have to. Just move the fuck on or you'll end up middle aged and full of regret.
I did have one relationship from 2017-2018. Ended in me getting cheated on. Before that one was one in 2012 which was only half a year. I know she’ll never want me. This whole thing isn’t constant, it happens every now and then when she crosses my mind. It’s not to the point to where I set up a shrine with candles and bow down to her pic. Just thoughts and imaginations that won’t go away is all it is.
 

ardour

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Whenever you're tempted to obsess, imagine her laughing at you, or saying something nasty about you to her friends or current bf. Develop a negative mindset towards this person to finally get over them.

And her getting pregnant would probably be a good thing because it might finally flip a switch in your brain. That's what happened with a crush I had on a coworker. She got married and had a child. Now I barely think about her.
 
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TheSkaFish

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Okay, these happen every now then like a wave...

I've had a few of these.

One thing that's always helped though, is taking some time to not think about it for a while. Usually it means becoming busy with something, just whatever it takes to disconnect myself from the situation. When I was in the situation, when I was talking to the person, or constantly thinking about them, it kept me in that frame of mind that this person was special and cool and kept the crush going. But when I took time to NOT think about it, it created this separation and I was able to see them more objectively.

And then I started thinking, you know what, this person isn't that great. The conversations weren't really that interesting, and some things about their personalities really bothered me, or just wasn't what I was looking for or comfortable with in another person. In fact, I don't even know what I saw in them that much in the first place. I just wanted to see something in someone. They may have had a few common or tangential interests, but not that many, and usually something about their personality/temperament was "off", not the same or similar enough to mine, and I never would have felt at ease being myself around them. I would have always had to pretend to be "cool" to fit with them. And when I took time away, I realized that I felt like I really didn't miss them, didn't really wonder how they were doing, didn't want to ask them anything. It turns out, they didn't make me feel that much of an emotional impact either.

The thing was, there was a difference between who I thought these people were, and who they really were. And when I was crushing on them, I just didn't see it. I wanted so badly for them to be the person I thought they were. But after time away, I realized that I was only crushing on my mind's idea of who this person was, not who they actually were. The version of the person I was crushing on, never really existed. It was just an illusion of the person, in my own mind.

And once I realized that these people were never what I was really looking for, I knew I never would have been really happy with them. I just thought I would have been, out of of inexperience and not knowing myself enough.

I'm not sure exactly about your situation. But, could it be that you're just remembering this person and your time with her, as cooler and more fun than it really was?

Once I realized that for me, the conversations and hangout times I had with these girls wasn't that interesting or fun after all and I only thought it was at the time, it really helped letting go, in fact it was easy because I realized that it was never what I really wanted after all.

Also, for what it's worth I'm actually glad I never got the chance to sleep with them, cause that would have just been a whole mess of awkwardness and regret.
 
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Arapahokid15

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I've had a few of these.

One thing that's always helped though, is taking some time to not think about it for a while. Usually it means becoming busy with something, just whatever it takes to disconnect myself from the situation. When I was in the situation, when I was talking to the person, or constantly thinking about them, it kept me in that frame of mind that this person was special and cool and kept the crush going. But when I took time to NOT think about it, it created this separation and I was able to see them more objectively.

And then I started thinking, you know what, this person isn't that great. The conversations weren't really that interesting, and some things about their personalities really bothered me, or just wasn't what I was looking for or comfortable with in another person. In fact, I don't even know what I saw in them that much in the first place. I just wanted to see something in someone. They may have had a few common or tangential interests, but not that many, and usually something about their personality/temperament was "off", not the same or similar enough to mine, and I never would have felt at ease being myself around them. I would have always had to pretend to be "cool" to fit with them. And when I took time away, I realized that I felt like I really didn't miss them, didn't really wonder how they were doing, didn't want to ask them anything. It turns out, they didn't make me feel that much of an emotional impact either.

In time I realized that these people were never what I was really looking for, and I never would have been really happy with them. I just thought I would have been, out of of inexperience and not knowing myself enough.

I'm not sure exactly about your situation. But, could it be that you're just remembering this person and your time with her, as cooler and more fun than it really was?

Once I realized that for me, the conversations and hangout times I had with these girls wasn't that interesting or fun after all and I only thought it was at the time, it really helped letting go, in fact it was easy because I realized that it was never what I really wanted after all.

Also, for what it's worth I'm actually glad I never got the chance to sleep with them, cause that would have just been a whole mess of awkwardness and regret.
It’s the way she handles herself, she instills pride in herself. She conducts herself in a good way that says to me like, she’s not the type to go out and get shitfaced and or getting in fights doing something that I wouldn’t do. She’s shy and soft spoken too which I feel I’m the same way. I really don’t have much of a loud voice. She’s quiet and reserved. That’s one of the things I admire about her. I don’t think I’d enjoy a girl who’s loud and obnoxious like she’s the only you’d hear laughing with a group of friends in a mildly noisy restaurant for example. She was all shy when we first met in person then after she warmed up, we could just be ourselves. Her beauty is immaculate…doesn’t matter the time or day. This whole thing is just…I wish It didn’t have to be this way.
 

