ardour
Well known loser
Everything ahead seems depressing and empty.
I constantly look backwards, looking up old series from the late 90s/ 2000s, old games, music, news items, celebrities, presenters, events, which is easy to do now with various archival sites, old webpages and retro themed YouTube channels. Or I'll drift around the inner city aimlessly trying to remember the way it was.
If I can hang on to these memories, keep them clear and unsullied, I won't have to face the future, but it's beginning to seem a world away now as the past recedes and time speeds up with age. The only reason the early 2000s don't seem as far removed as say the early 80s would have to my generation is because people dress similarly, popular culture has been recycled and the internet has made everything going back decades accessible. Younger people are more tolerant than what I remember, but realistically I can't really relate to them much longer and don't want to be a sad old man they tolerate out of pity.
The past was also when family members were alive. Even the cat, who died 2005; as weird as it sounds I would never consider getting another pet because it might somehow mess with my memories, so I can't move on even in this minimal way.
Of course people will tell me to fill up my time more effectively but I'm terrified time will go by even quicker in that case.
I constantly look backwards, looking up old series from the late 90s/ 2000s, old games, music, news items, celebrities, presenters, events, which is easy to do now with various archival sites, old webpages and retro themed YouTube channels. Or I'll drift around the inner city aimlessly trying to remember the way it was.
If I can hang on to these memories, keep them clear and unsullied, I won't have to face the future, but it's beginning to seem a world away now as the past recedes and time speeds up with age. The only reason the early 2000s don't seem as far removed as say the early 80s would have to my generation is because people dress similarly, popular culture has been recycled and the internet has made everything going back decades accessible. Younger people are more tolerant than what I remember, but realistically I can't really relate to them much longer and don't want to be a sad old man they tolerate out of pity.
The past was also when family members were alive. Even the cat, who died 2005; as weird as it sounds I would never consider getting another pet because it might somehow mess with my memories, so I can't move on even in this minimal way.
Of course people will tell me to fill up my time more effectively but I'm terrified time will go by even quicker in that case.
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.But weirdly they all seemed to look pleased which I've thinking deeply about lately why when I stress so much about my age do people seem to think the opposite. I've come to the conclusion they see realiabilty,knowledge, surely someone that age is going to know what he's doing.Wheras before I used to get tested on this when younger but now people just leave me to it which is really starting to make me comfortable about my age.I still get reminded by cheeky little fcuker kids that talk about retirement homes and that I'll be dead soon but I just laugh it off but it does hurt sometimes. 
