I hate and love my isolation

[Barely Real]

Ever since I was a kid I've enjoyed being alone. I would always seek out isolation. I think I got that way because of abuse and neglect I was facing at home, my way of dealing with it was to stay out of the way and disturb others as little as possible. Even as my life changed for the better, my habit of isolating stayed the same.

I never really understood most people: the things they say, their likes/dislikes, their reactions, their motives, et cetera. Of course, I'm generally able to empathise with people, and one-on-one I'm generally quite good at talking, if I set my mind to it. It's just that I rarely do because I don't feel at home around them. I feel out of place no matter where I go, like I shouldn't be there, like there's a disconnect between me and the outer world, and like I just can't get out of myself. I feel inexperienced, too. And I don't like faking. For the most part I'm fine with being that weird, quiet guy, but sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm missing out on something.

I've often thought about how if I isolate for long periods of time without seeing anyone, I am generally quite content and feel at ease, I don't feel lonely. But the moment I'm around people, especially those within the same age range as me, eventually it tends to trigger negative emotions in me, making me feel very lonely and out of place. Going to college was easily the worst part of my life for this reason. Everyone talks about it like it's this amazing, life-changing thing, but for me it was just awful. It's often seemed easier to isolate, this way I can focus on my projects uninterrupted, I don't risk embarrassment, I don't risk rejection, and I don't feel alone.

Isolation seems more like an unhealthy addiction to me now. I crave it and it gives me comfort, but in the long run it mostly seems to do me harm. I've already missed out on so much. It's put strain on the romantic relationships I've been in. I don't know how to break the cycle, and if I even want to, seeing as how I see little point in interacting with people I don't understand and who don't understand me. Maybe I'm just lazy, or maybe all of this is perfectly normal for a true introvert.

 

[SquiddyKat]

I like it, becuase I generally don't like people, and I like my privacy. But, I also wish I had someone to spend time with.

 

[xephier102]

I have also isolated myself a lot due to a traumatizing experience with the other kids when I was five. Though I've never liked the isolation.. It makes me sad, makes me lonely, but I often feel more alone when around other people. I also prefer one on one. The thing that gets to me even when I'm around a friend, is when they leave. Especially if I was having a good time. It's like always being the last one at the party.. Never having anyone in my entire life actually want to commit to me or believe in me, in any serious way. It's just depressing..

I'm 40 now and I find myself just lost sometimes.. Staring into space in a near catatonic state, like.. what's the point.. why do I keep going... Tbh, Corona really isn't helping.. It can fresia right off any time now..

I just found out last year that I'm autistic. So I finally have an idea of the kinda people I can meet up with to try and form a bond, and I can't do honeysuckle about it.. Stuck in a tiny shitty town, couldn't do much even in the city because of the corona restrictions.. Just rotting away in this apartment because there's nowhere worth going in this town..

I would recommend seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist though. learning I had autism did give me some hope; there just happens to be a big wet blanket on that hope for now because of corona.. Well, and women.. But that's another story..

Point being that you're probably not as alone as you think you are. It's just about knowing the type of people that you can click with.

 

[Just_another_one]

I can relate to this.
I was a lone wolf as a child, and I enjoyed it a lot. I had some friends and all but I was also very shy so let's say they were friends with me but I wasn't much friend with them (if you get what I mean).
During my first teenage years loneliness was not so appealing, especially after I lost the only real friend I had. I used to suffer much.
On the last years though the only person I would spent time with was my boyfriend of the time. We both had psychological and familiar problems and we locked ourselves in a golden bubble in which we were the only smart and interesting people in a world of shallow peers.
After I left home, anyway, and after I had my child, I changed a lot.
I'm still a lone wolf inside and I need my personal space. I still don't show much of my real self to others left alone the person I have a romantic relationship with.
But I have a lot of people that want to hang out with me between coworkers and ex college colleagues.
I've opened up and now I can talk and laugh even when I'm in a large group. I go out every Friday/Saturday and know many people in my town.
But sometimes I long for my loneliness. I need to rest from people and to have time to think about myself, to study, to read, to write, to play the guitar (bad).
The lockdown was an opportunity to rest. Now I decide from time to time to "self quarantine" me so I can breath.

