Mini rant- Once a cheat?

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CenotaphGirl

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I don't know...I guess with me and the people I've been around, that kind of stuff isn't common at all. The way I see it, she was wrong to tempt him, but he was wrong to give in. Maybe I'm projecting my own views and values onto you, but still, I feel like you're selling yourself short by going back to a known cheater.

If it was me, I think he's telling you what you want to hear, so that you take him back. And he knows you like him, so he knows he has the advantage there too. I think he's singing you the tune he knows you want to hear, and I wouldn't put this behavior past him again. Once people get a sense of what the other person is willing to accept, you can't count on them to just do the right thing out of the goodness of their hearts. Basically I feel like this guy is selfish, and believes he is above consequences.

As far as mate value goes - it's a person's perceived value on the dating market. If someone thinks they're a big deal, they're more likely to behave any way they want to, because they think they can get someone else any time they feel like it, and they think that they can find someone who will accept their bad behavior, so they don't feel like they have to be decent or change for anyone. They don't care about right and wrong, whatever is "right", is just whatever they want.
You know, the more I chat to people on ALL the more I realise how toxic my circles can be loool I genuinely feel like sleeping with unavailable men is just a way of life, I dont think theres anything rare or uncommon about it, I think its bad though, but thats my life experiences.

He was wrong to give in I agree, I knew he was wrong, but... idk.. has anyone ever tried to offend you and you just... didn't feel it? Like you know they were being offensive towards you but you didn't have any sense of care to what they said?

You know.. I wonder if he has high mate value, I usually dont like the guys that are attractive to the masses lool
 

CenotaphGirl

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It's easy for me to discern what women mean through inference, because of the influences of both my mother and my younger sister. I'm not a genius, just a nerd. I try to help people I know with life problems and very often it just happens to be marital or relationship-related. I can have an unbiased middle ground look at it, because it isn't my relationship, I'm not involved. So over time of the years I've learned a bit about both the masculine and the feminine psyche, neither of which is better or worse than the other. Again, I'm just a Manager, I'm good at my job. 🤷‍♂️ 😂
I respect that, a neutral toned convo is usually all im looking for lol Nice to hear something from the middle ground I feel like I can really relate.
 

TheSkaFish

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You know, the more I chat to people on ALL the more I realise how toxic my circles can be loool

Well, when you have people that are used to getting what they want to the point that it's a way of life, they usually don't think about this kind of stuff, let alone care about it. Unless they have strong personal feelings about what's good and bad, right and wrong, they usually have no need to think about it. Life doesn't force them to. They'd have to think about it completely of their own free will, and most just won't. Usually it's just "what's 'right' is just whatever I want, and I'll get it because I can, and that's it." And even that, probably isn't something they think about consciously.

You're at least thinking about it though. And I think that's more than anyone in your circles is doing.

has anyone ever tried to offend you and you just... didn't feel it? Like you know they were being offensive towards you but you didn't have any sense of care to what they said?

Haha. No. Quite the opposite, actually. It's funny, I'm not an "alpha male" at all. I'm not tough or competitive or anything like that. But when someone offends me, I'm like any Joe Pesci character from any of his mafia movies, like "the fuck did you just say to me????" Showing me contempt, or attempts to mock, ridicule, humiliate, dominate, or otherwise bully me, are things I consider extremely offensive, to the point that I'm ready to go to war. It has been hard for me to not take offense, it's felt like backing down, like "taking it", like submitting. And I don't like that at all.

I probably should practice caring less about the opinions of people who are being offensive towards me, but something in me just really wants to beat them into the ground. It's probably one of my bad habits.
 
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CenotaphGirl

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Well, when you have people that are used to getting what they want to the point that it's a way of life, they usually don't think about this kind of stuff, let alone care about it. Unless they have strong personal feelings about what's good and bad, right and wrong, they usually have no need to think about it. Life doesn't force them to. They'd have to think about it completely of their own free will, and most just won't. Usually it's just "what's 'right' is just whatever I want, and I'll get it because I can, and that's it." And even that, probably isn't something they think about consciously.

You're at least thinking about it though. And I think that's more than anyone in your circles is doing.



