Looking at the opposite sex when chatting someone up.

[Serenia]

I would love to know what people think of this situation. This happened to my friend I work with.

So where we work we can't park on site and our employer pays the city bus service to use their transport that travels around our site for us to travel free to another site where we can park. This site is not close enough to walk especially after a 10 or 12 hour shift. Anyway this day my friend and I had finished and went to the bus stop. There had been a series of local incidents that day that all aligned to mean the city was gridlocked so no buses where getting through or taxis for us to get to our cars. We and alot of other staff and site visitors were stranded for two hours. It was close to chaos. This meant lots of people were chatting to strangers as we kind of bonded in the situation. It was kind of nice. My friend has just come out of a 19 year relationship and is feeling quite insecure after being cheated on, and her ex partner being unkind in the way he handled it. We had struck up conversation with a few people and there was a guy in the group who seemed to take a shine to my friend. You could tell she was enjoying the chat and his attention. He asked her if she was on Facebook and they added each other. But during the conversation when a woman would walk past he would check them out, and if she was pretty or had a striking figure he would double take and watch her walk away. When we finally got back to our cars, she was excited he had asked her to meet her for coffee. I said what about the way he was checking out pretty much every woman walking past as you talked. I personally found that off-putting like he was constantly on the look out for something else. She hadn't noticed and washed over it, and said he was lovely. He was nice to talk to. Is this a normal thing guys do? I remember my ex husband glancing at stunning women but not really tracking them with his eyes in my presence, who knows what he did when I wasn't around. I just thought it was rude when he was chatting up my friend. She is excited, he messaged her that night, they are meeting up for coffee this week. It niggled me though, but I said my peace and will support her choices. Just wondered others thoughts on it.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Yeah, it does seem a bit off; especially if she is vulnerable and newly single, I can see why she'd gloss over it though.

I've definitely been a bit overactive in checking people out at times. I once checked out my would-be boss, RIGHT, as she was grilling me during an interview (LOL). It was bad... I think I wasn't crazy about the job prospect and management seemed like the aggressive/mean female types I was used to in my last job (LOL). So, I think my mind just shut-off, and went into automatic mode. It was soooo bad, she could tell immediately, and I could tell that she could tell, that I just tuned out and checked her out, mid-interview, lol. I knew I wasn't getting that job, and I didn't... lol.

My father would check out women with my step-mom and ask her about them. I never understood that. They were both so casual about it. I was thinking, "how is my step-mom not upset and okay with this?"

But, yeah, in my opinion, the situation you describe sounds like, he shouldn't have been doing that. I'd agree with you. Especially if he was shameless about it. At the very least, it's sort of like trying to talk to some one while they are texting with some one. That honeysuckle is rude and annoys the fresia out of me; unless it's something important, and they give a valid a reason, ask you to hold on a second please, and then finish up as quick as they can.

But one's friends are most likely going to do what they are going to do. Usually best to stay out of that business, unless they invite your opinion on it..

 

[TheRealCallie]

I know a lot of guys that do that. But, I do want to point out that they aren't dating, they just have each other on FB. So while it is definitely eye roll worthy and rude, I wouldn't necessarily paint him an ******* yet, especially if he was looking at everyone, not just the pretty ones.

 

[user 188685]

I know a lot of guys that do that. But, I do want to point out that they aren't dating, they just have each other on FB. So while it is definitely eye roll worthy and rude, I wouldn't necessarily paint him an ******* yet, especially if he was looking at everyone, not just the pretty ones.

True

 

[ringwood]

I’m all about trusting your first instinct as it usually turns out to be correct. . . but not always. At the very least, this guy’s behaviour strikes me as rude. Sure, maybe a quick glance as an attractive woman walks by, but to constantly be doing double-takes when you’re talking up another woman - no.

Who knows though - the guy may turn out to be really nice. And guys like to look after all. All you can do is support your friend’s choices in the background and hope that nothing else crops up with this guy that sets off alarm bells.

 

[user 188685]

I’m all about trusting your first instinct as it usually turns out to be correct. . . but not always. At the very least, this guy’s behaviour strikes me as rude. Sure, maybe a quick glance as an attractive woman walks by, but to constantly be doing double-takes when you’re talking up another woman - no.