 

[user 139760]

I'm still a lone wolf. That's partly due to the fact that many, many people are utter idiots, partly due to trust issues in the case of relationships and ties into...recent events.
It bothers me sometimes, but on the whole it's better this way. I have my girls and the family to break up the loneliness. I sometimes miss being with someone, but then think back on how unsatisfying some of my previous relationships were, or the fact that I can't picture myself enduring a woman more than 1 hour without finding something wrong with her (or vice versa lol). and it passes.
I'm thinking I could probably reach 20 years of celibacy without issues, unless some siren visciously attacks me (because, who would resist? lol)

 

[nerdgrl]

Y'all are speaking my mindset here. Another lone wolf here, not inclined to change it.

 

[Diagnosed]

Y'all are speaking my mindset here. Another lone wolf here, not inclined to change it.

As I have interacted with ppl I know wolves do not like loneliness, otherwise, no one would bark at the wrong trees or say their sad howling those empty nights...

 

[nerdgrl]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lone_wolf_(trait)

 

[Jently]

Yep, between a rock and a hard place. Want to be isolated in my own space and head but inwardly screaming out for someone to share life with. Guess the two are mutually exclusive so it's a no win situation.
Maybe that's why I'm in/was in (?) a LDR where there was never any hope of actually being together.

 

[Paths]

Yep, between a rock and a hard place. Want to be isolated in my own space and head but inwardly screaming out for someone to share life with. Guess the two are mutually exclusive so it's a no win situation.
Maybe that's why I'm in/was in (?) a LDR where there was never any hope of actually being together.

LDR are so hard, especially if the person shares your desire to be isolated. It adds emotional distance to the physical distance. And if they are the opposite type, you might find yourself emotionally exhausted.

 

[Juana24]

I also enjoy my loneliness. But I do crave company sometimes. When I find comfortable a social interaction I feel very happy. I've noticed that I am a very social person, and that talking and sharing is good for me. It recharges me in a way. But I've always been a loner, a very shy and quiet person. The thing is that the same way I need to socialize I also need to be alone, mostly after socializing for a while. It also recharges me In a way.
You said something that really shocked me: " I don't risk embarrassment, I don't risk rejection, and I don't feel alone." I understand that feeling. That's what makes me ran away from social interactions, mainly when they are with unknown people; only by thinking about it I feel really anxious and scared. So much that, now that I've lost the few friendships I've had for different reasons, it's been quite a while since I don't find any new ones... Years actually, that's why I came here... Anyway, the point I want to address here is that I understand that fear, but I know the danger behind it. I know it's a self protection reaction from our past trauma, for being laughed at and mistreated in the past. But It is also a comfort zone. A place we don't live out fear, and for me that's a jail.
I'm also in that jail my friend. But I want to break it. I saw once a comic from macanudo, a comic book from Argentina (I'm from Colombia). It was one little strip comic. Only that. But for me it was like a bullet: you see a man hunched over his knees. A little bird comes and asks "what are you doing?", He says, "protecting my self from any bad happening to me". Then the comic finishes saying: "effectively NOTHING ever happened to him"... nor bad things, nor good things... Nothing. I fear that... I can see that you fear it too...

 

[user 181147]

I also love/hate my isolation. I have a hard time making friends, but I also like just being on my computer and drawing. Of course, many time I cry and wish I had someone around who shared my interests.

 

[geraldine1956]

I like it, becuase I generally don't like people, and I like my privacy. But, I also wish I had someone to spend time with.

I dont like people either, they annoy me, but I hate the loneliness.

 

[SecondStarTotheRight]

Joining the chorus of the lone wolf.
It's just a shame that society puts such an emphasis on socialization, so that introverts and loners have to feel shame about it, or stressed that they're missing out on life. I got sick of hearing "humans are social animals" my whole life. Extroverts and "normal" social people feel depressed, lonely, and disconnected, too. They fill up their time and space with things that might not even know them or give them real comfort.

I love my isolation. Hating it would make me loathe so much of who I am. I do get lonely. But the loneliness I feel isn't for quick company; it's a deeper ache for kindred spirits and soulmates.
Still, I'd rather be alone than fill up the empty space with just anyone, any experience.
People make a lot of noise.

