I miss my toxic ex

[ztyu123]

I miss my toxic ex. It's been 3 months since we last spoke. I really wish that I wasn't in love with him still or miss him, but I do. It upsets and angers me. I hope that I'll get over this soon. It's taking too long.
Do you or have you missed a toxic ex? How did you get over it (if you are)? How was the experience if you took them back?

 

[TheSkaFish]

I never had an ex, but I have had a handful of crushes.

Actually, the thing that got me over the crushes I had that I stopped having, was realizing the things that I really didn't like about the person, but that I was consciously ignoring, in hopes of having a chance with this person. Realizing things that might be toxic, as you were saying. Or just realizing that the person was not as interesting or unique as I thought, or just not really the kind of person I was looking for.

Basically I just gave it time, and in time, I saw the person that I was crushing on, more objectively. And the objective image of them was a lot less flattering than the fantasy of them that I'd built up in my mind.

 

[Finished]

I had one ex that I broke up with and got back together a few times. Things were fine at first but all our problems quickly returned. I think that's fairly common. I continued to love her for a couple years after we finally broke up. HOWEVER, I'm VERY glad we broke up.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Wow, honestly my ex recently moved on, and the idea of it just cuts... He was no good for me, but I would have stayed through everything if I could because I love him. I think to get over it will be impossible for me

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I don't believe any human beings are, 'toxic.'

For me, I've recently discovered, I think, it's okay to love some one, even if they aren't good for you, you aren't good for them, or you weren't good for each other. Better to love them, than to hate them. You can love a food that isn't good for you, with out having to eat it...

Kind of a really simple thing; but, very hard to in practice to realize and recognize. We need to transform, some times, to move into a better relation with other people; but, I think, some times, we try to do that, with out realizing, the transformation can not occur while we are in their lives. It's as if, if we could change, it would work out; but, we can't change while we are with them, and when we do change, we won't be able to be with them, because it won't be right for either of us. And I think that makes us want to stay, because we don't want to lose the ones we love, so we cling to the ghost of what could never be...

There are rare cases, where people who get a divorce, get back together. Why is that rare, I wonder? ...I think it's wonderful, though, when two people can recognize their own faults individually, change, adapt, recover, and grow back in to each other...

I dunno..

 

[ewomack]

Time and distance are really the only remedies. I was married previously and she not only cheated on me, we also happened to work at the same place at the time and she told a bunch of co-workers that I had cheated on her. I hadn't. It turns out that she was cheating on me with another staff member at the same place and she finally had to fess up and admit that she had no proof that I was cheating on her. There was no proof because I never cheated on her. I never spoke to her again and, now years later, I still never plan to. I didn't want her back and I didn't miss her, but the hurt over a failed marriage and having loved someone who did such a thing to me took quite some time to recover from. It's mostly gone now, thankfully, but I was bitter for a few years, at least. Apart from time and distance, distractions and meeting other people really help, too. Find someone who is good for you.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to the world of abusive relationships. Now let me ask you this....do you miss HIM OR do you miss what it could have been, what he might have been at the beginning OR do you miss having a relationship?

Gets your thoughts in order and realize what it actually is that you miss and it won't be so terribly hard.

 

[ztyu123]

Welcome to the world of abusive relationships. Now let me ask you this....do you miss HIM OR do you miss what it could have been, what he might have been at the beginning OR do you miss having a relationship?

Gets your thoughts in order and realize what it actually is that you miss and it won't be so terribly hard.

The heart will always have a mind of it's own. The heart and mind will often become disconnected in life. Logistically and technically speaking, I know it's a terrible idea. The heart wants what the heart wants. I am a mere mortal. I cannot instantaneously get rid of feelings and emotions. It takes time..if it ever happens. Alot of people feel emotions and feelings towards those who no longer are in their lives forever. The feelings may lessen, but it will always remain. People mourn over relationships as well. I am in mourning.

 

[U-122]

Reading this forum, yesterday i decided to google my ex. It's been decades i don't miss any of them but she was first love of my life. I didn't care much for anyone before or after her. I got over everyone we had nothing bad between us no ugly breakups or arguments. I simply got discarded for something better. Because there's always something better. I'm not alone. She is still single, no kids, no husband, even though she looks very good for her age at least in her photo. That's how i remember her. She is the same occupation and age as someone near me who recently rejected/disliked me. Even their birthdays are in winter months apart. That hit hard and now i'm sad. About the age and occupation coincidence, not the ex herself or the other female. Whatever we had was wrong, mostly one way. I didn't get hugs and kisses unless i initiated. I didn't get much or any love at all, no nice words, no boost, no encouragement for anything. Was more like "i have no one now so i'll keep him until something better comes along" pattern with few of them.

Now i wonder how things could've turned out for both of us had she not told me "i'm getting too attached to you so i have to let you go" and we stayed together and got married. It was hard on both of us, but much harder on me. Emotional pain is permanent. I think it affected the rest of my life. It definitely didn't help with anything i planned for myself. School, career. I lost interest in everything. Still managed to finish school, met my next gf or whatever, same story, got discarded for something better only i didn't care anymore. When i got older and wiser i realized how bad and wrong i had it and how none of them were "wife for life" material.

Googling ex triggered thoughts about my current situation and it's pretty bad. No mood to do anything at all. I can't even be friends with anyone anymore without being perfect or perfect enough for them. I'm never good enough no matter what i do. There's always someone better. Looks and status determine one's future here