Misogyny Festers Here

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Aardra

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Feb 14, 2021
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Can something please be done about the deluge of thinly-veiled misogynistic posts?

Thread after thread after thread, by the same 3-4 individuals. It never ends. It's basically masturbatory at this point.

We get it. You're keen to blame your lack of romantic success on some phantom of biological psychology that you believe predisposes women to being vapid and shallow. The same tired points and cherry-picked studies are shared on dedicated incel and MGTOW forums. I really wish I wasn't being confronted with them here.

I've seen nothing but patience and attempts at understanding from the women here but the aforementioned posters are just too wedded to the idea that there's something fundamentally corrupt about the female brain. They frame their misogyny with self-deprecation but that doesn't make it not misogyny.

I'd love for this forum to be a welcoming place where I can come and just chill with other lonely people, network, and maybe even make friends. But every time I log in I'm met with the same ridiculous arguments and bitter attitudes. It's exhausting.

Fully expect to get pushback for posting this. But there you go.
 
The forum has always been like that. It's just that there used to be more people posting other things so you didn't notice it as much or just skip over them because there was other stuff to read
 
At some point, yes it gets overwhelming where nothing else can be noticed. But yeah, things being subjective, I may have different standards for overwhelming. Some people may find solace in these discussions. Others may not, and it would be a better world altogether if each of us were considerate about the feelings of other people. So, like jen said, ignoring and moving on cos it's a forum and we have all sorts of people.
 
Sanal said:
At some point, yes it gets overwhelming where nothing else can be noticed. But yeah, things being subjective, I may have different standards for overwhelming. Some people may find solace in these discussions. Others may not, and it would be a better world altogether if each of us were considerate about the feelings of other people. So, like jen said, ignoring and moving on cos it's a forum and we have all sorts of people.

You called me by my name (goo)
 
TheRealCallie said:
Sanal said:
At some point, yes it gets overwhelming where nothing else can be noticed. But yeah, things being subjective, I may have different standards for overwhelming. Some people may find solace in these discussions. Others may not, and it would be a better world altogether if each of us were considerate about the feelings of other people. So, like jen said, ignoring and moving on cos it's a forum and we have all sorts of people.

You called me by my name (goo)
That was a typo. I said hen. HEN.
 
This is pretty condescending. There is an ignore feature on profiles. Use it. Don't click on the posts to see what is said. Thats your responsibility, not censoring people who could actually use the help.
 
AmyTheTemperamental said:
This is pretty condescending. There is an ignore feature on profiles. Use it. Don't click on the posts to see what is said. Thats your responsibility, not censoring people who could actually use the help.

I shouldn't be obliged to just abide casual misogyny. So, I'll kindly disagree.

And do they really want help? Or are they just looking for a place to rant about women? Because from what I have seen, they're definitely more interested in the latter.
 
Aardra said:
AmyTheTemperamental said:
This is pretty condescending. There is an ignore feature on profiles. Use it. Don't click on the posts to see what is said. Thats your responsibility, not censoring people who could actually use the help.

I shouldn't be obliged to just abide casual misogyny. So, I'll kindly disagree.

And do they really want help? Or are they just looking for a place to rant about women? Because from what I have seen, they're definitely more interested in the latter.

This isn't a place to get help though.  Anyone can join and post what they want as long as it abides by the rules.
 
Throwing around the word misogyny, just because feelings aren't neat and tidy enough for you, is silly. And damaging.
 
AmyTheTemperamental said:
Throwing around the word misogyny, just because feelings aren't neat and tidy enough for you, is silly. And damaging.

Implying or outright saying that women are prone to shallowness, selfishness, and cruelty due to a quirk of evolutionary biology is misogyny. I'm not "throwing around the word."
 
I think a lot of people here are quick to judge. Hell, how many times have I been called a cold hearted ***** because someone didn't like what I said? lol
Can I be a cold hearted *****? Sure and I probably have been on this forum (specifically during my first account here), but the fact of the matter is, the people calling me out haven't the slightest clue about who and what I am.
Can some of the guys here be misogynistic? Yeah, probably or they come across as such without meaning to. They can also be several other things. You can try to beat it into them that their thoughts aren't true as much as you want, but if they don't want to believe it, they won't. Their own "truth" is more important. No sense getting worked up over something you can't change. Yeah, some of the honeysuckle irritates me too, but you have the choice to dwell on it and infuriate you or just let it go because it's not worth it.

There are several people I respond to, not because it might help THEM, but because it might help someone else reading. Some people aren't ready to see it yet, some people may never be ready.
 
Well, I do "miss" the good ol' days when someone was bemoaning the lack of chivalry in today's society and heavily chastised those who were not willing to sacrifice the life of a man for that of a woman in a titanic-like crisis situation.

