My Cookie!

[applepear]

applepear suddenly realizes that all this fighting is unnecessary. She then sashays to the nearest bakery and buys herself a bag of cookies, then she saunters out of the store into the horizon, all while thinking what a wonderful world it would be, if every man had his cookie.

MY COOKIES!

 

[Jilted John]

Will people STOP buying cookies! You're supposed to find a way to steal them!

 

[ThatOneGirl]

Will people STOP buying cookies! You're supposed to find a way to steal them!

Agreed! The point of the game is to steal cookies from other people, not buy them! :club:

 

[Jilted John]

OK applepear chick!
Try it again,and this time put some feeling into it!

 

[Arnie]

Arnie is institutionalized! For waht? Arnie is put on nurse Ratchet’s ward. The first thing they attempt to do is medicate him, but Arnie won’t take it. Nurse Ratchet says they have other ways to give the meds, but Arnie still refuses. She delivered with the help of orderlies (yeah you guessed it). This enraged Arnie and he becomes totally defiant. All that day Arnie refuses to do whatever he is told. That evening the doc asks how Arnie was that day and the nurse says he was ODD all day. Arnie spouts “Me odd? huh!” Later an orderly tells Arnie that they won’t keep him if he’s ODD. So Arnie says “ In that case I’ll show ‘em odd!” So the next day he does everything they ask, but in as odd a way as he can think of. That evening when the doc asks how Arnie was that day the nurse says he wasn’t ODD at all that day. This really pisses Arnie off, so he sits himself on the floor with his arms folded across his chest. All that night and the next day Arnie sits there and refuses to do anything. That evening when the doc asks how Arnie was that day the nurse said he was totally ODD all day. The doc says “OK you’re free to go. The state doesn’t pay us enough to take care of ODD people.” Arnie jumps up and says “Screw you! This place is full of odd people. And you can stop spelling it, I know what ODD spells!” The doc hands Arnie his release papers and points out this line of text

http://www.aacap.org/cs/ODD.ResourceCenter

and says “Visit this site. You need serious help.”

The orderlies escort Arnie outside and he heads off mad as hell. As he walks down the sidewalk he snatches a bag from a girl exiting a bakery. She says “Hey I just bought those!” Arnie says “Too bad, so sad! Next time steal ‘em! You can’t buy ‘em or make ‘em if somebody has some.” Arnie then eats the entire bag of cookies with one gulp.

Just then Courtney runs past in the direction of the institution. Arnie yells out to the orderlies, “Look, an escapee!” The orderlies tackle her. The cookies fall to the sidewalk. Arnie scoops them up.

My cookies!

 

[Jilted John]

"I always thought that kid was ODD", muttered John under his breath as he followed Arnie away from the scuffle,between Courtney and the orderlies.As he followed Arnie up the street,Arnie suddenly stopped dead,and looked down,and there on the ground was a still steaming turd.Arnie bent down and put his cookies down beside him.He then put his finger in the steaming turd,and and sniffed it "Well it smells like honeysuckle" said Arnie to himself.He then put his finger in his mouth,and said."It tastes like honeysuckle too." Then after a second or two,exploded "Christ Almighty! I could have trodden in that!!!"

While all this had been going on,John had crept up behind Arnie,and deftly swiped the cookies,and now walked off.....Yes you got it,into
the sunset!

My cookies!

 

[Arnie]

Arnie just hasn’t been himself since being medicated, but at least his mind was unboggled. As he stands over the turd with a grimace on his face Courtney steps up beside him, looks at the turd, then at Arnie and asks “What the f*ck is wrong with you?” Arnie says “I think I need a drink. What happened with you and those orderlies?” I punched one out and the other said I was ODD and ran away.” Together they walk on down to the corner bar. Arnie goes right to the bar and says “Bartender, give me 4 shots of whiskey, 4 shots of bourbon, and 4 shots of rum.” Arnie drinks them as fast as the bartender can pour them. The bartender asks “Would like a beer to chase these with?” Arnie says “No, beer will never get this taste out of my mouth.” As Arnie finishes his last shot he spots John in the mirror behind the bar. John is casually sitting at a table having a beer. And yes, there on the table are the cookies. Arnie saunters over to the juke box. He slips in a dollar and begins browsing. Abba, Elton John, Godsmack, John Denver, Rod Stewart, Tone Loc - WILD THING! Arnie pushes the button and the tune plays. Immediately John is captivated. He stands and starts dancing in circles around his table. John tip toes over to Courtney and soon they are tearing up the dance floor. Arnie picks up the unattended cookies and is out the door.
[video=youtube]
My cookies!

 

[ThatOneGirl]

LMAO..you guys crack me up!

