Mini rant- First impressions

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay so bare with me on this story...

There I was, surrounded by my class mates in the counselling course thingy I am doing...
It was a great day, we all learnt so much so we went to a cheeky lunch at one of my fave restaurants.
We decided to play a game of first impressions, and everyone was doing really friendly ones...
Then it got to me... yeps... of course the script must flip when it comes to me...
The guy... some African man... said his first impression of me was that I am stupid...
I was really hurt by that comment, loads of people rushed to my defence but this... this is always the way.
I am always the girl everyone loves to pick on... I didn't say anything horrible back, I never do.
I actually get full marks on the tests, higher than him every time so funny who the actual idiot is...
He started to back track since the whole table sort of rushed to my defence, and as nice as it was to have support...
I hate feeling like a victim...

 

[Claudia1794]

First impressions game? That sounds like a really bad idea. People generally don’t want honesty and the truth and just because he said it was his impression of you doesn’t make it the truth about you. He was just saying what he thought per the name of the game. Sometimes people associate attractive, bubbly, and fun as air-headedness. Is it wrong? Absolutely. Will people continue to do it? Absolutely. Should you feel insulted? No. You know who you are and that’s the only truth that should matter. Your truth. From his perspective he may be feeling as though he did what was asked of him and in doing so he was the outsider. He was the one that didn’t say something nice but what he thought. Then, maybe he felt isolated by the group because they all rallied behind you. That might be his truth. Perhaps he is the person that is always on the sidelines. You say you are always picked on but what other people do and say to us does not define us. Maybe I’m way off base but this is just my take on that. Prejudices will always exist. Im a red-head, you would not believe the things that have been said to me based on stereotypes.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you don't want to know, don't play those games. It's not about the truth... it's rarely about the truth for most people... it's about what people "see" when they first meet you. That is not always going to paint a pretty picture for you...or others for that matter. First impressions are all about the vibe you put out to others. So if you get this a lot (kind of sounds like you do), maybe you should look at what kind of vibe you are giving the world.

Does he still feel this way about you? Did he learn the truth?
Though, it is rather petty of you to call him an idiot just because you get better scores. If he's passing the class, he's not stupid either.

 

[randomguy]

Like Callie says if you don't want the truth don't play the game, do you think the people " doing really friendly ones " were being truthful?

 

[9006]

Okay so bare with me on this story...

There I was, surrounded by my class mates in the counselling course thingy I am doing...
It was a great day, we all learnt so much so we went to a cheeky lunch at one of my fave restaurants.
We decided to play a game of first impressions, and everyone was doing really friendly ones...
Then it got to me... yeps... of course the script must flip when it comes to me...
The guy... some African man... said his first impression of me was that I am stupid...
I was really hurt by that comment, loads of people rushed to my defence but this... this is always the way.
I am always the girl everyone loves to pick on... I didn't say anything horrible back, I never do.
I actually get full marks on the tests, higher than him every time so funny who the actual idiot is...
He started to back track since the whole table sort of rushed to my defence, and as nice as it was to have support...
I hate feeling like a victim...

Games like these aren't really for thinned-skinned people because of this reason... I get why you could feel pressured into playing it for "just a bit of fun" if everyone else is, though. So don't think I'm saying it's your own fault.

There's a possibility this guy could be attracted to you which is why he said it.. although that sounds counter-intuitive people often use the 'something mean eased by something soft' method as a subtle way. Really how it effects you should come down to the connection you have with this person, and you should only really take it personally if this person is close to you in some way.

For example (from the sounds of it) this guy is just someone in your class, so as a divide you shouldn't let what he says effect you like it has. Conversely, if you heard it from a close friend then of course you'd feel more upset because of this.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

First impressions game? That sounds like a really bad idea. People generally don’t want honesty and the truth and just because he said it was his impression of you doesn’t make it the truth about you. He was just saying what he thought per the name of the game. Sometimes people associate attractive, bubbly, and fun as air-headedness. Is it wrong? Absolutely. Will people continue to do it? Absolutely. Should you feel insulted? No. You know who you are and that’s the only truth that should matter. Your truth. From his perspective he may be feeling as though he did what was asked of him and in doing so he was the outsider. He was the one that didn’t say something nice but what he thought. Then, maybe he felt isolated by the group because they all rallied behind you. That might be his truth. Perhaps he is the person that is always on the sidelines. You say you are always picked on but what other people do and say to us does not define us. Maybe I’m way off base but this is just my take on that. Prejudices will always exist. Im a red-head, you would not believe the things that have been said to me based on stereotypes.

