'joking' btw friends

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Plautus

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I must be from mars or something, but I dont understand teazing btw friends at all.
To me it's not only not funny but it's insulting.
How can insulting be called 'joking'"?:!?!? It has literally nothing to do with humor. If that can be called humor, then I could be literally the best 'joker' in the world. Bc it's easy to insult and then say oh I was just kidding. Cz this is what it is. U insult a person, say he is too dumb to do task x or looks like a monkey etc and then call it a joke. R u guys fucking retarded? How is this anywhere funny? It's actually bullying. Yes, 'joking' is teazing, and teazing is bullying. It's all the same, just on different levels.
This is my perspective and u cant change it! To be teazing a friend means hostility and creates distrust.

The problem is, it's too common. I dont know how I could survival a work environment with that sort of people. People would probably see me as the sensitive one and either avoid me or even challenge me.

Maybe u are such a retard and find it cool being teazed by ur friends when they call u mentally slow or something - YES IM MENTALY SLOW HAHAHAH < IM STUPID. thats probably how u react. But that's not me. I can't take those jokes in a funny way, maybe cz im not as retarded as u.

And dont tell me to change my perspective. Im not gonna do that. Im conviced about my views.
So Im gonna end up suffering for the rest of my life!
 
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TheSkaFish

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Well, I can't say I go for the Hitler stuff. But on this issue, I feel pretty similarly. I never really liked teasing either. For one thing, I was never in such a strong position in life that I felt like I could afford to mock or ridicule other people. I wasn't in a good position with physical strength, money, popularity, being good at something, etc. that I could afford to start picking fights. I didn't enjoy teasing, I found it humiliating. And since I wasn't powerful I couldn't really say anything back, since I wasn't better than anyone in any way, and if I did attempt to tease someone they could just point out any or all the areas of life where I wasn't strong - which seemed to be all of them - and that would be it, I couldn't come back from that.

But not only that, I just never had the interest, or the instinctive drive to tease people. I criticize people and things when I'm angry or when I think something is stupid, but I don't have a naturally critical personality. I speak up when I've had enough of somebody but I'm not someone who picks on others for sport. It's just not something I wanted to do, like I didn't want to have to spend time and thoughts trying to come up with things to tease people about, or trying to anticipate other people's attempts to tease me and ready some comebacks. I prefer to just live, and have genuine interactions with people instead of treat every interaction like it's adversarial, like it's a chess game or a fight or competition where I have to maneuver for advantage. I just don't have that smug, facetious, sarcastic, cynical, cocky/"funny" attitude, that I associate with slick, greasy hustlers and bullshit artists, and "game".

I also don't have quick thinking reflexes, and I don't think I'm clever and cunning or opportunistic, I'm not really good at thinking fast on my feet or scheming and plotting and things like that, which I feel is related to teasing since part of it is doing it quickly.

The only thing that worries me about it is, I'm afraid that I'm seen as weak or boring without teasing, like you just have to do it or else you're seen as not fun enough for anyone to feel good enough emotions about you to want to get to know you. I'm especially worried about this with talking to women, like I'm afraid that if I don't tease they'll think I'm lame, too "safe", "harmless", like I don't have any edge/"danger"/masculinity/power, and I'll get limited/relegated to just being used for emotional support and ego validation, instead of being seen as having potential for a real connection. But if I like someone, I don't really have the drive to tease or criticize them.

It's the same about sexual innuendo, I'm not really good at it and aren't really into it either, but again it's one of those things that I'm afraid that you have to do or else you're seen as not fun enough.

I wish I knew how to get around it 🤷‍♂️
 
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CenotaphGirl

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I must be from mars or something, but I dont understand teazing btw friends at all.
To me it's not only not funny but it's insulting.
How can insulting be called 'joking'"?:!?!? It has literally nothing to do with humor. If that can be called humor, then I could be literally the best 'joker' in the world. Bc it's easy to insult and then say oh I was just kidding. Cz this is what it is. U insult a person, say he is too dumb to do task x or looks like a monkey etc and then call it a joke. R u guys fucking retarded? How is this anywhere funny? It's actually bullying. Yes, 'joking' is teazing, and teazing is bullying. It's all the same, just on different levels.
This is my perspective and u cant change it! To be teazing a friend means hostility and creates distrust.

The problem is, it's too common. I dont know how I could survival a work environment with that sort of people. People would probably see me as the sensitive one and either avoid me or even challenge me.

Maybe u are such a retard and find it cool being teazed by ur friends when they call u mentally slow or something - YES IM MENTALY SLOW HAHAHAH < IM STUPID. thats probably how u react. But that's not me. I can't take those jokes in a funny way, maybe cz im not as retarded as u.

