lonely
- Thread starter xxReidxx
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Hi Reid, welcome to the forum. That's quite a feat to be going for an MBA, I can imagine it's no easy task. At least it seems like you're on a path that will lead you somewhere decent.
Anyway:
I've never gone clubbing myself, it's never appealed to me - mainly for this reason, and also because I'm just not into the music, the style, the whole thing really. But it made me think - are you clubbing because you truly enjoy it, or are you doing it because some advice told you that it's "the thing to do"? Cause I can imagine that, unless you're the "right" kind of person for that scene, then it's going to be like you said - very hard to connect with people there, very hard to break through.
I've always had problems with the social hierarchy myself. But I decided, to hell with it. Rather than try to get into someone else's world where I can't be anything, with people I don't like, who believe in things I'm against, I'd rather look for an environment more suited to me, with people that I actually like more, find interesting, and feel more comfortable around. I used to think that the social hierarchy, the "popular kids" were "right", and that I was "wrong", and that I had to do what they do, because it was the "right" way, while suppressing myself because it was "uncool" and "wrong", all the while feeling like I was never going to get anywhere because I could never be "right" enough, because I just wasn't born with the right kind of body, mind, interests, personality, and so on. But now I choose not to be around people that buy into the social hierarchy, and I prefer to be around people that aren't playing that game. That's who I feel like I can be myself with.
Do you have a hobby? Especially one that's based on a skill, or activity of some kind? That seems to be something that people will always be drawn to. It's something that I have a hard time with for various reasons, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's a big part of what interests people in each other. It shows others bits of what's in your mind, that they might find interesting and might make them want to know more about you. It might be a good place to start.
As far as the incel stuff goes, I would say just don't read it, don't watch the videos, just forget it. It can make you catastrophize - that is, get stuck imagining yourself in the worst-case scenario. Best not to let it get to you.
Don't worry about Reddit, seems like there's a lot of jerks on there anyway.
Hope this all helped.
Anyway:
I've never gone clubbing myself, it's never appealed to me - mainly for this reason, and also because I'm just not into the music, the style, the whole thing really. But it made me think - are you clubbing because you truly enjoy it, or are you doing it because some advice told you that it's "the thing to do"? Cause I can imagine that, unless you're the "right" kind of person for that scene, then it's going to be like you said - very hard to connect with people there, very hard to break through.
I've always had problems with the social hierarchy myself. But I decided, to hell with it. Rather than try to get into someone else's world where I can't be anything, with people I don't like, who believe in things I'm against, I'd rather look for an environment more suited to me, with people that I actually like more, find interesting, and feel more comfortable around. I used to think that the social hierarchy, the "popular kids" were "right", and that I was "wrong", and that I had to do what they do, because it was the "right" way, while suppressing myself because it was "uncool" and "wrong", all the while feeling like I was never going to get anywhere because I could never be "right" enough, because I just wasn't born with the right kind of body, mind, interests, personality, and so on. But now I choose not to be around people that buy into the social hierarchy, and I prefer to be around people that aren't playing that game. That's who I feel like I can be myself with.
Do you have a hobby? Especially one that's based on a skill, or activity of some kind? That seems to be something that people will always be drawn to. It's something that I have a hard time with for various reasons, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's a big part of what interests people in each other. It shows others bits of what's in your mind, that they might find interesting and might make them want to know more about you. It might be a good place to start.
As far as the incel stuff goes, I would say just don't read it, don't watch the videos, just forget it. It can make you catastrophize - that is, get stuck imagining yourself in the worst-case scenario. Best not to let it get to you.
Don't worry about Reddit, seems like there's a lot of jerks on there anyway.
Hope this all helped.
Last edited:
Hey Ska! Thank you for your insightful reply- I gained a lot from it. The club was always a childhood dream of mine to attend, but it really is just a sausage fest where you are more likely to have your ass grabbed by a man than have a positive encounter with a female. There are no real friends to be made in the club cause it's a busy and bustling atmosphere. The issue with the social hierarchy for me is getting to a level within it that I like, but can't at the present, because of lacking social opportunities. I work out in the gym, but besides that, no, I have no hobbies. The incel comments you made are good, I just gravitate towards it as an easy rage pit.