Haha. No. Quite the opposite, actually. It's funny, I'm not an "alpha male" at all. I'm not tough or competitive or anything like that. But when someone offends me, I'm like any Joe Pesci character from any of his mafia movies, like "the fuck did you just say to me????" Showing me contempt, or attempts to mock, ridicule, humiliate, dominate, or otherwise bully me, are things I consider extremely offensive, to the point that I'm ready to go to war. It has been hard for me to not take offense, it's felt like backing down, like "taking it", like submitting. And I don't like that at all.

I probably should practice caring less about the opinions of people who are being offensive towards me, but something in me just really wants to beat them into the ground. It's probably one of my bad habits.
You know thats probably true, just take whatever because they aren't used to limiting or restricting themselves. I grew up around real assholes lmao.

Wow SkaFish I am seeing a whole new side to ya! A whole new side, you... you wanna beat people up lolz.. cant imagine it, you are a friendly fish in my mind, cant have it any other way. Do you think maybe because you have dealt with so many people trying to hurt you and offend you over the years?
 

Richard_39

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You know what I think? I think the fact you admit you don't feel anything at the betrayal, or don't really care much about the fact he cheated on you, is more telling of the way you feel about HIM...
Are you sure you should stay with him? Feels to me like you're staying out of habit, or convenience, or something else, rather than genuine affection. If it doesn't hurt, maybe it's because there's no love. You should at leadt feel a LITTLE hurt, or betrayed.
Also, that's a garbage excuse. "He let it happen". We do possess free will. I've had drunk girls throw themselves at me once or twice, but I cared enough about my partner at the time to push them away. Seems to me he didn't. Maybe it's just me, but yours doesn't sound like a good, or fun, relationship.
 

ewomack

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Ewomack, you know, you just dont seem like your usual self lately, I hope you're alright usually you say things that make me google every other word, and just wanna pick your brain for hours lolz Idk, I just hope you're okay 😇
I'm fine, but thanks for asking. You're probably referring to my recent lack of posts in certain threads. If so, I just started questioning the effort that it often takes to delineate my sometimes less than orthodox views. Since they're difficult to explain in a few sentences, I just decided that the effort is probably no longer worth it, especially since typing out a long message can take quite a while. In short, the cost/benefit analysis no longer yielded positive returns. And it doesn't make any difference in the end. A lot of these discussions relate more to a different, now long past, part of my life. Sometimes I have a hard time identifying with them, except in the past tense, and not always then. So I decided to back off, that's all. No big deal, no drama. I'm not sulking or seeking any attention. I just decided to focus elsewhere.
 

CenotaphGirl

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You know what I think? I think the fact you admit you don't feel anything at the betrayal, or don't really care much about the fact he cheated on you, is more telling of the way you feel about HIM...
Are you sure you should stay with him? Feels to me like you're staying out of habit, or convenience, or something else, rather than genuine affection. If it doesn't hurt, maybe it's because there's no love. You should at leadt feel a LITTLE hurt, or betrayed.
Also, that's a garbage excuse. "He let it happen". We do possess free will. I've had drunk girls throw themselves at me once or twice, but I cared enough about my partner at the time to push them away. Seems to me he didn't. Maybe it's just me, but yours doesn't sound like a good, or fun, relationship.
This is the thing, I just was not hurt like I supposed to be... but I know I love him... so it can feel like, maybe I just dont process things like other people, idk. I just looked at it all rational and thought... eh.. makes sense lol
 

CenotaphGirl

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I'm fine, but thanks for asking. You're probably referring to my recent lack of posts in certain threads. If so, I just started questioning the effort that it often takes to delineate my sometimes less than orthodox views. Since they're difficult to explain in a few sentences, I just decided that the effort is probably no longer worth it, especially since typing out a long message can take quite a while. In short, the cost/benefit analysis no longer yielded positive returns. And it doesn't make any difference in the end. A lot of these discussions relate more to a different, now long past, part of my life. Sometimes I have a hard time identifying with them, except in the past tense, and not always then. So I decided to back off, that's all. No big deal, no drama. I'm not sulking or seeking any attention. I just decided to focus elsewhere.
Awh well as long as you're alright 😇
 

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