I’ll propose… but first, did you cheat?

[CenotaphGirl]

Lool my fella is insane, this man really said he wants to propose but he wants to lay on the table all the cheating he did before and for me to be honest about if I ever cheated on him… I mean… aside from the countless dreams about his hot brother i’ve been faithful in mind body and spirit Really feel excited to potentially achieve one of my life goals to be prosed to at a young age… I was so depressed yesterday and its like I hope the proposal is not based on me feeling suicidal and all that and actually based on wanting to start a family with me.

Had me thinking… did you have a confess all time before you settled down with someone? Do you think its healthy to tell all… then propose if you’re ready to move forward? Hmm let me pick ya brains

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Congratulations Cen!
I'm happy for you.

Usually I try to get the tell-all aspects of stuff out of the way in the beginning.
I do that as a matter of vetting my partner and so my partner can vet me.
The way that I look at it is that way nobody wastes their time if we aren't compatible.
Because you can absolutely be attracted to someone you're not compatible with, that happens all the time.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Congratulations Cen!
I'm happy for you.

Usually I try to get the tell-all aspects of stuff out of the way in the beginning.
I do that as a matter of vetting my partner and so my partner can vet me.
The way that I look at it is that way nobody wastes their time if we aren't compatible.
Because you can absolutely be attracted to someone you're not compatible with, that happens all the time.

Thank you!! Hasnt happened yet… when it happens im gonna post a ceno special on here… pics and videos the works! The people that have supported me on here are so invaluable to me, you are all so cared about by me even though I dont know you…. My haters and those that would like me to consider them my haters are important to me tooo they teach me how to fight the bad voices that always try to drag me down… I appreciate everyone on here, I truly do!

Thats so interesting, do you think you’d confess all your cheating, before proposing? I’m scared to hear about how much he cheated on me deep down I just dont want my feelings to change but I watched a lot of videos and it says I should respect him as an alpha as he’s taking accountability and owning up on his own free will and promising to be the man I deserve until I die. I think thats very positive…

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Thank you!! Hasnt happened yet… when it happens im gonna post a ceno special on here… pics and videos the works! The people that have supported me on here are so invaluable to me, you are all so cared about by me even though I dont know you…. My haters and those that would like me to consider them my haters are important to me tooo they teach me how to fight the bad voices that always try to drag me down… I appreciate everyone on here, I truly do!

Thats so interesting, do you think you’d confess all your cheating, before proposing? I’m scared to hear about how much he cheated on me deep down I just dont want my feelings to change but I watched a lot of videos and it says I should respect him as an alpha as he’s taking accountability and owning up on his own free will and promising to be the man I deserve until I die. I think thats very positive…

I think you should let yourself feel what you feel about it.
But try not to shoot your future marriage in the face in those feelings about it.
Which is like the hardest thing to do.

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness, but I'm a little bit like Ash Williams when he gets parasitically cloned and his evil side comes out and his has to kill his evil self. And when he does, he says: "Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."

I'm kinda like:
"Chad. Cad." I'm the guy with the gun."

 

[TheSkaFish]

this man really said he wants to propose but he wants to lay on the table all the cheating he did before and for me to be honest about if I ever cheated on him… I mean… aside from the countless dreams about his hot brother i’ve been faithful in mind body and spirit

Wait, so, there's even more cheating than you told us about before? That you didn't know about until now?

And all the while you've been faithful?

I don't have exact studies or anything but I have a gut feeling that says that most people manage to go through their lives without cheating, just like most people manage to go through their whole lives without committing serious crimes. I guess I'm going to play devil's advocate here, and I know you said on here in the past that it doesn't bother you, but I feel like you're selling yourself short. Nobody should feel like this is something they have to accept.

I’m scared to hear about how much he cheated on me deep down I just dont want my feelings to change but I watched a lot of videos and it says I should respect him as an alpha as he’s taking accountability and owning up on his own free will and promising to be the man I deserve until I die. I think thats very positive…

Is it you that thinks you should respect him? Or the videos? Do you really agree with that? If so, why?

If he's cheated this much, or at all really - then to be blunt, I don't know how much his promises are worth. I also don't know how much accountability he's taking - sure he's owning up to his wrongdoing, but then again, there's the fact that he did all this wrongdoing in the first place, wrongdoing that's very easy to avoid. There are plenty of men who don't behave this way. Again, it's not some norm that you have to accept, if you don't want to.

My devil's advocate $0.02 is that you're rushing into this. Cheating isn't what most people would consider normal or acceptable, I know if someone cheated on me they would have to have very good reasons why we wouldn't be immediately done and cut out of my life. They aren't the only game in town, and I don't have to just accept someone that treats me that way. It's disrespectful, and I have very strong feelings about being treated with disrespect or contempt, in fact it's one of my biggest deal-breakers. It sounds like you've been respectful of him, but he hasn't been respectful of you in return - don't you think respect should be a two-way street?

