I Must Be A Creep

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When I look in the mirror, I don't see a creep, but maybe creeps can't see what they really are. I must be one though, because people avoid talking to me, catching eye contact with me, they even cross the street to avoid contact with me. If I go out anywhere, people seem to leave the vicinity that I come into. It's been like that for many years and has been progressively getting worse. As a result, I tend to always feel out of place when I go where other people are, or try and join a group. It's really doing my head in and I don't know what to do about it.
 
What do you mean join a group? Do you randomly start talking to a group of people in public spaces? Or is this a more acceptable situation like a hobby group with strangers?
 
Sorry buster...who typed about a group?
He's talking to me. It's my post remember?
What do you mean join a group? Do you randomly start talking to a group of people in public spaces? Or is this a more acceptable situation like a hobby group with strangers?
When I say group, I mean like a photography group, fitness group, etc. I don't go up to complete groups of strangers in public lol.
 
. . . because people avoid talking to me, catching eye contact with me, they even cross the street to avoid contact with me. If I go out anywhere, people seem to leave the vicinity that I come into.
Can I take a class somewhere? Because people tend to gravitate towards me, tell me their whole life story and what their grandpappy did in 1882. I can't even tell someone they smell nice without them telling me an extensive story that no one asked for. Trust me, it's not greener over on this side of the grass either. I'd rather be left alone, especially when I'm trying to get something done for the day.
 
Assuming you dress and behave normally, sorry to say, but the brutal reality is every man is a "creep" unless he has direct social proof otherwise in the form of a social circle and past validations from women.

What you're experiencing likely isn't much different from what the average lonely guy encounters. You're just sensitive to it, which is likely coming across and making things worse.
 
..... I can't even tell someone they smell nice ........
Nobody can do that anymore because it's sexual harassment or creepy. *rolling eyes*. I read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" over 30 years and adhered to many of its tenets - it was a best seller after all - but now, when you use those techniques, people think you're a creep. The world has gone crazy. As far as taking a class @VanillaCreme I'm not even aware of what I'm doing :(
 
Assuming you dress and behave normally, sorry to say, but the brutal reality is every man is a "creep" unless he has direct social proof otherwise in the form of a social circle and past validations from women.

What you're experiencing likely isn't much different from what the average lonely guy encounters. You're just sensitive to it, which is likely coming across and making things worse.
I guess that proves my point then.
 
Nobody can do that anymore because it's sexual harassment or creepy. *rolling eyes*. I read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" over 30 years and adhered to many of its tenets - it was a best seller after all - but now, when you use those techniques, people think you're a creep. The world has gone crazy. As far as taking a class @VanillaCreme I'm not even aware of what I'm doing :(
Welp, when you figure out, let me in on the slide. Because in my 34 years on this rotating ball of coagulated dust and water, I've never exactly cared to make friends, and I get people wanting to tell me their life story. At one point, I started asking if I had a sign on me somewhere.
 
Welp, when you figure out, let me in on the slide. Because in my 34 years on this rotating ball of coagulated dust and water, I've never exactly cared to make friends, and I get people wanting to tell me their life story. At one point, I started asking if I had a sign on me somewhere.
Do you live in New York or on or near the West Coast?

In my experience, I really feel like the place a person lives, and where their foundations are, has a lot to do with how others will react to them. Everywhere you go there will always be a Walmart and a McDonalds; but, people really are different, sometimes, from place to place..

It's queer. People used to gravitate towards me as you describe, where I used to live, in the Midwest; but, now, in the Western United States, I feel like a pariah. I'm well groomed, polite, non-confrontational... It isn't enough, people generally seem slightly unnerved by me (like they don't know what to make of me, except that I feel like an outsider to them), and consequently often hostile. It depends on the environment though, some places aren't as bad as others..

And believe me, from my perspective, it's much nicer when people generally respond positively to you. I suppose I was fortunate, in that, people usually left me alone, when people generally responded positively to me; but, even as of a few years ago, I'll still get the occasional person who just feels very talkative around me. It can be uncomfortable; but, it's a hell of a lot better than cashiers, and random people you've never met before, just acting like you're a leper or something, for no discernible reason.

I think our state of mind, in one form or another, or multiple ways, broadcasts itself, and people pick up on it; that, combined with our general personality, the things that went into it's formation, and the physical places we find ourselves in, pretty much sums up the lot of it. Our appearance and presentation has an effect, that, I surmise, will be different from place to place, circumstance to circumstance.

Like how a city slicker will generally find nothing but hostility out in the boonies; they'll be viewed as a fancy pants outsider. I guess sometimes we are just out of our element, literally, or in our mind, or both...

---
To the OP, so, I doubt very much you are a creep, and people probably don't really think that of you either. There's just a lot of factors that are in play. And unfortunately, when our confidence is low like that, and people in general often take offense to quiet types who try to avoid trivial social situations, it becomes a bit of a vicious circle. You feel like an outcast, so you sort of assume the role of outcast, covertly, and people begin to respond in ways that reinforce the belief that motivates your behaviors, and it just sort of feeds on itself.

