Men are not magic

[CenotaphGirl]

Its taken me years to accept that men have no magic wands to fix what is broken in my life…

My whole life I believed men are the answer, whenever I was sad dad would fix it, whatever i wanted he would buy it… when the women in my life picked on me the men would always rush to my rescue and my defence…

As I got older and other men wanted to take care of me… I learnt that being able to get men to do what I want made me powerful… I learnt that being able to manipulate men was like being a wizard, men made things happen…

but its men… not a man… theres only so much one man can do, I wonder if I will ever be satisfied with just one… if one can ever do enough? What is enough? Do I have that… that level where I can be satisfied without hurting anyone… ugh i just dont know anymore… not written to upset anyone just random thoughts swimming around my brain…

 

[TheRealCallie]

You need to learn to fix your own life. If you keep waiting for a man (or anyone else, for that matter) to do it, you will likely never be happy. No one else can fix your life, you have to do that yourself.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You need to learn to fix your own life. If you keep waiting for a man (or anyone else, for that matter) to do it, you will likely never be happy. No one else can fix your life, you have to do that yourself.

My life is a shipwreck I cant do it on my own, im just not strong enough and accepting that I need support has always been easy for me… not abusing the support is hard for me…

I watched a video about parenting totally unrelated but a mum never knew how to give effective discipline once she learnt how to she started to over use it… and the parenting coach said you feel powerful now and because you was trodden on for so long you abuse it. I feel like that… broken and scared was my whole life the min I feel safe, unafraid i’d do anything to keep it… and all I want is more and more until I feel like no one will ever hurt me again. To get that power comes at a price … thats what im trying to keep reminding myself

 

[TheRealCallie]

Fixing your own life doesn't mean not having support,. You ARE strong enough. Start believing it, take charge and get honeysuckle done. It's hard work, I'm not going to say otherwise, but you CAN do it. Don't let fear stop you, ditch the excuses and do something for yourself.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Fixing your own life doesn't mean not having support,. You ARE strong enough. Start believing it, take charge and get honeysuckle done. It's hard work, I'm not going to say otherwise, but you CAN do it. Don't let fear stop you, ditch the excuses and do something for yourself.

Thanks Callie, do you ever find it always feels easier to rely on old bad habits than to try and find a better way?

 

[roses4all]

You are brave enough to question yourself.

Now, you have to brave enough to do something different.

It's like your primal brain learned all these coping mechanisms when you were young... and they worked when you were young... but your frontal cortex was not engaged. The frontal cortex develops in our teens and early 20's. It lets us think about consequences etc.

However, the primal brain is strong. It is hard to go against it.

I struggle with this in the form of anxiety every day. And by the way, what I wrote.... it was my shrink talking.

 

[roses4all]

You are brave enough to question yourself.

Now, you have to brave enough to do something different.

It's like your primal brain learned all these coping mechanisms when you were young... and they worked when you were young (but these coping mechanisms could you get you into difficult relationships and situations that are not good for you as an adult)... but as a child, your frontal cortex was not engaged. The frontal cortex develops in our teens and early 20's. It lets us think about consequences etc.

However, the primal brain is strong. It is hard to go against it.

I struggle with this in the form of anxiety every day. And by the way, what I wrote.... it was my shrink talking.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You are brave enough to question yourself.

Now, you have to brave enough to do something different.

It's like your primal brain learned all these coping mechanisms when you were young... and they worked when you were young... but your frontal cortex was not engaged. The frontal cortex develops in our teens and early 20's. It lets us think about consequences etc.

However, the primal brain is strong. It is hard to go against it.

I struggle with this in the form of anxiety every day. And by the way, what I wrote.... it was my shrink talking.

I like the idea of this, I’ve changed for sure I just feel myself slipping, my idea of power is so linked to manipulating men into doing my bidding that getting things done on my own feels weak… which is sooo backwards, i have no idea how to change my mind in full… I relate to what you said as its like I have 2 different thoughts one that says im right for changing and one that wants me to prove it was my choice and if I wanted I could have men where I’ve always had them.. having these mixed emotions demotivates me from trying hard and pushing through…

 

[TheRealCallie]

Thanks Callie, do you ever find it always feels easier to rely on old bad habits than to try and find a better way?

