I am a certified incel

[CenotaphGirl]

There's a inevitably to "jumping ahead" and investing emotionally too early on. The analogy to a starving person wolfing down their first meal in forever is apt, and it applies to any kind of socially deprived state, including making friends, where oversharing is common. Excuse? Sure, but often when I've behaved that way I've been aware I was doing it at the time and couldn't stop myself. Sometimes I was so desperate to fill in awkward silence in the conversation with anything. ('Anything' usually being something too personal or controversial as a go-to)

The situation where we wouldn't feel compelled to behave this way is where we weren't that keen in the first place. So the relationship that might work out would be the one we didn't want, and the one we did want is wrecked because of inappropriate neediness. Just a shitshow really.

This is true but at some point a man has to understand, if he refuses to control his impulses…he will not get very far. At all. Also I have experienced men that list their bad qualities and say have i still got a chance like a filtering system. Like they are so tired of putting in effort to get rejected for the same things so they are like this is me… want it yes or no? Problem with this approach although it is confident it uses negative traits as the base on who they are.

 

[M_also_lonely]

No.
Don't.
Don't go that way.
This way of thinking leads to a dangerous path.
The more you think this way, the stronger this belief will become.
You WILL end up becoming a loser.
I know it is such a comforting thought.
If you don't think it is, then do something about your issue.
Really, really work on figuring out what can be done about this.

Regarding the incel thing, most (99%) of men are incel at every moment. The people in this category keep changing but the number probably remains same. Because if I want to have sex right now, exactly at this very moment, and I cannot, due to whatever reasons, I am an technically an incel.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No.
Don't.
Don't go that way.
This way of thinking leads to a dangerous path.
The more you think this way, the stronger this belief will become.
You WILL end up becoming a loser.
I know it is such a comforting thought.
If you don't think it is, then do something about your issue.
Really, really work on figuring out what can be done about this.

Regarding the incel thing, most (99%) of men are incel at every moment. The people in this category keep changing but the number probably remains same. Because if I want to have sex right now, exactly at this very moment, and I cannot, due to whatever reasons, I am an technically an incel.

Oh... I thought it was a 7 month minimum... ? My data is way off.

 

[ardour]

Oh... I thought it was a 7 month minimum... ? My data is way off.

Most incels are 20-something virgins. (I read somewhere the median age is around mid 20s) A minority have done it with sex workers. A man who had mutually desired sex as recently as 7 months ago would not qualify as incel or forever alone.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Most incels are 20-something virgins. (I read somewhere the median age is around mid 20s) A minority have done it with sex workers. A man who had mutually desired sex as recently as 7 months ago would not qualify as incel or forever alone.

A year? Im sure I saw 7 months, but if the movement is I cant have sex right this second then everyone is a incel

Oh oh just came to me… might be an obnoxious question, I wonder how many of them mid 20’s are unemployed and live with their parents? I just wonder….

 

[Xpendable]

A year? Im sure I saw 7 months, but if the movement is I cant have sex right this second then everyone is a incel

Oh oh just came to me… might be an obnoxious question, I wonder how many of them mid 20’s are unemployed and live with their parents? I just wonder….

Not all, that's certainly a misrepresentation. How many women are in their mid 20's, unemployed, and living with their parents? Should they be incels too? What they mentioned above is correct, the less experience you have, the more chance any conversation can turn into a police interrogation; not because they want a confession, but in the way you avoid saying anything that can incriminate you. Let's put it this way: For a man to reveal how little experience he has with women is as frightening or taboo as for a woman to reveal how much experience she has. Men inflate their numbers, women trim them don`t. And before anyone says it's a generalization, yes it is, doesn't stop being true.

 

[user 136944]

@Xpendable.... Your not an 'incel' (ludicrous and immature label)... your just a bloke who hasn't had much experience (relationships/sexual) with women going by what you have described. I'm sure if you dropped the silly 'labels' such as 'incel,'... stopped beating yourself up because you feel as if you should have had more in the way of female attention, (there is no set standard number here) and stop thinking ridiculous nonsense like "women judge me on the number of previous lovers I have or have not had".. then I'm sure youll be in a far better and happier position. Women are not that shallow 'or' stupid, and you are worth more than calling yourself an 'incel' or going down that road in life.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Not all, that's certainly a misrepresentation. How many women are in their mid 20's, unemployed, and living with their parents? Should they be incels too? What they mentioned above is correct, the less experience you have, the more chance any conversation can turn into a police interrogation; not because they want a confession, but in the way you avoid saying anything that can incriminate you. Let's put it this way: For a man to reveal how little experience he has with women is as frightening or taboo as for a woman to reveal how much experience she has. Men inflate their numbers, women trim them don`t. And before anyone says it's a generalization, yes it is, doesn't stop being true.

