Men's opinion: should I still wait for him?

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Question1

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We reconnected after 5 years. Back then we were just friends and, as I was about to move abroad to take care of a terminally ill parent, we decided to wait and see what life brings. Now I am back and as soon as I returned, he came looking for me, we had two beautiful dates, he went beyond himself to make it special and we spoke openly about the past and the future. He left no trace of doubt about his intentions. But...now I have no news from him, he didn't reply to my last text message I sent days ago. I know his life has been a rollercoaster lately. He broke up with his 10-years long partner 3 months ago (being already separated for a while before that), he changed his job and he is not happy with it and changed the city too. We are both in out early 40s and I could have expected that from some casual date, but not from an old friend who always respected me and cared for me. What do you think? What should I do? By no means I want to pressure him in any way, so I decided not to contact him. Thanks!
 
fresia no., don't wait for anybody in life.
If I waited around for love, nothing would ever get done in my life.

I kind of treat love and relationships with a passive approach.
It should always be an optional factor, rather than the pillars of a foundation for a persons life.

I wasn't always like this, it took me a long time to come to this realization, and it didn't come without my share of both faults and sacrifices along the way, and ironically it's those faults and sacrifices that actually helped shape me into being this way.

I've got a life to live, not much of a social life, but a life of survivalism.
One that demands that I be more focused on what I need than what I want, one that demands that I be stronger than the way that I feel most of the time.
 
fresia no., don't wait for anybody in life.
If I waited around for love, nothing would ever get done in my life.

I kind of treat love and relationships with a passive approach.
It should always be an optional factor, rather than the pillars of a foundation for a persons life.

I wasn't always like this, it took me a long time to come to this realization, and it didn't come without my share of both faults and sacrifices along the way, and ironically it's those faults and sacrifices that actually helped shape me into being this way.

I've got a life to live, not much of a social life, but a life of survivalism.
One that demands that I be more focused on what I need

than what I want, one that demands that I be stronger than the way that I feel most of the time.
Thank you.
 
Not a man, but how long has it been since you heard from him? That's kind of important.
Thank you for your reply. I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. I wrote to him once more 5 days ago to see how it went with his job evaluation, and still no reply.
 
If it's been two weeks, I'm not sure how much hope I would hold for him. That said, if it is bothering you or you're unsure, I would probably send him one more message with just a general message like "just checking in, how are things" or something like that. That way, you know where you stand, one way or another and you don't have to wonder.
 
Wouldn't that seem insisting since he hasn't replied the two previous messages I sent? He read them. I just wish we could go back to the pre-dating stage, when we were friends and we could talk normally to each other. It is hard to delete 5 years in one day, with no explanation.
 
Wouldn't that seem insisting since he hasn't replied the two previous messages I sent? He read them. I just wish we could go back to the pre-dating stage, when we were friends and we could talk normally to each other. It is hard to delete 5 years in one day, with no explanation.
You still can if you so chose. It's hard to say without any more details about the both of you, but I would definitely send another "checking up on things" inquiry. Maybe with a "I'm there if you want to talk" vibe to it. If he's really a good friend, he at least owes you an explanation, not just a disappearing act.
 
Wouldn't that seem insisting since he hasn't replied the two previous messages I sent? He read them. I just wish we could go back to the pre-dating stage, when we were friends and we could talk normally to each other. It is hard to delete 5 years in one day, with no explanation.
It might seem insisting, but it's not about him at this point. It's about you not knowing where you stand. It's about you knowing you did everything you could to know, so that you can move on.

Maybe it's just a case of you not getting his reply. It does happen. On my birthday once, my mom supposedly sent me a "happy birthday" text 8 times. I never got any of them. She sent me one right in front of me and it never came to my phone. I'm not saying that's what happened and it's an extremely long shot, but it is possible.
 
You still can if you so chose. It's hard to say without any more details about the both of you, but I would definitely send another "checking up on things" inquiry. Maybe with a "I'm there if you want to talk" vibe to it. If he's really a good friend, he at least owes you an explanation, not just a disappearing act.
Thank you, Richard. The only thing that comes to my mind about what might have happened is that he seemed very shy and insecure, while I might have seemed a bit cautious and distant.
 
It might seem insisting, but it's not about him at this point. It's about you not knowing where you stand. It's about you knowing you did everything you could to know, so that you can move on.

Maybe it's just a case of you not getting his reply. It does happen. On my birthday once, my mom supposedly sent me a "happy birthday" text 8 times. I never got any of them. She sent me one right in front of me and it never came to my phone. I'm not saying that's what happened and it's an extremely long shot, but it is possible.
I am afraid it is not the case. It was What's App messages, which he read. I can't blame his character either, he has always been a very polite and well-mannered person. He has been insecure and slightly depressed lately, but I don't think this is the reason, he is talking to other friends, just not with me.
 
Harsh as it sounds you're going to have to move on. If he can't even be bothered to reply to your messages, even if it's to say " I'm not feeling this, I'm out" then the guy is probably not worth anymore of your time. Go live your life.
 
I haven't dated anybody for 13+ years or so. I could easily wait a couple months for a response. Ha! ha! I don't think I'd write him off just yet. Without confirmation you have no idea what's going on with him. But, I also wouldn't stop moving forward with any other plans I had.
 
I haven't dated anybody for 13+ years or so. I could easily wait a couple months for a response. Ha! ha! I don't think I'd write him off just yet. Without confirmation you have no idea what's going on with him. But, I also wouldn't stop moving forward with any other plans I had.
Thank you for your reply and advice. It's been many single years for me too, going from one family tragedy to another. I will try to move forward indeed, there's no other way.
 
He is giving mixed signals.
Sounds like he's playing games, I'd personally cut him loose. I don't like or understand people who play games when it comes to affairs of the heart.

not a man....but my 2 cents for what it's worth.
 
Is it possible some kind of bad fortunate has befallen this person, and they are unable to reply to you?

Or do you know for certain they are in good health, and just aren't responding?

If it's an issue of him just not replying back for unknown reasons and you are romantically interested... I'd say knock once, wait a bit, knock twice, wait a bit, and then knock a third and final time after a while; and if there is no reply, you'll just have to close that chapter. Maybe wait it out a few months or so.

There's not a lot of information for me to really make an informed decision.

I think the important question to ask yourself is. How long would I be willing to wait for a reply to come back? Would I be resentful if I waited a long time and finally did get a reply? Am I resentful right now?

It sounds like you'd be willing to sacrifice what was forming, if you could just go back to being friends, and I don't know for certain; but, I don't think that's the best way to think about things. I think, that I'd want my partner to BE my best friend, and there is always risk involved in stuff like that.

Anyway, I think that's the best I can come up with. A good friend, to me, is worth waiting for; but, nearing my 40's now, it seems, even long-standing friendships can fall out of favor, unexpectedly...

Love is all about timing, I think... Sometimes the timing works out, sometimes not..
 

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