Is it weird to want an online relationship..?

[LolaOF29]

Okay but hear me out -
If you’re not getting the emotional connection from your partner but you’re not good at physical connection yourself…
I’m not sure if it’s the spectrum in me but I’m just not very good at showing physical affection. It sucks. It’s annoying. I’m awkward. And I have sensory overload and space issues.

I’m not getting an emotional connection from my partner. He doesn’t show me he loves me, only tells me. He doesn’t do romantic things and doesn’t bear any of the mental load that comes with being an adult, running a home and having children. It’s ALL me.
I wondered if it would be considered weird to want a connection with someone online instead of upheaving my whole life to change things up?
I’d be interested to know peoples thoughts and to know if I am in fact weird

 

[Finished]

Okay but hear me out -
If you’re not getting the emotional connection from your partner but you’re not good at physical connection yourself…
I’m not sure if it’s the spectrum in me but I’m just not very good at showing physical affection. It sucks. It’s annoying. I’m awkward. And I have sensory overload and space issues.

I’m not getting an emotional connection from my partner. He doesn’t show me he loves me, only tells me. He doesn’t do romantic things and doesn’t bear any of the mental load that comes with being an adult, running a home and having children. It’s ALL me.
I wondered if it would be considered weird to want a connection with someone online instead of upheaving my whole life to change things up?
I’d be interested to know peoples thoughts and to know if I am in fact weird

Well, most people are weird. I know that I am. Also I learned that the range of having and showing connections is very wide from one extreme to the other.

Finding a partner that works well with you is difficult and nobody will have everything you need or want.

I'm like your current partner. I figure if I say I love someone then that's all that is needed. However, I have learned that's definitley not the case. I had to learn to do romantic stuff and things that were out of my comfort range if I wanted to make relationships work. In time I began to notice when was the best time to use those things.

As far as being an adult, hmmmm. That's kind of neccesary if kids are involved. But, herhaps your partner doesn't see a permanent situation with you. Maybe they aren't at that level in life yet.

If you want to have a relationship with someone online then do it. Just be aware that it may very well pull you away from your relationship in real life. But, if it does then maybe the relationship in real life has problems.

You are still fairly young. But, time has a way of disappearing very quickly. So, try to figure out what you want and need and then find it. I would suggest talking with your partner about what you are thinking and feeling. Maybe they don't realize you are needing more from them. Also you are pretty. Pretty = Power. So, maybe you can mold your partner more to your liking.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

No, you're not weird.
That's a pretty normal experience these days.
Due to the internet we live in a social age of abundance.
People meet online all the time now.

I'm in a bit of a limbo with the subject, myself.
I don't really look into locals much, because I'm extremely fish-out-of-water for my local area. I mean there's like nothing for hundreds of miles for the lifestyle I lived in my 20s these days. But also in my 30's I'm too old to put faith into the idea of anything realistic coming of online romance, that's just not a realistic enough thing for me.

I'm all for authentic and connected online friendships though.
That's becoming a rarity these days, everyone just wants to be fake and flaunt all the time to chase clout.

Who brought back the word "clout?" I like English too, but I don't bring back words that sound dumb on purpose. Let it die.

 

[LolaOF29]

Thank you!
so I’ll provide more context - probably once a month we will have an argument so bad that we nearly end our relationship over it because the same scenario happens every time -
1) I am doing everything for our children, cooking, all cleaning and housework, all shopping, all driving, all plans/birthdays/Christmas/appointments (2 of our children have additional needs so a lot of planning/advocating/appointments /emailing etc for them)
2) I periodically ask for small things to be done (take bin out/bath the children etc)
3) he gets annoyed/sighs/grunts/eye rolls and does it OR will say “I’ll do it later” and never does it
4) I burn myself out, get stressed about everything, end up having a go at him, “I can’t take it anymore” etc
5) he promises to change and then we are back on the same bullshit within a few days.

