Meeting people through clubs or classes

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Greenish

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A while back I saw a counsellor who suggested that I joined a club or take classes to meet people. I was very hesitant at first and it took me over a year to pluck up the courage to do it.

I finally started art classes and although I didn't make any real friends it did give me a sense of belonging / companionship and I learnt to paint (although my skill is a matter of debate).

Later I decided to learn French and took evening classes. I met the most incredible people there and even managed to make a few friends and we still meet up on occasion. I've stopped the French classes for now but still think it was worth the effort.

I was just wondering if anyone else joined clubs or took classes to get out and what your experiences were.
 
Greenish said:
A while back I saw a counsellor who suggested that I joined a club or take classes to meet people. I was very hesitant at first and it took me over a year to pluck up the courage to do it.

I finally started art classes and although I didn't make any real friends it did give me a sense of belonging / companionship and I learnt to paint (although my skill is a matter of debate).

Later I decided to learn French and took evening classes. I met the most incredible people there and even managed to make a few friends and we still meet up on occasion. I've stopped the French classes for now but still think it was worth the effort.

I was just wondering if anyone else joined clubs or took classes to get out and what your experiences were.

I haven't myself but it is a very good idea.
 
Hi Greenish,

Good that you, at the very least, felt a sense of belonging and companionship. I've tried many, many classes and clubs over the years, and never found that feeling of belonging in any of them. If anything, they tended to make my loneliness (and therefore depression as well) feel worse. The more I tried to talk to people there, engage anyone in conversation, the more I would be avoided and ignored. And it's happened in any class or club that I've joined. I just don't seem to fit in anywhere .... huh, not even on here really, so it seems most of the time.

But good for you anyway.
 
My experiences with groups/clubs/classes have been mixed.
Some groups I have joined and later left (for whatever reason) without probably leaving a trace. At other groups I have been accepted whilst there but have failed to become one of the people whose phone number and email people want.
The Aspergers group I go to is good. One of our members is in and out of hospital and we are all visiting him regularly to support him. It makes me feel safe in the knowledge that, were I to go into hospital, they would also visit me.
Cucuboth-why do you feel that you don't fit in here? I always like to read your posts as you talk a lot of sense.
 
I have done training courses before not quite classes, and meet some great people who I am friends with. Plus you are learning something you enjoy with like minded people.
 
I think a lot depends on what exactly the class or club is, some cater far better for socialising than others. I'm not a natural 'mingler' at these kind of things so it takes me a while to feel confident enough to approach people to talk to although I'll happily respond to anyone.

I've had mixed results. I went to a body pump class for awhile and didn't really get anything from that, although the zumba class I go to now is a lot more friendly and chatty. I also go out from time-to-time with the people I volunteer with. We don't go out that much but then we do generally see each other once a week anyway.

The main problem I'm finding is meeting people of a similar age-range, particularly men, who just don't really come to these things. I like activity-based things but I'm not sure what I can really try in my area.
 
I think it's a great way to meet people. Just a note to anyone going to college, go to orientation. You meet so many people who are in the exact same boat as you and eager to make friends. I never joined clubs or went to orientation or lived on campus. The first day I was wondering how everyone knew people lol. I went into my program with zero friends.

First days/weeks of classes are crucial because that when you establish your groups or lack of lol. If you don't speak to anyone then or make a friend, you will probably stay alone. It isn't the worst thing but if you have no one in all your classes it can be lonely.
 
I've tried to join a couple of things, mainly Young Stroke Survivor groups. Problem is though that the term "young stroke survivor" can mean anyone up to 65 - so I've often been the youngest person there by a good 30-40 years. I try to speak to people but it's hard to when you are clearly the odd one out.

I have always wanted to take a creative writing class so might see if there's one locally.
 
My latest conviction on this is that how well it works out is completely a matter of luck, some groups you click with them immediately, some others click with each other and leave you out or everyone seems pretty boring or downright hideous.
I tried groups where people might share some deep values with me, like spirituality or religious views, and in some of these groups we had NOTHING in common to talk about.
In the last 4 years I went to groups for music, groups for entrepreneurship and design, yoga classes, language classes, game playing club, groups related to work, geek girls club, vegan food club, expat meetups, 12 step groups, spiritual book club, student cineclub, (some more that I forgot!) but I think the total failure of my "meeting people plan" depended also on the country and bigger city attitude because hardly no one ever wanted to engage in conversation or bring a casual acquaintance farther, which considering the amount of groups I went to was pretty surprising. In some of these groups I was mismatched by age, in some others we had hugely different education and backgrounds (aka me artist, them corporate people or strict academics), my impression is that I was living in a place where everyone was going to too many groups and classes and was completely busy and unwilling to commit to anyone outside their family circle.
My mistakes, looking back, were a) after a while I adapted to this lack of depth in relationships so I was the first one to keep it impersonal, even without meaning it b) I was traumatized by so much rejection and maybe I got a bit desperate, and tried to connect even with those I didn't have much in common, bringing on more rejection.
Don't know, in general going to classes seems like a good idea..


h3donist said:
I've tried to join a couple of things, mainly Young Stroke Survivor groups. Problem is though that the term "young stroke survivor" can mean anyone up to 65 - so I've often been the youngest person there by a good 30-40 years. I try to speak to people but it's hard to when you are clearly the odd one out.

