nebraskagirl60
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tangy002 said:
I will be your friend.
Married and Lonely seeking friends
- Thread starter tangy002
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
I will be your friend.
Saddle Bum
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tangy002 I am 50 said:
Sdmetrogroup
CT
I can relate to your situation. In a pretty similar situation myself
Golden Soul
New member
I can relate to your situation 100%. I married someone 12 years ago. I helped her get her bachelors and masters degrees. Now, she has risen up to near the top of the civilian gov. agency she works for and is always either working or on her phone. We used to have great conversations when we dated and in the beginning of our marriage. Thats one of the reasons I decided to get married. Now she only seems to care about money. I have a decent job to and work 40 hours a week but I leave work at work. I have become very depressed over the last 5 years. I miss having stimulating conversations and I miss our relationship.
charlotte craig
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Hi Tangy002, I do understand about being married and lonely. Anyway you cannot spend all of your time and emotional effort on just one person, you need a change, some variety, other personalities and points of view in your life too, even if you love them to bits. Ive also had the same said to me. Why do you want more friends when you have a husband? It is such a daft question. All of the people who ask it want more than one person in their life, yet they find fault with you for wanting the same thing. You can private message me if you want.
user 190117
Hello Friends!! Friends are the Family we choose.
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I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation, sometimes people value more material things than human connections, having a big house or driving an expensive car is not the meaning of life, those things are nice but they don’t mean anything if at the of the day we fell worthless inside. Find something that gives you pleasure and brings you peace, the best things in life are usually free.
Tangy I feel for you, I can relate to what your say
here's a hug, stay safe
desperately seeking...
New member
Banburyman
New member
Hi there tangy hope all is ok my name is lee.
I fully understand what you are going through in if there is anything I can help with it would be my pleasure
This was originally posted on 2009, she might not frequent the site anymore
Bill
New member
Hi, I can fully understand you because I almost never see my wife because of my job.
I understand your loneliness. My spouse and I have been together for 35 years, but I feel ignored by her. She claims it’s because she doesn’t understand the things I am interested in. Even when I throw out multiple topics I don’t get conversations, I get monosyllabic responses. Yet when we are with friends she converses freely, oftentimes interrupting others to speak.
Her conversation at home is always about how sick she feels, sports or negativity comments. When I talk to her about how I feel she cries and says how much she loves me, and how she is going to do better. I think it might be her illness causing the negativity and the her obsession with her health.
I feel like a freak , because I am interested in spirituality, knowing how money is created and works, crypto, holistic medicine, and other esoteric subjects. I have learned about college women’s basketball, because that is what my spouse and friends like to talk about. I feel lonely and weird. I talk to strangers because I am lonely. I am outgoing and just want to have conversations.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
This is a very old thread; you may want to start a new thread in the new members section and introduce yourself.
35 years is a long time. In some marriages people realize they aren't who they thought they were after about 2-5 years. In some marriages, two people can become completely different people after around 10 years, and it may take 5 years for them to really realize it happened. Or, one person changes, and the other doesn't realize it till some cloudy sunday morning, unexpectedly, when everything they thought was a certain way, turns out to be another.
It's a tricky thing when two people have grown in different directions. And I think it's also tricky, when, they've learned ways to work around that, while still growing in different directions.
I think Universally, as Americans, however, we tend to want things, 'fixed,' or, 'repaired,' or somehow mitigated rather quickly. Just like my words right now, can reflect a certain amount of knowledge, but, they can't fix things, anymore than the word, 'wrench,' itself, could be applied to tighten a bolt.
Perhaps, there may be something worthwhile in, simply accepting the situation as it is; and, for a time, or at times, perhaps look at it as, a completely hopeless and utterly unsolvable problem; and then, go from there. That's not to say there may not be an answer, a solution, or a way of changing things for the better for both parties involved, but, at the least, it's a counter-intuitive way of approaching things, that is very uncommon, in a world, where, it's very, very common, for each successive solution to a problem, to turn out to become the next new problem itself.
Anyway, we have a chatroom here, if you are interested in that sort of thing; I can't seem to find the link to it, at the moment. And, it can be quiet around here, it's an older forum, but, go ahead and introduce yourself if you'd like to stick around.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
None of this makes you a freak.
None of this makes you weird.
I 100% understand being lonely in a marriage. I was there, once upon a time. Make time for yourself. Do things for yourself. Get your own life (No, I'm not saying cheat on your wife) outside the marriage. Join clubs for whatever you are interested in. I know spirituality isn't always equated to church, but for you, could it be? Churches have so many programs and people and if you get the right one, there will be lots of people wanting to get to know you and talk to you. Volunteer somewhere, that will get you talking to people. Play a sport. It doesn't really matter what you do, but that you participate in something where you will be around people more than once, let them get to know you, make friends and connections (again, not cheating). I know it's not the same as what you would havve from your wife, but it's a start and it will help.
The worst thing in life isn't to end up all alone. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone. You shouldn't have to beg for things that should be freely given to you like love and affection. Resentment develops when you repeatedly feel unheard, dismissed or feel that your spouse puts other interests ahead of you and the marriage.
Research suggests 60% of people that suffer from loneliness are actually living with their spouse. It might hurt to walk away but that will never compare to the pain of staying. Don't let the fear of being alone keep you in a relationship where you are alone.
You need to decide. Is this the life you want to live?. Is this the person you want to love?. Is this the best you can be?. Can you be stronger? kinder? more compassionate?. Decide, breathe in, breathe out and decide.
Research suggests 60% of people that suffer from loneliness are actually living with their spouse. It might hurt to walk away but that will never compare to the pain of staying. Don't let the fear of being alone keep you in a relationship where you are alone.
You need to decide. Is this the life you want to live?. Is this the person you want to love?. Is this the best you can be?. Can you be stronger? kinder? more compassionate?. Decide, breathe in, breathe out and decide.
Thank you! I would never cheat on my wife. I love her and we have a good life except for the conversation. I usually go for walks or coffee with friends, but her silence when I tried to talk to her about my family sent me into a Deep depression. We went to a birthday party yesterday, and many friends I had not seen since pre covid were warm, friendly and interested in talking to me so I am feeling better. I usually do the things you suggested I do. Thanks again.