Thanks Claudia, I agree it was a bad idea... but it wasn't bad, until it was, if that makes sense. It wasn't supposed to be some truthful mission from god game, it was just a silly cheesy icebreaker. I wouldn't have suggested it but I never would have thought someone would have been so rude either, honestly it just ruined the whole lunch. I think I was more crushed because I really pushed myself to mingle with others instead of rushing straight home like I usually do. I spoke to everyone, engaged well and even took charge in some areas like suggesting where we eat as everyone wanted such different things. So in the end... I felt like I put myself out there just to get treated like honeysuckle. I wanted the floor to just swallow me whole.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

If you don't want to know, don't play those games. It's not about the truth... it's rarely about the truth for most people... it's about what people "see" when they first meet you. That is not always going to paint a pretty picture for you...or others for that matter. First impressions are all about the vibe you put out to others. So if you get this a lot (kind of sounds like you do), maybe you should look at what kind of vibe you are giving the world.

Does he still feel this way about you? Did he learn the truth?
Though, it is rather petty of you to call him an idiot just because you get better scores. If he's passing the class, he's not stupid either.

Like Callie says if you don't want the truth don't play the game, do you think the people " doing really friendly ones " were being truthful?

I mean it's a whole table, not really sure how I was to get out of playing honestly (open to suggestions), everyone was being friendly saying really funny things, it didn't feel like something I didn't want to be a part of until he said what he said... I mean.. I'm not sure what you guys mean here, I didn't call this guy up and ask to play this game with him and couldn't handle what he said to me, this was a public game, he didn't need to be so rude and if there was nothing wrong with what he did im not sure why the whole table rushed to my defence. I tried to laugh it off and move on, but I did feel like a total victim, I dont know how to stop feeling that way when things like this happen to me.

Also, the vibe im giving out? I cant control how others feel about me Callie, I am often misjudged by how I look more than anything I actually say/do... I dont talk much, as I have a stutter and I dont do much I just go home straight after class usually due to social anxiety.

As the queen of pettiness I cant take credit for that one, I didn't mean he is stupid due to his scores, he has decent scores that someone who is not a perfectionist could tolerate. I called him stupid as he thought the top scorer of the class would be the worst... I dont get off on calling other people names, I get off on uplifting others as I wish just once someone could uplift me.

And yes Randomguy everyone was being truthful, maybe just not saying "harsh truths"... just lighthearted truths as far as I could tell anyway.

 

[Claudia1794]

Ha! Isn’t that usually how all bad ideas start? They aren’t bad until they are. It’s good that you got involved and participated so just take that away with a smile and a slap to the hip. Don’t let the one negative feeling detract from the good.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Games like these aren't really for thinned-skinned people because of this reason... I get why you could feel pressured into playing it for "just a bit of fun" if everyone else is, though. So don't think I'm saying it's your own fault.

There's a possibility this guy could be attracted to you which is why he said it.. although that sounds counter-intuitive people often use the 'something mean eased by something soft' method as a subtle way. Really how it effects you should come down to the connection you have with this person, and you should only really take it personally if this person is close to you in some way.

For example (from the sounds of it) this guy is just someone in your class, so as a divide you shouldn't let what he says effect you like it has. Conversely, if you heard it from a close friend then of course you'd feel more upset because of this.

Finally someone who makes perfect sense to meee. I am deffo not thinned-skinned though, hit me hard or dont hit me at all is my motto. However, I felt hurt by the comment more because it wasn't that type of vibe until it got to me... like if it was the cut throat edition, I would've braced myself because "idiot"... well... thats on the nicer side of what I thought someone would say if it was that vibe lol.

Ugh everyone is attracted to me, okay Im joking, I am pretty sure this guy isn't attracted to me to be honest... but I think he is jealous of me, has the impression everything comes easy for me, thats a misjudgement I often get, that my life is easy... and some people hate me for it.

Honestly I wasn't expecting to be as upset as I was, I think everyone defending me triggered me, I felt like a loser, like too pathetic to even stand up for myself... idk.. I guess it was nice of them and I should just look at it that way... but for some reason my brain didn't process it that way.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ha! Isn’t that usually how all bad ideas start? They aren’t bad until they are. It’s good that you got involved and participated so just take that away with a smile and a slap to the hip. Don’t let the one negative feeling detract from the good.

You're like the big sister I never had Claudia Maybe...I need to not let this discourage me, side note, I love red-heads was one recently with my many different hair looks lolz

 

[Claudia1794]

It very well could be hormones. I mean Pregnancy is life altering.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It very well could be hormones. I mean Pregnancy is life altering.