I have always wanted to take a creative writing class so might see if there's one locally.

^ woah, sorry that happened to you.. glad you are a survivor, though :)
 
Tealeaf said:
Never had any luck with either. Most I've gotten this semester is first-name terms.

I've made friends every couple of years through classes.

Got lucky I suppose, but you know, friends don't mean that much. They drift apart after a while. I wish people in real life took friendship more seriously, like I do. It's darn dissapointing. :(
 
I took culinary classes at the local community college and stayed for 5 semesters. So I liked it. But the 30 year age difference between me and my classmates was always an issue.......it was like being from different countries. I still know one lady in an online type way.

My only actually reliable social contacts are through a university extension agency public service program. I like that too, but the others all have post graduate degrees......retired doctors, teachers & college profs. I'm a part of the group but I AM aware of a status difference. None of them make an issue out of it. It's just me finding something to be overly sensitive about, probably.
 
I do a lot of volunteer work and also am part of a community service group for over 15 years.
Still can't figure out how to find a date or friends though.
 
To me these groups, clubs, classes are just an nice excuse for like minded people to get together, share their ideas or learn a new skill. Whether friendships develop out of it is not really important but would be nice. The fact is it gets you out of the house once or twice a week, talking to people, having a good giggle, sharing some snacks and then going home just to meet up the next week.

If I didn't do it I'd be sitting at home staring at the walls 6 days a week rather than the 5 I'm doing now. I read somewhere that one shouldn't approach these things with the mindset of "I'm going to go so I can make friends" but rather just to pitch up, learn or do whatever it is you need to do and let things flow. I believe that takes a lot of pressure off yourself, and who needs the added stress. These groups help you develop interests, which can be conversation topics later on when you meet other people.

That's just my take on things.
 
Greenish, your opinions are very realistic and you state them ably and succinctly. I'm actually looking at things a bit differently, after reading your post. Thanks for the input!
 
Going to finally go ahead and take the Master Gardener course this coming fall. Mostly so I can find an outlet for obsessing about plants and soil and also to find victims to pawn off rare seeds on who will actually grow them out. Finding a friend would be nice but based on the local demographic not holding my breath, I'll settle for fresh victims of my seed-aholic-ism.
 
constant stranger said:
Greenish, your opinions are very realistic and you state them ably and succinctly. I'm actually looking at things a bit differently, after reading your post. Thanks for the input!

Thank you for your kind comment. It means a lot to me


DDZ said:
Going to finally go ahead and take the Master Gardener course this coming fall. Mostly so I can find an outlet for obsessing about plants and soil and also to find victims to pawn off rare seeds on who will actually grow them out. Finding a friend would be nice but based on the local demographic not holding my breath, I'll settle for fresh victims of my seed-aholic-ism.

Hey DDZ, if I lived closer I'd be a willing victim to your obsession.
 
Greenish said:
To me these groups, clubs, classes are just an nice excuse for like minded people to get together, share their ideas or learn a new skill. Whether friendships develop out of it is not really important but would be nice. The fact is it gets you out of the house once or twice a week, talking to people, having a good giggle, sharing some snacks and then going home just to meet up the next week.

If I didn't do it I'd be sitting at home staring at the walls 6 days a week rather than the 5 I'm doing now. I read somewhere that one shouldn't approach these things with the mindset of "I'm going to go so I can make friends" but rather just to pitch up, learn or do whatever it is you need to do and let things flow. I believe that takes a lot of pressure off yourself, and who needs the added stress. These groups help you develop interests, which can be conversation topics later on when you meet other people.

That's just my take on things.

Yeah i read that too that just go and try to enjoy whatever youre doing and that way youre more naturally yourself and people will be attracted to that if its going to happen rather than us giving off some needy vibe. It took me a LONG time to learn that one but im getting there.

As far as me meeting any friends or anything from clubs classes etc, i havent been a part of anything in a long time honestly so i havent had the chance. I used to not because i was making the mistake i just commented on above but now that im a little bit older and wiser, i dont know i might actually stand a chance. I think as with anything its kind of luck of the draw whether you find people there you click with.
 
I did an art class a year or so ago...after going to it for 6 months I got on with a few friendly people but nothing beyond that. Stopped going when I found it just didnt give me what I wanted. I joined a group for 20 year olds when I moved to the city and I went frequently when it was summer for outdoors activities and for nights out but again after getting some contacts...I hung out with a few people then they either left or never wanted to be consistent friends...so I'm still by myself...seems like i'm right back where I started.
 

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