I'm sorry if I've made you feel bad by talking negatively about someone you care about, but I don't think mindless "yes man" behavior helps anyone, and my honest feelings are that I don't think his behavior is OK. And I don't think you need to just accept it, no matter what some video says. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you did ask for opinions, and this is mine.

 

[ringwood]

Wait, so, there's even more cheating than you told us about before? That you didn't know about until now?

And all the while you've been faithful?

I don't have exact studies or anything but I have a gut feeling that says that most people manage to go through their lives without cheating, just like most people manage to go through their whole lives without committing serious crimes. I guess I'm going to play devil's advocate here, and I know you said on here in the past that it doesn't bother you, but I feel like you're selling yourself short. Nobody should feel like this is something they have to accept.



Is it you that thinks you should respect him? Or the videos? Do you really agree with that? If so, why?

If he's cheated this much, or at all really - then to be blunt, I don't know how much his promises are worth. I also don't know how much accountability he's taking - sure he's owning up to his wrongdoing, but then again, there's the fact that he did all this wrongdoing in the first place, wrongdoing that's very easy to avoid. There are plenty of men who don't behave this way. Again, it's not some norm that you have to accept, if you don't want to.

My devil's advocate $0.02 is that you're rushing into this. Cheating isn't what most people would consider normal or acceptable, I know if someone cheated on me they would have to have very good reasons why we wouldn't be immediately done and cut out of my life. They aren't the only game in town, and I don't have to just accept someone that treats me that way. It's disrespectful, and I have very strong feelings about being treated with disrespect or contempt, in fact it's one of my biggest deal-breakers. It sounds like you've been respectful of him, but he hasn't been respectful of you in return - don't you think respect should be a two-way street?

I'm sorry if I've made you feel bad by talking negatively about someone you care about, but I don't think mindless "yes man" behavior helps anyone, and my honest feelings are that I don't think his behavior is OK. And I don't think you need to just accept it, no matter what some video says. But you did ask for opinions, and this is mine.

100% agree with this. My thoughts exactly. I understand that you're excited, but the fact is - he cheated. As Ska says, this is immensely disrespectful and a huge red flag in my opinion. You DO deserve respect in your relationships and I'm not sure you're getting it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Wait, so, there's even more cheating than you told us about before? That you didn't know about until now?

And all the while you've been faithful?

I don't have exact studies or anything but I have a gut feeling that says that most people manage to go through their lives without cheating, just like most people manage to go through their whole lives without committing serious crimes. I guess I'm going to play devil's advocate here, and I know you said on here in the past that it doesn't bother you, but I feel like you're selling yourself short. Nobody should feel like this is something they have to accept.



Is it you that thinks you should respect him? Or the videos? Do you really agree with that? If so, why?

If he's cheated this much, or at all really - then to be blunt, I don't know how much his promises are worth. I also don't know how much accountability he's taking - sure he's owning up to his wrongdoing, but then again, there's the fact that he did all this wrongdoing in the first place, wrongdoing that's very easy to avoid. There are plenty of men who don't behave this way. Again, it's not some norm that you have to accept, if you don't want to.

My devil's advocate $0.02 is that you're rushing into this. Cheating isn't what most people would consider normal or acceptable, I know if someone cheated on me they would have to have very good reasons why we wouldn't be immediately done and cut out of my life. They aren't the only game in town, and I don't have to just accept someone that treats me that way. It's disrespectful, and I have very strong feelings about being treated with disrespect or contempt, in fact it's one of my biggest deal-breakers. It sounds like you've been respectful of him, but he hasn't been respectful of you in return - don't you think respect should be a two-way street?

I'm sorry if I've made you feel bad by talking negatively about someone you care about, but I don't think mindless "yes man" behavior helps anyone, and my honest feelings are that I don't think his behavior is OK. And I don't think you need to just accept it, no matter what some video says. But you did ask for opinions, and this is mine.

Awh thanks Ska, I think truthfully I feel he is brave to admit all his wrong doings. Cheating is not normal however, my behaviour at the time of him cheating was also very abnormal I was recovering from a traumatic event, I wasnt being myself and I pushed him away. It would be so easy for me to say he shouldnt have done it but idk what its like to be a man and feel rejected by my own woman, you know ?

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you have ANY doubts about the relationship...which you have admitted that you do, whether you think you have or not....I would SERIOUSLY recommend saying no to marriage. Being tied to him legally will NOT make the relationship better.
I don't suggest anyone stay in an abusive/toxic relationship, but if you choose to do that, please don't bind yourself to him legally.
Honestly, call me a hater all you want, but if you truly don't care that he cheated on you, you are either delusional (from the abuse) or you don't care about him as much as you think you do.
And sorry, but thinking YOU caused him to cheat or that it was "okay" given the circumstances? fresia that, he made the decision to disrespect you all on his own. I don't care what you do, that is a callous action that you DO NOT deserve, no one does. Also, again, I state....once a cheater, always a cheater. He'll do it again.