 

[Jilted John]

When the trance invoking music finally finishes,John snaps out of his trance like state.However,Courtney is still all over him like a cheap suit.John manages to prise her vice like grip from his shoulder,and turns to see his cookies gone!
He turns to one of the tables,and grabs some poor sap who'd just called for a quiet drink,he thrust the poor guy into Courtney's still outstretched arms,and heads for the exit.

When outside,John reached into his special big pocket,and pulled out the cookie sniffer,he had built for just such an occasion.
He put the 4x4 cookie sniffer on the ground,and switched it on.Immediately a red light started to flash on the little vehicle's top,and then it started making a distinct sniffing noise,and was off down the street.

John ran after the little sniffer as it followed the smell of cookies,and sure enough,after about half a mile,it found Arnie.He was sitting on a gate,about stuff a cookie in his mouth,and then the little sniffer stopped, and was just loading it's inbuilt Arnie Self Seeking Homing Offensive Laser Exterminator,just as John caught up with it.He bent down,gasping slightly,and flicked a switch on the little sniffer,which armed the device,or A.S.S.H.O.L.E,as John discovered was the acronym for it.The little sniffer beeped once,and emitted a pencil thin beam of red light which homed in on Arnies head,which exploded in a shower of blue sparks.
Before John walked over to Arnies smoking headless corpse,he flicked the switch back on the little sniffer as he didn't want to end up like Arnie,having his head vaporised by an A.S.S.H.O.L.E.
He walked over to the cookies,and as he bent down down to retrieve the cookies,thought "That'll teach you to make me tip toe,punk!"
And set of off down the road towards the rising moon,for this had been a long day.


My cookie!

 

[Arnie]

After John leaves, Arnie climbs down from the trellis that is over the gate. He often deploys his pocket dummy when he's talking on his interstellar space phone. Unfortunately he let the pocket dummy hold all the cookies. ****! Seconds later, amidst a blinding white light, Arnie is transported aboard the Zogonian Battle Cruiser (plagiarism is not against the rules).
Arnie explains the situation to Little honeysuckle and soon John is brought aboard via "tractor" beam. But there seems to be some sort of mix up. Apparently John had met up with applepear as she was heading to her ballet leasons and they were both beamed up. The mix up was that they had swapped clothes during transport!
John was now wearing a ballerina costume complete with tutu! The costume was bulging at its seams. John, in his embarassment, tried to conceal himself in the skimpy outfit. In doing so he drops the cookies. Little honeysuckle immediately beams them both to the bar where a local patron had juiced up the place with his favorite tune, WILD THING! Naturally John couldn't control himself and began dancing and twirling about the place.

My cookie!

 

[Jilted John]

As John twirled around the dance floor,with his tu tu chaffing unbearably,he managed to kick the plug to the juke box from it's socket.
He grabbed applepear's hand and dragged her off the stage and into the the back alley of the bar to the tumultuous applause of the crowd,who had apparently enjoyed his performance!

They quickly swapped clothes,and John took off down the street,leaving applepear standing in a mesmerised state,after being exposed to the sight of John's firm,toned,body,and the size of his...ego!

John flipped out his intergalactic space phone and speed dialled the Zogonian battle cruiser's commander's personal number,and after a couple of seconds,he answered."Fart" and involuntarily,John did! before he remembered that Fart was the commanders name!
John quickly informed little Fart of the situation,for Fart was unaware that little honeysuckle had exceeded his orders somewhat.

Fart was furious,and sent orders for little honeysuckle,and Arnie to be brought before him.On their arrival Fart immediately drew out his Atom Reduction weapon and fired it at little honeysuckle,reducing him to just a steaming turd with eyes! "Llllook",whimpered Arnie,pulling out his cookies with a shaking hand,"IIIf John wants cookies that bbad,beam these down tto him!" Fart tore the cookies from Arnies trembling fingers,and tossed them to his new weapons officer *******,and gave him an order in Zogonian that sounded like something you don't want to hear from the next cubicle in which you're sitting.Little ******* immediately took the cookies to the transporter room,where he beamed them down to John.

As John sat on log wondering what would become of Arnie,a blinding white light suddenly appeared,and just as suddenly disappeared,and there on the ground in front of him were his cookies.He picked them up,and as he turned to walk off into the sunset,he thought "I hope that Fart turns Arnie into into a turd"


My cookie!

