Is it sexual-harassment?

[August Campbell]

It seems to be a recent development that if a man simply tells a woman that she's attractive that she angrily calls it sexual harassment. Back in the day, I never heard it called sexual harassment. But nowadays it is. I don't know how wide-spread that accusation is, but it appears to be the case at least here in the USA. So I was wondering whether those of you from other countries (or cultures) experience it too, or not.

 

[randomguy]

I'm from the UK but not speaking on behalf of my nation just my opinion. You need to be very careful and choose your words wisely if you're going to tell a woman she's attractive, especially if you've just met her or there is no rapport between you. It can be seen as quite disingenuous, creepy even. In my experience women have no issue with being told they're beautiful and the reason you think she's beautiful .

time for a shameless attempt at humour and not my opinion. If you're a hot guy and tell a woman she's attractive you're a secret admirer, if you ain't so hot you're a stalker.

 

[ardour]

It is kind of creepy saying that to someone you barely know. At best it makes you look like a thirsty fool who can’t understand social etiquette.

If you’re interested then ask them out. That’s not illegal, at least not yet.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Pretty sure it depends on HOW you say it.

 

[ewomack]

I'm answering because I don't think it's necessarily the case in the US. I haven't personally heard of or experienced any cases where someone says to a woman "I find you attractive" and then she begins instantly chastising the person for sexual harassment. There is probably more to such a story or it's an outlier. The context and how someone says it would likely apply to any culture or country. Did you have this experience yourself?

 

[Finished]

I've told many women that they look nice or that I really like how professional they look. I've even joked with some about their appearances. None ever took offense to it. But, I asked a women that I worked with to lunch in a friendly way like I did to others and she reported me to HR. I didn't see that coming. When HR called I really couldn't think of anybody that I even remotely sexually harrassed. Then the HR lady told me her name. I about fell out of my chair. I explained what I said and told her it would never happen again. But, I also stayed clear of that woman after that and wouldn't work with her on projects. She seemed puzzled by that. IMO, she took the sexual harrassment training too seriously.

The olden days were great. I was around only for the tail end of that period. I slapped many women, usually older, on their butts and they laughed and thought it was funny. You could openly talk about sex, relationships, and ask people out. Work was like a social club. Many people were having sex among us. And the Christmas parties, wow, were held in restaurant bars with free drinks. But, now. No way. Christmas parties are just to make an appearance to show you're a team player, open a stupid gift, smile, say thank you, maybe eat something, and then leave. All of the fun is gone.

 

[Colster]

Imagine it, berated for paying a compliment. A guy can be handsome, rugged even. Yet, a woman cannot be pretty. May woe and dishonour bestow any man who should even consider such an utterance, the goal filthy fiend.

Likewise, these filthy perverts who call infants cute. How dare they sexualise children before they have had the opportunity to select their pronoun or object to which they identify with. I do not whether you might well be the child's grandparents, and thought your crass words were complimentary. No, hang yourselves in shame.

Ah, and how dare you discuss how beautiful the day is. The day does not know you. And whilst you might hold lustful feelings and harbour erotic fetishes about the day, it gives you no more right to air any opinions about it's beauty, or value based therein. Similarly too, Wednesday now identifies as Thusday. And Monday has had an S transplant, and regards itself as diary nutural; so you can stop calling it beautiful.

 

[user 148069]

PSA: if you're screeching "You're Beautiful" like James Blunt then it's harassment, not sexual but an auditory assault.

To answer your question, just telling a woman is attractive is not sexual harassment. Of course I don't think you should be telling that to random strangers, perhaps it's okay with friends? If this is a workplace setting, then perhaps it would be wise not to comment on anything appearance related and keep it professional.

 

[Colster]

For argument, say we agree that complimenting a woman on her beauty, is unacceptable. Then what if we complimented her clothing "That's a pretty dress." Is that threatening, misogyny, or derogatory. In the same way, would it then also to acceptable to say to someone "You look happy." , if we do not know whether that person is or is not truly happy.

 

[Finished]

For argument, say we agree that complimenting a woman on her beauty, is unacceptable. Then what if we complimented her clothing "That's a pretty dress." Is that threatening, misogyny, or derogatory. In the same way, would it then also to acceptable to say to someone "You look happy." , if we do not know whether that person is or is not truly happy.

Yeah, you really can't compliment clothing. I think you can say it looks professional. But, just don't smile when you say that. Or, you can say you really like their shoes and matching purse. I told one young woman in a work training class that I really liked her pursue. Then my co-worker said maybe you should get one just like it. Ha! ha! I think you can say nice hat. Gloves, hmmm, that might be pushing things a bit. Those stockings like very nice. I barely notice how far up the seam goes. Ha! Ha!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I’ll tell you the truth, and it will sound strange… but I think unfairly it can depend on the amount of men… like an old story was a women came into work with a new hair cut and it was a male dominated workforce and all complimented her hair style, some made remarks that were uncalled for some didnt but it all got mashed together because soo many mentioned her hair cut and how beautiful she looked, she felt unsafe… truthfully I can understand it.

however, i’ve had incidents at work where HR literally was trying to force me to say I was sexually harassed. As a victim of male violence I will never lie about such things, but its not that hard to get pushed down that lane… I had to really stick to my guns on it.