Who knows though - the guy may turn out to be really nice. And guys like to look after all. All you can do is support your friend’s choices in the background and hope that nothing else crops up with this guy that sets off alarm bells.

Yep,good point

 

[randomguy]

Guy sounds like a complete gardenia to me, that's not just rude it's downright insulting.

 

[user 188522]

I agree with randomguy! I would not give this guy another chance. If your friend plans to meet with him, ask her to take note of this horrendous behavior. Remind her she is fabulous and is no one second best.

 

[user 139760]

Like Cal said. Also, it might be something other he's checking, hard to say until you actually know the guy. I often do that when chatting, not necessarily to look at pretty girls, but to look at the ones who THINK they're pretty...but look like idiots or Twilight Zone residents .
All I'm daying is bemefit of a doubt. Of course, of it's systematic after 5 months of dating, thatd be a warning sign.

 

[Serenia]

The date is set for Tuesday, she is excited. I'm going to obviously mind my own business now, I was curious. I just didn't like the way he looked at the women it was a slow lingering checking them over kind of thing, but that's my own feeling of him. She can make her own assessments of him. Thanks everyone really interesting replies.

 

[user 164061]

Yeah, it's a tad rude having a conversation with a lady that she is enjoying and the guy is constantly checking out other women as they stroll by. Arsehole move, but you won't know he's a full on gardenia until they start getting more serious and he's still doing that honeysuckle. Did the right thing really telling her about him checking every woman out though, if that was me i'd be happy i was told that lol.

 

[user 164061]

Like Cal said. Also, it might be something other he's checking, hard to say until you actually know the guy. I often do that when chatting, not necessarily to look at pretty girls, but to look at the ones who THINK they're pretty...but look like idiots or Twilight Zone residents .
All I'm daying is bemefit of a doubt. Of course, of it's systematic after 5 months of dating, thatd be a warning sign.

Reminds me of a few months ago. I was walking down a busy street and this veeeery attractive woman came along, but was thirsting for attention so much she tripped. Didn't injure herself or hit the floor but while walking on cobbles that blind people use so they know they are at a road and not looking is a bad move. Could have really injured herself because she had full hands and luckily just tripped.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Reminds me of a few months ago. I was walking down a busy street and this veeeery attractive woman came along, but was thirsting for attention so much she tripped. Didn't injure herself or hit the floor but while walking on cobbles that blind people use so they know they are at a road and not looking is a bad move. Could have really injured herself because she had full hands and luckily just tripped.

Have you never tripped over nothing? I know I have.... lol

 

[user 164061]

Have you never tripped over nothing? I know I have.... lol

I am not sure how i didn't trip when i saw her. She was amazing, but my rule is "floor and forward" so i don't trip or break my face

 

[Finished]

Sounds young / immature and without skills. After a few decades of experience a guy learns how to check out all the hot women around without anybody else noticing. honeysuckle, I'll staire at someone's glasses that I'm talking to in order to see the hot chick behind me and nobody's the wiser.

 

[Serenia]

A little update, they chatted on Messenger each day and had agreed on Tuesday to meet for a coffee date. On Monday tea time she messaged to say what time should they meet. He didn't reply, he had read the message, she still hasn't heard. Shame she was excited.

 

[ringwood]

A little update, they chatted on Messenger each day and had agreed on Tuesday to meet for a coffee date. On Monday tea time she messaged to say what time should they meet. He didn't reply, he had read the message, she still hasn't heard. Shame she was excited.

Probably better it turned out this way before your friend got too involved with this jerk. Seems you were correct on your first impressions. . . sorry your friend is disappointed, but glad she has a good friend in you - someone who is looking out for her.

 

[Serenia]

Probably better it turned out this way before your friend got too involved with this jerk. Seems you were correct on your first impressions. . . sorry your friend is disappointed, but glad she has a good friend in you - someone who is looking out for her.

Thanks, it must be hard after years with someone and starting again. I think there was a lack of affection for a few years, so some attention goes along way