I didn't even think of thatttttt, I should have pulled the pregnancy card on him like... excuse me... you are bullying a pregnant woman!!! you monster!

 

[Claudia1794]

I didn't even think of thatttttt, I should have pulled the pregnancy card on him like... excuse me... you are bullying a pregnant woman!!! you monster!

Yea...no...don’t do that. That is funny though. Besides, wait til you start showing, you think men hit on you now. My mind was blown when I was pregnant. It’s really a thing for some guys.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Also, the vibe im giving out? I cant control how others feel about me Callie, I am often misjudged by how I look more than anything I actually say/do... I dont talk much, as I have a stutter and I dont do much I just go home straight after class usually due to social anxiety.

Appearances are what first impressions are based off of. You can control how you look, you 100% control how you look.
For example....the bleach blonde wearing revealing clothing and prancing around and giggling is likely to get a first impression of "dumb and easy" whereas a woman in a business suit with her hair pulled back wearing librarian glasses will likely be seen as "smart and capable." It has nothing to do with who you actually are, but how people see you. The truth could be that the bleach blonde is smart and capable and the woman in the business suit could be the dumb easy girl.

As for what he said, yes, it was rude and no he didn't have to say it, but he did. Now you can either let it destroy you or you can use it as a lesson. And I'm not saying you dress like you are dumb and easy, btw, those were just the best examples I could think of. First impressions are appearances and actions, it doesn't matter if you say a million things or nothing.

 

[randomguy]

I’ve been ignoring what anyone’s been saying about me for years. It took a while to learn how, but eventually, I did. It comes down to a few simple rules;

Don’t let people live in your head rent-free.
Why should you give a crap about what people who don’t care if you live or die think about you?
Stop caring what people who live in your phone think.
The only people you have to impress are those you deem worthy. Yourself, loved ones, perhaps a child, or a pet. That’s IT.
It’s not a race between anyone but you and yesterday’s you.

I really pushed myself to mingle with others instead of rushing straight home like I usually do. I spoke to everyone, engaged well and even took charge in some areas like suggesting where we eat as everyone wanted such different things

I know you face your fears all the time no matter how hard it is and that's why I have nothing but love and respect for you. I'm sorry if my post made you feel different.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I’ve been ignoring what anyone’s been saying about me for years. It took a while to learn how, but eventually, I did. It comes down to a few simple rules;

Don’t let people live in your head rent-free.
Why should you give a crap about what people who don’t care if you live or die think about you?
Stop caring what people who live in your phone think.
The only people you have to impress are those you deem worthy. Yourself, loved ones, perhaps a child, or a pet. That’s IT.
It’s not a race between anyone but you and yesterday’s you.


I know you face your fears all the time no matter how hard it is and that's why I have nothing but love and respect for you. I'm sorry if my post made you feel different.

I would like to ask you something, what would you have done in my situation, try to laugh it off? As that is what I did. I am never sure how to act, I always act like nothing gets to me because I dont like people to know when they have got to me.

But Awh dont be silly RandomGuy you're nothing but nice to me

 

[TheRealCallie]

I would have asked him why he had that impression and if he feels the same way now.

 

[randomguy]

I would like to ask you something, what would you have done in my situation, try to laugh it off? As that is what I did. I am never sure how to act, I always act like nothing gets to me because I dont like people to know when they have got to me.

But Awh dont be silly RandomGuy you're nothing but nice to me

Slept with his wife?

Nah, seriously I really wouldn't care, life's to short, one of my favourite quotes is " What you think of me is none of my business "

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I would have asked him why he had that impression and if he feels the same way now.

Lol see I think he was about to say but the whole table kinda erupted, they did not take kindly to him saying that at all. Some part of me thinks the reaction is because I have a speech impediment and idk, I imagine people may react that way if its a deaf person being spoken to like that and so on... However, I was gonna say you're right in someways Callie, the effect my look has... can be a little extreme... when I tell people i'm into Star Trek, researching controversial topics, poetry, anime, geeky nerdy things like documentaries on time travel and death... people always think no way... I am supposed to be into instagram and selfies aka vain, totally obsessed with myself, full of myself, a mean girl... the list goes on lol Sometimes people assume I am like that and well wanna drag me down a peg or two.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Slept with his wife?

Nah, seriously I really wouldn't care, life's to short, one of my favourite quotes is " What you think of me is none of my business "

Looool this is the first time I wished I was a man... I really need to sleep with his wife asap, it's only fair