 

[reflectionofme]

Ever since I was a kid I've enjoyed being alone. I would always seek out isolation. I think I got that way because of abuse and neglect I was facing at home, my way of dealing with it was to stay out of the way and disturb others as little as possible. Even as my life changed for the better, my habit of isolating stayed the same.

I never really understood most people: the things they say, their likes/dislikes, their reactions, their motives, et cetera. Of course, I'm generally able to empathise with people, and one-on-one I'm generally quite good at talking, if I set my mind to it. It's just that I rarely do because I don't feel at home around them. I feel out of place no matter where I go, like I shouldn't be there, like there's a disconnect between me and the outer world, and like I just can't get out of myself. I feel inexperienced, too. And I don't like faking. For the most part I'm fine with being that weird, quiet guy, but sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm missing out on something.

I've often thought about how if I isolate for long periods of time without seeing anyone, I am generally quite content and feel at ease, I don't feel lonely. But the moment I'm around people, especially those within the same age range as me, eventually it tends to trigger negative emotions in me, making me feel very lonely and out of place. Going to college was easily the worst part of my life for this reason. Everyone talks about it like it's this amazing, life-changing thing, but for me it was just awful. It's often seemed easier to isolate, this way I can focus on my projects uninterrupted, I don't risk embarrassment, I don't risk rejection, and I don't feel alone.

Isolation seems more like an unhealthy addiction to me now. I crave it and it gives me comfort, but in the long run it mostly seems to do me harm. I've already missed out on so much. It's put strain on the romantic relationships I've been in. I don't know how to break the cycle, and if I even want to, seeing as how I see little point in interacting with people I don't understand and who don't understand me. Maybe I'm just lazy, or maybe all of this is perfectly normal for a true introvert.

I had almost same story like you! since I was a kid I always isolated myself. I could just go on and on about it. But I really loved how you put it. “ isolation seems more like an unhealthy habit” for me it’s a healthy habit! It’s better than taking people crap!

 

[xephier102]

I can relate to this.
I was a lone wolf as a child, and I enjoyed it a lot. I had some friends and all but I was also very shy so let's say they were friends with me but I wasn't much friend with them (if you get what I mean).
During my first teenage years loneliness was not so appealing, especially after I lost the only real friend I had. I used to suffer much.
On the last years though the only person I would spent time with was my boyfriend of the time. We both had psychological and familiar problems and we locked ourselves in a golden bubble in which we were the only smart and interesting people in a world of shallow peers.
After I left home, anyway, and after I had my child, I changed a lot.
I'm still a lone wolf inside and I need my personal space. I still don't show much of my real self to others left alone the person I have a romantic relationship with.
But I have a lot of people that want to hang out with me between coworkers and ex college colleagues.
I've opened up and now I can talk and laugh even when I'm in a large group. I go out every Friday/Saturday and know many people in my town.
But sometimes I long for my loneliness. I need to rest from people and to have time to think about myself, to study, to read, to write, to play the guitar (bad).
The lockdown was an opportunity to rest. Now I decide from time to time to "self quarantine" me so I can breath.

When corona was first a thing, I just hoped to Jebus that it'd kill off all the stupid people. But that never happened.. so now it's just annoying.. how many more years does this have to last..?

I just wanna see the world start up again. The shortages of everything kinda sucks.. and the inability to even do something as basic as to go see a movie (even if I can get a ride outta this tiny honeysuckle town to do so..). And I want to move to the city, but citys be too costy to live in these days, so disability alone won't cover it, and so I'll need to at least land a PT job or something, but I don't see that happenning in the current job climate..

Kinda figures.. I finally land myself on disability so I can get off the treadmill of working dead end jobs until I'm dead, and I go and get myself stuck in a tiny town during a pandemic at the age of 41..

Now I'm fatty, unhealthy, bored.. at this rate, I'll end up dying in this shitty town..

 

[Finished]

It's funny, days, weeks, and sometimes months go by without ever communicate with anybody. When someone does speak to me it's because they approach me for some reason. I will talk to them and smile. I smile alot especially when I'm nervous. And people make me nervous. So, most assume I'm a very happy friendly person that would probably enjoy speaking with them. But, I'm really thinking, "Crap! Why does this person think that I want to speak to them? I need to get out of here." Ha! ha!