And dont tell me to change my perspective. Im not gonna do that. Im conviced about my views.
So Im gonna end up suffering for the rest of my life!
Awh this is sad, I love a bit of banter and teasing, I cant imagine being deeply ripped apart by a little teasing, I mean…you do need to know someone well enough to discover boundaries and lines. However, I wouldnt say your perspective is wrong or should be changed but I agree with your point, I do avoid people I think cant take a joke not to be mean to them but because I dont wanna hurt their feelings.
 

Plautus

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'monkey sounds' But on this issue, I feel pretty similarly. I never really liked teasing either. For one thing, I was never in such a strong position in life that I felt like I could afford to mock or ridicule other people. I wasn't in a good position with physical strength, money, popularity, being good at something, etc. that I could afford to start picking fights. I didn't enjoy teasing, I found it humiliating. And since I wasn't powerful I couldn't really say anything back, since I wasn't better than anyone in any way.

But not only that, I just never had the interest, or the instinctive drive to tease people. I criticize people and things when I'm angry or when I think something is stupid, but I don't have a naturally critical personality. I speak up when I've had enough of somebody but I'm not someone who picks on others for sport. It's just not something I wanted to do, like I didn't want to have to spend time and thoughts trying to come up with things to tease people about, or trying to anticipate other people's attempts to tease me and ready some comebacks. I prefer to just live, and have genuine interactions with people instead of treat every interaction like it's adversarial, like it's a chess game or a fight or competition where I have to maneuver for advantage. I just don't have that smug, facetious, sarcastic, cynical, cocky/"funny" attitude, that I associate with slick, greasy hustlers and bullshit artists, and "game".

I also don't have quick thinking reflexes, and I don't think I'm clever and cunning or opportunistic, I'm not really good at thinking fast on my feet or scheming and plotting and things like that, which I feel is related to teasing since part of it is doing it quickly.

The only thing that worries me about it is, I'm afraid that I'm seen as weak or boring without teasing, like you just have to do it or else you're seen as not fun enough for anyone to feel good enough emotions about you to want to get to know you. I'm especially worried about this with talking to women, like I'm afraid that if I don't tease they'll think I'm lame, too "safe", "harmless", like I don't have any edge/"danger"/masculinity/power, and I'll get limited/relegated to just being used for emotional support and ego validation, instead of being seen as having potential for a real connection. But if I like someone, I don't really have the drive to tease or criticize them.

It's the same about sexual innuendo, I'm not really good at it and aren't really into it either, but again it's one of those things that I'm afraid that you have to do or else you're seen as not fun enough.

I wish I knew how to get around it 🤷‍♂️
Yes i have zero interest. I dont enjoy it on me nor on ohters. To me it's just dumb.
It has no value. I want to be at peace when im wiht friends and not be irritated and disturbed. I remember one time a friend made a joke at me asking me if I had cancer or aids or something. Im like 'huh' why would u think or say this (fully knowing he was joking, but I was mad at that time and wanted to know the reason why he would ask me such a stupid thinig). I digged deeper until he said he was just joking. And I tell u what we are not friends anymore. Also the last friend I had I lost partly because of this.
I will never going to enjoy this type of crap because of how dumb it is. And it doesnt make friendship closer how some morons like to claim. It actually digs a deep gab btw u and the other bc it creates mistrust. How can u trust something top a person that could potentially mock u for it?! I have no interest in being on guard all the time because some jackass friend thinks it's funny to make fun of me here and there.

People that are just like this I dont understand I dont want to. My issue is it seems like many people are like that and I have to put up with those fucks.
 
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TheSkaFish

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Yes i have zero interest. I dont enjoy it on me nor on ohters. To me it's just dumb.
It has no value. I want to be at peace when im wiht friends and not be irritated and disturbed. I remember one time a friend made a joke at me asking me if I had cancer or aids or something. Im like 'huh' why would u think or say this. I digged deeper until he said he was just joking. And I tell u what we are not friends anymore.
I will never going to enjoy this type of crap because of how dumb it is. And it doesnt make friendship closer how some morons like to claim. It actually digs a deep gab btw u and the other bc it creates mistrust. How can u trust something top a person that could potentially mock u for it?! I have no interest in being on guard all the time because some jackass friend thinks it's funny to make fun of me here and there.

People that are just like this I dont understand I dont want to. My issue is it seems like many people are like that and I have to put up with those fucks.