 

[Adamridge79]

Why would you interlace their attractiveness with a standard hello? That's creepy

 

[Wrong]

It seems to be a recent development that if a man simply tells a woman that she's attractive that she angrily calls it sexual harassment. Back in the day, I never heard it called sexual harassment. But nowadays it is. I don't know how wide-spread that accusation is, but it appears to be the case at least here in the USA. So I was wondering whether those of you from other countries (or cultures) experience it too, or not.

Its the same with whistling after them. They say they don't like it, yet once they hit 40 they miss it.

 

[Nicolelt]

It is kind of creepy saying that to someone you barely know. At best it makes you look like a thirsty fool who can’t understand social etiquette.

If you’re interested then ask them out. That’s not illegal, at least not yet.

Agreed.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

The rules are simple if she wants it to be harassment then it is

 

[Adamridge79]

I only comment on how women look at work if we're wearing the same shirt they gave us. No, we have an extremely lax dress code. And I'm never quick enough, they always say the joke first, and it still takes me a minute to figure our what the hell they mean.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I think it's in the approach, to be honest.

A man should be able to tell a woman he finds her attractive without it being labelled as sexual harassment.
It's if he continues pursuit after her declines and rejections then it becomes sexual harassment.

Men need to be able to state their attraction verbally, even if it goes nowhere or gets them rejected.
It's a psychological factor. Plus I honestly don't think there's been a woman on this planet who doesn't know what having a crush on someone and not being able to tell them about it feels like. --That's a pretty universally understood psychological factor.
History has also showed us repeatedly what happens with repression:
Alcohol Prohibition in the United States resulted in bootlegging, and sexual repression within the history of Catholicism has lead to a number of sexual harassment cases.

The more you try to make something not happen, the more likely you are to make it happen.

I don't think it's sexual harassment for you to just state your attraction.
I think it's sexual harassment if you overstate your attraction and/or make it seemingly, forcibly uncomfortable for her to reject you.

I can tell a woman at the roll of my wrist if I think she's attractive.
An attraction is an observation, that's all that it is:
You observed either physical or psychological aspects of a person that you find attractive.

What's actually important is that you keep your feet planted firmly on the ground while your head is aloft floating in the clouds all spun out on dopamine, serotonin, and hormones.

Also, remember: Love Blinders are a real thing, when you're attracted to somebody, you're not thinking logically and clearly, you're emotionally compromised. So if that person happens to also be a bad person despite the fact that you find them attractive, you'll need to train yourself to detect that ahead of time. You see this all the time in movies: Girl is into a guy, said guy is shady, her friend says she thinks something's up with him and he's dangerous, girl in disbelief accuses her best friend of being jealous, only to find out later that her friend was right and said guy is like a serial killer. --There's a reason that's a movie trope, that's what Love Blinders do to the human brain: If you care about someone enough, you'll overlook them while they're simultaneously taking advantage of you, and yes that can go both ways and come from both genders.

 

[user 136944]

Do you 'actually' mean using the words: 'you are attractive' to a woman you barely know..? or is the term 'you are attractive' a coverall term for maybe saying: 'you look nice today' or something similar... and to a woman you know already...?
If the former, then I can understand why a woman may feel it a tad 'strange' but in the general sense of things... no I don't think it is sexual harrassment, and think the world has become absolutely bonkers with things like this (which of course started in the USA....where else..???)

 

[Wrong]

The rules are simple if she wants it to be harassment then it is

In all fairness though, say you like a girl and you pay her a compliment or whatever, is it sexual harassment?

Now personally I always try to be a gentleman about it, but the rules have changed so much today. In example some weeks ago I told a woman behind a counter I thought she's really pretty, without any intentions mind you. But afterwards I was wondering if maybe today its considered sexual harassment.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

In all fairness though, say you like a girl and you pay her a compliment or whatever, is it sexual harassment?

Now personally I always try to be a gentleman about it, but the rules have changed so much today. In example some weeks ago I told a woman behind a counter I thought she's really pretty, without any intentions mind you. But afterwards I was wondering if maybe today its considered sexual harassment.

I am not joking about my view. All sexual harassment training says if a female gets unwanted sexual attention that is sexual harassment. The rules always air on the side of caution so anything that can be debated is considered sexual harassment if you are male.

The rules are "the same" for females. In the sense that a paper cut is the same as a gunshot wound. Males get paper cuts and females get gunshot wounds.