Harlock07

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Okay, these happen every now then like a wave. I go through a binging episode to where I can’t get this one girl out of my mind…we will just say her name is Kelsey…This week has been that. Kelsey came across my mind and she’s stayed ever since and it’s driving me insane. Here’s the backstory of where I’m going with this…

Mid 2012..I add Kelsey on fb because I seen her in a pic with other girls on a public page with listed names. I searched and found her. It was like a month or so later and I messaged her leading to general conversations. We grew close. Texting, playing those fb games together so on so fourth. I was falling. I’m fresh out of HS at this point so I’m all new to this whole love game.

Sometime in the year 2013, Kelsey tells me she found a bf which tore me up on the inside as you can imagine. I was broken on the inside but began to and continued to encourage her and her bf at the time. I made it seem like I was happy and joyful for who she had. That was my mistake.
***Remember, she has no idea how I feel about her.***
He was from Canada and she was from Kansas. They met at this festival for music and dance somewhere I can’t remember. Anyways..it amazed me how they managed to keep it together for so long into the next year.
They never seen each other other than a couple times when he came down for USA Thxgiving and she went up for Christmas while texting and calling to keep the comms between the two of them.

It’s May 2014. Their relationship was starting to become rocky and it took a slight turn. It’s time for her to graduate HS. She wanted him to come down and watch her grad. He straight up told her no because it’s too far and he didn’t wanna spend money for an evening. So that upset her. I had already made plans to go up and be with her for her grad and she knew that too. I brought one of my friends with me that night. My friend and I sang this little song to her to close out her graduation dinner with her family and grad gift exchanges.

September 2014.
Theyre relationship took a turn for the best (lol). I was on the way to have a jam session with the boys, go play some songs in the basement for a Friday night. Needless to say, we jammed only a couple songs rather than a set list amount because I was broken…
I grew some balls and told her how I truly felt…it was a long paragraph that took forever to write. I awaited a response and she sent it. It was one sentence that read. “Bryce, I only think of you as a friend”. That right there messed me up real bad. I still felt the effects for a few years after that. I did bring this on myself and it brought my world to a temporary end that evening.
Where I went wrong was i jumped on the wagon when she was still about the other guy. I got trigger happy and made myself look like a clown.

Before I told her my feelings for her, we’d hangout every now then when we’d see each other at events that us and our friends would meet up at. A couple times, it’d be just me and her sitting together watching everything. I think one time we had like Denny’s or ihop late at night one time…I can’t remember it’s been forever
I haven’t spoken to Kelsey since that evening I expressed myself. I deleted her off everything because we became ruined and I was embarrassed. All my friends who I’m close to know how I truly feel about her. They knew how much she meant to me and how much more she would’ve meant to me if she was mine. They all know the whole story. Every now and then I’d see her around and it’d just set me a rewind back to to the good times when I felt like she was the only person in this world. One look at her is all it took to break me down on the inside but to also send me into a feeling of euphoria. She’s had this bf for a few years now but I think they split or something I honestly don’t know. He’s got money because he gets oil checks and he’s popular..he’s like a celebrity but not like those in movies. More like in a very large social group of people that we all know. I myself get oil checks too but there no more than $100 once a year and I’m not popular by any means whatsoever…but that’s beside the point lol.

Today, October 2021, I still feel the same way about Kelsey as when I fell for her the first time I seen her 8 years ago. When I think of her, I think of her genuinely. I feel like no one else exists. Right now I can’t bring myself to talk to a different girl because she’s all I see in this world. She just doesn’t realize what kind of mark she left on me. She has a piece of me… Like that spot in my heart truly belongs to her, she left her imprint in my heart. Yeah I could get a different girl and go through the motions and she could take that spot but she won’t fit perfectly. There’s only person who does and that’s Kelsey. She’s what I call, My Life Crush. I’ll always have that thing for her, I mean I’ve had it since even through being friendzoned..I still feel the same. This is something I will take to my grave. I don’t think I’ll ever receive the privelage of having her hand, being the one to lift her veil, giving her my respect and honor she deserves in a husband. It’ll remain a figment of my wishes being played out like a perfect movie scene. Sometimes, I like to think she’s gonna add me on fb and dm me. Sometimes I hype myself up to do it but I don’t because I’d just end up making myself look like a clown.
If we happened to have gotten and stayed together, it would’ve been 7 years. I would’ve married her a long time ago. I’m going to feel really bad when she announces a pregnancy.

Anyways..I appreciate all you readers and responders. Feels good to express myself.
Hey,

You don’t know me and I don’t know you but I’d like to help you.

I read your story and it looks like a lot of ppl gave good advice but I’d like to give you a different perspective

A girl is not the answer, she won’t fix the issues and she can’t. You are going to hate the next year of your life but if you’re serious about getting passed this you need to do the following

Workout everyday 30 min of walking daily will make a difference, on these daily walks no exceptions you listen to motivational videos or follow a udemy course to learn a new skill

no tv, no video games and you can’t under any circumstances go on any form of social media. If you get bored that’s the universe saying you should be reading and upping your game or lifting and finding your purpose in being a man and not a boy, be smart with your money and write to yourself in a journal about your goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how big draw out a one year plan with realistic goals and NO VENTING practice how you think to yourself example instead of thinking I can’t change that thought process to how can I

if you think of her go run a lap around the block (seriously) trust me this works

Remember this “ the difference is indifference”

I opened this account specifically to give you this info and won’t be on here again but I know you can do this, please trust me it’ll save you from misery and open doors for you but you have to be willing and able it’s hard af but worth it

your friend

Harlock
 

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