I know I should leave him, but, it’s a lot of hassle. I do love him and he loves his children so just can’t be bothered with the aggro right now when I already try to avoid triggers to save my mental health

 

[Macsimum Myers]

He's a lazy, self centered fux and if he changes it won't be until he grows up. And that will be 10 years minimum.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Does he pay the bills? I'm not taking a side, just looking for more information.

 

[LolaOF29]

He does yes. He told me about half way through our relationship that because he works (9-5 desk job) he expects me to be responsible for ALL tasks that aren’t work.

 

[Macsimum Myers]

He does yes. He told me about half way through our relationship that because he works (9-5 desk job) he expects me to be responsible for ALL tasks that aren’t work.

Yes, as I said, he is wrong but won't realize what a ridiculous fux he is for at LEAST a decade.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think its normal to seek out emotional connection. So many people forget to nurture their relationship, I think you are far from weird I’d find it more abnormal if you wasnt seeking some form of emotional connection

 

[TheRealCallie]

You mean like while you are with your partner? That's not weird, it's wrong and cheating.
You mean getting rid of your partner and seeking online only? Still not weird, but not wrong or cheating.

As for what your partner is doing, my ex was the same way. I don't mind doing a lot of the work....though, mine did actual physical labor for more than 8 hours a day....but I was his wife, not his ******* maid/slave/nanny, he can clean up after himself and help with his children.

 

[LolaOF29]

I think its normal to seek out emotional connection. So many people forget to nurture their relationship, I think you are far from weird I’d find it more abnormal if you wasnt seeking some form of emotional connection

You mean like while you are with your partner? That's not weird, it's wrong and cheating.
You mean getting rid of your partner and seeking online only? Still not weird, but not wrong or cheating.

As for what your partner is doing, my ex was the same way. I don't mind doing a lot of the work....though, mine did actual physical labor for more than 8 hours a day....but I was his wife, not his ******* maid/slave/nanny, he can clean up after himself and help with his children.

I wasn’t talking about cheating. As I stated in the original post, I’m not good at physical affection hence why I was asking about an online relationship rather than physical one

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I wasn’t talking about cheating. As I stated in the original post, I’m not good at physical affection hence why I was asking about an online relationship rather than physical one

I didnt think you meant cheating just to clarify not sure what anyone else said.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you are seeking an emotional connection with another man (or woman, depending on your orientation) while you are with someone else, it is still cheating, unless you are in an open relationship.
Nothing wrong with finding friends of course, but if it's anything more than that, it's cheating.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'd also like to ask if you being "bad" at physical affection could be the reason your partner doesn't show any to you. I mean, "You get what you put in" is true in virtually every aspect of life.

 

[Yeti1980]

Ok, I have a few thoughts and questions here.

Firstly, what kind of culture are you from? Is this kind of experience normal within society for those around you?

I ask because I'm from a modern European background and what you're experiencing sounds like something that would be normal here 50-100 years ago.

You say you don't want upheaval, but would the upheaval be worth it? There's more to being a husband and a dad than paying the bills. Ex-husbands and absent fathers pay all kinds of bills, it doesn't mean they are taking a daily part in the care and wellbeing of partner or family. It sounds like he's already the above, except he's still in the house!

Honestly, fairness in a relationship is massively important.

 

[arekkusu]

I have autism and I kind of get it. I'm constantly stuck between feeling lonely, and feeling like I couldn't possibly tolerate a connection with another person. Whenever my lonliness pushes me over the edge and I try to talk to other people, I find that any connection I make with a person is a constant weight on my mind. Online doesn't have as much pressure for me.

But I also want someone to physically cuddle so... maybe I should just get a dog.

 

[Xpendable]

Sign me in

 

[ardour]

This is still cheating. Regardless of him not pulling his weight, how bad a partner he may be, you'd be being (emotionally) unfaithful by doing this. Not condemning you, but that is just a fact.