Again, generally I feel similarly. I want to be at peace with people, not irritated, and not feeling like I have to keep my guard up all the time. I'd like to just be able to have conversations instead of feeling like I always have to either be playing offense or defense.

'monkey sounds'

Excuse me? I was trying to agree with you because I felt the same way on this issue. But right off the bat, I can tell you right now that supporting Hitler is going to hurt your popularity with almost everyone except a select few people that agree with him. And I don't. For one thing, there is a chance I would have been in a camp if he took over the world as I'm not Nordic (except for very trace amounts, apparently). And for two, I don't like anything that says that life is predetermined by your genetics and you have no say in it, you just have to hope you were born with the right stuff and if you weren't then there are no answers for you and nothing you can do, your life is won or lost before you were born, and people are automatically better than you just because of what they were born with, and what you weren't born with.

I think it's kind of strange to say that on the one hand, you just want to live your life in peace. But on the other hand, you're supporting a guy whose view was survival of the fittest. To me that doesn't make sense. I mean, that's what the teasing is, in a small way - survival of the fittest, hierarchical competition, etc. Even proving your genetic fitness through quick thinking and cunning and a competitive, dominant personality. Hitler and co. would say, toughen up or be crushed. Survival of the fittest and peace are opposites, when you have to constantly compete and prove that you're strong enough to be worthy to survive, and the bar is always raising. That's what I don't understand about people who say they want survival of the fittest - eventually, they will be below the bar. If you don't want that kind of world, I don't know why you'd support that kind of person.
 
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TheRealCallie

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Wait wait wait....
So it's NOT okay to "joke around," but it is clearly okay to just be rude as fuck when you aren't joking around? Makes total sense. Perhaps you should rethink your view of thinks if one is "okay," but not the other. :rolleyes:
 

Plautus

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Again, generally I feel similarly. I want to be at peace with people, not irritated, and not feeling like I have to keep my guard up all the time. I'd like to just be able to have conversations instead of feeling like I always have to either be playing offense or defense.

'more monkey sounds'
Exactly, we are on the same boat. I just wonder how to deal with it....
 

TheSkaFish

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Exactly, we are on the same boat. I just wonder how to deal with it....

If you want to deal with it in a Hitler-like way, he would say to tease them back meaner to show that you're stronger, more cunning, more aggressive/competitive/insensitive, and superior. Maybe even physically beat them for good measure. If that doesn't work for you, I don't know then. He would probably tell you to get out of the kitchen if you can't take the heat. As I said, wanting peace to let down your guard and do your own thing, and survival of the fittest, aren't matching beliefs.

If you're just going to dismiss anyone who disagrees with you as "monkey sounds" though - even after trying to empathize and making it clear that I agree with you on the issue, if not your other beliefs (I'm guessing) - then I'm done here, and you can sort it out yourself.
 
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TheSkaFish

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Any humans here?

If by "humans" you mean "fascists" then not really, there aren't any here to my knowledge.

While you're here - serious question. If the Nazis were genetically superior, and just stronger/smarter/better than everyone else at everything, how and why do you feel they lost the war?

Honestly curious. I would think that losing the war would disprove the "genetic superiority" argument.
 
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i don't agree. it depends on the scope and scale of it.
teasing is banter, and bullying is more severe. bullying also implies a negative intent to cause harm. banter is for fun.
and people engage differently. for some this, is how they form bonds. not everybody though, but it is part of a lot of friendship groups.
though people can hide behind "teasing" as a form of bullying.
I must be from mars or something, but I dont understand teazing btw friends at all.
To me it's not only not funny but it's insulting.
How can insulting be called 'joking'"?:!?!? It has literally nothing to do with humor. If that can be called humor, then I could be literally the best 'joker' in the world. Bc it's easy to insult and then say oh I was just kidding. Cz this is what it is. U insult a person, say he is too dumb to do task x or looks like a monkey etc and then call it a joke. R u guys fucking retarded? How is this anywhere funny? It's actually bullying. Yes, 'joking' is teazing, and teazing is bullying. It's all the same, just on different levels.
This is my perspective and u cant change it! To be teazing a friend means hostility and creates distrust.

The problem is, it's too common. I dont know how I could survival a work environment with that sort of people. People would probably see me as the sensitive one and either avoid me or even challenge me.

Maybe u are such a retard and find it cool being teazed by ur friends when they call u mentally slow or something - YES IM MENTALY SLOW HAHAHAH < IM STUPID. thats probably how u react. But that's not me. I can't take those jokes in a funny way, maybe cz im not as retarded as u.

And dont tell me to change my perspective. Im not gonna do that. Im conviced about my views.
So Im gonna end up suffering for the rest of my life!
 

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