 

[randomguy]

Awh thanks Ska, I think truthfully I feel he is brave to admit all his wrong doings. Cheating is not normal however, my behaviour at the time of him cheating was also very abnormal I was recovering from a traumatic event, I wasnt being myself and I pushed him away. It would be so easy for me to say he shouldnt have done it but idk what its like to be a man and feel rejected by my own woman, you know ?

These are just excuses you're making for his behaviour, if the only way he can feel worth as a man is by how much sex he's getting that's his problem and you're not to blame.

 

[Abstamyous]

Kind of sounds like he just wants to see how bat honeysuckle crazy he can make you, to have a reason not to.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

100% agree with this. My thoughts exactly. I understand that you're excited, but the fact is - he cheated. As Ska says, this is immensely disrespectful and a huge red flag in my opinion. You DO deserve respect in your relationships and I'm not sure you're getting it.

I totally appreciate this view point, so interesting I never looked at the cheating as disrespect, I felt like I made him, I still feel that way sometimes, like look what I drove him to do… this ugly toxic woman.

If you have ANY doubts about the relationship...which you have admitted that you do, whether you think you have or not....I would SERIOUSLY recommend saying no to marriage. Being tied to him legally will NOT make the relationship better.
I don't suggest anyone stay in an abusive/toxic relationship, but if you choose to do that, please don't bind yourself to him legally.
Honestly, call me a hater all you want, but if you truly don't care that he cheated on you, you are either delusional (from the abuse) or you don't care about him as much as you think you do.
And sorry, but thinking YOU caused him to cheat or that it was "okay" given the circumstances? fresia that, he made the decision to disrespect you all on his own. I don't care what you do, that is a callous action that you DO NOT deserve, no one does. Also, again, I state....once a cheater, always a cheater. He'll do it again.

Yeah Callie honestly you hit the nail on the head here, I feel like my fella cheating was because of me. He said if we move pass this he wont cheat again and will propose.

These are just excuses you're making for his behaviour, if the only way he can feel worth as a man is by how much sex he's getting that's his problem and you're not to blame.

Thanks Randomguy, I guess I feel like maybe it was an intense situation I dont know what I would have done if roles were reversed it was such a difficult time so I dont wanna be the victim and him just the dirty cheat, you know?

Kind of sounds like he just wants to see how bat honeysuckle crazy he can make you, to have a reason not to.

Well you know…, he makes me feel bloody crazy thats for sure

 

[TheRealCallie]

He said if we move pass this he wont cheat again and will propose

You know that's manipulation, right? I mean seriously, who the fresia says "Hey, if you can get over all the cheating I've done (and you don't know about them all) and your answers are satisfactory to me, I'll give you what we both know you want"

Run, my dear...run fast.

 

[Finished]

I'm old school. What happens before the two of us make a commitment together really is not my business. I don't need to know about it either. But, if there was cheating after the commitment then we are done. I will never be able to trust the person again. And for me, trust is the most important thing in a relationship.

 

[roses4all]

I'm old school. What happens before the two of us make a commitment together really is not my business. I don't need to know about it either. But, if there was cheating after the commitment then we are done. I will never be able to trust the person again. And for me, trust is the most important thing in a relationship.

I disagree. I think the most important thing is caring... and if you care, you don't cheat. But caring is more.

So, Ceno, does you guy say sorry, and ''I don't want to hurt you''. Has he said or done anything in terms of restitution for his cheating?

Does he show you that your feelings are a priority for him?

Or is he trying to get something he wants by dangling the carrot of a marriage proposal?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's 3:58 am... and im so wrapped in digging for answers, its getting unhealthy.

He said if we get it all out on the open then no one can threaten him and no one can hurt us, and anything more would be completely on him, it was this long talk. Sometimes, because im younger than him I feel like, maybe I am scared of doing the mature thing, like have a real uncomfortable conversation. I've been researching for hours and hours, on if you can forgive someone who cheated on you. What it means if deep down you dont care, not in the sense that I wasn't... embarrassed at the time, I felt like... so ugly... but the fact that he cheated with someone that I know he wants nothing to do with, convinced me it was just sex.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I disagree. I think the most important thing is caring... and if you care, you don't cheat. But caring is more.

So, Ceno, does you guy say sorry, and ''I don't want to hurt you''. Has he said or done anything in terms of restitution for his cheating?

Does he show you that your feelings are a priority for him?

Or is he trying to get something he wants by dangling the carrot of a marriage proposal?