I can remember times in my past though, where, I had known people, but not very well, only to find myself in a situation where we actually have a chance to truly get to know one another. And the person or persons say they thought I was this that and the other, and I say I thought you were this that and the other, and we were both totally wrong; and that we both weren't anything like what our preconceived notions were.

It's just that, especially when one feels like an outsider, you're going to avoid the types of situations that may lead to preconceived notions being dispelled.

So, we can't always give as much credit to the way we feel, as we often do. There are so many variables to consider; the chance that we have come to erroneous conclusions is quite high. And it's even higher in these times of confusion, despair, insanity, madness, and hostility; because, these are new and challenging times, the world over...

Just my 2 cents anyway.

And yeah, the single man syndrome, eh, it happens. Not much one can do about it. About the only thing you could do to improve it, is not obsessive over it constantly, and make it out to be worse than it is. It's tough being a single woman too, in different ways, and different people will experience it differently. For some, it works to their advantage, for others, they find it a curse. But, perception and the angle we come at the world, I think, has a lot more value to it, than what we often consider.

It's kind of the old question, "does the world out there, happen to you, or do you happen to it." And whatever the answer is, seems interesting to ponder, "why is that so?"

It's a bit of both, at different times... etc.. etc..
 
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Do you live in New York or on or near the West Coast?

In my experience, I really feel like the place a person lives, and where their foundations are, has a lot to do with how others will react to them. Everywhere you go there will always be a Walmart and a McDonalds; but, people really are different, sometimes, from place to place..

It's queer. People used to gravitate towards me as you describe, where I used to live, in the Midwest; but, now, in the Western United States, I feel like a pariah. I'm well groomed, polite, non-confrontational... It isn't enough, people generally seem slightly unnerved by me (like they don't know what to make of me, except that I feel like an outsider to them), and consequently often hostile. It depends on the environment though, some places aren't as bad as others..

And believe me, from my perspective, it's much nicer when people generally respond positively to you. I suppose I was fortunate, in that, people usually left me alone, when people generally responded positively to me; but, even as of a few years ago, I'll still get the occasional person who just feels very talkative around me. It can be uncomfortable; but, it's a hell of a lot better than cashiers, and random people you've never met before, just acting like you're a leper or something, for no discernible reason.

I think our state of mind, in one form or another, or multiple ways, broadcasts itself, and people pick up on it; that, combined with our general personality, the things that went into it's formation, and the physical places we find ourselves in, pretty much sums up the lot of it. Our appearance and presentation has an effect, that, I surmise, will be different from place to place, circumstance to circumstance.

Like how a city slicker will generally find nothing but hostility out in the boonies; they'll be viewed as a fancy pants outsider. I guess sometimes we are just out of our element, literally, or in our mind, or both...

---
Live in SC, on the east coast. But I was born and raised in south Jersey. Not exactly a city slicker, but to my redneck, country guy, he said I was more city than I realize.

Here's the kicker for me - I absolutely live by the notion of minding my business. I don't feel like I'm inviting at all. I'm not exactly approachable because I do not want to be approached.

Also, I don't think the OP is a creep either. Honestly, society will just perceive people how they will. That doesn't always mean that's how someone is, and I think the majority of people know this.
 
Live in SC, on the east coast. But I was born and raised in south Jersey. Not exactly a city slicker, but to my redneck, country guy, he said I was more city than I realize.

Here's the kicker for me - I absolutely live by the notion of minding my business. I don't feel like I'm inviting at all. I'm not exactly approachable because I do not want to be approached.

Also, I don't think the OP is a creep either. Honestly, society will just perceive people how they will. That doesn't always mean that's how someone is, and I think the majority of people know this.
I agree, with that last paragraph, well said.

Without so many words as I used above, I do think there is credence to the notion that we, 'broadcast,' a certain signal unconsciously. It could come out in so many different ways: dress, demeanor, posture, verbal and non-verbal cues, pheromones, diet, exercise. Literally probably a thousand different ways we could be giving off signals.

Location and circumstance I think has a bit to do with it as well...
 
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Also, I don't think the OP is a creep either. Honestly, society will just perceive people how they will. That doesn't always mean that's how someone is, and I think the majority of people know this.

I agree, with that last paragraph, well said.

Without so many words as I used above, I do think there is credence to the notion that we, 'broadcast,' a certain signal unconsciously. It could come out in so many different ways: dress, demeanor, posture, verbal and non-verbal cues, pheromones, diet, exercise. Literally probably a thousand different ways we could be giving off signals.

Location and circumstance I think has a bit to do with it as well...

It is obviously very subjective, but the thing is, if people are reacting a certain way to you, rightly or wrongly, people are treating you like you're a creep, and if they are treating you like that, then that's what they think you are.
 
@ okidoke....Is there someone whom you consider it appropriate to ask for some feedback from, a bartender, a clergyman maybe, a neighbor down the street who's been acquainted with you for a few years......and ask what their opinion is why people are avoiding you? The scenarios you describe are pretty dramatic....crossing the street when they see you and leaving the vicinity when you show up......and you don't know why. That's a major disconnect with your fellow humans........something is out of sync and a forum like this isn't going to be able to figure it out.
 

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