 

[Arnie]

After Little ******* left the room Little Fart’s posture relaxed. Little Fart says “Follow me to the holodeck. I got some weed to share with you.” As they recline on a big fluffy couch and smoke the weed Little Fart’s daughter Sweet Pee, a holonovelist, enters the holodeck and gives Arnie a big kiss. She says “Our holodeck technology has advanced so far that we can now project the simulation on susceptible persons. Did you enjoy how I made John dance to that silly song?”. Arnie answers “Hell yes!” as he rolls around on the floor laughing his ass off. Sweet Pee fires up the holodeck and says “OK, lets get them cookies back!”. Arnie says “Is that a goat?” Sweet Pee says “Yes. Observe.” The goat is walking along just ahead of John and leaving a trail of droppings. Sweet Pee says “Those little delicacies will be irresistible to John.” As John walks along he spots the trail of droppings. He shouts “Maltesers!” He begins stuffing them in his mouth and sucking. “How wonderful” he exclaims. He continues to stuff them in until his mouth is totally full. He prefers to let them melt in his mouth rather than chew them, so as he continues on he begins stuffing his pockets as well. Finally he is faced with the decision. Cookies or maltesers. He tosses the cookies aside and continues on down the trail. Arnie and Sweet Pee are there to retrieve the cookies.

Our cookies!

 

[ThatOneGirl]

*shakes head*

Dear God, you guys are really going south with this.

 

[applepear]

lmao i have no idea what is going on anymore.

 

[Jilted John]

You've put me off Malteezers for life with that one Arnie!

 

[Arnie]

All the more for me!

 

[Jilted John]

John finally realises that what he's he been stuffing into every orifice,including his pockets,weren't Malteezers,but goat honeysuckle! His mouth was full of it,his pockets were full of it,in short,John was just a pile of walking goat honeysuckle!

He spit out the goat honeysuckle,tore off his clothes,and jumped into a nearby lake. After an hour of gargling,and scrubbing,John emerged from the lake clean but stark naked. "Why that dirty little Zogonian loving,two timing,shitbag Arnie must have been behind this" he figured.Then he sat on the lake side to work out a cunning plan.Three seconds later,he had it,and started to build a fire. When the the fire was good and smokey,
John started sending smoke signals,using a dead raccoon he found nearby. The signals read,"Courtney,need clothes,some beer,and that nut of a Toon,if you can find him!" After editing the smoke for spelling mistakes,John sat back and waited.

He didn't have to wait long,before Courtney arrived in her stretch Hummer,with the Sci Fi toon lounging in the back sipping Jack Daniels.
Courtney got out,and threw some clothes at John,and said."Put these on quick before I get horny" John obliged,and then walked to the back of the Hummer with Courtney,and on the way he cracked a beer,for it was a very long Hummer.When they reached the back,John and Courtney got in,and confronted the Toon."We got some serious honeysuckle going down here." said John,and Sci Fi replied, "What's in it for me?" "Cookies,toon,freaking hundreds of em!" John retorted. "Leave it to me." said the toon,and he jumped out the Hummer,and started to cut a hole in the sky.John and Courtney stood back,and looked on in amazement,and faster than you could say Warner Brothers,he was gone.

John and Courtney were just finishing the last of the beer,when Sci Fi dropped back through the hole with Arnie and Sweet pee,and the entire crew of the Zogonian battle cruiser in tow! As John was about to ask where all the cookies were,they were all showered with thousands,upon thousands of packets of cookies!

"How the f**k did you manage that!" John asked the toon (previously known as Sci Fi) "Just the magic of Hollywood" he replied,and then the biggest cookie party in the entire universe began.

Our cookies!!!!!!!

I now renounce everything connected to this thread,as I'm starting to believe it's real!

 

[Arnie]

All manner of things come out of Sci-Fi's hole. Cookies, weed, Little honeysuckle (who is now a turd), Little Fart, Little *******, Sweet Pee, Arnie, and last but not least General Hershey Squirts. Commander Little Fart says to General Hershey Squirts "The Zogonian cookie coffer has been compromised. You must plug Sci-Fi's hole." "What shall I plug it with?" asks Hershey Squirts. Little Fart frantically says "Put a cork in it." Through all the noise and chaos going on Hershey Squirts misunderstood Little Fart and thought he said quork. "Brilliant!" thought Hershey Squirts. He immediately orders Little honeysuckle (who is now a turd) to teleport a big furry quork here ASAP. Little honeysuckle (who is now a turd) does this by remote login to the teleportation device with his ipad. Hershey Squirts then uses his laser "tractor" gun to stuff the big furry quork up Sci-Fi's hole. That done, Little honeysuckle (who is now a turd) is able to teleport all the fallen cookies back into the cookie coffer via his ipad. Arnie and all the Zogonians are teleported aboard the battle cruiser. Arnie and Sweet Pee smoked some weed and munched on cookies all the rest of that day and into the next day.

My cookies!

 

[Jilted John]

I told you Arnie,I'm finished with this thread,unless somebody else puts in,it's driving me nuts,I'm lying awake in bed at night figuring out how to foil you next time! It's lunacy gone mad! It has to end! (will you start a different one pretty please") I'm starting to develop a tik!

 

[Arnie]

You're right. This game is supposed to be simple. Distract and steal. Let's end the long winded battles.

I have the cookie. If you want it, you know what you gotta do.