But, I like being isolated a lot! It's great! I can completely focus on me and my needs. I can be selfish as hell. My expenses are nearly zero because I don't have to keep everything looking pretty and making it appear like I'm "the man." So, there's no need to work.

The times I sort of hate my isolation is when I get lonely. It doesn't happen when I'm alone. It happens when I see other people especially when I see someone I'm attracted to. I start think about asking them out, going to dinner, doing activities, moving in together, taking trips, and all the things that should be enjoyable. After my mind finally shifts back to reality I think WTF do I do that for. Then lonelyness hits me. After a few days it usually passes and then everything is good again.

I have thought about just moving out into the wilderness. But, that's just a fantasy.

 

[ewomack]

As I grew up, I noticed more and more people that I know falling into the "middle class value system vortex." This largely entails having the right things, doing the right things, having the right connections, getting the right jobs, taking the right vacations, looking the right way and not talking about the wrong things. I think many of my older friends found me alienating because I refused to buy the big house, have kids or spend money on the ever revolving fashion industry. My guess is that, if they ever talk about me, they say that I "refused to grow up," which means that I refused to follow their value system. I also like to talk about things that wouldn't often come up at a proper middle class dinner party. Obviously, this situation proved unsustainable and a lot of those friends are now either distant or non-existent in my life. Sadly, like many others on this thread, I've had a difficult time finding new groups of friends who don't subscribe to those same middle class values. I have no problem with people who want to go in that direction, that's their business, it just bores the pants and undies right off of me and I don't want to spend the money simply to "keep up" with such groups. What kind of friendship is that? Plus, they seem largely intolerant of "outsiders." So, I feel isolated from what seems to be the "standard" way of relating to the world. In the end, I seem happier not trying to change myself to please others, but it comes at a cost. I guess one learns to just deal with it in the end.

 

[Colster]

The middle-class value system, how it annoys me. There have been many attempts to steer me towards it. I have even attempted to immerse myself in it. Ultimately, it is simply not for me. I would never say that I was rebellious, or antagonistic, I just don't like conformity. My skills and self value, lay outside the lines of the tunnel vision of the middle-class.

For as long as I can recall, and probably beyond that, I have always been weird. At school, I was exceptional at certain things, and completely utterly disinterested in others. My hobbies and interests only seemed to garner much attention and speculation; huge car fanatic, but loath football. The former is perfectly acceptable. The latter, inconceivable, unthinkable, and obviously I must be gay!

Likewise, if too many people said I must watch something or go somewhere, I would avoid it. Wherever there is too much hype, it always lead to questions and doubt from me. People seem too distracted by glitter and glitz. The same people who next week will be proclaiming "New year, new me" mantras.

Fortunately, I have been lucky, and people tend to like me. My humour and general knowledge, get me through most situations. Although, I definitely was not always so confident. I don't think I developed true confidence until perhaps age 30, or thereabouts.

However, currently age 48, and I am still learning about life and ways to get through it all with as little fuss as possible. Life is never static, and should never be taken for granted. Sometimes too, we must do things that make us uncomfortable, for the sake of our own wellbeing.

For me, my journey through it all, I have ceased to care what others think, the social norms and acceptances. I'm not here to offend or upset. However, I am here to live my life, my way, as I see fit.

Remember this; everything that you are fearful of, can be taken from you in an instant. *Colster, sat on a toilet. **available in all good bookstores.

 

[U-122]

I was exactly the same way in my childhood. I didn't care much for certain people who visited our home. I went to my my room and closed the door. I was never in a bad environment, not bullied, just liked being alone, preferably in a completely dark room or a closet. I couldn't explain why because i was a kid but as i grew older i noticed that i still enjoyed the same. Even in my adult years except now it's impossible to have a completely dark room because of all the outdoor light pollution and i don't fit into closets anymore lol. To this day i like small quiet space and don't mind dark places. I also like to get out into the woods and just sit on rocks or tree stomps for as long as i can. Alone. In complete isolation. When i was a kid i always played with neighborhood kids. I had no trouble being social when i was younger. Isolation is something i discovered at a very yearly age, liked it, and still do as an adult. It's not a bad thing.