Ah he's been trying to make it up to me so much, I feel guilty, like im dragging it. I think ah we was in an intense time and he acted out and I was all about Ceno at the time, trying to get myself back, it was a dark place. He always tells me that he never wanted to leave me, thats what he always says and many men would have left me. I was all bruised and injured, my injuries were so bad, I still have damage to my brain, one eye, a stutter, and well... my mental health... is unhealthy. He has me back, im really not sure why he wants to marry me so soon, I think he wants a son now, we both look after his daughter together.. idk its a sticky situation, it's not like I was at my best, and he just cheated, I was a 10th of the woman I was at the time.

 

[roses4all]

Ah he's been trying to make it up to me so much, I feel guilty, like im dragging it. I think ah we was in an intense time and he acted out and I was all about Ceno at the time, trying to get myself back, it was a dark place. He always tells me that he never wanted to leave me, thats what he always says and many men would have left me. I was all bruised and injured, my injuries were so bad, I still have damage to my brain, one eye, a stutter, and well... my mental health... is unhealthy. He has me back, im really not sure why he wants to marry me so soon, I think he wants a son now, we both look after his daughter together.. idk its a sticky situation, it's not like I was at my best, and he just cheated, I was a 10th of the woman I was at the time.

cheating is cheating no matter the condition of the partner....

do not justify what he did with your accident... cause that doesn't justify it

actually nothing justifies it...

 

[roses4all]

Ah he's been trying to make it up to me so much, I feel guilty, like im dragging it. I think ah we was in an intense time and he acted out and I was all about Ceno at the time, trying to get myself back, it was a dark place. He always tells me that he never wanted to leave me, thats what he always says and many men would have left me. I was all bruised and injured, my injuries were so bad, I still have damage to my brain, one eye, a stutter, and well... my mental health... is unhealthy. He has me back, im really not sure why he wants to marry me so soon, I think he wants a son now, we both look after his daughter together.. idk its a sticky situation, it's not like I was at my best, and he just cheated, I was a 10th of the woman I was at the time.

and don't feel guilty cause he is treating you well

he should always treat you well.... and your reaction should be ''happy'' and you should love being treated that way

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Marriage doesn't mean 10% of what it used to (which, is very good in some respects, and others, maybe not). Enjoy yourself if things go that way; just DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN, unless you are ready to completely give up 80-90% of your life and be trapped in a very long, drawn out, and difficult situation not IF, but WHEN the marriage goes south. Also, get a **** prenup if you have money; either that, or don't get legally married, just do the ceremony and make the commitment. That way, your money is yours and his is his, and you won't have to file for divorce and go through all the bullshit when it doesn't work out (you can still take his last name if you want to, without having to get, 'legally,' married ).

You have a 50/50 chance of the marriage commitment being successful. Those are the statistical odds that have been researched and known for some time.

Also, money marriages tend to be the most likely to be successful, because the man know what he wants (sex), the woman knows what she wants (money), and they are both honest about that and keep up with their parts of the bargain.

If you were crying yourself bloody just the other day, it's very unlikely being married will change your base mental state. It will be fun and exciting for a little while; then... Life will continue to happen, and life is often very unkind.

Good luck.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Marriage doesn't mean 10% of what it used to (which, is very good in some respects, and others, maybe not). Enjoy yourself if things go that way; just DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN, unless you are ready to completely give up 80-90% of your life and be trapped in a very long, drawn out, and difficult situation not IF, but WHEN the marriage goes south. Also, get a **** prenup if you have money; either that, or don't get legally married, just do the ceremony and make the commitment. That way, your money is yours and his is his, and you won't have to file for divorce and go through all the bullshit when it doesn't work out (you can still take his last name if you want to, without having to get, 'legally,' married ).

You have a 50/50 chance of the marriage commitment being successful. Those are the statistical odds that have been researched and known for some time.

Also, money marriages tend to be the most likely to be successful, because the man know what he wants (sex), the woman knows what she wants (money), and they are both honest about that and keep up with their parts of the bargain.

If you were crying yourself bloody just the other day, it's very unlikely being married will change your base mental state. It will be fun and exciting for a little while; then... Life will continue to happen, and life is often very unkind.

Good luck.

You know... I think thats very true, I really like the points you are making in this.

I deffo don't want to go into a marriage with anyone on the premise that it will end, I know only ever want to get married once. Prenups are... out of the question he did mention it because his mother thinks of me as a gold digger, like most women do... totally delusional. I either get married or I dont, I won't pretend, I won't get married with conditions, I'll leave that to the women who aren't ready or willing to be a wife.

I think maybe my fella wants to give me a pretty event to plan and he keeps talking about a son so maybe thats what all this is in aid of lol but I agree that theres no point to get married if it's just for show or games.