Hmmm not sure anyone “should” be an incel but … You know what I wont say what Im thinking Of course a man that is jobless and virtually homeless who thinks sleeping with women should be his main concern is deffo the man im dreaming of sleeping with wake me up when reality hits.

 

[ardour]

Hmmm not sure anyone “should” be an incel but … You know what I wont say what Im thinking Of course a man that is jobless and virtually homeless who thinks sleeping with women should be his main concern is deffo the man im dreaming of sleeping with wake me up when reality hits.

What he's saying is that the same expectation doesn't apply when it probably should, since women now have similar ability to take care of themselves.

I sometimes browse r/FemaleDatingdStrategy out of morbid curiosity. They're constantly slagging off men as low value losers who add nothing to a woman's life. Never in the discussion does what they do for living, their hobbies or achievements get brought up. Apparently a woman's worth as a partner is a given based on child bearing. But, choosing to buy into that extreme double standard, they still get extremely butthurt when men value them for their looks, youth, fertility, etc. Can't have it both ways.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

What he's saying is that the same expectation doesn't apply when it probably should, since women now have similar ability to take care of themselves.

I sometimes browse r/FemaleDatingdStrategy out of morbid curiosity. They're constantly slagging off men as low value losers who add nothing to a woman's life. Never in the discussion does what they do for living, their hobbies or achievements get brought up. Apparently a woman's worth as a partner is a given based on child bearing. But, choosing to buy into that extreme double standard, they still get extremely butthurt when men value them for their looks, youth, fertility, etc. Can't have it both ways.

IF the same expectation dont apply it's because men dont want it to. Because men and women care about different things. I am telling you this right now, if me and my sister approached a guy and said, you can have either one of us. No where in that guys mind is he gonna wonder who has more financial stability... I cant say the same for most women. Because men do not care about that.

My point is this... The whole male side of the debate is for men to ignore them single mothers and low hanging fruit, focus on their careers/money and then go into the dating market. To me, that makes more sense than going into the incel world and talking about genetics when... you cant provide anything for a woman anyway.

 

[ardour]

IF the same expectation dont apply it's because men dont want it to. Because men and women care about different things. I am telling you this right now, if me and my sister approached a guy and said, you can have either one of us. No where in that guys mind is he gonna wonder who has more financial stability... I cant say the same for most women. Because men do not care about that.

My point is this... The whole male side of the debate is for men to ignore them single mothers and low hanging fruit, focus on their careers/money and then go into the dating market. To me, that makes more sense than going into the incel world and talking about genetics when... you cant provide anything for a woman anyway.

My point was since they're making an argument as to what qualifies a person as relationship worthy in a general sense, they should be judging themselves by similar standards.

Just don't turn around and hate men for valuing looks if you've chosen to trade on that. These people are ridiculous in that they can't accept the consequences of their own ideas. You're not approaching anyway, that's part of the issue here - a lot women claim to want to be taken seriously as a full persons but aren't doing a thing to "sell" that side of themselves. They're not starting conversations, they're not trying to connect with men based on shared interests. They do nothing. Then they judge us for focusing on the obvious.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My point was since they're making an argument as to what qualifies a person as relationship worthy in a general sense, they should be judging themselves by similar standards.

Just don't turn around and hate men for valuing looks if you've chosen to trade on that. These people are ridiculous in that they can't accept the consequences of their own ideas. You're not approaching anyway, that's part of the issue here - a lot women claim to want to be taken seriously as a full persons but aren't doing a thing to "sell" that side of themselves. They're not starting conversations, they're not trying to connect with men based on shared interests. They do nothing. Then they judge us for focusing on the obvious.

I agree with you, but also, I dont think either gender can change what they want, I cant and as you know I dont judge men for thatt. I accept the reality of both sides. When I was ugly, I did approach guys lolz I asked them to things, didn't really go well. Only thing that gave me more value was getting my body done. Its a harsh reality, but its mine, I cant imagine even thinking of approaching a man now lol

 

[TropicalStarfish]

There's no such thing as an 'incel.' Celibacy, by definition, implies choice; I believe the word's etymology comes from the religious tradition. (let me see.) ahah! This IS interesting.

So, according to this etymological write up, having just skimmed the beginning, those who were, 'celibate,' were frowned upon. They were those who, 'abstained,' from marriage to indulge in sexual relations without the commitment.

lol.

So, historically, to be celibate, meant to be a, 'player.' I'm not sure people even use that word much anymore, which is interesting...

Seems like it would be an interesting rap song, 'no choice for a player.' lol.

 

[Xpendable]

True, that's why the word "involuntary" comes to play. Also the word chastity. This is funny, meaning there's not really a word for involuntary celibacy because most people aren't voluntary about it.