In the beginning of my journey? Almost every single mother ******* day. But, ultimately, I wanted to better more than I wanted to give up/stay as messed up as I was, so I forced myself to do what needed done...even if I didn't think I was strong enough or worthy enough.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I've not lost my parents yet, but they are abusive and neglectful of me. Regardless, I've learned to mostly ignore it, because even though they are that way, the dynamic relationship between a child and their parent is extremely unique....

It's unique in that nobody will ever do for you what your parents will do for you. No single or couple of individual/s will suffice. That is strictly a parent/child relationship.

My parents are abusive and neglectful, but without them I'd be 100% alone in low class poverty-stricken capitalist America, likely either entirely homeless or living out of a van.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I've not lost my parents yet, but they are abusive and neglectful of me. Regardless, I've learned to mostly ignore it, because even though they are that way, the dynamic relationship between a child and their parent is extremely unique....

It's unique in that nobody will ever do for you what your parents will do for you. No single or couple of individual/s will suffice. That is strictly a parent/child relationship.

My parents are abusive and neglectful, but without them I'd be 100% alone in low class poverty-stricken capitalist America, likely either entirely homeless or living out of a van.

Im sorry you experience this, the age old toxicity or loneliness… I wrote a poem about it once I’ll put a stanza…

“Such a bitter fold,
To fight your love or to fight the cold,
To grip on when theres nothing to hold
To listen when theres nothing told”

My mother is abusive to, My father was both mother and father to me… He did everything for me, my fella gives me more than any man should too, as i write this he is sleeping in his car waiting for me to finish work for hours because he loves me and never wants to disappoint me, I feel evil for letting him do that… its unreasonable I know it is… but this is how he keeps me, and this is my dilemma.

do you still live with your parents ?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

do you still live with your parents ?

I don't really have much of a choice.
Plus they're both physically handicapped.
My mother is an amputee and my father is half blind and just had a hip replacement, so they both are on walkers and need assisted living help, which isn't available to the low class here without the cost of house and home.

Admittedly, them treating me the way that they do is the reason why I never pushed myself to do more than what I do despite the amazing things that I have done.

They're just going to be a pain in my ass until they die.
That's just how addicts are with their family members.
So I'm just waiting it out.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I don't really have much of a choice.
Plus they're both physically handicapped.
My mother is an amputee and my father is half blind and just had a hip replacement, so they both are on walkers and need assisted living help, which isn't available to the low class here without the cost of house and home.

Admittedly, them treating me the way that they do is the reason why I never pushed myself to do more than what I do despite the amazing things that I have done.

They're just going to be a pain in my ass until they die.
That's just how addicts are with their family members.
So I'm just waiting it out.

Oh wow that must impact you a lot, its good that you are able to help them

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Oh wow that must impact you a lot, its good that you are able to help them

Yeah I'm that weird mix of guy who's trying not to go lay down on a train track and drunkenly pass out and guy who finds a bittersweet irony in life.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Yeah I'm that weird mix of guy who's trying not to go lay down on a train track and drunkenly pass out and guy who finds a bittersweet irony in life.

Dont say that… your life will get better just think you are stress free and single pringles

 

[Buddyspal]

OK, my folks did a number on me too although they didn't do so on purpose. However, I grew up Seeking the love and support I never received. Being a boy, I was supposed to find my own way, etc., etc. I never learned how and used the fantasy that if a person is good and does all the right things that all good things would follow.

Guess what, it never happened. people used my neediness for their own benefit. I ended up with a partner who was paradoxically both needy and clingy in a child-like way, but cold and distant in an adult relationship.. My lesson was that love is for some but not others. I wish I could have found someone with the right balance of adult/child

I'm not sure if this ties into your thread, but I felt compelled to respond.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

OK, my folks did a number on me too although they didn't do so on purpose. However, I grew up Seeking the love and support I never received. Being a boy, I was supposed to find my own way, etc., etc. I never learned how and used the fantasy that if a person is good and does all the right things that all good things would follow.

Guess what, it never happened. people used my neediness for their own benefit. I ended up with a partner who was paradoxically both needy and clingy in a child-like way, but cold and distant in an adult relationship.. My lesson was that love is for some but not others. I wish I could have found someone with the right balance of adult/child

I'm not sure if this ties into your thread, but I felt compelled to respond.

Awh im sorry, this sounds awful, sometimes I think love is for everyone but who you love has to be right for you. To be completely honest with you I have used so many needy men in the past now my karma is im so needy I can barely function but no one deserves to be used, or hurt, im sorry that happened to you.