Aardra said:
AmyTheTemperamental said:
Throwing around the word misogyny, just because feelings aren't neat and tidy enough for you, is silly. And damaging.

Implying or outright saying that women are prone to shallowness, selfishness, and cruelty due to a quirk of evolutionary biology is misogyny. I'm not "throwing around the word."

If you think the evidence for "implying or outright saying that women are prone to shallowness, selfishness, and cruelty" is convincing and suffices to ban certain individuals temporary or permanently, have you attempted forwarding relevant quotations or screencaps to the moderators?
 
AmyTheTemperamental said:
This is pretty condescending. There is an ignore feature on profiles. Use it. Don't click on the posts to see what is said. Thats your responsibility, not censoring people who could actually use the help.
...
Throwing around the word misogyny, just because feelings aren't neat and tidy enough for you, is silly. And damaging.

Amy, the voice of reason once again. I totally agree.

People feel the way they feel because of the way things have gone for them, and to say that their feelings are wrong and invalid and to demonize it as hate, it's almost like the same kind of "shut up, loser" mentality that you encounter in the offline world. To struggle with these kinds of things because you don't get them naturally, and then to come here and open up about it, only to be called a misogynist, isn't helpful. It only adds to the polarization.



Aardra said:
I shouldn't be obliged to just abide casual misogyny. So, I'll kindly disagree.

And do they really want help? Or are they just looking for a place to rant about women? Because from what I have seen, they're definitely more interested in the latter.

A lot of these guys are lonely because they're having issues with attraction, though. And before that, it may have been issues with fitting in. That's what brought them here in the first place, that's a big source of their loneliness. I think it's possible to be frustrated and angry with the way attraction seems to work and the way things seem to be changing, without actually hating women - I think those are two different things and it's kind of a leap to say it's the same.

I've noticed that attraction has a lot of parallels to capitalism. It's fine and dandy if you were born with means. If that's the case, then it's your game to play. And you might wonder why those who aren't doing as well as you, can't just "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" or why they can't just resign themselves to their place.

If you weren't born with means, then it's not your game to play, it's something that feels like it's for other people, and you're frozen out. You feel like it's not as simple as "bootstraps" and "hard work" because you see people working, and you yourself might be working, but it never seems to work for you. It never seems to be right, never seems to be enough. You never seem to get anywhere. You see people getting relationships easily, without seeming like they're thinking too much about it, and you wonder why you don't just "get it" like they do, you wonder why you get to miss out on something that most people seem to take for granted as a given, normal part of life. And you can't resign yourself to accepting your place either, because it's unacceptable, and for someone to suggest that you do, makes you angry because it suggests that you're inherently inferior.

I think some people here want help, but at the same time they don't believe help is possible because they don't see how it could work, because nothing has worked for them in the past. Or they feel like the "help" means changing their entire personalities and worldviews, which were formed because of their experiences and feelings about them. They feel like "help" is changing themselves into a person that life hasn't made them into, or that they are just not. Telling someone to "just do the work" when they don't believe they are even capable of it, or don't believe it will change anything even if they did the work perfectly - very different from merely not wanting to because they want to do something else instead - doesn't really help. People have to be ready for help in their own time - if the help will work. I don't know.

I've noticed you've been having a hard time fitting in here, and I'm sorry to see that. And partially because of that, while I have disagreed with some of the things you said (mostly the "male entitlement" viewpoint), I thought that rather than respond viciously and get nowhere, I've tried to just calmly say "well, this is how I see it..." and show you where I'm coming from so you can see how someone could arrive at another point of view.
 
er...This isn't your safe space, and as your complaints basically boil down to straight men bad for not dating you I wouldn't be so keen to chuck stones.
 
You're inevitably going to see words of bitterness and despair on a loneliness forum. I can't say I've encountered any words of hatred towards women though.
 
Forgottendanfan said:
TheRealCallie said:
Forgottendanfan said:
I can't say I've encountered any words of hatred towards women though.

Look harder, those posts are there and I've posted a few....


You've posted words of hatred towards women?

Probably, I was quite an angry person on my first account here.  But I have given women just as much of a hard time as I've given men.  The reason you see it more with men is because men post the crap more.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Forgottendanfan said:
TheRealCallie said:
Forgottendanfan said:
I can't say I've encountered any words of hatred towards women though.

Look harder, those posts are there and I've posted a few....


You've posted words of hatred towards women?

Probably, I was quite an angry person on my first account here.  But I have given women just as much of a hard time as I've given men.  The reason you see it more with men is because men post the crap more.


Understandable. I'm a pretty angry person myself, these days.
 

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